New worries

I'm fine, everything's fine. I think I will just be obsessing about something or other for at least the next 14 weeks. Here are today's concerns:

1. I am losing weight. Yesterday morning at the gym (after breakfast) I reentered the mythical 120's. 129, to be precise. I was at least 133 when I got to this country. I've read about people losing weight because they were sick so much, but I have had no significant nausea and I haven't thrown up once. So I have no idea why I'm still losing weight, and how to measure if I'm getting my extra 300 calories a day. The thing is that I also never lose weight; really, the only time I've lost weight in the past 5 years when was super-sick or on the no-carb diet. And I have been careful about carbs for the most part, except I basically ate nothing but matza and potatos during pesach. And still lost weight. My only plausible theory is that in switching from a no-carb diet to my attempt at a GD diet, I'm still eating less bad stuff than I was pre-January. 2 of my 3 REs told me they'd move me straight from a PCOs diet to a GD diet, so I've been avoiding simple sugars and desserts. Combined with a kitchen without an oven and a minimally functioning stovetop, it's really hard to cook great meals. But I don't think I should keep losing weight. However, I am pretty short so I think there's still plenty of padding. As long as I don't lose more weight.

2. I spoke to my mom yesterday. The good news: she also remembers sleeping through her 1st trimester. The bad news: she told me that in both of her pregnancies she had heavy bleeding in the 1st trimester. I would panic, and I'd have no idea what to do here.

3. I finally googled NST's, and I realized, that, um, well, you need to do it between 10 and 14 weeks, not 20. So I e-mailed JD to try and find me an ob/gyn and make an appointment. We'll see how that goes.

Now for some more entertaining thoughts. When I finally braved thenest.com yesterday night, I was amazed at how firm the site is about the need for early bloodwork and monthly appointments and such. And it did crack me up a bit. I took a local friend with to my ultrasound a week ago, and she told me that she'd only been in an ultrasound room twice in her life. And, um, she has 2 kids. And the kicker: one of those ultrasounds was of her sister. She went 9 months and had a home birth without a single ultrasound. And that is totally normal here. She'd also never seen a dildocam, and I hope I didn't scar her too much by keeping her in the room with me. I did make sure she was sitting by the head of the bed, just like in Friends.

It would be easy to dismiss this as just poor care if I was living in some developing country. But I am in a super-wealthy country in W. Europe with a much higher life expectancy than the U.S. and the highest twin rate of European ethnicities. It just seems to be a midwife culture, and everybody relies on midwives for their care. And women really don't seem to stress about the whole process here.

I complained to my mom about missing these appointments and tests and stuff, and she did make me feel better by pointing out that almost all of those early appointments don't make sense for women going through IF treatments. I've already had genetic screening and STD testing and multiple glucose tolerance tests. But I'll be glad to get back to a place where all my stress will be validated.