Dr. Google failed me

The important news is that the wonderbaby seems to be totally fine and not in distress. Heartbeat in the mid-150s. Lots of kicking.

And I have a diagnosis, which was totally obvious once she mentioned it. Dr. Google said all of the following could be 'normal pregnancy symptoms':

a. peeing a lot
b. lower back pain turning into shooting pain up my back
c. nausea (What to Expect even say some few women don't develop nausea till the 2nd trimester)
d. sleepiness and general malaise
e. weird pain during 'adult activities'

BUT, when you put all 5 in combination and confirm with a quick little lab test, you have a diagnosis of a raging bladder infection. Fun.

Need I mention that given my allergies bladder infections are not so easy to treat in my body? After weighing the risks, we've decided to leave it untreated over the weekend. So I'll be chugging 8 liters of water a day, washing down 6 cranberry pills and praying that this doesn't spread to my kidneys before Monday. If it does, it's straight to the ER for me (and the doctor told me, very reassuringly, "You'll know. You'll have a high fever and feel like you're dying.") But as long as it doesn't spread, this really is one of the least serious untreatable infections I could have acquired (the normal treatment for someone with my allergies is a large dose of steroids, but that's out at the moment. There are other drugs but they're all Class C or worse). And I feel so much, much better knowing it's nothing that is going to hurt the wonderbaby in its current incarnation. Thank you all for your support yesterday!

Got to run - too much water in my system already ...

Update: Oh no, oh no. I decided to check in with my NYC midwife, hoping she'd have some nice homeopathic remedies to suggest. Instead she totally freaked me out. Said that they need to run serious lab tests over the weekend and figure out if the one and only antibiotic I can take (in my whole life, ever, we really try to save it for emergencies and anyway it makes me violently nauseous) will work and otherwise she thinks I might need to be admitted already and kept pumped up on the IV fluids. Just paged the poor overworked ob/gyn in City X ...

Update2: Deep sigh. Ob/gyn in City X assured me that she's already sent my test over to the lab for a further culture and will get back to me Monday with the seriousness of the infection and whether my one and only top-shelf antibiotic will work.

Grumpy and nervous (with update)

and I just caved and called the Ob/Gyn's office to see if I can go in tomorrow. Waiting to see if they'll even get back to me before 5 pm.

I know mood swings are normal, as is being hormonal. But I have just been plain ol' grumpy all week. For basically no reason. To give you a little example, JD called today to see if I wanted to go out to lunch with him or if he should come home to lunch. I snapped at him that I didn't want to always make the decisions, and I didn't have time to talk to him. And then I hung up on him. Does that sound nice?

The little things which are worrying/annoying me.

A. The worry: The back pain has not gone away. It is mostly low-grade lower back pain, which I suppose is normal. Except that by the end of the day it sometimes switches into shooting back pain which is sharp enough to make me nauseous.

B. I'm not gaining weight. And moreover, I'm not hungry. And when I do get hungry I tend to become overwhelmed with the guilt of having to find something super-healthy and decide not to eat at all rather than eat something only mildly-healthy. There is so much guilt. A new study that indicates obesity is heavily influenced by excessive fat consumption during pregnancy. And of course, all the risks associated with GD. But I'm far more worried about not being hungry or gaining weight. I'm below my IF treatment weight and haven't gained weight since week 6 or 8 at the latest, but my total gain thus far is probably reasonable (This worry is of course probably idiotic. I have after all asked my midwife, ob/gyn and G.I. specialist about this and nobody seemed at all worried).

C. Just annoying: I've outgrown my bras. And some idiotic doctor (I have far more choice words for this individual if I could find out who is responsible) has decided that neither pregnant nor breastfeeding women should wear underwires because of the risk of mastitis. I'm now a Size H and I can't imagine what the point of a non-underwire bra is. My breasts rest quite nicely on the bump at this point, and a bra without an underwire adds no extra support and usually gives me a noticeable uni-boob, making it impossible to fit into any type of non-potato sack dress. Every woman in my family is this size and every woman breastfed while wearing underwire bras. So I have 2 options at this point:
- Skip the bra entirely, deal with the stretch marks and aches and endless oogling in public
- Wear a bra that is too small and deal with a row of blisters up the sides of the bra under my armpits. Slightly less oogling, not at all helped by the fact that every maternity shirt out there seems to be a low-cut v-neck. I don't get it.
I have been alternating, which gives me both side effects. Any suggestions on size H underwire bras would be much appreciated.

Sorry that I'm so grumpy recently. I'm really hoping it's nothing and I'll feel better tomorrow, but this is day 3 of feeling angry and bitter and moody for no reason.

Update: Appointment at 1:45 tomorrow. Which hopefully will make me feel better, but is clearly freaking me out at the moment. Since when do headaches and nausea and back pain during pregnancy equal an emergency situation that gets you triple-booked at the ob/gyn?

I do wonder

if my sudden and rather strong urge to foster a puppy tonight relates to any of the following:

a. nesting
b. boredom at working at home everyday and knowing only a handful of people in City X
c. the cute 8-week-old puppy at a dinner party we went to last week
d. um, nesting?

JD and I couldn't possibly torture a puppy, let alone a grown dog, with our NYC apartment. And I honestly don't want the responsibility of a dog; I really enjoy our indigent lifestyle too much. But a puppy for the rest of the summer would be incredible! So keep your fingers crossed that we are deemed responsible enough to foster an abandoned puppy.

If only this description would be sufficient in the future when we are ready to adopt a real, live, needy child: Unemployed bored graduate student seeks small furry animal to keep her company on the couch from 8 am to 6 pm while husband earns a living and she attempts to compose a brilliant dissertation. Hardwood floors and total lack of furniture in the apartment make toilet training and crating irrelevant. Couple have never owned a pet of any sort before,* but they are very good with the google and fully intend to depend on wikipidea and other such reliable sources for all necessary parenting advice.

*as adults, I had every pet under the sun as a child from frogs to lizards to chickens

Unfulfilled expectations

Disclaimer: this post is nothing bot a whine about trivial things.

I had such high hopes for the 2nd trimester. And I really thought that by week 15 any of these 3 items would have returned/appeared:

a. Energy. It's 11 am and I just got out of bed. I took naps both Saturday and Sunday afternoon. When am I supposed to finish my work?

b. My s.ex dri.ve. Gone. 100%. Which is more than a bit sad given that this is the first time in years that we're actually living together. Oh, and the fact that we just got married has JD mumbling quietly about the matter at least every few days ...

c. My confidence that I get a real, live, kicking baby at the end of this. So I puked for the first time on Sunday afternoon. On the boardwalk of South Mia.mi. Beach. Enroute to an expensive, fancy lunch (which I heartily enjoyed less than 20 minutes after puking). And then I had lower back pain. And I immediately started thinking what I should do if I was losing the baby. Of course, the lower back pain could easily come from 5 hours in the car and the puking could just as easily have been related to the heat. But I've been worried ever since. Still considering calling my ob/gyn to go in for a quick doppler. And I can't even stress aloud to JD because he gets even more upset than I am (largely I think because he's still not all that well-informed about the real risks, but maybe just because he gets more worried). My symptoms this weekend: one quick puke into a boardwalk trash can and slight lower back pain? Which is to say not much, and I'm still worried.

Free till July 9th!

That is to say, I successfully completed my marathon of doctor's appointments and I will see no ob/gyns, midwives, or specialists until the 'anatomy scan' on July 9th. I hope it's not too soon to do the scan, but the office told me they have the very-highest tech equipment and can do it earlier than other places. We'll see.

So, I have an Ob/Gyn in City X. I was pretty peeved by the time I finally saw her (a 2 hour wait in which I ran out of snack food will do that) but she was incredibly competent. I handed her my medical files when I walked into the room, so I know she wasn't reading them beforehand, and she immediately flagged all of the important potential complications. The bad news is that another one of my blood tests is off, which nobody had bothered to mention to me so that's another round of bloodwork to do before my next appointment. The good news is that she took me as a patient and scheduled the next ultrasound and another round of lab tests.

'Cause you know I have to whine about something ... I am outraged by the legal mess surrounding women's health in the States. Yes, I know medical liability can be incredibly high. But this doctor's initial medical history form had a 2-line explanation of 'mediation' and a line to sign: DO NOT SIGN THIS. It means that you have waived all rights to sue the doctor in case of malpractice (even blatant, horrible malpractice) in favor of mediation by the firm of her choice. I'm all for caps on medical liability, but not for asking uninformed, tired women to waive their legal rights. The packet also ended with a form waiving my right to protest a C-section (or even ask for a 2nd opinion) in a situation where the doctor deemed it necessary (Um ... like she's really tired and wants to go home to her family? What type of situation?) When I told the receptionist that I refused to sign either waiver she gave me a glower and told me the doctor might refuse to take me, but the doctor herself was totally nonplussed.

JD and I are off for the weekend, but I'll be back on Monday morning and then I'll post all about how JD told his friends (and the entire population of a very popular bar in my parent's hometown) about our little secret and our infertility treatments ...

the 'nursery' plans

Haha. By which I mean 'the space previously occupied by my desk.' As long ago as April 24th I was being asked about the 'nursery plans' (read comment here) so I've decided to write about them. Please feel free to pass on this post if you're not interested in the minutiae of mini-sized NYC apartments.

I was back in my gas-and-roach filled apartment early this week, so I decided to measure the nursery. It is a very spacious 9 by 12 feet (something like 108 feet. My guess is the entire apartment is around 350 square feet although it has 12 foot ceilings and feels quite spacious to us). Only problem is that the wonderbaby will have to share the space with us.

So the question is how to best decorate/fill this space:

And in case you were wondering where my desk will go, it will now take the place of the large shelf in the entryway. That means that my desk will be, oh, say, about a foot from the door (which gets a draft whenever the lobby door is open) and about a foot from the bathroom door (source of all roaches):
My one concern about our 'nursery corner' is that the window gets a really awful draft. It's been professionally sealed, but I'm still worried about the baby catching cold and we may have to move our bed next to the window and put the 'nursery' on the far side. The downside to that is that we'd lose the lovely under-the-windowsill storage and also potentially block our closet on the far side. Any thoughts on draft-proofing a humongous (8 feet tall) glass window which already has 2 panes and professionally installed caulking.

The two items of furniture that I desperately want are a crib and a rocking chair. I was all set on finding a used 'mini crib' on crai.gs.list (I know, I know, we'll buy a new mattress for it and make sure it hasn't been recalled) until a friend told me that babies outgrow mini-cribs much faster than regular cribs. I guess I knew that, but I'm hoping it'll last for at least 18 months. If you've heard otherwise, please let me know. I am also scouring the internets for a SMALL rocking chair. Other than that, we'll buy some baskets to put the wonderbaby's clothes on the built-in shelves under the window and that's it for furniture. I might splurge on a rug if I could find a washable one, and I really love these: http://www.landofnod.com/family.aspx?c=9547&f=655&pc=9540 (Response from JD over e-mail today to this suggestion: "sigh ...") We'll be skipping a changing table entirely. I'm hoping that we're limber enough to just put a mat on the floor, and I'll buy the cover from a changing table to put on the bed when we're lazy. Given that the stroller will already have to be stored in the bathroom because of lack of floor space, that's it for furniture until we need a high chair around 6 months.

As for our 'style,' the truth is most of the apartment furniture is dumpster-chic. I've had great luck pulling furniture out of dumpsters and also bought quite a few items on crai.gs.lis.t. The only piece of furniture in the entire apartment which we bought new is the big shelf we're about to get rid of. So it's no wonder that JD's not signing up for cute-nursery-themed wall decorations. I'm thinking of acceding to his wish for a dorm-style wall-hanging behind the crib. And we might just use this piece of fabric (it's green brocade, the photo's just really bad on the wall):
So, dear, patient readers who have made it this far:
- What do you think/have heard rumors about mini cribs?
- Have I forgotten anything major that I really, truly absolutely have to have?
- Do I need a screen between the crib and us (ie. will I/JD feel awkward in bed with the baby about 12 inches away?)

Entertaining

Back in City X with JD tonight. We're 10 dpw (days post wedding) and somewhere in week 14. And when I took off my dress to hop in the shower before dinner tonight (too many roaches to shower in NYC and I was worried about being in a small room with the gas issue - isn't my apartment great?) JD looked at my belly and honestly, truly he recoiled with a look of horror on his face.

And I, of course, burst out laughing because the reaction was so terribly classic for JD. I really do love him for his honesty and his lack of pretense. But he's just going to have to get used to the belly. And to think this is just the beginning ...