Ah, preschool

We had orientation today.  Or something like that.  It was mostly an utterly useless plug for the technology classes at the school.  For fourth graders.  Did I mention that this was just pre-K orientation?  It was so useless that 2 out of 3 pre-K teachers did not attend, so I could not even introduce my daughter to her teacher.  Eh, at least it was in the library and we sat in the back and read books.

Of course, from the back I could see that a fair half of the children in tow were playing on some type of gadget during the presentation (see above: not targeted to this audience).  Yes, half of the children had an iphone or an ipad in hand.   That's pretty terrifying.  And of course, my poor kid who lives in a house without a TV and with about 10-15 minutes of screen time a week (skype with grandparents, a youtube video while we're cutting nails) was fascinated by the poorly put together video in the presentation.  A movie, she whispered in awe, while her classmates played complicated games on their parents' iphones ... which was always JD's best argument pro-TV.  Let's not raise a weirdo, eh, he'd say smiling at me (yes, I grew up without screentime in the woods down South)?

But the really absurd part was that the big draw of the orientation was receiving the school uniform polo shirt.  Light blue short sleeved polo with the logo on it.  And they had a lot of them.  It's just that ... the smallest size they ordered was a 6-8 (kids medium).  Now the fusspot was immediately intimidated walking into the room because she is the youngest kid in her class (Dec. 31 cut off and she's a mid-December baby) and she's already not so tall ... but when the head teacher said she had to wear the uniform anyway I had to actually put a size 6 polo shirt over her dress and show the woman that it covered her knees and she'd probably trip if she had to walk in it ... and no, she won't be wearing it ... and no, neither GAP nor Old Navy online stocks uniforms in size 2/3 ... if anyone knows a cheap place for plain blue polos and blue jumpers in toddler sizes that would be much appreciated (amended: ah, children's place.  Thank you).

The good news is that another mom I quite like has a daughter in the pre-K (she's a friend of a friend so I had no idea she'd even applied) and the fusspot had warmed up enough by the end of the tour to waltz out of the school holding hands with her two new friends and talking about the playground.  And I can always tell myself it's just pre-K when things are quite this disorganized.  And really, it's quite a cute school.  Apparently full of very, very tall and wide kids ...

Have to start somewhere

something tells me that I'm going to be posting here a lot more in the coming months.  A few tidbits from this week:

- One benefit of having a husband 300 miles away is that it is so much easier to co-sleep with an active toddler when it's just the two of you in bed.

- One downside of having a husband 300 miles away is the realization that living alone in NYC with 2 kids is really, really hard.  Even just taking out the trash is a production (our trash is outside, and it's really hard to corral both kids into a trip to take out the trash, but I also can't carry it while maneuvering the stroller down the front stairs so it has to be a separate trip.  Plus, there are rats so if I bring the kids with to the trash I have to be careful that they don't get too close) ... all of which has resulted in my inviting a friend to come stay for a while.  A single guy.  He has no idea what he's in for.  I am really hoping it makes things easier and not harder.

- The fusspot really has no idea what is going on with her father and his new job.  She understands that he's gone for a while, but keeps asking if he'll be back next week.  Um, no.

- My work life is a complete and utter debacle.  I'm not even holding on by a thread, I am plunging into the gorge and hoping it will all end well.

- Speaking of which, I have a conference in the UK next week and haven't even decided yet if I'm going.  Or if I'll be ready.

- The fusspot also starts school next week.  She isn't ready.

- I only overeat and shop online when I am feeling emotionally abandoned.  I need to stop doing both.  Any advice?

- I did join a group therapy.  I also realized that the first week I went I had not spoken to anyone other than my children for more than 60 seconds in the proceeding 7 days.  It's really odd to sit in a room and talk to people for an hour.

- Also, see above re: weight gain.  I was inspired by a blog and bought a scale.  154.8.  I was 160 when I finished pregnancy #2.  I was 125 when I got pregnant both times.  I could use to lose some weight.  For now I'm keeping a food diary and trying to eliminate desserts and coffee drinks.  No time to exercise so project-look-better (and maybe even ovulate) will rely on food control.

- Speaking of weight gain, not so much as a hint of cycle at the moment.  As I'd assumed, the miracolous potential ovulation and bleeding episode 2 months ago were an isolated incident.  Let's really hope some weight loss could change that.  If not, it's on to metformin and harrassing JD about finding a new clinic in the new city we may or may not be moving to.

- JD needs to sign up for a new insurance by the end of this week through his new job.  I have told him at least 10 times that I want to help make that choice since he is particularly bad at insurance things, and he has not so much as forwarded me any info.  99% chance that he signs us up for insurance with no IF coverage. 

- Getting out the door in the morning with 2 kids is the worst part of living alone.

Wishful thinking, part ?

my period is "late."  Don't worry, this won't be a tale of miraculous conception which transitions immediately into complaints about round ligament pain and angst about birth plans.  Two rather pricey pee-sticks plus a large collection of expired cheapo sticks indicate that absolutely nothing is growing in my uterus (and Io, all I got was a "good luck" at the cash register).

And I'm not even sure "late" is the right adjective.  I'm in my 30s and I have never had 2 back-to-back uninduced cycles in my life.  So how I had somehow deluded myself into hoping that I would have perfectly reliable 28-day cycles I don't know.  But I had, and it's frustrating that my cycles are currently "irregular," with a healthy chance of "missing, never to return."

The thing about infertility is that it gives you this overwhelming angst and feeling of doom.  I feel like we wasted a possible cycle (yes, I am pretty sure that my body did something at least close to ovulating) and while it certainly would have been awful timing, well, what if it never, ever happens again ...

And along those lines I'd really like to rededicate myself to restricting carbs/losing weight even if only to see if my cycle might just return.  And they'll be no worries about a "surprise" since JD is moving to another city and we have few plans to see each other (and even less for anything to possibly happen since the kids and I will be sharing a room here in the big city, and we'll be staying with friends if we visit him).  It took a few summer shots of me in a bathing suit to remind me that while I tend to think of myself as decently fit and reasonably shaped, I am not exactly pulling that off in public.

Anyone have any inspirational stories of restored "regularity" or ways to limit sugar when all you crave are cupcakes and fluffy coffee drinks (and yes, we baked cupcakes this morning and since the fusspot was in charge of icing they are 98% pure sugar by weight, the rest is a combination of eggs/flour and food coloring.  She was very proud of herself)?

At least he's got decent taste

The growth doctor spent a long time pushing for me to wean/formula feed the dumpling (mind you, he's almost 18 months).  To start with, her nutritionist had entirely incorrectly estimated how many calories the dumpling gets from nursing (22 cal per ounce on average, frequently higher in an older nursling as the quantity decreases) so her estimate that he gets "at most 100 calories from nursing a day" is rather surprising.  I had noted that he nurses at least 5 times during the day ...

Anyway, with everything else going on I finally caved and purchased some pediasure for the dumpling.  That stuff is expensive, and I need several different packs to try the flavors.  $35 poorer, I had a decent variety of flavors of super-high calorie but also rather artificial (and noxious smelling) stuff.  So that my opinion wouldn't influence the baby, I just filled a bottle with it and sent it to daycare yesterday.  And today.  And guess what?  Baby categorically refused the sippy cup all day after his first taste.

So back on half whole milk/half cream our little guy goes (not that he ever has taken more than 2 ounces from a bottle, whether pumped milk or milk and cream or even water).  And then as we were walking home today and the fusspot started fussing about wanting a snack (usual stop: the fruit stand where she gets to buy her own banana, a process which thrills her.  Luckily they are still 25 cents, so if she successfully hands a quarter to the fruit vendor, 95% of the time they'll hand her a banana, no words necessary), we stopped.  Directly in front of the incredibly awesome brand new French bakery in our neighborhood.  The owners are literally just landed in NYC after selling their store in the South of France.  I was a bit skeptical when they opened since it is only 2 blocks from a super-beloved and old bakery in the neighborhood (which we frequent weekly for bread and in the winter for delicious hot chocolate), but it has already found a following.  And what did the dumpling devor for his evening snack?  Half a croissant.  It was such a rousing success that I've promised the fusspot we can return in the morning for a mid-morning snack.

In summary: dumpling refuses formula, insists upon a diet of organic full-fat cream (farm fresh no less, in a glass bottle, purchased at our otherwise fairly barren local farmer's market) and croissants made in a French bakery.  At least he has decent taste, even if he did purse his lips and refuse even a single bite of the chocolate chip cookies we made last weekend.