Incroyable

I can't believe it's only been a week since I woke up at 5 am to pee on a stick. It feels like no time at all, and yet my whole outlook on the immediate future has changed.

I am increasingly optimistic that this will all work out.

Yesterday I had to call and tell my mentor the news. I needed a letter of reference for something I had decided not to apply for because it would require me to be in NYC in the fall. I knew she would ask questions, so I just called. She was so incredibly excited for me. And it means a lot because she is herself a repeat m/c survivor. And even with everything she went through, she was excited for me. And completely sure that everything would work out.

And I have also been thinking a lot about Molly's story (please send the Bensons your love if you haven't already: http://chicagobensons.blogspot.com/). Molly's mother has been so incredibly strong and determined to enjoy the time she has been given with her daughter, even though she knew that Molly would not be her take-home baby. I'm sure that I wouldn't be as strong as her in that situation, and I'm in fact sure that I would not personally have decided to carry to term, but her blog has been incredibly inspirational. She has been working to create memories and share the time that she has. And I want to try and follow in her footsteps just a little bit and enjoy this time in my life as much as possible, despite the inevitable uncertainty.

As I clean for passover (very pathetically this year, I must add) I've been thinking about the pesach story and all it symbolizes. Spring and freedom and hope and trust. And I'm working on it. Not so much in the sense of working on my Faith (capital F), but in the sense of trusting my body and embracing the changes and getting ready.