JD and I might not get that many stares when we're out and about as a couple in NYC, but let me assure you that when a 20-something white girl in pajamas, imitation uggs, and unbrushed hair (that's me, and given my recent lack of showers or real clothes, I tend to look on the younger side of the 20s) wanders into a liquor store on Long Island pushing a newborn in a stroller (that's the alien) during a snowstorm with a 50-something Chinese man (that's my FIL) ... well, you can tell people are puzzled. But we needed champagne for New Years. And chocolate chip cookie mix because I'm too tired to make real cookies.
We have a lot of New Years to celebrate. We always spend the Jewish new years with my parents in the South, and try to spend Chinese new years with JD's parents, and since neither of us love crowded bars we tend to spend American new years also at his parents sitting on the couch sipping champagne and eating warm cookies and watching TV (because of course we don't own a TV). Not too exciting, but very cozy. And JD's mother always makes us dumplings, which are totally scrumptious, because that's how you celebrate new years. And the entire family sits around eating unshelled sunflower seeds (they crack them in their mouth) which is a skill I totally lack. While JD and his parents and cousins accumulate these little stacks of sunflower shells, I usually manage to crack about 10 seeds before giving up in frustration ...
I hope your New Years is as pleasant and relaxing, and for those of you still waiting for a take-home baby, my thoughts are with you.
ps - If you have a moment, please pop over and congratulate Patti and Mark on the arrival of Baby Jack. And if you want a good cry, please read the most recent post at Uterine Wars and congratulate Soper, D and Moonpie on finally completing their family after a very long wait.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Even better news
We got the best news yesterday at the pediatrician: the resident alien gained 14 ounces in 7 days, putting her back at a normal weight and allowing us to relax the 10+ hours a day I was spending trying to get her to eat.
In fact, we decided not to set any alarms at all tonight in celebration. Which I must admit, only works because the alien usually sleeps on JD's chest. I have realized that I really am that awful mother who is going to sleep through her baby's cries. It shouldn't be that surprising given that I could still sleep through the night at 9 months pregnant (and have a long history of doing things like falling asleep in airpots and sleeping through flight announcements, etc. and missing my flight ...), but everyone kept reassuring me that I would become a light sleeper post-partum and that I would be in tune with my baby's needs. I think I'm fairly well in tune with them during the day, but the truth is I just sleep through her cries at night. Even when she is sleeping in my arms or napping in her cradle directly next to the couch.
I do think JD and I need some perspective on what a baby is supposed to look like. We both feel more than a bit overwhelmed by this new, chunky creature who actually has a neck roll! and a line on her arm! and will occasionally open her eyes while eating! and wake up to look at you even when she is not working on something down below! And today my tiny little baby wore a 0-3 month onesie without looking completely absurd, although I'm sure the fit was seriously aided by the very bulky, cheap newborn cloth diapers and diaper covers we are currently using.
In fact, we decided not to set any alarms at all tonight in celebration. Which I must admit, only works because the alien usually sleeps on JD's chest. I have realized that I really am that awful mother who is going to sleep through her baby's cries. It shouldn't be that surprising given that I could still sleep through the night at 9 months pregnant (and have a long history of doing things like falling asleep in airpots and sleeping through flight announcements, etc. and missing my flight ...), but everyone kept reassuring me that I would become a light sleeper post-partum and that I would be in tune with my baby's needs. I think I'm fairly well in tune with them during the day, but the truth is I just sleep through her cries at night. Even when she is sleeping in my arms or napping in her cradle directly next to the couch.
I do think JD and I need some perspective on what a baby is supposed to look like. We both feel more than a bit overwhelmed by this new, chunky creature who actually has a neck roll! and a line on her arm! and will occasionally open her eyes while eating! and wake up to look at you even when she is not working on something down below! And today my tiny little baby wore a 0-3 month onesie without looking completely absurd, although I'm sure the fit was seriously aided by the very bulky, cheap newborn cloth diapers and diaper covers we are currently using.
Monday, December 29, 2008
final thoughts on gestational diabetes
(Please, please, please let these be my final thoughts).
I finally talked to the GD doctor today. His receptionist had twice told me that I could not have a follow-up appointment until I had redone the GTT at 12 weeks post-partum. I had twice told her there was no possible way I was having that test and that I still wanted to talk to the doctor. I would have preferred to have a real face-to-face appointment, but settled for a conversation over the phone instead.
In case you're wondering, he agreed 100% that I do not need another GTT. After all, I was insulin resistant pre-pregnancy, my numbers did not change with pregnancy, so there's no reason to presume that I would be worse post-pregnancy. And more importantly, I'm not going to do anything to radically change my lifestyle (He suggested that I must have been pretty healthy pre-pregnancy and following a diet without simple carbs. I maintained silence while eyeing my double-portion bowl of oatmeal covered with brown sugar ...)
For the most part the doctor stuck to the party line: You had blood sugar problems (note: he did not say GD on the phone today), your baby was healthy because you kept them under control. She was not abnormally small (25th percentile, it turns out but both JD and I were 9 lbs and everyone in my family has enormous babies) nor is GD responsible for her sudden weight loss after birth. And of course, I got to have the unmedicated birth I wanted, so I should be grateful for their advice.
So I asked if it was possible that by being so strict with the diet I had starved my baby. And he said that there are several good studies indicating that following the GD diet strictly does not have adverse affects on babies, even those born with low birth weight ... and then there was a long pause ... and then he added "Of course, none of those studies start with women with normal BMIs before pregnancy." So there you have it. There really is no evidence about whether such a restrictive diet (and the related not gaining weight and fighting just to stop losing weight from month 7 to the end of the pregnancy) can have a detrimental effect on a baby whose mother is not overweight. Brilliant.
In happier news, I have discovered that despite my adamant wish not to co-sleep,* my firm belief in schedules and crying it out, etc. we might just be an attachment parenting family. The little alien is currently snoring away in a sling on my stomach (the outside of which has several distinct traces of oatmeal on it), she slept on JD's chest all night until he left for work, after which we nursed in bed for 2 hours ... so much for all that planning.
* Just to clarify, not because I think there's anything wrong with co-sleeping but because I am such a heavy sleeper and sleep better without extra company.
I finally talked to the GD doctor today. His receptionist had twice told me that I could not have a follow-up appointment until I had redone the GTT at 12 weeks post-partum. I had twice told her there was no possible way I was having that test and that I still wanted to talk to the doctor. I would have preferred to have a real face-to-face appointment, but settled for a conversation over the phone instead.
In case you're wondering, he agreed 100% that I do not need another GTT. After all, I was insulin resistant pre-pregnancy, my numbers did not change with pregnancy, so there's no reason to presume that I would be worse post-pregnancy. And more importantly, I'm not going to do anything to radically change my lifestyle (He suggested that I must have been pretty healthy pre-pregnancy and following a diet without simple carbs. I maintained silence while eyeing my double-portion bowl of oatmeal covered with brown sugar ...)
For the most part the doctor stuck to the party line: You had blood sugar problems (note: he did not say GD on the phone today), your baby was healthy because you kept them under control. She was not abnormally small (25th percentile, it turns out but both JD and I were 9 lbs and everyone in my family has enormous babies) nor is GD responsible for her sudden weight loss after birth. And of course, I got to have the unmedicated birth I wanted, so I should be grateful for their advice.
So I asked if it was possible that by being so strict with the diet I had starved my baby. And he said that there are several good studies indicating that following the GD diet strictly does not have adverse affects on babies, even those born with low birth weight ... and then there was a long pause ... and then he added "Of course, none of those studies start with women with normal BMIs before pregnancy." So there you have it. There really is no evidence about whether such a restrictive diet (and the related not gaining weight and fighting just to stop losing weight from month 7 to the end of the pregnancy) can have a detrimental effect on a baby whose mother is not overweight. Brilliant.
In happier news, I have discovered that despite my adamant wish not to co-sleep,* my firm belief in schedules and crying it out, etc. we might just be an attachment parenting family. The little alien is currently snoring away in a sling on my stomach (the outside of which has several distinct traces of oatmeal on it), she slept on JD's chest all night until he left for work, after which we nursed in bed for 2 hours ... so much for all that planning.
* Just to clarify, not because I think there's anything wrong with co-sleeping but because I am such a heavy sleeper and sleep better without extra company.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Good news and holliday wishes
I think our fai.lu.re to thri.ve scare might just be over (and please don't let that statement come back to haunt me). Our little alien gained 5 ounces between Sunday morning at 8 am and Tuesday midday. And we were given our first reprieve from weight checks every 72 hours - a full 7 days. Of course, she still sleeps through too many feeds and panics her mother, and the challenge now is to keep up our vigilance through the sleep deprivation. I have never been so glad that christmas is a national holiday (for any new readers, we don't celebrate christmas).
And even though she has a pretty weak latch and loves to push my breast out of her mouth while feeding, I got some more confirmation that she is getting enough to eat today. Of course, it took a terribly irresponsible act to make me feel better. To start with, the baby slept for 3 hours straight this morning between our hospital visit (see below) and shopping excursion. And then, I had to run a few errands and I was totally exhausted and I went to bed to take a short nap just before JD was supposed to come home tonight. And I slept for 3 hours straight while JD finger-fed the baby. Great for being well-rested, awful for my guilt and trying to fatten up a mini-baby. But when I pumped tonight (after a feeding) I got 8 ounces, which leads me to think that the resident alien is in fact consuming a large quantity of milk everyday.
Today was full of lots of other good news. I returned to the hospital and the alien passed her hearing test (she failed in both ears when she was released, but that was most likely because she was less than 18 hours post-birth and still had fluid and vernix in her ears).
And we went shopping. To be precise, I went to a store where I had several gift cards and finally completed my wedding registry. Another errand that had been scheduled for December 9th.
And I finally braved the world of slings and wraps, and I LOVE the Moby wrap. It is soft and warm and really easy to use for a newborn (much easier than the Bjorn). And it allowed me to run out to a friend's apartment and to hang up the laundry tonight.
Which brings us to tonight's photo. Chag sameach to all of you - whether you are celebrating hanukkah or christmas or just a vacation day, I hope you are having a relaxing and peaceful evening.
And a little note about occupation therapy since the fabulous Ms. J. (herself a new mother who went through a much tougher first few weeks than I could even imagine) asked. I had no idea that O.T. was an option at 11 days old, but our lactation consultant recommended someone and they landed up coming together because of the snowstorm. The woman worked on the baby's latch, and also a bit on her general 'alignment.' Apparently because most bodies are stuck on one side in utero for the last several weeks, it is normal for them to be off balance and to have trouble with their latch and swallowing for the first few days. With a fai.lu.re to th.riv.e baby, you don't have those extra days to allow them to adjust, so that's why we went for the therapy. I will admit to being as skeptical as ever, but the woman was incredibly calming and the baby's latch and suck definitely improved after the visit (she said it can take up to 72 hours to see an improvement).
And because you have to celebrate the humor whenever possible, the O.T. woman looked around our apartment as she was leaving and asked if we wanted her to try and find some charitable funds to help cover the cost of the visit. I was a bit puzzled since I hadn't asked or even asked the cost when setting up the appointment, and although we might be currently drowning in medical bills, JD and I are both well-employed and able to afford this bill. But after she shut the door JD just cracked up - because of course if you didn't ask what we did for a living and you looked around at our living room you'd think we were living straight out of goodwill and the local dumpster, which happens to be where the vast majority of our furniture comes from. It is in fact a matter of pride for us that the only two items we have ever bought new are a large shelf from ikea and a filing cabinet - and that includes all of the furniture in the living room, the baby's equipement and our own bedroom furniture. It's just that we have so many other things we want to spend money on (in the past travel, recently infertility, getting married, allowing JD to take 3 months off between jobs, the awful exchange rate with the euro ...) and we have very comfortable, functional furniture. But I could see where you might get the wrong impression.
And even though she has a pretty weak latch and loves to push my breast out of her mouth while feeding, I got some more confirmation that she is getting enough to eat today. Of course, it took a terribly irresponsible act to make me feel better. To start with, the baby slept for 3 hours straight this morning between our hospital visit (see below) and shopping excursion. And then, I had to run a few errands and I was totally exhausted and I went to bed to take a short nap just before JD was supposed to come home tonight. And I slept for 3 hours straight while JD finger-fed the baby. Great for being well-rested, awful for my guilt and trying to fatten up a mini-baby. But when I pumped tonight (after a feeding) I got 8 ounces, which leads me to think that the resident alien is in fact consuming a large quantity of milk everyday.
Today was full of lots of other good news. I returned to the hospital and the alien passed her hearing test (she failed in both ears when she was released, but that was most likely because she was less than 18 hours post-birth and still had fluid and vernix in her ears).
And we went shopping. To be precise, I went to a store where I had several gift cards and finally completed my wedding registry. Another errand that had been scheduled for December 9th.
And I finally braved the world of slings and wraps, and I LOVE the Moby wrap. It is soft and warm and really easy to use for a newborn (much easier than the Bjorn). And it allowed me to run out to a friend's apartment and to hang up the laundry tonight.
Which brings us to tonight's photo. Chag sameach to all of you - whether you are celebrating hanukkah or christmas or just a vacation day, I hope you are having a relaxing and peaceful evening.
And a little note about occupation therapy since the fabulous Ms. J. (herself a new mother who went through a much tougher first few weeks than I could even imagine) asked. I had no idea that O.T. was an option at 11 days old, but our lactation consultant recommended someone and they landed up coming together because of the snowstorm. The woman worked on the baby's latch, and also a bit on her general 'alignment.' Apparently because most bodies are stuck on one side in utero for the last several weeks, it is normal for them to be off balance and to have trouble with their latch and swallowing for the first few days. With a fai.lu.re to th.riv.e baby, you don't have those extra days to allow them to adjust, so that's why we went for the therapy. I will admit to being as skeptical as ever, but the woman was incredibly calming and the baby's latch and suck definitely improved after the visit (she said it can take up to 72 hours to see an improvement).
And because you have to celebrate the humor whenever possible, the O.T. woman looked around our apartment as she was leaving and asked if we wanted her to try and find some charitable funds to help cover the cost of the visit. I was a bit puzzled since I hadn't asked or even asked the cost when setting up the appointment, and although we might be currently drowning in medical bills, JD and I are both well-employed and able to afford this bill. But after she shut the door JD just cracked up - because of course if you didn't ask what we did for a living and you looked around at our living room you'd think we were living straight out of goodwill and the local dumpster, which happens to be where the vast majority of our furniture comes from. It is in fact a matter of pride for us that the only two items we have ever bought new are a large shelf from ikea and a filing cabinet - and that includes all of the furniture in the living room, the baby's equipement and our own bedroom furniture. It's just that we have so many other things we want to spend money on (in the past travel, recently infertility, getting married, allowing JD to take 3 months off between jobs, the awful exchange rate with the euro ...) and we have very comfortable, functional furniture. But I could see where you might get the wrong impression.
Monday, December 22, 2008
still here
On the couch, that is. Same as yesterday and the day before. Oh, and all night too.
Called the pediatrician again in a panic when I couldn't wake the baby after 4+ hours. Apparently my whole pediatric practice discussed this case at their meeting this week because a doctor I had never met called me back about 60 seconds after I left the message and knew quite a bit about what was going on. She did calm me down a bit, but it's quite terrifying when even ice cubes on your newborn's stomach don't't cause her to stir.
The radiator in our apartment is broken. Drs. Google suggest being careful not to overheat a sleepy baby.
And yesterday night JD, my mother and I lit hanukkah candles together. Our daughter's first night of hanukkah and she slept through it all. And I managed not to cry during the candle lighting (JD and my mother are on too high alert for PPD) but I did cry for at least an hour after they were all in bed. My little miracle baby. The cycle no one wanted to finish, that my RE allowed us to complete 'so that I would feel better.' The cycle with 30 follicles where the trigger had to be moved up because I was leaving the country. The trigger shot I carried in my purse to a conference, and ran out during a Q and A to have student health administer the shot because I didn't have time to run home and use my full length mirror. The cycle JD had to buy a last minute plane ticket up to NYC and came home rather drunk on Saturday night after catching up with his friends. The first time I -ever- ovulated. We have so much to celebrate - now if only I could get enough rest to remember it.
Called the pediatrician again in a panic when I couldn't wake the baby after 4+ hours. Apparently my whole pediatric practice discussed this case at their meeting this week because a doctor I had never met called me back about 60 seconds after I left the message and knew quite a bit about what was going on. She did calm me down a bit, but it's quite terrifying when even ice cubes on your newborn's stomach don't't cause her to stir.
The radiator in our apartment is broken. Drs. Google suggest being careful not to overheat a sleepy baby.
And yesterday night JD, my mother and I lit hanukkah candles together. Our daughter's first night of hanukkah and she slept through it all. And I managed not to cry during the candle lighting (JD and my mother are on too high alert for PPD) but I did cry for at least an hour after they were all in bed. My little miracle baby. The cycle no one wanted to finish, that my RE allowed us to complete 'so that I would feel better.' The cycle with 30 follicles where the trigger had to be moved up because I was leaving the country. The trigger shot I carried in my purse to a conference, and ran out during a Q and A to have student health administer the shot because I didn't have time to run home and use my full length mirror. The cycle JD had to buy a last minute plane ticket up to NYC and came home rather drunk on Saturday night after catching up with his friends. The first time I -ever- ovulated. We have so much to celebrate - now if only I could get enough rest to remember it.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
slight improvement
Our darling resident alien is up 2 ounces.
She also had her first occupational therapy at 8 am on a Sunday morning. Somehow I really doubt her insurance (whenever they send us any information) is going to cover that bill. But she does not have a good latch or suck yet and yet again I feel under a deadline to make everything better.
She's 12 days old now and fast approaching the 14 day mark when they want to see significant gains in her weight (from its lowest point). And we have another weigh-in on Tuesday. She is also now 2 days past her due date.
We are now using both an eyedropper and an SNS (supple.men.tal nutritional system - the little cord that premies use to eat EBM at the breast) to feed her. And I'm supposed to pump 10 times a day. And feed every 2 hours. And since feedings take a good hour at times, plus pumping for at least 10 minutes, eating for 5 minutes for me ... I am getting a bit tired.
But honestly, feeling much more optimistic now that she has finally stopped dropping weight.
She also had her first occupational therapy at 8 am on a Sunday morning. Somehow I really doubt her insurance (whenever they send us any information) is going to cover that bill. But she does not have a good latch or suck yet and yet again I feel under a deadline to make everything better.
She's 12 days old now and fast approaching the 14 day mark when they want to see significant gains in her weight (from its lowest point). And we have another weigh-in on Tuesday. She is also now 2 days past her due date.
We are now using both an eyedropper and an SNS (supple.men.tal nutritional system - the little cord that premies use to eat EBM at the breast) to feed her. And I'm supposed to pump 10 times a day. And feed every 2 hours. And since feedings take a good hour at times, plus pumping for at least 10 minutes, eating for 5 minutes for me ... I am getting a bit tired.
But honestly, feeling much more optimistic now that she has finally stopped dropping weight.
1:46 am
I just finished pumping and I don't need to wake the baby and feed her again until 3 am, so this is my long break of the day. And why aren't I asleep? Because I am sitting her composing a letter in my head to Dr. R- at the GD clinic.
It's pretty much a joke that each of my GD appointments cost my insurance over $600, and I managed to ring up a $900 bill while in labor having my regular NST and BPP before being admitted to the hospital (from 12 feet down the hall - actually in sight of the room I delivered in ... but that's part of the birth story I have yet to post). However, I realized that as a result I won't be able to have a follow-up appointment at the GD clinic and resolve these issues face to face.
So here, in short, is what I want to know: Even when you (i.e. Dr. R.) admitted I probably didn't have GD and the residents twice tried to release me from the clinic, why did no one think that such a restrictive diet might just starve my daughter in utero? Both JD and I were over 9 lbs and everyone else in my family has had enormous babies. Do you think that my over-zealous following of your GD diet hurt my daughter? And why didn't we even discuss that possibility along the way?
We have another weigh-in at 8 am tomorrow morning. I am still hoping for good news. Of course, I can also still feel all of my daughter's ribs and her sternum poking out of her chest. And see the empty old-woman folds of skin on her arms. Off to bed, or at least to the couch since I have started to get panic attacks when I go to sleep that I will sleep through the next feeding.
It's pretty much a joke that each of my GD appointments cost my insurance over $600, and I managed to ring up a $900 bill while in labor having my regular NST and BPP before being admitted to the hospital (from 12 feet down the hall - actually in sight of the room I delivered in ... but that's part of the birth story I have yet to post). However, I realized that as a result I won't be able to have a follow-up appointment at the GD clinic and resolve these issues face to face.
So here, in short, is what I want to know: Even when you (i.e. Dr. R.) admitted I probably didn't have GD and the residents twice tried to release me from the clinic, why did no one think that such a restrictive diet might just starve my daughter in utero? Both JD and I were over 9 lbs and everyone else in my family has had enormous babies. Do you think that my over-zealous following of your GD diet hurt my daughter? And why didn't we even discuss that possibility along the way?
We have another weigh-in at 8 am tomorrow morning. I am still hoping for good news. Of course, I can also still feel all of my daughter's ribs and her sternum poking out of her chest. And see the empty old-woman folds of skin on her arms. Off to bed, or at least to the couch since I have started to get panic attacks when I go to sleep that I will sleep through the next feeding.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
not great
Just a quick update.
The baby is holding her weight but not gaining. Her eyes are turning yellow, so I guess her jaundice is getting worse. No idea why we can't just put her under the jaundice lights, but the doctor seems to be very hesitant (and yes, they've tested her blood levels and it's not dangerous yet but it certainly makes it harder to feed her).
I bought a breastpump, which was broken. Medela has the worst customer service. Hopefully will manage to buy another one today. Definitely getting plugged ducts and spiked a high fever yesterday night while nursing. Trying to feed the baby hand expressed milk with an eye dropper - probably the least effecient method ever. There must be something better out there.
There's nothing wrong with my supply or the baby's latch, she's just so little that she gets too tired to nurse. I am supposed to nurse her every 2 hours night and day until she gains some weight. As you can imagine, I am tired.
I will post in a few days. Another pediatrician appointment tomorrow.
The baby is holding her weight but not gaining. Her eyes are turning yellow, so I guess her jaundice is getting worse. No idea why we can't just put her under the jaundice lights, but the doctor seems to be very hesitant (and yes, they've tested her blood levels and it's not dangerous yet but it certainly makes it harder to feed her).
I bought a breastpump, which was broken. Medela has the worst customer service. Hopefully will manage to buy another one today. Definitely getting plugged ducts and spiked a high fever yesterday night while nursing. Trying to feed the baby hand expressed milk with an eye dropper - probably the least effecient method ever. There must be something better out there.
There's nothing wrong with my supply or the baby's latch, she's just so little that she gets too tired to nurse. I am supposed to nurse her every 2 hours night and day until she gains some weight. As you can imagine, I am tired.
I will post in a few days. Another pediatrician appointment tomorrow.
Monday, December 15, 2008
6 months, 6 days, 5 ounces
Six months ago today I stood beneath a chuppah and married the man of my dreams.
Six days ago we welcomed our daughter.
And today I found out that she lost five ounces since Friday.*
Here we go lactation consultants, pumping after every feed, more pediatrician appointments and a whole new level of anxiety. She is currently draped across my chest, nude except for a cloth diaper and there is milk running from both of my breasts into the top of my sweatpants. And lurking in the back of my mind is that sinking feeling that if I hadn't been put on such a restrictive diet for a disease I probably did not actually have, I would have had a beautiful, healthy seven or eight pound daughter instead of one who now weighs slightly less than the smallest weight I ever use at the gym and who is getting increasingly challenging to wake every two hours.
No wonder I am a bit emotional today.
* She had already lost some weight in the first three days, so this weight loss pushed us over the 10% limit (babies are not supposed to lose more than 10% of their body weight in the first two weeks).
Six days ago we welcomed our daughter.
And today I found out that she lost five ounces since Friday.*
Here we go lactation consultants, pumping after every feed, more pediatrician appointments and a whole new level of anxiety. She is currently draped across my chest, nude except for a cloth diaper and there is milk running from both of my breasts into the top of my sweatpants. And lurking in the back of my mind is that sinking feeling that if I hadn't been put on such a restrictive diet for a disease I probably did not actually have, I would have had a beautiful, healthy seven or eight pound daughter instead of one who now weighs slightly less than the smallest weight I ever use at the gym and who is getting increasingly challenging to wake every two hours.
No wonder I am a bit emotional today.
* She had already lost some weight in the first three days, so this weight loss pushed us over the 10% limit (babies are not supposed to lose more than 10% of their body weight in the first two weeks).
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Day 5
It would be really easy to write that I've been so busy caring for my daughter that I just haven't had time to post ... but actually, the truth is a little different. The truth is that I've been so pampered this week that I have been eating non-stop, napping, lying on the couch and directing other people in how to do my laundry ... and it's hard to fit in posting between such important and busy activities (yes, JD went back to work the morning after I was released from the hospital, but that was expected and as a result his parents and now my family have come to help).
In fact, as I write, I am hidden away in the bedroom ostensibly 'catching up on schoolwork' (ok, I had to write one e-mail to cancel a meeting. Not so much work) because JD ran out and bought me a red velvet cupcake and he didn't want my mother to see me eat it since I've already had 2 bagels, juice, sugar cereal, chocolate, pizza, and a large gelato after my somewhat healthy breakfast ...
In short, things are great. The baby is 100% nocturnal but JD has been taking the early shift (till about 1 am) and I can easily handle the rest of the night for at least a few more nights (for the record, my normal sleep pattern pre-pregnancy was about 4-6 hours per night and I'm hoping to be able to return to that soon). So much for not co-sleeping (which I happen to think is fabulous for light sleepers and people who are just very comfortable with a little person in bed - we are both heavy sleepers which makes me really nervous and we also have a quilt in bed) ... the baby does best when she's snuggled between us, so that's where she lands up by about 5 am. My milk is in and thus far breastfeeding is going fine, although I wish someone had told me how uncomfortable it would be the first 3 days when it gave me contractions every time the baby latched on ...
And in other shocking news, I wore a full outfit of pre-pregnancy clothes out today (I'll admit it, stretch jeans, but that certainly counts). I'm only down 10 lbs, which is a bit impressive since the baby was 6.5 of those pounds and I must have lost at least a little water weight, but that also means I'm below my pre-TTC weight. I think that I've set a goal of losing another 5-8 pounds by the time I start work again, but I'm certainly not stressed if that doesn't happen. Of course, it wasn't until after I took a 3 mile walk today that the midwife called to check in on me and told me not to do anything strenous for another week ... oh well.
And as for names, JD and I completely stalled on the discussion on Thursday because he was trying to catch up at work and I was a bit tired and home with the baby ... so we have yet to give her a middle name. But her first name is Ta.li.a. Which happens to work very well with JD's last name. But her nickname for now is the little alien because she has incredibly dark, deeply set eyes and she tends to spend a lot of time freeing her left hand from her swaddle and waving it slowly in the air as if she is signaling to some distant orchestra or spaceship about how weird life is here on earth.
I'm back to filling my sugar fantasies and then taking a nap before everyone else goes to bed ... I plan to post the birth story tomorrow and then I'll have to find something slightly less obnoxious to write about then lying on the couch all day with a beautiful, snuggly little alien who doesn't yet have the lung capacity to make anything more than very cute, bird-like cries.
And thank you so much for such kind, wonderful comments.
In fact, as I write, I am hidden away in the bedroom ostensibly 'catching up on schoolwork' (ok, I had to write one e-mail to cancel a meeting. Not so much work) because JD ran out and bought me a red velvet cupcake and he didn't want my mother to see me eat it since I've already had 2 bagels, juice, sugar cereal, chocolate, pizza, and a large gelato after my somewhat healthy breakfast ...
In short, things are great. The baby is 100% nocturnal but JD has been taking the early shift (till about 1 am) and I can easily handle the rest of the night for at least a few more nights (for the record, my normal sleep pattern pre-pregnancy was about 4-6 hours per night and I'm hoping to be able to return to that soon). So much for not co-sleeping (which I happen to think is fabulous for light sleepers and people who are just very comfortable with a little person in bed - we are both heavy sleepers which makes me really nervous and we also have a quilt in bed) ... the baby does best when she's snuggled between us, so that's where she lands up by about 5 am. My milk is in and thus far breastfeeding is going fine, although I wish someone had told me how uncomfortable it would be the first 3 days when it gave me contractions every time the baby latched on ...
And in other shocking news, I wore a full outfit of pre-pregnancy clothes out today (I'll admit it, stretch jeans, but that certainly counts). I'm only down 10 lbs, which is a bit impressive since the baby was 6.5 of those pounds and I must have lost at least a little water weight, but that also means I'm below my pre-TTC weight. I think that I've set a goal of losing another 5-8 pounds by the time I start work again, but I'm certainly not stressed if that doesn't happen. Of course, it wasn't until after I took a 3 mile walk today that the midwife called to check in on me and told me not to do anything strenous for another week ... oh well.
And as for names, JD and I completely stalled on the discussion on Thursday because he was trying to catch up at work and I was a bit tired and home with the baby ... so we have yet to give her a middle name. But her first name is Ta.li.a. Which happens to work very well with JD's last name. But her nickname for now is the little alien because she has incredibly dark, deeply set eyes and she tends to spend a lot of time freeing her left hand from her swaddle and waving it slowly in the air as if she is signaling to some distant orchestra or spaceship about how weird life is here on earth.
I'm back to filling my sugar fantasies and then taking a nap before everyone else goes to bed ... I plan to post the birth story tomorrow and then I'll have to find something slightly less obnoxious to write about then lying on the couch all day with a beautiful, snuggly little alien who doesn't yet have the lung capacity to make anything more than very cute, bird-like cries.
And thank you so much for such kind, wonderful comments.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
She's Here
6 lbs 9 oz. Born at 6:01 pm yesterday evening after 13 hours of back labor.
Birth story to come later, but I had the exact labor I wanted despite the back pain. No meds, no interventions. Of course, both doula and midwife told me repeatedly how unusual my labor was since the contractions were irregular for the majority of the day. Early labor was incredibly speedy, transition and pushing were very slow. JD was allowed to stay in the room with us overnight and we were discharged early this afternoon.
And even though you can't tell in the photo, we both look a bit silly at this point. I burst a ton of blood vessels in my face and she has a weird rash, huge birthmark on her forehead (which will fade), and dark blue 'Mongolian spot' on her rear end (which looks like a bruise if you've never seen one).
And now I'm sitting on the couch sipping a (very, very small) glass of champagne and watching the baby sleep. Oh, and trying to think of a name for her.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Strategy #1 in progress
Update: Roses and sour cream and onion chips were just delivered to me. Of course, he forgot one of the two items I actually needed.
I think I just got JD's attention. Let's hope so.
He usually calls before he leaves work to check if I'm at home or still at my desk. So tonight I told him I need him to stop and pick some stuff up on his way home. [This is so exciting, right?] Except I told him I want 2 items from our 24-hour corner supermarket - 2 blocks from our apartment, and the type of place I am totally comfortable running out to in my pajamas.
He was like "Woah, not feeling well enough to go out yourself?" And the truth is I'm just not feeling inspired to go out myself. I had a sudden realization during acupuncture today (which I enjoy if just because it gives me 30 minutes of silence to think and not feel guilty about not doing things)* that this might very well be my last week to be pampered for a while. For example, I really didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight. I could have splurged and ordered out, but that tends to be more frustrating than rewarding at this point given how few foods I can eat. So instead I had a repeat of breakfast (and since I skipped lunch because of a late appointment that makes it the most boring food day ever - 2 mini whole wheat bagels with cream cheese, 2 bowls of plain lowfat yogurt, 2 small bowls of plain cottage cheese and a few pomegrante seeds for dessert). But wouldn't it have been great if someone had offered to cook dinner for me?
And yes, JD is working 12 hour days and all, but he needs to squeeze in a little time to pamper me. So we'll see if he gets the message. Oh, and this (rather expensive) 24-hour supermarket just happens to have beautiful flowers out front. I know because we've twice brought flowers to bring to other people since moving ... so we'll see if JD gets the hint. Of course, I'm not expecting that much improvement in a single night.
Don't worry, I have several other ideas up my sleeve if this one fails.
* And yes, Rachel, I think it hurts when they put the needles in. Certainly the needles in my feet, but it doesn't hurt once they're in and not at all when they take them out. The acupuncturist always tells me not to tense up when she puts in the needles, but, um, really?
I think I just got JD's attention. Let's hope so.
He usually calls before he leaves work to check if I'm at home or still at my desk. So tonight I told him I need him to stop and pick some stuff up on his way home. [This is so exciting, right?] Except I told him I want 2 items from our 24-hour corner supermarket - 2 blocks from our apartment, and the type of place I am totally comfortable running out to in my pajamas.
He was like "Woah, not feeling well enough to go out yourself?" And the truth is I'm just not feeling inspired to go out myself. I had a sudden realization during acupuncture today (which I enjoy if just because it gives me 30 minutes of silence to think and not feel guilty about not doing things)* that this might very well be my last week to be pampered for a while. For example, I really didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight. I could have splurged and ordered out, but that tends to be more frustrating than rewarding at this point given how few foods I can eat. So instead I had a repeat of breakfast (and since I skipped lunch because of a late appointment that makes it the most boring food day ever - 2 mini whole wheat bagels with cream cheese, 2 bowls of plain lowfat yogurt, 2 small bowls of plain cottage cheese and a few pomegrante seeds for dessert). But wouldn't it have been great if someone had offered to cook dinner for me?
And yes, JD is working 12 hour days and all, but he needs to squeeze in a little time to pamper me. So we'll see if he gets the message. Oh, and this (rather expensive) 24-hour supermarket just happens to have beautiful flowers out front. I know because we've twice brought flowers to bring to other people since moving ... so we'll see if JD gets the hint. Of course, I'm not expecting that much improvement in a single night.
Don't worry, I have several other ideas up my sleeve if this one fails.
* And yes, Rachel, I think it hurts when they put the needles in. Certainly the needles in my feet, but it doesn't hurt once they're in and not at all when they take them out. The acupuncturist always tells me not to tense up when she puts in the needles, but, um, really?
Photos and obsessiveness
So it's true. We still don't have a name picked out. We spent hours going through name books (and lists of online names, including the top 200 names in NYC for the past 2 years, which is a great list) and family trees and trying to come up with a name in September. And we couldn't find anything we both liked. So we basically just stopped talking about, and that's how we got to 38 weeks with no name. JD seems to think we'll just think of one when we see the baby, but honestly, all newborns look pretty much the same and if I'm tired and grumpy I doubt I'll be in a reasonable mood. Oh, and in NY State if you leave the hospital with the baby unnamed you have to go to family court to fix it, which sounds like quite a hassle.
I really wish we could name the baby after one of my grandmothers or great-grandmothers, but they all had very dated (and Yiddush) names. JD's family doesn't reuse names, so that doesn't help much. And then of course we need a middle name too ...
And although I still feel great and it's really incroyable to think that we might have a real baby by the end of the week, I guess I am kind-of showing. Here's the belly at 38 weeks, 1 day (i.e. earlier today, in the freezing cold). The craziest thing is that I am only 3 lbs above my pre-TTC weight from last year. But I'm assured that there's at least 7 lbs of baby in there and apparently plenty of pading:
Unfortunately JD cropped my new, cute slouchy gray suede boots out of the photo.
Ok, so for the record, now that I am definitely at 38 weeks and the clock is ticking loudly towards pitocin here's what we've been up to:
- Acupuncture (twice a week)
- Red leaf raspberry tea
- Foot massages
- Um, that (really awkward) thing you do with your partner that's supposed to help
- Primrose oil (although not as a suppository because it interferes with #4 and just sounds gross)
- No more prenatals (never heard of this but I'll clearly try anything)
- Long walks and stairs
- Yummy spicy Indian food
And yes, I know this qualifies me as completely obsessive. But given that basically anyone at any of my seven medical appointments this week could make the call to send me straight to the hospital (ok, half of those appointments are in the hospital so they'd just have to send me across the hall) for an induction or C-Section, I don't see the point of dragging this out any longer. Any other suggestions?
I really wish we could name the baby after one of my grandmothers or great-grandmothers, but they all had very dated (and Yiddush) names. JD's family doesn't reuse names, so that doesn't help much. And then of course we need a middle name too ...
And although I still feel great and it's really incroyable to think that we might have a real baby by the end of the week, I guess I am kind-of showing. Here's the belly at 38 weeks, 1 day (i.e. earlier today, in the freezing cold). The craziest thing is that I am only 3 lbs above my pre-TTC weight from last year. But I'm assured that there's at least 7 lbs of baby in there and apparently plenty of pading:
Unfortunately JD cropped my new, cute slouchy gray suede boots out of the photo.Ok, so for the record, now that I am definitely at 38 weeks and the clock is ticking loudly towards pitocin here's what we've been up to:
- Acupuncture (twice a week)
- Red leaf raspberry tea
- Foot massages
- Um, that (really awkward) thing you do with your partner that's supposed to help
- Primrose oil (although not as a suppository because it interferes with #4 and just sounds gross)
- No more prenatals (never heard of this but I'll clearly try anything)
- Long walks and stairs
- Yummy spicy Indian food
And yes, I know this qualifies me as completely obsessive. But given that basically anyone at any of my seven medical appointments this week could make the call to send me straight to the hospital (ok, half of those appointments are in the hospital so they'd just have to send me across the hall) for an induction or C-Section, I don't see the point of dragging this out any longer. Any other suggestions?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
More whining, but photos and enthusiasim coming soon
For the record, giving birth is not a spectator sport. I'm very impressed with those of you who have enough generosity to allow spectators in the room. I'm sure it is very meaningful for those people to be there. I am not one of those kind, generous people. In fact, I fully expect to be exceedingly grumpy during this entire process (I've heard through the grapevine that it hurts ...)
A relative of mine, who used to be an L and D nurse, and is an exceedingly fun person to hang out with, offered a few weeks ago to attend the birth. However, she lives 3 or so hours outside NYC and has not once come to visit us in the city. She's also not so young and has some health problems and I really can't imagine calling her at 2 am and asking her to hope in her car and drive in to hang out with us. Which is why we hired a doula. And I thought that was that. I just got a guilt trip about it from none other than my sister about the situation. Not that making me feel guilty will change anything, but it did annoy me. Mind you, she did not offer to come help out with the newborn after I give birth - just the delivery part.
Moreover, we are not calling anyone until we are home from the hospital. For one simple reason, I don't want visitors in the hospital. My family is all too far away to show up, my friends are too clueless to know what's appropriate (except those with kids who are too busy), and JD's mother is still convinced that she's going to pick me and the baby up (not JD, mind you) and take us to her house 2.5 hours away ... and I think the easiest way to avoid that conflict is simply not to call until we're home. Plus, we'll need to go to the pediatrician within 48 hours of our release, so there's no reason to torture the baby with 5+ hours of driving in her first 2 days for absolutely no reason. And my apartment is completely set up for me and the baby (with my hearty stash of desserts in the freezer). And I don't really think it's fair or nice to call my family and not JD's, plus we'll most likely be released within 24 hours and so there's just no reason people can't wait to find out (I did concede JD could e-mail his buddies on his blackberry if he needs 'support' and he seemed pretty content with that) and if I'm not released it's because they've cut me open and I'll just want to sleep and relax.
I of course thought it was better just to tell people what we're going to do, so that they have time to get over it. But the more complaining I hear from them, the less interest I have in talking to any of my family (except my mother, who very dutifully listens to me whine almost daily) until after I've given birth. Nobody has yet expressed any real concern for how I'm feeling, or, just like my wedding, how I'm doing emotionally and it's really starting to peeve me. Oh well.
Oh, and one other annoyance just to show you how obnoxious I am when JD's family is clearly going out of their way to be helpful. My MIL called from Costco today to tell JD she'd bought us a huge stash of (disposable, not even chlorine free) diapers. Of course, she also bought us some cloth diapers before so she knows we want to use cloth diapers. I know we'll also need disposable diapers for when we're traveling or overwhelmed with laundry, etc. but I just think a huge Costco-scale stash is going to be way too tempting to use full time. And we live in NYC! There are 3 24-hour drug stores within 3 minutes of our apartment where we can stock up on disposable diapers whenever we should need them. So of course I'm peeved, even though I'm sure this shopping excursion was done with nothing but the best intentions.
Coming up when JD comes home from work: the final belly shots. We actually had taken none since our honeymoon in August so in the freezing cold today we went outside and took a bunch, and they are really cute. Plus more news on how the obsessive woman deals with her rapidly-approaching due date by indulging in every known 'natural' induction method.
A relative of mine, who used to be an L and D nurse, and is an exceedingly fun person to hang out with, offered a few weeks ago to attend the birth. However, she lives 3 or so hours outside NYC and has not once come to visit us in the city. She's also not so young and has some health problems and I really can't imagine calling her at 2 am and asking her to hope in her car and drive in to hang out with us. Which is why we hired a doula. And I thought that was that. I just got a guilt trip about it from none other than my sister about the situation. Not that making me feel guilty will change anything, but it did annoy me. Mind you, she did not offer to come help out with the newborn after I give birth - just the delivery part.
Moreover, we are not calling anyone until we are home from the hospital. For one simple reason, I don't want visitors in the hospital. My family is all too far away to show up, my friends are too clueless to know what's appropriate (except those with kids who are too busy), and JD's mother is still convinced that she's going to pick me and the baby up (not JD, mind you) and take us to her house 2.5 hours away ... and I think the easiest way to avoid that conflict is simply not to call until we're home. Plus, we'll need to go to the pediatrician within 48 hours of our release, so there's no reason to torture the baby with 5+ hours of driving in her first 2 days for absolutely no reason. And my apartment is completely set up for me and the baby (with my hearty stash of desserts in the freezer). And I don't really think it's fair or nice to call my family and not JD's, plus we'll most likely be released within 24 hours and so there's just no reason people can't wait to find out (I did concede JD could e-mail his buddies on his blackberry if he needs 'support' and he seemed pretty content with that) and if I'm not released it's because they've cut me open and I'll just want to sleep and relax.
I of course thought it was better just to tell people what we're going to do, so that they have time to get over it. But the more complaining I hear from them, the less interest I have in talking to any of my family (except my mother, who very dutifully listens to me whine almost daily) until after I've given birth. Nobody has yet expressed any real concern for how I'm feeling, or, just like my wedding, how I'm doing emotionally and it's really starting to peeve me. Oh well.
Oh, and one other annoyance just to show you how obnoxious I am when JD's family is clearly going out of their way to be helpful. My MIL called from Costco today to tell JD she'd bought us a huge stash of (disposable, not even chlorine free) diapers. Of course, she also bought us some cloth diapers before so she knows we want to use cloth diapers. I know we'll also need disposable diapers for when we're traveling or overwhelmed with laundry, etc. but I just think a huge Costco-scale stash is going to be way too tempting to use full time. And we live in NYC! There are 3 24-hour drug stores within 3 minutes of our apartment where we can stock up on disposable diapers whenever we should need them. So of course I'm peeved, even though I'm sure this shopping excursion was done with nothing but the best intentions.
Coming up when JD comes home from work: the final belly shots. We actually had taken none since our honeymoon in August so in the freezing cold today we went outside and took a bunch, and they are really cute. Plus more news on how the obsessive woman deals with her rapidly-approaching due date by indulging in every known 'natural' induction method.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I was trying so hard to stay positive ...
Just got a call from my midwife. Not a big deal, but another little wrench in the plans and another little thing to worry about. Turns out the first lab read was incorrect, I am Group Strep B positive. Right? Not such a big deal.
Except that I had this test done extra-early (i.e. 2 weeks ago) so that they could test the sensitivities of the strain and strategize about which antibiotics to give me given my very extensive and serious allergies to meds. But somehow the lab forgot, even though it was circled twice on the lab slip. So unless we have time to rerun the lab results before I go into labor, I'm consigned to the one and only drug treatment they're sure I'm not allergic to ... which just happens to make me throw up violently. My miwife assures me I'd probably be throwing up by this point anyway, but really? Do I need to go into this knowing that because of a lab error (which also wasn't caught so early ...) I'll be guaranteed to feel nauseous in labor in addition to whatever else is going on ...
And then I get the guilt trip about this being the best thing for the baby. Of course I'm not going to deliberately expose my child to a potentially fatal complication, but that doesn't make me feel better about the lab error, especially when I really was proactive about this issue weeks ago to try and avoid any time crunch ...
Except that I had this test done extra-early (i.e. 2 weeks ago) so that they could test the sensitivities of the strain and strategize about which antibiotics to give me given my very extensive and serious allergies to meds. But somehow the lab forgot, even though it was circled twice on the lab slip. So unless we have time to rerun the lab results before I go into labor, I'm consigned to the one and only drug treatment they're sure I'm not allergic to ... which just happens to make me throw up violently. My miwife assures me I'd probably be throwing up by this point anyway, but really? Do I need to go into this knowing that because of a lab error (which also wasn't caught so early ...) I'll be guaranteed to feel nauseous in labor in addition to whatever else is going on ...
And then I get the guilt trip about this being the best thing for the baby. Of course I'm not going to deliberately expose my child to a potentially fatal complication, but that doesn't make me feel better about the lab error, especially when I really was proactive about this issue weeks ago to try and avoid any time crunch ...
Friday, December 5, 2008
Good news
I'm starting to dilate! I couldn't be more excited. Of course, don't worry, I'm not even at 1 cm yet but all seems to be well. Passed another NST thanks to 2 liters of ice cold water and a lot of wiggling, but I did not pee in the exam chair. And the midwife thought all was well and I should really stop worrying about going past my due date. So there we have it. Shabbos starts momentarily so I'm off to services and then a long day of rest.
Of course, this does mean JD and I really should start talking about picking a name tonight. Wish us luck.
Of course, this does mean JD and I really should start talking about picking a name tonight. Wish us luck.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
One more checkmark, and a funny one at that
As you might recall, my midwife waited until directly before Thanksgiving to mention that I needed to see her supervising ob/gyn (NY State law - all midwives practice under an ob/gyn even if they never see that person) now that I was classified as 'high risk.' So off I trundled this afternoon, having been warned by the receptionist that their waits tend to be -very- long.
The wait wasn't actually that bad, and the moment the doctor walked into the room I realized it was all going to be fine. Of all things, it was the doctor from 'The Busin.ess of Being Bo.rn,' the one who rants about how doctors do everything during labor for their own convenience and the one who lands up doing a C-Section. Turns out he'll be doing my C-Section should it be necesary. And he couldn't have been more relaxed.
He told me I can go as far past my due date as I feel like, although I should try to go into labor sooner rather than later. He was all for massage and acupuncture and primrose oil and anything else I feel like trying. The one odd thing he recommended was to stop taking prenatals - he thinks they may delay the onset of labor. Has anyone else heard of this? I'm sure I have plenty of folic acid in my body by this point (and it's really most important in the 1st 1/2 of the 1st trimester) so I'm going to give it a try. Other than that, I was in and out of his office in under 5 mintues and he scrawled a very cheerful note to my midwife which his nurse dutifully made official with a big, bright stamp.
The wait wasn't actually that bad, and the moment the doctor walked into the room I realized it was all going to be fine. Of all things, it was the doctor from 'The Busin.ess of Being Bo.rn,' the one who rants about how doctors do everything during labor for their own convenience and the one who lands up doing a C-Section. Turns out he'll be doing my C-Section should it be necesary. And he couldn't have been more relaxed.
He told me I can go as far past my due date as I feel like, although I should try to go into labor sooner rather than later. He was all for massage and acupuncture and primrose oil and anything else I feel like trying. The one odd thing he recommended was to stop taking prenatals - he thinks they may delay the onset of labor. Has anyone else heard of this? I'm sure I have plenty of folic acid in my body by this point (and it's really most important in the 1st 1/2 of the 1st trimester) so I'm going to give it a try. Other than that, I was in and out of his office in under 5 mintues and he scrawled a very cheerful note to my midwife which his nurse dutifully made official with a big, bright stamp.
This cold needs to end
I am turning into an excessively belligerent person. Although honestly in the littlest and pettiest of ways.
I had to run out to my midwife's office to pick up medical records for an appointment later today, despite the canceled appointment with her. And on the way back I took the bus.
I was sitting quite comfortably when a very, very large woman and her equally large friend got on. She proceeded to sit next to me, and then kindly offer to squeeze in so her equally large friend could also sit. Since I honestly feared that my little bump might be seriously squashed by the girth next to me I proceeded to stand. Which was totally fine. I felt fine, these women clearly needed to sit, and I'm hardly one to blame someone for their size ...
Except that I then proceeded to unbutton my coat which was covering up the little bump and to lean suggestively against the pole. Basically just to give the poor woman a guilt trip for no reason at all. And there she is merrily thanking me and wishing me Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all the best of luck.
I really hope my cold clears up soon.
I had to run out to my midwife's office to pick up medical records for an appointment later today, despite the canceled appointment with her. And on the way back I took the bus.
I was sitting quite comfortably when a very, very large woman and her equally large friend got on. She proceeded to sit next to me, and then kindly offer to squeeze in so her equally large friend could also sit. Since I honestly feared that my little bump might be seriously squashed by the girth next to me I proceeded to stand. Which was totally fine. I felt fine, these women clearly needed to sit, and I'm hardly one to blame someone for their size ...
Except that I then proceeded to unbutton my coat which was covering up the little bump and to lean suggestively against the pole. Basically just to give the poor woman a guilt trip for no reason at all. And there she is merrily thanking me and wishing me Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all the best of luck.
I really hope my cold clears up soon.
The little things we forgot
My midwife's office is tiny. Two midwifes. Which is great because you know exactly who will be catching babies on any given day.
But ... when the midwives are both out catching babies sometimes they have to reschedule all their appointments ... which is not so easy when you're quite as overbooked as I am:
- No, I cannot skip my NST in the morning.
- No, I cannot reschedule it.
- No, I would prefer not to cancel acupuncture because they charge for cancellations (I love that insurance will help pay for the appointment but not a cancellation caused by another medical appointment).
- No, you CANNOT double-book me for an appointment I already have next Tuesday afternoon (i.e. an appointment with the midwife. No wonder they are always running so late when they offered me the exact appointment I already have ... maybe I should have taken it just to try and keep them on schedule).
Oh well. Clearly no baby coming out this week, so I guess I can just wait. Of course, I still have to run over to the office and pick up my records to bring them to my afternoon appointment ...
But ... when the midwives are both out catching babies sometimes they have to reschedule all their appointments ... which is not so easy when you're quite as overbooked as I am:
- No, I cannot skip my NST in the morning.
- No, I cannot reschedule it.
- No, I would prefer not to cancel acupuncture because they charge for cancellations (I love that insurance will help pay for the appointment but not a cancellation caused by another medical appointment).
- No, you CANNOT double-book me for an appointment I already have next Tuesday afternoon (i.e. an appointment with the midwife. No wonder they are always running so late when they offered me the exact appointment I already have ... maybe I should have taken it just to try and keep them on schedule).
Oh well. Clearly no baby coming out this week, so I guess I can just wait. Of course, I still have to run over to the office and pick up my records to bring them to my afternoon appointment ...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Oh yeah
and if one more person asks why I'm not gorging myself at a Christmas party (I had 2 tonight, another 2 next week. Blah) I am going to toss my elegant wine glass of water straight at them. That's all.
And I'll blame it on the head cold, obviously.
[Oh, but don't worry about me and missing all that holiday sugar. I just got home and did a very self-satisfied inspection of all of the dessert food that I have stashed in little tupperware containers in my freezer. We will have a very unhealthy New Year's Day in this apartment, let me assure you.]
And I'll blame it on the head cold, obviously.
[Oh, but don't worry about me and missing all that holiday sugar. I just got home and did a very self-satisfied inspection of all of the dessert food that I have stashed in little tupperware containers in my freezer. We will have a very unhealthy New Year's Day in this apartment, let me assure you.]
Still sick
and it's starting to get me down. Going on 7 days of a brain full of snot and a very sore throat. So if you have any suggestions of safe remedies for colds, please let me know. I have a humidifier next to the bed and have been taking long, hot showers but other than that, nada.
It's hard to try and get psyched for labor when I just feel tired and congested. And of course I haven't been getting all that much work done. Plus, the endless runabout of doctors appointments is getting me down. I wish I could just go to bed but I have 2 meetings and then an event tonight, and 2 doctors appointments and an evening lecture tomorrow. Plus another doctors appointment and a lunch event I organized on Friday. Can't wait for shabbos, and it's only Wednesday.
It's hard to try and get psyched for labor when I just feel tired and congested. And of course I haven't been getting all that much work done. Plus, the endless runabout of doctors appointments is getting me down. I wish I could just go to bed but I have 2 meetings and then an event tonight, and 2 doctors appointments and an evening lecture tomorrow. Plus another doctors appointment and a lunch event I organized on Friday. Can't wait for shabbos, and it's only Wednesday.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Home Alone
It's Tuesday night and I'm home alone again. JD's office has been 'very slow' of recent, which means he usually gets home around 9 pm and thus far no weekend work where he has to go to the office. But he e-mailed tonight to say it might be closer to 11 pm. Which is honestly fine at this point. I did basically no work today with 3 appointments and a meeting, and it's nice to have a few hours at my desk to work. Plus, I don't have any early morning plans so I can stay up with him till at least 1 am when he gets home and then just sleep in a bit in the morning.
My friends who have children keep telling me I'll get most of my work done from 8 pm to midnight once the baby starts to sleep in 2-3 hour blocks. But I really wonder if I've done enough mental preparation for the spring. Because of our crazy plan to move back to Europe (baby and I, that is), JD will be saving his family leave time for the end of the spring and back on this schedule within a couple days of my delivering. So I will be alone for a the majority of every day. On one hand, JD does not leave for work until 9 am or so he will have plenty of time with the baby in the morning, presuming she decides to torture us and do the normal baby thing of waking up between 5 and 6 am. And I know she'll nap during the day. But am I crazy? Is there anything I can do at this point to prepare?
Oh, and if you're wondering why this is suddenly on my mind, apparently our nanny (we're sharing a nanny with a friend on our street) wants a few more hours. And I'm trying to decide if I will really have the energy to work more hours this spring, and whether it's worth/excessively indulgent given our budget constraints it to have a nanny around even if I'm too tired to work but want to run out to the grocery store or gym (hahaha) alone when the weather is bad.
And also because I called JD's work several times today to tell him all my appointments went fine. And apparently he spends a lot more time in meetings this year than last - i.e. 4 phone calls and he never picked up at his desk. Of course, he has a secretary who can track him down and I had to assure her repeatedly that this was not an emergency today. I haven't met her yet, and I presume that the only thing she knows about me is that I'm rather pregnant and due any day now, so she was quite sure when I called for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time that I really was in labor and didn't want to scare JD, and she kept telling me it wasn't a big deal to pull him out of a meeting (can you imagine how worried he would have been? when all I wanted to say was the my test results were fine).
Well, at least it will be entertaining to watch 2 such optimistically over-reaching people adjust to a baby's schedule. I'm sure we'll do it, but I'm not sure how gracefully.
My friends who have children keep telling me I'll get most of my work done from 8 pm to midnight once the baby starts to sleep in 2-3 hour blocks. But I really wonder if I've done enough mental preparation for the spring. Because of our crazy plan to move back to Europe (baby and I, that is), JD will be saving his family leave time for the end of the spring and back on this schedule within a couple days of my delivering. So I will be alone for a the majority of every day. On one hand, JD does not leave for work until 9 am or so he will have plenty of time with the baby in the morning, presuming she decides to torture us and do the normal baby thing of waking up between 5 and 6 am. And I know she'll nap during the day. But am I crazy? Is there anything I can do at this point to prepare?
Oh, and if you're wondering why this is suddenly on my mind, apparently our nanny (we're sharing a nanny with a friend on our street) wants a few more hours. And I'm trying to decide if I will really have the energy to work more hours this spring, and whether it's worth/excessively indulgent given our budget constraints it to have a nanny around even if I'm too tired to work but want to run out to the grocery store or gym (hahaha) alone when the weather is bad.
And also because I called JD's work several times today to tell him all my appointments went fine. And apparently he spends a lot more time in meetings this year than last - i.e. 4 phone calls and he never picked up at his desk. Of course, he has a secretary who can track him down and I had to assure her repeatedly that this was not an emergency today. I haven't met her yet, and I presume that the only thing she knows about me is that I'm rather pregnant and due any day now, so she was quite sure when I called for the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th time that I really was in labor and didn't want to scare JD, and she kept telling me it wasn't a big deal to pull him out of a meeting (can you imagine how worried he would have been? when all I wanted to say was the my test results were fine).
Well, at least it will be entertaining to watch 2 such optimistically over-reaching people adjust to a baby's schedule. I'm sure we'll do it, but I'm not sure how gracefully.
Very proud
of myself, of course. I am exceedingly proud of having shown up to acupuncture and willingly allowed a stranger to put a series of needles into my body. I have a lot of control issues with needles and I would far rather do anything painful or unpleasant to myself than allow someone else to; I think it comes from having been a rather sick little kid with a lot of doctor's appointments. Not only did I do my own injections for IF and blood draws for GD, but I can also put in my own IV and routinely take them out. But today I was calm and relaxed and I survived acupuncture.*
Rewarded myself with a quick little shopping trip to TJ Maxx, where I was supposed to find new hand towels. Needless to say, instead of hand towels, I bought a baby outfit.
Oh, and I also passed another ultrasound and NST.
* Yes, still a skeptic but the acupuncturist claims to have an 85% success rate for labor induction. We'll see.
Rewarded myself with a quick little shopping trip to TJ Maxx, where I was supposed to find new hand towels. Needless to say, instead of hand towels, I bought a baby outfit.
Oh, and I also passed another ultrasound and NST.
* Yes, still a skeptic but the acupuncturist claims to have an 85% success rate for labor induction. We'll see.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Postscript on registries: Just the way the world is supposed to work
My previous post on registries reminded me that I wanted to buy a gift for someone from their registry. Not because I had to or because I was invited to their baby shower, but because I wanted to.
And being a bit cheap, I decided to google coupons for the place she had registered.
And there are tons of them.
And at least one applies to the breastpump I want to buy.
Which is really, really expensive.
And so, by buying a gift for a friend I managed to find a way to save oodles of money on an item we need.
Just the way the world is supposed to work.
And being a bit cheap, I decided to google coupons for the place she had registered.
And there are tons of them.
And at least one applies to the breastpump I want to buy.
Which is really, really expensive.
And so, by buying a gift for a friend I managed to find a way to save oodles of money on an item we need.
Just the way the world is supposed to work.
Thoughts on registries
The wind is howling outside (which I find delightful from my desk inside) and I need a break from reading, so here are my quick thoughts on baby registries.
1. Our friends are incredibly generous. I registered very, very selectively since we were living in a mini-apartment at the time (320 sq. ft., 1 bedroom), but all the same, almost everything off our registries has been purchased for us. I also think it comes from being among the first of our friends to have a baby, so our friends are much happier to select something off a registry than actually have to go into a baby store. I really think it might take us under $100 to buy the rest of the items we need off our registry, plus the 2 big items that I did not expect our friends to splurge on. I could not be happier about this.
2. Baby registries are much, much more work than wedding registries. And I should know, we just finished up our wedding registry ;-) I would estimate that at least 1/4 of the items I originally added to our list were unavailable by last week. A large part of this is because things like slings and cloth diapers come in so many different size and color options, and the truth is I don't care all that much. But every time a specific size or color gets sold out, the item becomes unavailable and I have to remember to keep logging in and changing my selection (and neither registry notifies me of this). Also, it really helps to register at 2 different places (we used amazon and ba.by.earth) because when one place lists an item as out of stock or discontinued the other place usually still has it.
3. Along the same lines of baby vs. wedding registries, neither of the places I registered has any type of completion package. Not nice. However, bab.ies 'r us really didn't have the items I wanted.
4. Finally, customer service. We registered at amazon and bab.y.earth.com and I have to say amazon's customer service was awful. The whole point of registering is to avoid duplicates, but somehow their computers were down for a couple of days and we received several duplicate items off our registry (where it reads, desired: 1, received: 3). Not only did I have to take them all to the post office to mail, but amazon is taking a full 14 business days to give us a credit and it's a bit unclear if they're even refunding the shipping costs on the return to us. Needless to say I was annoyed. Ba.by.eart.h also had a few slip-ups including a rather disturbing note from 'Grandma and Grandpa' which clearly was not meant for us, but they have been charming to deal with and just sent me a credit to compensate for their slip-ups. Of course, their items also seem to go 'out of stock' astoundingly quickly.
5. Final pet peeve. If you plan to spend $30 on a gift, try to find something around $30. A number of my friends bought us several small gifts off the registry and then I kept having to add $10 and under gifts because I didn't want anyone to feel obliged to spend more than $10 on us, or to even feel that was an expectation. We have a lot of poor grad student friends and I think $10 is a totally appropriate gift, especially under the circumstances, but I'm starting to run out of items in that price range that we actually need.
6. Final thought. The best benefit of amazon is that several friends ordered an item off of our registry and then added a book that they remembered from their childhood. Those are the best presents to open - something we need, plus something personal and sweet from our friends.
1. Our friends are incredibly generous. I registered very, very selectively since we were living in a mini-apartment at the time (320 sq. ft., 1 bedroom), but all the same, almost everything off our registries has been purchased for us. I also think it comes from being among the first of our friends to have a baby, so our friends are much happier to select something off a registry than actually have to go into a baby store. I really think it might take us under $100 to buy the rest of the items we need off our registry, plus the 2 big items that I did not expect our friends to splurge on. I could not be happier about this.
2. Baby registries are much, much more work than wedding registries. And I should know, we just finished up our wedding registry ;-) I would estimate that at least 1/4 of the items I originally added to our list were unavailable by last week. A large part of this is because things like slings and cloth diapers come in so many different size and color options, and the truth is I don't care all that much. But every time a specific size or color gets sold out, the item becomes unavailable and I have to remember to keep logging in and changing my selection (and neither registry notifies me of this). Also, it really helps to register at 2 different places (we used amazon and ba.by.earth) because when one place lists an item as out of stock or discontinued the other place usually still has it.
3. Along the same lines of baby vs. wedding registries, neither of the places I registered has any type of completion package. Not nice. However, bab.ies 'r us really didn't have the items I wanted.
4. Finally, customer service. We registered at amazon and bab.y.earth.com and I have to say amazon's customer service was awful. The whole point of registering is to avoid duplicates, but somehow their computers were down for a couple of days and we received several duplicate items off our registry (where it reads, desired: 1, received: 3). Not only did I have to take them all to the post office to mail, but amazon is taking a full 14 business days to give us a credit and it's a bit unclear if they're even refunding the shipping costs on the return to us. Needless to say I was annoyed. Ba.by.eart.h also had a few slip-ups including a rather disturbing note from 'Grandma and Grandpa' which clearly was not meant for us, but they have been charming to deal with and just sent me a credit to compensate for their slip-ups. Of course, their items also seem to go 'out of stock' astoundingly quickly.
5. Final pet peeve. If you plan to spend $30 on a gift, try to find something around $30. A number of my friends bought us several small gifts off the registry and then I kept having to add $10 and under gifts because I didn't want anyone to feel obliged to spend more than $10 on us, or to even feel that was an expectation. We have a lot of poor grad student friends and I think $10 is a totally appropriate gift, especially under the circumstances, but I'm starting to run out of items in that price range that we actually need.
6. Final thought. The best benefit of amazon is that several friends ordered an item off of our registry and then added a book that they remembered from their childhood. Those are the best presents to open - something we need, plus something personal and sweet from our friends.
Really, truly 37 weeks
My brain is still full of snot, but other than that I feel great. In fact, as my doula put it tonight when she came to visit us, I really look more than a bit too glowing ... i.e. absolutely no sign of labor. No contractions on my NST, no Braxton-Hicks, no weird aches or pains (unrelated to the cold, that is). So into the world of natural induction we go. Starting with prim.er.ose oil and acupuncture this week, and who knows what fun next week ...
I am very, very glad to have made it to full term.
And I also wanted to explain a bit about all my recent whining. I'm sure it's quite dull to read and I really appreciate your wading through and even bothering to comment. I realized that a large part of why I want to record all of this, is to reassure myself that this wasn't all that easy and I had to put up with a good deal of hassle at the end, and yet it was all doable and entirely worth it. And I feel like if I don't record the little trials and tribulations of being 'high risk' someplace it's just possible that they might ballon in my or JD's mind (not that I let him read my blog, but I could show him posts in the future if I need to) to an insurmountable challenge which I couldn't possibly face again. And for all that I whine at lot, the truth is that I'd like to do this whole thing again as soon as our finances can support it.
I have 3 calls to make as soon as doctor's offices open in the morning, and then hopefully I will have managed to squeeze all 6 appointments into this week while still attending the 3 important meetings I need to go to and watching my friend's baby for an hour while she goes to an important meeting ... oh, and 2 birthday parties, 1 housewarming party, the opera, and an errand downtown relating to a store credit that's about to expire ... plus all my usual work for the week. Whee.
I am very, very glad to have made it to full term.
And I also wanted to explain a bit about all my recent whining. I'm sure it's quite dull to read and I really appreciate your wading through and even bothering to comment. I realized that a large part of why I want to record all of this, is to reassure myself that this wasn't all that easy and I had to put up with a good deal of hassle at the end, and yet it was all doable and entirely worth it. And I feel like if I don't record the little trials and tribulations of being 'high risk' someplace it's just possible that they might ballon in my or JD's mind (not that I let him read my blog, but I could show him posts in the future if I need to) to an insurmountable challenge which I couldn't possibly face again. And for all that I whine at lot, the truth is that I'd like to do this whole thing again as soon as our finances can support it.
I have 3 calls to make as soon as doctor's offices open in the morning, and then hopefully I will have managed to squeeze all 6 appointments into this week while still attending the 3 important meetings I need to go to and watching my friend's baby for an hour while she goes to an important meeting ... oh, and 2 birthday parties, 1 housewarming party, the opera, and an errand downtown relating to a store credit that's about to expire ... plus all my usual work for the week. Whee.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
argh
It's the little things that I keep forgetting ... like the fact that when you have a cold your body is already under stress and working extra-hard and thus it really can't figure out how to process carbs. My blood sugar readings have been high for the past 2 days straight. And it was even worse because I was at JD's parents.
As I'm sure you can tell from my last post, JD's parents pamper us to an extreme. And they have been nothing but warm and loving in welcoming me into their family. But ... I'm so used to my family where everyone understands the basics of nutrition and pregnancy and diabetes ... and it's so hard to have to repeatedly defend why I can't eat all sorts of delicious food (yes, I know my MIL ate sushi during pregnancy and it all worked out for the best. But it's just not worth the risk for me at this point, especially when I have absolutely no idea where it came from or how long it had been unrefigerated ...). I actually went to the supermarket with my MIL on Thursday morning to get some low-carb food, but she was pretty horrified that I kept buying things 'they already had in the house.' Even when I showed her that her yogurt has 35 grams of carbs and mine only has 16 grams per serving, she didn't really get it. Nor does she understand how bread can be counted as a sugar, let alone delicious steaming dumplings ...
JD's father twice referred to my post-prandial blood draws as 'permission to eat more food or not' and I really exercised self-control in not snapping "Just trying to keep your granddaughter alive for another couple of weeks." It didn't help that it's getting cold in NY and while it's easy to make up an excuse for a walk in the city, there is nowhere at all reasonable to walk in the cookie cutter subdivisions of Long Island. Thus, JD took me on rather a large numebr of forced marches around his parent's gated community, which just happens to only have .25 miles of sidewalk in it, so round and round and round we went while his parents watched from the living room and expressed their disapproval of me being out in the cold and bafflement at why exactly I needed to take a walk.
JD's mother is still talking about picking me up from the hospital and taking me out to her place to rest after I give birth. I've basically dropped out of the conversation. If JD hasn't just told his mother it's not happening by this point, I guess she'll find out afterwards. I even told my mother on the phone yesterday that we are not planning to call her when I go into labor, even though she has a 10 hour drive to get up here. I want it to be just JD and me, and we'll notify people as we're ready to talk to them and possibly see them (and yes, I understand that is as self-centered as can be, but oh well).
Anyway, back in the city and planning to spend the evening recovering in bed.
As I'm sure you can tell from my last post, JD's parents pamper us to an extreme. And they have been nothing but warm and loving in welcoming me into their family. But ... I'm so used to my family where everyone understands the basics of nutrition and pregnancy and diabetes ... and it's so hard to have to repeatedly defend why I can't eat all sorts of delicious food (yes, I know my MIL ate sushi during pregnancy and it all worked out for the best. But it's just not worth the risk for me at this point, especially when I have absolutely no idea where it came from or how long it had been unrefigerated ...). I actually went to the supermarket with my MIL on Thursday morning to get some low-carb food, but she was pretty horrified that I kept buying things 'they already had in the house.' Even when I showed her that her yogurt has 35 grams of carbs and mine only has 16 grams per serving, she didn't really get it. Nor does she understand how bread can be counted as a sugar, let alone delicious steaming dumplings ...
JD's father twice referred to my post-prandial blood draws as 'permission to eat more food or not' and I really exercised self-control in not snapping "Just trying to keep your granddaughter alive for another couple of weeks." It didn't help that it's getting cold in NY and while it's easy to make up an excuse for a walk in the city, there is nowhere at all reasonable to walk in the cookie cutter subdivisions of Long Island. Thus, JD took me on rather a large numebr of forced marches around his parent's gated community, which just happens to only have .25 miles of sidewalk in it, so round and round and round we went while his parents watched from the living room and expressed their disapproval of me being out in the cold and bafflement at why exactly I needed to take a walk.
JD's mother is still talking about picking me up from the hospital and taking me out to her place to rest after I give birth. I've basically dropped out of the conversation. If JD hasn't just told his mother it's not happening by this point, I guess she'll find out afterwards. I even told my mother on the phone yesterday that we are not planning to call her when I go into labor, even though she has a 10 hour drive to get up here. I want it to be just JD and me, and we'll notify people as we're ready to talk to them and possibly see them (and yes, I understand that is as self-centered as can be, but oh well).
Anyway, back in the city and planning to spend the evening recovering in bed.
Friday, November 28, 2008
I predict far more of this obsessiveness in the next month ...
Like any first-time pregnant, highly obsessive women I was a bit worried about the 'general feeling of malaise' on Wednesday and my exhaustion and it made me a bit stressed about the whole idea of just maybe being enroute to labor (nevermind the NST that showed no contractions at 9:30 am ...) ... of course, the far more logical conclusion turns out to be the more accurate one: I was coming down with a bad head cold. No wonder I felt tired and stressed and told the midwife twice that I had only paged her 'because I felt too overwhelmed to decide whether this was actually important.' Me. Who rarely feels too overwhelmed to jump feet first into whatever random choice I have just made.
Oh, and while we were on the train to my in-laws JD called up to tell them what time to pick us up and to order his favorite dinner. And since I can't eat that late at night because of my fasting blood draw, I ordered up a large humidifier -full and set on high, please- in our bedroom (did I mention how much they pamper us?). So clearly in the back of my mind I must have been aware that I might just be getting sick.
Anyway, Thanksgiving was lovely. JD's cousins came. I ate all sorts of delicious food (spicy meatballs, spicy tofu, spicy deep fried fish ... a pattern here?). I made 2 desserts in record time and managed to have 2 bites of each without spiking my blood sugar all that much. And there was all the usual but always unpredicatable entertainment. This year one of JD's aunts brought along a Chinese salsa dance instructor with the most incredible toupe who just happened to have taken professional cooking lessions in Beijing and spent 3 hours in the kitchen doing made-for-TV cooking faces for me and explaining in detail how I (who have kept strictly kosher since age 11) could prepare my very own shrimp and pork legs. In Chinese, of course. You just can't make this stuff up.
And because JD and I were both shooed out of the kitchen repeatedly we landed up taking 2 mid-afternoon naps (the guests here tend to arrive around 10 am and stay till 10 pm so this isn't quite as rude as it sounds, although we would clearly never get away with it at my parents ...) and since we were wide awake at 11 pm, we decided to go out shopping. And I think either my baby has grown significantly or she really is just 100% nocturnal because she basically kicked non-stop from 12:30 am to 3:30 am, despite the immense amount of walking we did around the Long Island outlets. Which would have been lovely and all if it weren't for the awful lines at every bathroom at the outlets. But JD bought some very cute work ties and I bought 2 outfits for baby, and we went home at about 3:30 am very content and not too much poorer.
Oh, and while we were on the train to my in-laws JD called up to tell them what time to pick us up and to order his favorite dinner. And since I can't eat that late at night because of my fasting blood draw, I ordered up a large humidifier -full and set on high, please- in our bedroom (did I mention how much they pamper us?). So clearly in the back of my mind I must have been aware that I might just be getting sick.
Anyway, Thanksgiving was lovely. JD's cousins came. I ate all sorts of delicious food (spicy meatballs, spicy tofu, spicy deep fried fish ... a pattern here?). I made 2 desserts in record time and managed to have 2 bites of each without spiking my blood sugar all that much. And there was all the usual but always unpredicatable entertainment. This year one of JD's aunts brought along a Chinese salsa dance instructor with the most incredible toupe who just happened to have taken professional cooking lessions in Beijing and spent 3 hours in the kitchen doing made-for-TV cooking faces for me and explaining in detail how I (who have kept strictly kosher since age 11) could prepare my very own shrimp and pork legs. In Chinese, of course. You just can't make this stuff up.
And because JD and I were both shooed out of the kitchen repeatedly we landed up taking 2 mid-afternoon naps (the guests here tend to arrive around 10 am and stay till 10 pm so this isn't quite as rude as it sounds, although we would clearly never get away with it at my parents ...) and since we were wide awake at 11 pm, we decided to go out shopping. And I think either my baby has grown significantly or she really is just 100% nocturnal because she basically kicked non-stop from 12:30 am to 3:30 am, despite the immense amount of walking we did around the Long Island outlets. Which would have been lovely and all if it weren't for the awful lines at every bathroom at the outlets. But JD bought some very cute work ties and I bought 2 outfits for baby, and we went home at about 3:30 am very content and not too much poorer.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
We made it!
Feeling much, much better. Paged the midwife again from the train and all seems to be sorted out. And now to focus on being pampered and shopping for the next 2 days :-)
Still pissed
and definitely overreacting. I'm sure that my midwife will figure out some ob/gyn to see me and clear me for a 'natural' delivery. But she has ignored both of my pages today, and when I finally paged her partner she told me it was absurd that they wouldn't make an appointment for me and that she'd call them and get back to me. But that was hours ago and no call, and of course their office is closed now for the holiday.
I know I'm overreacting and one extra appointment is not that big a deal and someone will fit me in, but I am pissed. Pissed because I have a dinner Thursday night that I have been looking forward to for days, which I will probably not be able to make if I get an appointment on Thursday. Pissed that my time is worth absolutely nothing and that every specialist in the world can demand that I come in to see them just as much as they like and that I will be in non-compliance should I refuse. Even though this is all just 'precaution' and thus far there is not the slightest hint that anything is wrong with the baby. And really so much of this is wasted time. I was dopplered four times yesterday by four different doctors.
Pissed that every time I mention how much time I am spending in doctors appointments and how miserable it is to be hungry non-stop and to have to schedule my days around being someplace I can wash my hands and draw my blood 4-5 times a day, everyone feels the need to remind me 'just how lucky I am.' I know I'm lucky. I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to be pregnant. And obviously I will do whatever is necessary to have a healthy baby. We weren't sure this would ever happen and we're both still more than a bit amazed that it has. But that doesn't really recognize the incredible amount of stress this has put on me in my last month. I will spend at least 1/2 of every other day until I deliver running to doctors appointments and waiting in uncomfortable waiting rooms and being weighed and poked and evaluated. And of course I get stressed at every appointment. In fact, all of my blood sugar readings have been off today because I have been so stressed about whether to page the midwife about something that is clearly not an emergency and how to deal with this (and no, it's not what I've eaten because I have honestly had the exact same food as yesterday, meal for meal and snack for snack).
And of course, we might not have Thanksgiving this year. JD is still at work. We have a 2.5 hour trip out to his parents, and he thinks he might be able to get out of the office by 9 pm. And he might very well need to work Friday. Plus, since the car was junked we have to take the train out to his parents and it's sure to be a bit miserable late at night and possibly back at 6 or 7 am on Friday morning.
Hopefully my next post will at least be from my in-law's house.
I know I'm overreacting and one extra appointment is not that big a deal and someone will fit me in, but I am pissed. Pissed because I have a dinner Thursday night that I have been looking forward to for days, which I will probably not be able to make if I get an appointment on Thursday. Pissed that my time is worth absolutely nothing and that every specialist in the world can demand that I come in to see them just as much as they like and that I will be in non-compliance should I refuse. Even though this is all just 'precaution' and thus far there is not the slightest hint that anything is wrong with the baby. And really so much of this is wasted time. I was dopplered four times yesterday by four different doctors.
Pissed that every time I mention how much time I am spending in doctors appointments and how miserable it is to be hungry non-stop and to have to schedule my days around being someplace I can wash my hands and draw my blood 4-5 times a day, everyone feels the need to remind me 'just how lucky I am.' I know I'm lucky. I am incredibly, incredibly lucky to be pregnant. And obviously I will do whatever is necessary to have a healthy baby. We weren't sure this would ever happen and we're both still more than a bit amazed that it has. But that doesn't really recognize the incredible amount of stress this has put on me in my last month. I will spend at least 1/2 of every other day until I deliver running to doctors appointments and waiting in uncomfortable waiting rooms and being weighed and poked and evaluated. And of course I get stressed at every appointment. In fact, all of my blood sugar readings have been off today because I have been so stressed about whether to page the midwife about something that is clearly not an emergency and how to deal with this (and no, it's not what I've eaten because I have honestly had the exact same food as yesterday, meal for meal and snack for snack).
And of course, we might not have Thanksgiving this year. JD is still at work. We have a 2.5 hour trip out to his parents, and he thinks he might be able to get out of the office by 9 pm. And he might very well need to work Friday. Plus, since the car was junked we have to take the train out to his parents and it's sure to be a bit miserable late at night and possibly back at 6 or 7 am on Friday morning.
Hopefully my next post will at least be from my in-law's house.
Going crazy
It's 9 am. I was up till midnight working since I spent all of yesterday morning and evening in appointments. And I just tried to schedule the last of them. Apparently because I am now 'high risk' I need an ob/gyn to look over my chart and clear me for a midwife delivery. Apparently the GD clinic's note is not sufficient. And I found this out at 7 pm yesterday night. And the ob/gyn is booked until my due date ...
I whined/I cried/I told the poor receptionist exactly how much I was going through and that I needed an appointment. She agreed to 'let me come wait' next week and I can see the doctor if there is a no-show. She told me to expect to spend 5 hours waiting. Of course, the only afternoon the doctor sees patients also necessitates rescheduling 2 other appointments. I just have not been through all of this to fall through a legal liability crack at this point. I have already left a message for the midwife this morning. I'm starting to think I may actually need to put in for short-term disability with my university on the grounds that I actually don't have enough time to work this month ... all of this of course while feeling totally fine and walking several miles a day and running at least 10 flights of stairs ... totally absurd.
Ok, since I can't end yet another post whining about how awful it is to feel healthy but spend all day in doctor's offices, things I'm excited about for Thanksgiving:
- Kosher Chinese food!
- Shopping for bedside table lamps
- Seeing JD's cousins
- Sleeping in
- Foot massages (JD promised)
ps - And Rachel actually defended I wasn't whiny in a comment last week ...
I whined/I cried/I told the poor receptionist exactly how much I was going through and that I needed an appointment. She agreed to 'let me come wait' next week and I can see the doctor if there is a no-show. She told me to expect to spend 5 hours waiting. Of course, the only afternoon the doctor sees patients also necessitates rescheduling 2 other appointments. I just have not been through all of this to fall through a legal liability crack at this point. I have already left a message for the midwife this morning. I'm starting to think I may actually need to put in for short-term disability with my university on the grounds that I actually don't have enough time to work this month ... all of this of course while feeling totally fine and walking several miles a day and running at least 10 flights of stairs ... totally absurd.
Ok, since I can't end yet another post whining about how awful it is to feel healthy but spend all day in doctor's offices, things I'm excited about for Thanksgiving:
- Kosher Chinese food!
- Shopping for bedside table lamps
- Seeing JD's cousins
- Sleeping in
- Foot massages (JD promised)
ps - And Rachel actually defended I wasn't whiny in a comment last week ...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Make that six
appointments next week. Six. And I'm supposed to be 'getting ahead' with my work since I at most will have 4 weeks leave.
At least I hired a nanny today (in fact it was a done deal before we'd even talked, but still nice to spend some time talking to her. She's been working for a good friend 3 days a week for the past 6 months and wants to go to full time. I'm picking up her extra 2 days and 2 hours on another afternoon). I should have 18 hours of childcare per week in NYC from Feb. 1 to the end of May. I wonder if I'm spending 18 hours a week nowadays commuting to and waiting for doctor's appointments ... well, at least 12.
At least I hired a nanny today (in fact it was a done deal before we'd even talked, but still nice to spend some time talking to her. She's been working for a good friend 3 days a week for the past 6 months and wants to go to full time. I'm picking up her extra 2 days and 2 hours on another afternoon). I should have 18 hours of childcare per week in NYC from Feb. 1 to the end of May. I wonder if I'm spending 18 hours a week nowadays commuting to and waiting for doctor's appointments ... well, at least 12.
You've got to laugh - add one more thing to the pile
Well, my mother seems to be on a mission to make sure we donate our cord blood. She works in a field related to this and is a big advocate for organ donation, etc. so she seems to have done all the calling around and I just got a phone call from a donation place with 'a few questions for me' and the paperwork is apparently already in the mail.
I'm really glad my mother took care of this because I'm happy to do it but it honestly wasn't at the top of my list given everything else going on. And apparently the cord blood from biracial children is in particular demand, so it's nice that we actually have something potentially useful to offer to another family after everything that's been done for us along the way. I'm already on the bone marrow donor registry and JD has promised to sign up when they're next in the neighborhood, so hopefully our daughter will be able to help out at some point in the future too.
I'm really glad my mother took care of this because I'm happy to do it but it honestly wasn't at the top of my list given everything else going on. And apparently the cord blood from biracial children is in particular demand, so it's nice that we actually have something potentially useful to offer to another family after everything that's been done for us along the way. I'm already on the bone marrow donor registry and JD has promised to sign up when they're next in the neighborhood, so hopefully our daughter will be able to help out at some point in the future too.
36.5 Weeks
All 3 appointments this morning went well. In fact, astoundingly well. It turns out that 2 liters of ice cold water will make even a very, very sleepy baby pass her NST (or maybe it was just all my wiggling as I tried not to pee in their nice chair that got us through the test).
Of course, there were the minor annoyances. Like having my growth scan in a -hallway.- Obviously no second monitor there so I couldn't even see the results. But baby is apparently still head down and 65th percentile for size. Already 6.5 lbs ...
And my NST was in a room with another woman who had twins. She was behind a curtain so I couldn't actually see her annoyance, but I certainly would have been boiling as the techs exclaimed over just how easy it is to do a NST when it's just a singleton. And the poor woman had clearly been on the monitors for a long time too.
I am 99% within the target range for my GD (realizing of course the 3 times I deliberately didn't check my blood sugar) and have gained, well, no weight. If you want to know how a woman with a 'normal BMI' manages to gain exactly 24 lbs during pregnancy let me answer: she's miserable. At least my stomach cooperated by growling loudly at the doctor multiple times during the dopplering (after an ultrasound and NST it did seem a bit unecessary).
The only bad news is I'm on to bi-weekly NST's. I pleaded my way out of Friday's NST so that we can spend shabbos at JD's parents (not in NYC) but after that I'll be spending at least 3 hours (with the travel time, wait, time on the machine) at the hospital twice a week. Fun.
Now it's off to work, following by interviewing our nanny for the spring and then a late evening appointment with the midwife. How am I ever going to keep up with my work with this many appointments every week? Let's see, starting next Monday I'll have:
- 2 NST
- 1 growth scan
- 1 GD appointment
- and a midwife appointment every week.
Oh, and possibly acupuncture and my GI doctor.
Of course, there were the minor annoyances. Like having my growth scan in a -hallway.- Obviously no second monitor there so I couldn't even see the results. But baby is apparently still head down and 65th percentile for size. Already 6.5 lbs ...
And my NST was in a room with another woman who had twins. She was behind a curtain so I couldn't actually see her annoyance, but I certainly would have been boiling as the techs exclaimed over just how easy it is to do a NST when it's just a singleton. And the poor woman had clearly been on the monitors for a long time too.
I am 99% within the target range for my GD (realizing of course the 3 times I deliberately didn't check my blood sugar) and have gained, well, no weight. If you want to know how a woman with a 'normal BMI' manages to gain exactly 24 lbs during pregnancy let me answer: she's miserable. At least my stomach cooperated by growling loudly at the doctor multiple times during the dopplering (after an ultrasound and NST it did seem a bit unecessary).
The only bad news is I'm on to bi-weekly NST's. I pleaded my way out of Friday's NST so that we can spend shabbos at JD's parents (not in NYC) but after that I'll be spending at least 3 hours (with the travel time, wait, time on the machine) at the hospital twice a week. Fun.
Now it's off to work, following by interviewing our nanny for the spring and then a late evening appointment with the midwife. How am I ever going to keep up with my work with this many appointments every week? Let's see, starting next Monday I'll have:
- 2 NST
- 1 growth scan
- 1 GD appointment
- and a midwife appointment every week.
Oh, and possibly acupuncture and my GI doctor.
Monday, November 24, 2008
My insurance is absurd
So I made an acupuncture appointment today at the strong recommendation of my doula. Apparently acupuncture can be an effective way to induce labor 'naturally' but only if you've given the acupuncturist a chance to work on your body before. Makes sense, although I'll admit to being rather a huge skeptic given the claims on the (very highly recommended) acupuncturist's webpage that they can 'cure' certain types of infertility. 'Nuff said, I'll leave that be.
But, the first appointment is over $200 and each appointment thereafter is about $150 and they want to see you every week until your due date and then daily until you go into labor. Well beyond our means. So I called up my lovely insurance (Aetna, mind you, possibly the largest insurer in the U.S.) and the woman on the phone read the conditions for which acupuncture is covered, starting with Fibromyalgia (a rather vague clinical diagnosis) to chemo (no underlying causes needed apparently) and including only one pregnancy condition: severe nausea during pregnancy. So I just left the poor office a message to ask if they would consider billing this as 'nausea during pregnancy' rather than 'GD.' After all, I sometimes get so hungry as to feel nauseous - I'm not sure that's what the insurance is looking for, but it might just count ... Not that the insurance minds $605 per GD office visit at a GD clinic, even if they see me for less than 10 minutes and seem to be a bit baffled why I'm there in the first place ...
The good insurance news is that I got the PKU/Pediatrician visit insurance worked out. If the baby is born during the 10-day gap in her insurance, I can pay a pro-rated amount through my insurance from her birth until mid-January, at the fine rate of $6.61 per day. It doesn't sound too bad until we calculated it'll be a bit over $300 to cover those 10 days, after which she will be double or possibly triple insured and we won't file anymore with this insurance. But if necessary, it's another $300 we'll spend. Should my poor little girl ever get around to asking why she doesn't have a sibling, we'll have a ready and easy answer: we had a pile of money set aside for future RE/IVF expenses and it all got spent on 'normal' medical costs even though both of your parents are very well insured.
But, the first appointment is over $200 and each appointment thereafter is about $150 and they want to see you every week until your due date and then daily until you go into labor. Well beyond our means. So I called up my lovely insurance (Aetna, mind you, possibly the largest insurer in the U.S.) and the woman on the phone read the conditions for which acupuncture is covered, starting with Fibromyalgia (a rather vague clinical diagnosis) to chemo (no underlying causes needed apparently) and including only one pregnancy condition: severe nausea during pregnancy. So I just left the poor office a message to ask if they would consider billing this as 'nausea during pregnancy' rather than 'GD.' After all, I sometimes get so hungry as to feel nauseous - I'm not sure that's what the insurance is looking for, but it might just count ... Not that the insurance minds $605 per GD office visit at a GD clinic, even if they see me for less than 10 minutes and seem to be a bit baffled why I'm there in the first place ...
The good insurance news is that I got the PKU/Pediatrician visit insurance worked out. If the baby is born during the 10-day gap in her insurance, I can pay a pro-rated amount through my insurance from her birth until mid-January, at the fine rate of $6.61 per day. It doesn't sound too bad until we calculated it'll be a bit over $300 to cover those 10 days, after which she will be double or possibly triple insured and we won't file anymore with this insurance. But if necessary, it's another $300 we'll spend. Should my poor little girl ever get around to asking why she doesn't have a sibling, we'll have a ready and easy answer: we had a pile of money set aside for future RE/IVF expenses and it all got spent on 'normal' medical costs even though both of your parents are very well insured.
Further thoughts on GD
Patti (from Just One More) wrote in a comment that it probably would have been fine to splurge a little yesterday, and part of what makes me so mad about GD is that I am 100% sure she is right. There's no way that a few little sugar spikes could have any serious implications for me or the baby. The greatest risk from GD at this point is an oversized baby and given that I'm still losing weight and the baby is exactly on track to be an average 7.5 lb American baby, I don't think that's such a serious risk. After all, my midwife was fine with me waiting 3 weeks from the diagnosis to my first consult ...
So why am I so obsessive? Because of the awful power dynamic where the doctor who is supposed to be 'helping me manage my condition' is also the doctor who will sign on whether I am 'allowed to go into labor' or have a 'vaginal birth.' It's the worst conflict of interest for me. There are times when I obviously skip drawing my blood because I'm worried it might be high and if I have too many high numbers they'll flag my chart. But of course it would be far better healthwise to know if my blood sugar really did spike then to simply skip the reading, and it would let me make better choices in the future. It also does not help that this is a big GD clinic and I have yet to see the same person twice and nobody seems to remember exactly why I'm there (last time the resident told the doctor with the door wide open that my numbers were so good that I had managed to 'mask' the effects of the disease and should probably just be released. What she meant to say was that I am so obsessive that I had 'controlled' the disease, but the choice of words was pretty telling.) Since the clinic bills my insurance $605 per visit, I really wish I could at least see the same doctor more than once.
After a long discussion with the resident who wanted me released from the 'program' last appointment, I'm pretty sure that I don't actually have GD. What I have is pre-pregnancy pre-diabetes. On one hand, this is good because my numbers have actually improved during pregnancy. Of course, for the long term this is rather bad; it means that I'm well on my way to being a regular ol' diabetic who will have to exercise self-control everyday for the rest of my life starting sooner that I'd planned. But either way, I think I spend more time obsessing over how the clinic will 'judge' my readings and weight gain and the baby's growth then actually thinking about the real health issues. Oh well - this too will pass soon. I think I may put up a survey on exactly how much weight I can expect to gain in the 2 weeks post-partum. While everyone else is marveling at how easily the water weight comes off, I'm fully expecting to pack on the pounds with all my stockpiled desserts ...
If you have time, please click over to Patti's blog - she's having a bit of a rough week.
And while I'm thinking of random blog tidbits, I wanted to respond to a comment from Rachel at Just What I Always Wanted a few days ago (another fellow traveler and commuter). She wrote that she didn't mean to offend me by questioning one of our many crazy decisions, and I just wanted to write that I have yet to be offended by any comment on my blog and I am always so incredibly grateful that people are actually still reading my rants and whining. Thanks guys!
So why am I so obsessive? Because of the awful power dynamic where the doctor who is supposed to be 'helping me manage my condition' is also the doctor who will sign on whether I am 'allowed to go into labor' or have a 'vaginal birth.' It's the worst conflict of interest for me. There are times when I obviously skip drawing my blood because I'm worried it might be high and if I have too many high numbers they'll flag my chart. But of course it would be far better healthwise to know if my blood sugar really did spike then to simply skip the reading, and it would let me make better choices in the future. It also does not help that this is a big GD clinic and I have yet to see the same person twice and nobody seems to remember exactly why I'm there (last time the resident told the doctor with the door wide open that my numbers were so good that I had managed to 'mask' the effects of the disease and should probably just be released. What she meant to say was that I am so obsessive that I had 'controlled' the disease, but the choice of words was pretty telling.) Since the clinic bills my insurance $605 per visit, I really wish I could at least see the same doctor more than once.
After a long discussion with the resident who wanted me released from the 'program' last appointment, I'm pretty sure that I don't actually have GD. What I have is pre-pregnancy pre-diabetes. On one hand, this is good because my numbers have actually improved during pregnancy. Of course, for the long term this is rather bad; it means that I'm well on my way to being a regular ol' diabetic who will have to exercise self-control everyday for the rest of my life starting sooner that I'd planned. But either way, I think I spend more time obsessing over how the clinic will 'judge' my readings and weight gain and the baby's growth then actually thinking about the real health issues. Oh well - this too will pass soon. I think I may put up a survey on exactly how much weight I can expect to gain in the 2 weeks post-partum. While everyone else is marveling at how easily the water weight comes off, I'm fully expecting to pack on the pounds with all my stockpiled desserts ...
If you have time, please click over to Patti's blog - she's having a bit of a rough week.
And while I'm thinking of random blog tidbits, I wanted to respond to a comment from Rachel at Just What I Always Wanted a few days ago (another fellow traveler and commuter). She wrote that she didn't mean to offend me by questioning one of our many crazy decisions, and I just wanted to write that I have yet to be offended by any comment on my blog and I am always so incredibly grateful that people are actually still reading my rants and whining. Thanks guys!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sugar fiend
Just saying that a woman with GD who is getting a bit sick of her diet and craving sugar in any form decides to throw a baby shower (we'll just say a baby shower and skip over the fact that it might just have been her baby shower ...). Well, the menu might look something like this (it was brunch today).
To start, the easy/casual bagels, cream cheese, and lox.
Cold wonton wrappers with curried eggs and hot wonton wrappers with artichokes
Very healthy blueberries
Less healthy cabbage salad with toasted almonds (too much sugar in the dressing I made)
Then some OJ and apple cider and prosecco. Plus chocolate liquor and coffee. All off limits to the host, obviously.
Then she starts to bake.
First, very healthy low carb blueberry muffins.
And then a few more thing she's craving. And suddenly you have a table that looks like this:
Chocolate cheesecake
Vanilla cupcakes with sugar frosting (far, far more than the total number of guests)
Carrot cupcakes brought by a friend at her request
Chocolate chip pumpkin bread (okay, three)
Rum cake (in an octopus mold - I won't claim maturity on this one, but at least I didn't try to swirl the cake batter with neon food coloring like last time. JD was most unimpressed with the last presentation, but I love Willi.ams Son.oma clearance holiday specials ...).
Don't worry, I only had 2 bites of sugary desserts today, but I packed away a whole tupperware of treats in the freezer for Jan. 1 ....
My neighbor who showed up with her 2 kids called later in the evening to ask me a question and commented on how tired I must be after the cooking and cleaning. But you know the best part about not having a baby yet? JD and I took a blissful two hour nap after the guests had left (more than 5 hours after the first guest arrived). And that is another perk of throwing your own baby shower at your very own apartment.
To start, the easy/casual bagels, cream cheese, and lox.
Cold wonton wrappers with curried eggs and hot wonton wrappers with artichokes
Very healthy blueberries
Less healthy cabbage salad with toasted almonds (too much sugar in the dressing I made)
Then some OJ and apple cider and prosecco. Plus chocolate liquor and coffee. All off limits to the host, obviously.
Then she starts to bake.
First, very healthy low carb blueberry muffins.
And then a few more thing she's craving. And suddenly you have a table that looks like this:
Chocolate cheesecake
Vanilla cupcakes with sugar frosting (far, far more than the total number of guests)
Carrot cupcakes brought by a friend at her request
Chocolate chip pumpkin bread (okay, three)
Rum cake (in an octopus mold - I won't claim maturity on this one, but at least I didn't try to swirl the cake batter with neon food coloring like last time. JD was most unimpressed with the last presentation, but I love Willi.ams Son.oma clearance holiday specials ...).
Don't worry, I only had 2 bites of sugary desserts today, but I packed away a whole tupperware of treats in the freezer for Jan. 1 ....
My neighbor who showed up with her 2 kids called later in the evening to ask me a question and commented on how tired I must be after the cooking and cleaning. But you know the best part about not having a baby yet? JD and I took a blissful two hour nap after the guests had left (more than 5 hours after the first guest arrived). And that is another perk of throwing your own baby shower at your very own apartment.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
More whining
I've caved, I'm just going to whine tonight. I don't really have a defense except it seems better to do it online where you can skip over it in 5 seconds than in person to my poor husband. And I already called and whined to my mother tonight. Plus, I do want to remember that I also got through this should I ever be lucky enough to experience this particular miraculous set of circumstances again.
To put it simply: I am hungry.
Really, really hungry. I can't seem to find anything I'm allowed to eat that makes me feel full, and nothing that makes me feel satisfied. I am craving anything spicy, a big hearty sandwich, the ice cream JD has been eating all week, chocolate, hot chocolate, mocha, cupcakes, pizza, anything baked .... basically the full list of things I'm not allowed to eat.
What have I been eating? Plain yogurt, mini whole wheat bagels, hard cheese, eggs, plain meat, tofu in low carb whole wheat wraps, cottage cheese, plain oatmeal once a day, no more than a 1 inch square piece of unsweetened dark chocolate once a day, nuts, protein bars, peanut butter, more nuts, blueberries, occasionally melon or half an apple ... and it's all so boring and bland.
I know, I'm incredibly lucky that thus far I have been able to control my GD with diet and exercise and that my lack of weight gain since the GD diagnosis seems to have staved off all of the other late pregnancy symptoms (very, very little back pain, no swelling - I'm still wearing my wedding band, still sleeping through the night about 1/2 the time ... ) so I'm sure if I wasn't complaining about this I'd be whining about all the other little distractions. I think that part of my frustration is that everyone expects me to eat endlessly, and I get so many comments about how 'lucky' I am to be able to eat whatever I want, when in fact you can hear my stomach growl at least once an hour if you're listening. I fully expect my weight to go up significantly post-partum. Hopefully my GD consult on Tuesday will at least earn me another signed letter clearing me for 7 more days to give birth 'naturally.' There is something also deeply disturbing in the power dynamic between my GD doctor and me, but that's another post for another time.
To put it simply: I am hungry.
Really, really hungry. I can't seem to find anything I'm allowed to eat that makes me feel full, and nothing that makes me feel satisfied. I am craving anything spicy, a big hearty sandwich, the ice cream JD has been eating all week, chocolate, hot chocolate, mocha, cupcakes, pizza, anything baked .... basically the full list of things I'm not allowed to eat.
What have I been eating? Plain yogurt, mini whole wheat bagels, hard cheese, eggs, plain meat, tofu in low carb whole wheat wraps, cottage cheese, plain oatmeal once a day, no more than a 1 inch square piece of unsweetened dark chocolate once a day, nuts, protein bars, peanut butter, more nuts, blueberries, occasionally melon or half an apple ... and it's all so boring and bland.
I know, I'm incredibly lucky that thus far I have been able to control my GD with diet and exercise and that my lack of weight gain since the GD diagnosis seems to have staved off all of the other late pregnancy symptoms (very, very little back pain, no swelling - I'm still wearing my wedding band, still sleeping through the night about 1/2 the time ... ) so I'm sure if I wasn't complaining about this I'd be whining about all the other little distractions. I think that part of my frustration is that everyone expects me to eat endlessly, and I get so many comments about how 'lucky' I am to be able to eat whatever I want, when in fact you can hear my stomach growl at least once an hour if you're listening. I fully expect my weight to go up significantly post-partum. Hopefully my GD consult on Tuesday will at least earn me another signed letter clearing me for 7 more days to give birth 'naturally.' There is something also deeply disturbing in the power dynamic between my GD doctor and me, but that's another post for another time.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Giving my husband the benefit of doubt
Yesterday night JD told me I 'really need to relax more.' It's possible that he was talking about my mini-temper tantrum about something he forgot to do in the apartment ... but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. To be precise, I took his admonishment as a suggestion to take the morning off from work and go shopping. And not for a shower curtain or mop or anything particularly practical at all. Of course, I do realize that we have some large expenses coming up in the next few weeks and I'm really not supposed to be spending money ... so instead I gathered together a whole stack of gift cards (most with under $10 left on them) and store credits and such and went to midtown. I love, love, love spending 'play money.' Even the $3 Starbucks gift card was well spent this morning. Sometimes a girl just needs to indulge.
And in other financial news, despite the raised eyebrows and strongly disapproving looks at our pediatrician meet and greet yesterday, I actually asked the cost of a well-visit and PKU testing. And it's not nearly as bad as I thought. Well-visits seem to run around $200, the PKU lab work is only around $20 (although no one's sure how many tests that covers, poor baby may get heel-stuck several times to get all the testing done) and another $50 for the pediatrician to adminster (which is apparently quite standard practice in NYC - so much for the hospitals being required to offer it). Plus, the Hep B vaccine will be covered by a program for uninsured children so that might just be free. Even if we land up needing the maximum number of visits during our insurance gap, we're looking at something like $500-$600 total, which is frustrating and annoying but also feasible.
Also entertaining at the meet and greet was watching all the other women guess exactly which sitcom the very attractive looking expectant father stars in. Me? Well, we don't own a TV so I had no idea he was a B-circuit actor. But I certainly appreciated his looks.
And in other financial news, despite the raised eyebrows and strongly disapproving looks at our pediatrician meet and greet yesterday, I actually asked the cost of a well-visit and PKU testing. And it's not nearly as bad as I thought. Well-visits seem to run around $200, the PKU lab work is only around $20 (although no one's sure how many tests that covers, poor baby may get heel-stuck several times to get all the testing done) and another $50 for the pediatrician to adminster (which is apparently quite standard practice in NYC - so much for the hospitals being required to offer it). Plus, the Hep B vaccine will be covered by a program for uninsured children so that might just be free. Even if we land up needing the maximum number of visits during our insurance gap, we're looking at something like $500-$600 total, which is frustrating and annoying but also feasible.
Also entertaining at the meet and greet was watching all the other women guess exactly which sitcom the very attractive looking expectant father stars in. Me? Well, we don't own a TV so I had no idea he was a B-circuit actor. But I certainly appreciated his looks.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I think our handyman missed his true calling
He clearly wanted to be an ob/gyn, or maybe a doula. And not at all in the negative sense of unsolicited advice. He is, if anything, deeply reassuring.
Every time I run into him he asks me any number of questions. This morning I got:
- Are you feeling ok?
- Baby kicking everyday?
- Remembering to rest?
He really doesn't give advice, it's more like he feels the need to check in every day and see how my progress is going. Within the first 5 minutes I met him he had shown me photos of his 8 month old girl. And unlike everyone else who keeps telling me to 'take it easy' but then does nothing to make that feasible, he's actually quite helpful. Last time he was in the apartment he had to move the kitchen table to get to a broken radiator valve. Of course, there were dirty dishes on the table and as I was desperately scrambling to put them away, he told me I really should sit down and he'd take care of the dishes. Nice, eh?
Every time I run into him he asks me any number of questions. This morning I got:
- Are you feeling ok?
- Baby kicking everyday?
- Remembering to rest?
He really doesn't give advice, it's more like he feels the need to check in every day and see how my progress is going. Within the first 5 minutes I met him he had shown me photos of his 8 month old girl. And unlike everyone else who keeps telling me to 'take it easy' but then does nothing to make that feasible, he's actually quite helpful. Last time he was in the apartment he had to move the kitchen table to get to a broken radiator valve. Of course, there were dirty dishes on the table and as I was desperately scrambling to put them away, he told me I really should sit down and he'd take care of the dishes. Nice, eh?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Registry fun
I'll admit it, I might be a bit addicted to registries. After all, we just finished 'completing' our wedding registry items a few months ago and in fact one of our 2 wedding registries will be open until my due date (another great benefit of being due almost 6 months to the day after your wedding ...) and now people are actually buying us gifts off of our baby registries! I registered such a long time ago and had basically forgotten about them until last week when packages started to arrive. So much fun! I will of course admit to being embarrassed by our friend's generosity in such a short amount of time, but really, I'd far rather receive useful gifts than endless stacks of princess-themed pink newborn onesies.
When I registered we were still living in the mini-apartment, so I really tried to pare the list down to the bare minimum. And I also decided strategically to buy all the expensive items* I could used (i.e. the crib, strollers, rocking chair and diaper bag, we skipped a changing table but recently found a bureau on craigslist for $40 and bought a pad for the top of it) so that there was nothing too extravagant on the list. And after the activity this week, there are really only 2 big ticket items we will need to buy (the breast pump** and a high chair, which we won't need till May) and a few more cloth diapers and we're set! Of course, I'd love some extra sheets and cloth wipes and a few of the little luxury items I've registered for, but they're not things that we'll need to run out and buy anytime soon. All of this makes me very excited and thankful that even if my friends are more than a bit flaky sometimes, they do come through on certain things no matter what.
* I know everyone has different expectations. Just to clarify, I consider anything at or above $100 a big ticket item and unlikely to be purchased off a registry. I did receive both a new carseat and a crib mattress as gifts, which were most unexpected and delightful.
** After our breastfeeding class this weekend I think that I've been sold on the Me.de.la Fre.estyle rather than the Pump In Style. Sadly, there is a huge price difference, but given that I would ideal like to pump for up to 12 months and will need to keep freezer stashes in multiple cities and will start part-time daycare at 4 weeks, I think it's probably worth the upgrade.
When I registered we were still living in the mini-apartment, so I really tried to pare the list down to the bare minimum. And I also decided strategically to buy all the expensive items* I could used (i.e. the crib, strollers, rocking chair and diaper bag, we skipped a changing table but recently found a bureau on craigslist for $40 and bought a pad for the top of it) so that there was nothing too extravagant on the list. And after the activity this week, there are really only 2 big ticket items we will need to buy (the breast pump** and a high chair, which we won't need till May) and a few more cloth diapers and we're set! Of course, I'd love some extra sheets and cloth wipes and a few of the little luxury items I've registered for, but they're not things that we'll need to run out and buy anytime soon. All of this makes me very excited and thankful that even if my friends are more than a bit flaky sometimes, they do come through on certain things no matter what.
* I know everyone has different expectations. Just to clarify, I consider anything at or above $100 a big ticket item and unlikely to be purchased off a registry. I did receive both a new carseat and a crib mattress as gifts, which were most unexpected and delightful.
** After our breastfeeding class this weekend I think that I've been sold on the Me.de.la Fre.estyle rather than the Pump In Style. Sadly, there is a huge price difference, but given that I would ideal like to pump for up to 12 months and will need to keep freezer stashes in multiple cities and will start part-time daycare at 4 weeks, I think it's probably worth the upgrade.
This whole 'full term' thing
I'm having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around the idea of being 'full term' (don't worry, not there yet). I noticed over the weekend when I kept messing up how far along I am. Sometimes it's wishful thinking and I'm also 37 weeks, sometimes I'm back at the beginning of the third trimester. It's so weird to think that as of the weekend after Thanksgiving I will be 'full term' and I should be resting for labor and prepared at any moment to have a baby. And yet, I might still have 5 weeks to go (and that with an induction at 41 weeks, rather than waiting until 42 weeks). And even though I know the chance of a my NST's uncovering an emergency which would lead to an immediate delivery are very slim, it's a bit terrifying to be in the hospital on the same floor as L and D every week at 9 am ...
The childbirth class instructor spent a lot of time reminding us to rest and not go into labor exhausted. But I've never in my life tried to spend 4-5 weeks relaxing and taking it easy. How do you find a balance? And deal with the persistent questions (luckily mostly from family, but really how many times can my mother ask if I'd had any signs of labor? And this from a woman who claims she never had a braxton hicks contraction ...).
And just to totally play with my composure, yesterday I accidentally put on a non-maternity shirt and wore it out and about all day. My belly seems to be shrinking even as the baby continues to grow apace.
The childbirth class instructor spent a lot of time reminding us to rest and not go into labor exhausted. But I've never in my life tried to spend 4-5 weeks relaxing and taking it easy. How do you find a balance? And deal with the persistent questions (luckily mostly from family, but really how many times can my mother ask if I'd had any signs of labor? And this from a woman who claims she never had a braxton hicks contraction ...).
And just to totally play with my composure, yesterday I accidentally put on a non-maternity shirt and wore it out and about all day. My belly seems to be shrinking even as the baby continues to grow apace.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Sharp breath in
JD and I were talking about our schedules this week (I'm busy Monday-Wednesday night, he'll be working till 9 pm every night, then his parents come visit on shabbos and we have a baby shower on Sunday ... great) and the last midwife appointment he needs to come to and how I'd really like him at next week's NST since they make me so nervous ...
And JD looks directly at me and says "Why didn't we do all of this last year? We had so much more time. And we could already have a one-year old."
And I was left speechless. This on the day when we watched gory birth movies and JD lamented the endless pressure between work and spending time at home. For all that this was clearly 'my idea' sometimes I'm amazed by how much he gets it.
Update: Least you never again take my endless whining seriously, tonight, 2 hours prior to above conversation JD looked up from his computer to see his 35 week pregnant wife sitting on the kitchen floor scrubbing in her ill-fitting sleep bra and shorts and rather than immediately jumping up and offering to help he pronounced the situation "very sexy" and returned to his 'work' on the computer.
And JD looks directly at me and says "Why didn't we do all of this last year? We had so much more time. And we could already have a one-year old."
And I was left speechless. This on the day when we watched gory birth movies and JD lamented the endless pressure between work and spending time at home. For all that this was clearly 'my idea' sometimes I'm amazed by how much he gets it.
Update: Least you never again take my endless whining seriously, tonight, 2 hours prior to above conversation JD looked up from his computer to see his 35 week pregnant wife sitting on the kitchen floor scrubbing in her ill-fitting sleep bra and shorts and rather than immediately jumping up and offering to help he pronounced the situation "very sexy" and returned to his 'work' on the computer.
Tidbits
Not so much new this weekend. JD is still sick (and feverish). I now have a bad cold, but no fever yet. He's definitely still chasing me around the apartment ...
We finished up our 15 hours of childbirth classes and final 3 hours of breastfeeding class. The breastfeeding instructor was fabulous, but it was still targeted at SAHM's and pumping/work/schedule was covered very briefly. I need to buy a little cooler to transport breastmilk come Feb. 1 when I start commuting ...
JD was pretty hysterical after class. I was changing and he sat on the corner of the bed and gave my breasts a very thorough and scientific examination. And then pronounced his concern that they might just be a bit big for the wonderbaby ... cracked me up.
And now it's almost 9 pm and I'm waiting for the rabbi to call me. I have been putting off meeting with the rabbi to discuss our poor baby's naming, but it's time to get it over with. Without going into the details too much, we're in a bit of an odd dilemma because in a traditional synagogue the father announces the birth of a daughter and her name, but JD can't do that in our synagogue and I want to figure out what to do instead ... this should be as awkward and uncomfortable a conversation as can be given that this is not the rabbi who married us and he has only briefly met JD. I was going to scout out a back-up synagogue for the naming but I've just been too tired, and honestly too lazy to walk another mile or even half mile to services on Friday night. Hopefully I'll get this resolved tonight, or at least this week.
And finally, our doula was very insistent that we should consider acupuncture to help with a natural induction and GD. I'm a bit of a skeptic and not too thrilled about the whole needles aspect of acupuncture (there are plenty enough needles in my life as is) but I think I'll at least call this week. Any advice for me on getting psyched for acupuncture? Is this something that I need to have faith in/relax during for it to work? Any converted skeptics out there?
We finished up our 15 hours of childbirth classes and final 3 hours of breastfeeding class. The breastfeeding instructor was fabulous, but it was still targeted at SAHM's and pumping/work/schedule was covered very briefly. I need to buy a little cooler to transport breastmilk come Feb. 1 when I start commuting ...
JD was pretty hysterical after class. I was changing and he sat on the corner of the bed and gave my breasts a very thorough and scientific examination. And then pronounced his concern that they might just be a bit big for the wonderbaby ... cracked me up.
And now it's almost 9 pm and I'm waiting for the rabbi to call me. I have been putting off meeting with the rabbi to discuss our poor baby's naming, but it's time to get it over with. Without going into the details too much, we're in a bit of an odd dilemma because in a traditional synagogue the father announces the birth of a daughter and her name, but JD can't do that in our synagogue and I want to figure out what to do instead ... this should be as awkward and uncomfortable a conversation as can be given that this is not the rabbi who married us and he has only briefly met JD. I was going to scout out a back-up synagogue for the naming but I've just been too tired, and honestly too lazy to walk another mile or even half mile to services on Friday night. Hopefully I'll get this resolved tonight, or at least this week.
And finally, our doula was very insistent that we should consider acupuncture to help with a natural induction and GD. I'm a bit of a skeptic and not too thrilled about the whole needles aspect of acupuncture (there are plenty enough needles in my life as is) but I think I'll at least call this week. Any advice for me on getting psyched for acupuncture? Is this something that I need to have faith in/relax during for it to work? Any converted skeptics out there?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A little explanation: 24 hours or less
Thank you all for your suggestions in response to our insurance gap. I really appreciate it.
I noticed several comments asking why I would be in the hospital for such a short stay. Quite simply, this is not that unusual for NYC. A standard stay is no more than 48 hours, and in order to give birth in the birthing center you have to agree to a release in as few as 6 hours after birth and not more than 24 hours. Honestly, I don't really mind and one of my main criteria in choosing a pediatrician was one who would release our newborn in less than 48 hours should I get moved to L and D because of complications.
Why?
Let's see:
- In regular L and D if you give birth after visiting hours your husband gets -1 hour- to stay with you and the baby. Then he is sent home till visiting hours the next morning at 10am. In the birthing center my husband will stay with me from the delivery until discharge.
- Oh, that also leaves you all alone with your baby immediately post-partum (I am not exaggerating. A friend gave birth at 11 pm and by midnight she was supposed to care for her baby in her hospital room and the nurses were too busy to help. All she wanted was someone to change the baby's diaper and hand the baby to her for the first 24 hours so she didn't have to keep getting out of bed ...)
- Ok, not quite alone: you'll be sharing a hospital room. So not only will you be up every 2 hours with your baby but also every 2 hours when your roommate's baby cries and for all that there are no visiting hours at night, they are continuous from 10 am to 8 pm so it's quite possible that you will have a roomful of your roomate's visitors -all day long.- In my 2 hospital tours I walked past 3 rooms with sick toddlers running around visiting their new siblings. Not so great for the other family.
- Yes, you can pay for a private room. At $750 -per night- that is well beyond our means.
- I have a million food restrictions between keeping kosher, GD, GI problems, etc. and I don't relish eating hospital food for 48 hours. The hospital does not have a fridge or microwave for patients to use, unlike the birthing center (and obviously they do have one for the nurses to use)
- Yes, our hospital has a nursery. They strongly discourage using it if you are breastfeeding. In fact, it's been empty every time I've been in the hospital (which is quite frequently nowadays).
- Everyone encourages sleeping near your baby for the first day or two, but the regular L and D has regular hospital beds. Yes, some people can manage to comfortably keep their baby in them - I don't see myself being one of them. The birthing center has queen-sized beds so you can rest with your baby and partner, or put the baby in a co-sleeper next to the bed.
- And for the record the 'birthing center' we hope to use is one floor away from L and D, so it takes under a minute for them to transfer you should any problems arise.
Honestly, I'm pretty happy about the idea of coming home a few hours after birth. Sure, the cab ride will suck but after that I'll be able to just relax and JD can help with the baby for the first 48 hours or so ('till he goes back to work - such fun). No need to worry about roommates or germs or being woken up on the hospital's schedule or someone formula-feeding the baby when I'm not looking.
And please, please, please don't recommend switching midwives or hospitals. It shows absolutely no recognition of what medical practice and liability are like in NYC. When I tried to find a midwife or ob/gyn at 11 weeks pregnant, I was put on 14 waitlists and told that at least 4 places had already closed their waitlists (feel free to look in my archives -there are several panicked posts about it). NYC is massively understaffed for ob/gyns and it is 100% not an option to switch doctors or hospitals (my midwife only delivers at this hospital, and it's quite famous for being nicer to post-partum women. It really is one of the sheesiest hospitals in the city). I was seriously told that I might have to go to the ER to deliver by several exclusive clinics which book up when women are 4-6 weeks pregnant.*
But of course there is this little issue that the birthing center makes you sign a waiver that they will not do PKU testing and you must agree to have it done within 5 days of birth at your pediatrician's ... still working on that one.
* And I'm pretty sure that ob/gyns are full in most parts of the U.S. I didn't want to burn any bridges until I left City X so I never actually told my ob/gyn that I was leaving. I thought I'd remember to call after I left, but I didn't. And they never, ever contacted me via phone or mail to ask why I stopped showing up. Makes me think they have enough patients without my business.
I noticed several comments asking why I would be in the hospital for such a short stay. Quite simply, this is not that unusual for NYC. A standard stay is no more than 48 hours, and in order to give birth in the birthing center you have to agree to a release in as few as 6 hours after birth and not more than 24 hours. Honestly, I don't really mind and one of my main criteria in choosing a pediatrician was one who would release our newborn in less than 48 hours should I get moved to L and D because of complications.
Why?
Let's see:
- In regular L and D if you give birth after visiting hours your husband gets -1 hour- to stay with you and the baby. Then he is sent home till visiting hours the next morning at 10am. In the birthing center my husband will stay with me from the delivery until discharge.
- Oh, that also leaves you all alone with your baby immediately post-partum (I am not exaggerating. A friend gave birth at 11 pm and by midnight she was supposed to care for her baby in her hospital room and the nurses were too busy to help. All she wanted was someone to change the baby's diaper and hand the baby to her for the first 24 hours so she didn't have to keep getting out of bed ...)
- Ok, not quite alone: you'll be sharing a hospital room. So not only will you be up every 2 hours with your baby but also every 2 hours when your roommate's baby cries and for all that there are no visiting hours at night, they are continuous from 10 am to 8 pm so it's quite possible that you will have a roomful of your roomate's visitors -all day long.- In my 2 hospital tours I walked past 3 rooms with sick toddlers running around visiting their new siblings. Not so great for the other family.
- Yes, you can pay for a private room. At $750 -per night- that is well beyond our means.
- I have a million food restrictions between keeping kosher, GD, GI problems, etc. and I don't relish eating hospital food for 48 hours. The hospital does not have a fridge or microwave for patients to use, unlike the birthing center (and obviously they do have one for the nurses to use)
- Yes, our hospital has a nursery. They strongly discourage using it if you are breastfeeding. In fact, it's been empty every time I've been in the hospital (which is quite frequently nowadays).
- Everyone encourages sleeping near your baby for the first day or two, but the regular L and D has regular hospital beds. Yes, some people can manage to comfortably keep their baby in them - I don't see myself being one of them. The birthing center has queen-sized beds so you can rest with your baby and partner, or put the baby in a co-sleeper next to the bed.
- And for the record the 'birthing center' we hope to use is one floor away from L and D, so it takes under a minute for them to transfer you should any problems arise.
Honestly, I'm pretty happy about the idea of coming home a few hours after birth. Sure, the cab ride will suck but after that I'll be able to just relax and JD can help with the baby for the first 48 hours or so ('till he goes back to work - such fun). No need to worry about roommates or germs or being woken up on the hospital's schedule or someone formula-feeding the baby when I'm not looking.
And please, please, please don't recommend switching midwives or hospitals. It shows absolutely no recognition of what medical practice and liability are like in NYC. When I tried to find a midwife or ob/gyn at 11 weeks pregnant, I was put on 14 waitlists and told that at least 4 places had already closed their waitlists (feel free to look in my archives -there are several panicked posts about it). NYC is massively understaffed for ob/gyns and it is 100% not an option to switch doctors or hospitals (my midwife only delivers at this hospital, and it's quite famous for being nicer to post-partum women. It really is one of the sheesiest hospitals in the city). I was seriously told that I might have to go to the ER to deliver by several exclusive clinics which book up when women are 4-6 weeks pregnant.*
But of course there is this little issue that the birthing center makes you sign a waiver that they will not do PKU testing and you must agree to have it done within 5 days of birth at your pediatrician's ... still working on that one.
* And I'm pretty sure that ob/gyns are full in most parts of the U.S. I didn't want to burn any bridges until I left City X so I never actually told my ob/gyn that I was leaving. I thought I'd remember to call after I left, but I didn't. And they never, ever contacted me via phone or mail to ask why I stopped showing up. Makes me think they have enough patients without my business.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Boiling with rage
I never thought American insurance was perfect. I have been the 'pro bono' case of a specialist in NYC for four years now because my comprehensive insurance (by A.e.tna, one of the largest insurers in the U.S.) does not cover the care I need. And of course, they don't cover infertility at all. But I thought that at least my insurance would cover basic care for an infant ...
Here's the basic problem: PKU testing is mandated by NY State. If you refuse it, child protection services will come to your apartment and try to take your child (I know you can refuse it in other states but you can't here). Fine. I'm all pro-testing. But PKU testing -cannot- be done within 24 hours of birth because the child's temperature is not yet sufficiently regulated. And I will be released from the hospital before my infant is 24 hours old. Which means that I need this testing done at my pediatrician's. Which is -not- covered by my insurance. My insurance covers injury/illness/conjenital defects which are treated in-patient during the first 31 days. I.e. they will only cover procedures done in the hospital.
First of all, I cannot find an estimate of the cost on google. Nobody seems to pay out of pocket for this. Second, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a lot if they run the full genetic panel, which is recommended. Because of the paperwork mess my infant will not have her own insurance (with full benefits) until at least 10 days after birth. Which leaves me wondering what everyone else does ... I really just hope this is some awful misinformation provided by either my hospital, insurance or pediatrician. But thus far all three are sticking to their guns on trying to pass responsibility off on the other.
oh, and A.et.na didn't exactly give me the warm fuzzies when they kindly recommended I try to have a C-section so I could have a longer hospital stay and thus have all the necessary procedures done to my poor baby inpatient ... one more fine argument for the scheduled c-section here in NYC.
Here's the basic problem: PKU testing is mandated by NY State. If you refuse it, child protection services will come to your apartment and try to take your child (I know you can refuse it in other states but you can't here). Fine. I'm all pro-testing. But PKU testing -cannot- be done within 24 hours of birth because the child's temperature is not yet sufficiently regulated. And I will be released from the hospital before my infant is 24 hours old. Which means that I need this testing done at my pediatrician's. Which is -not- covered by my insurance. My insurance covers injury/illness/conjenital defects which are treated in-patient during the first 31 days. I.e. they will only cover procedures done in the hospital.
First of all, I cannot find an estimate of the cost on google. Nobody seems to pay out of pocket for this. Second, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a lot if they run the full genetic panel, which is recommended. Because of the paperwork mess my infant will not have her own insurance (with full benefits) until at least 10 days after birth. Which leaves me wondering what everyone else does ... I really just hope this is some awful misinformation provided by either my hospital, insurance or pediatrician. But thus far all three are sticking to their guns on trying to pass responsibility off on the other.
oh, and A.et.na didn't exactly give me the warm fuzzies when they kindly recommended I try to have a C-section so I could have a longer hospital stay and thus have all the necessary procedures done to my poor baby inpatient ... one more fine argument for the scheduled c-section here in NYC.
Not so cute as a (sick) toddler
My husband is sick. He has a fever, sore throat, and the beginnings of a cold.
Yes, I am of course, deeply sympathetic. However, I'd prefer to emote that sympathy from a safe distance.
Except, that when my husband gets sick he wants to cuddle. He wants me to give him backrubs. He wants to share my water bottle. I am deeply paranoid of getting sick at this exact moment. I do however feel like this paranoia is partially justified by:
- my utter inability to take any of the cold medicene he is so liberally indulging in
- the immense amount of work I need to finish before Thanksgiving
- that slight risk that I might still be sick when I go into labor
- feeling a bit slow/out of breath anyway
Needless to say he is feeling terribly neglected at the moment, and I am feeling more than slightly peeved at him. I do hope he feels better soon ... for both of us.
Yes, I am of course, deeply sympathetic. However, I'd prefer to emote that sympathy from a safe distance.
Except, that when my husband gets sick he wants to cuddle. He wants me to give him backrubs. He wants to share my water bottle. I am deeply paranoid of getting sick at this exact moment. I do however feel like this paranoia is partially justified by:
- my utter inability to take any of the cold medicene he is so liberally indulging in
- the immense amount of work I need to finish before Thanksgiving
- that slight risk that I might still be sick when I go into labor
- feeling a bit slow/out of breath anyway
Needless to say he is feeling terribly neglected at the moment, and I am feeling more than slightly peeved at him. I do hope he feels better soon ... for both of us.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
This is really normal?
I know, I've had a basically symptom and complication-free pregnancy thus far (except for the dreaded GD and the sleepiest baby ever, but neither is particularly serious) and I'm not writing to complain, but just wondering ...
Is it really normal to get out of breath and feel like you're going to faint? I find that this has been happening for the past several days, mostly in the mornings. Dr. Google indicates it could either be the baby squashing my lungs or anemia, but I'm already on the maximum dose of iron. Any suggestions for how to deal with this? I am more than a bit nervous about fainting on the streets of NYC, and since I don't look all that pregnant people very rarely offer me a place to sit ...
And speaking of which, I have an event every evening next week and the week after. And a million deadlines before December 1st. Oh yeah, plus prepping for the spring. The great benefit of being a graduate student is that I can control my own schedule. The downside? No time off and no adjustments in my deadlines for 'the rest of my life.' Fun, eh?
Update: In response to Melissia's detailed questions, I tend to get dizzy and out of breath most often in the morning when walking around, but definitely not doing anything too intense. I'm sure it's not low blood sugar because I test my blood sugar pretty often and I've never had a low. I also drink at least a liter of water before leaving my apartment in the morning, so I doubt I'm dehydrated (and then I squirm all the way to my desk). My blood pressure has also always been normal, although I know GD puts me at much higher risk of pre-eclampsia. Also no headaches in weeks. I guess I'm a bit puzzled because it tends to be around the same time of day and not when I'm doing my most intense activities (usually running around late afternoon for me). I did mention it to my midwife, but she was as ever unconcerned and said it was probably just the baby squashing my lungs - but I'm not sure why that would only bother me at a specific time of day. She also assured me that first-time babies rarely 'drop' until right before labor, so I shouldn't expect any relief for weeks ...
Is it really normal to get out of breath and feel like you're going to faint? I find that this has been happening for the past several days, mostly in the mornings. Dr. Google indicates it could either be the baby squashing my lungs or anemia, but I'm already on the maximum dose of iron. Any suggestions for how to deal with this? I am more than a bit nervous about fainting on the streets of NYC, and since I don't look all that pregnant people very rarely offer me a place to sit ...
And speaking of which, I have an event every evening next week and the week after. And a million deadlines before December 1st. Oh yeah, plus prepping for the spring. The great benefit of being a graduate student is that I can control my own schedule. The downside? No time off and no adjustments in my deadlines for 'the rest of my life.' Fun, eh?
Update: In response to Melissia's detailed questions, I tend to get dizzy and out of breath most often in the morning when walking around, but definitely not doing anything too intense. I'm sure it's not low blood sugar because I test my blood sugar pretty often and I've never had a low. I also drink at least a liter of water before leaving my apartment in the morning, so I doubt I'm dehydrated (and then I squirm all the way to my desk). My blood pressure has also always been normal, although I know GD puts me at much higher risk of pre-eclampsia. Also no headaches in weeks. I guess I'm a bit puzzled because it tends to be around the same time of day and not when I'm doing my most intense activities (usually running around late afternoon for me). I did mention it to my midwife, but she was as ever unconcerned and said it was probably just the baby squashing my lungs - but I'm not sure why that would only bother me at a specific time of day. She also assured me that first-time babies rarely 'drop' until right before labor, so I shouldn't expect any relief for weeks ...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Very pleased with my husband
I had a bit of frustrating day between waiting several hours for our radiators to be fixed (off! just turn them all off! I cannot stand another night in the sauna) to a super-flaky woman on craigslist (we need another bookshelf - only 3 boxes left to unpack) ...
and since JD couldn't quite fix those problems by the time he got home at 9 pm he decided to indulge me entirely and set up the crib. In our bedroom. Complete with mattress and sheets. And it looks fabulous (it's the Emil.y mini crib, found on craigslist).*
And despite my MIL's rather extreme skepticism about the need for 'organic' products for our baby (don't worry, the only thing I felt strongly about being organic was the crib mattress) she purchased not only an organic crib mattress but also two organic cotton sheets for us. So nice.
Ok, back to work. I need to finish something by midnight.
* Yes, I know it's a bit obsessive to do this sort of thing so early, but I wanted to.
and since JD couldn't quite fix those problems by the time he got home at 9 pm he decided to indulge me entirely and set up the crib. In our bedroom. Complete with mattress and sheets. And it looks fabulous (it's the Emil.y mini crib, found on craigslist).*
And despite my MIL's rather extreme skepticism about the need for 'organic' products for our baby (don't worry, the only thing I felt strongly about being organic was the crib mattress) she purchased not only an organic crib mattress but also two organic cotton sheets for us. So nice.
Ok, back to work. I need to finish something by midnight.
* Yes, I know it's a bit obsessive to do this sort of thing so early, but I wanted to.
Can't say I'm devastated
to find out that JD missed the registration deadline for spring classes. So no night classes until the fall (by which point I will be safely away in Europe).
And why do they have to repeat in every childbirth class that two of the signs of early labor are flu-like symptoms and diarrhea? Really? I feel like that's been my life every day this week, and it would be so much easier to just ignore if there weren't this lurking idea in the back of my head that this might just be it ... of course, with no other signs of the baby being in any way ready to come out at 34.5 weeks, I know this is just paranoia. And now that we have a crib mattress, carseat and doula, I'm guessing we're as ready as we're going to get.
In other news, my little casual baby shower brunch (hosted by a friend, but at my apartment) seems to have grown a bit. I just posted 28 invitations, albeit only 10 days in advance. Super-rude, I know, but everyone is local (and by local, at least 10 of the addresses were within 5 blocks of our place) and we've told almost everyone in person. We'll see how this goes.
And why do they have to repeat in every childbirth class that two of the signs of early labor are flu-like symptoms and diarrhea? Really? I feel like that's been my life every day this week, and it would be so much easier to just ignore if there weren't this lurking idea in the back of my head that this might just be it ... of course, with no other signs of the baby being in any way ready to come out at 34.5 weeks, I know this is just paranoia. And now that we have a crib mattress, carseat and doula, I'm guessing we're as ready as we're going to get.
In other news, my little casual baby shower brunch (hosted by a friend, but at my apartment) seems to have grown a bit. I just posted 28 invitations, albeit only 10 days in advance. Super-rude, I know, but everyone is local (and by local, at least 10 of the addresses were within 5 blocks of our place) and we've told almost everyone in person. We'll see how this goes.
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