Boiling

You know who needs sensitive training apparently? The 'emergency travel services' employed by my insurance. On their website they offer 'emergency health care to students abroad.' I figured that covered me, and I just needed help making an appointment for a beta and an ultrasound.

These are the people who told me they have never worked with any doctors in Country X, but they have 'a dentist and 2 good funeral homes on file there.' Fine. I called a friend, she made an appointment for me.

And these stupid idiots keep e-mailing/calling. Yesterday I made the mistake of answering while having lunch with a colleague. When I realized who was calling I told them I couldn't talk at the moment. The guy sounded super offended. And sent me a note to that extent. Which is absurd. It's normal not to want to talk about your medical issues, of any sort as far as I understand, in front of colleagues.

But more than that, they have since e-mailed three times 'to follow up.' I did e-mail them to assure them that I have an appointment for Monday and appreciated their futile efforts and would contact them again if I needed help. Well, tonight they wanted to know the number of my ob/gyn 'so they could be in touch with him.' Right, cause every infertile girl keeps one on speed dial just in case she finds herself abroad and in need of a referring doctor. Because nobody should encounter new medical issues abroad. Argh!!!

And for some reason I feel guilty about it. And they just don't understand it. I need to put this someplace, and it is not meant to offend any of you who are parenting multiples. It would be a disaster in my life to have high-order multiples. I get exactly 6 weeks leave as a student, after which I lose both my health care and my housing. If I was on extended bed rest, I would also lose my insurance. There are no exceptions for giving birth to triplets. Yes, we'd deal. But no, I'm not going to notify my school of any potential future problems. Not until the very last minute. Every graduate student I know has claimed their baby was 'such a surprise' 'a total accident' 'no idea how this happened.' Even when we all know it's a lie. Even when they already have 2 and are clearly thinking about spacing the third. Even when we all know about their IF treatments. It's a cruel world for mothers, and I see no reason to tell anybody about this until absolutely necessary (except of course my friends in the internets).

And now I'm nervous that this incompetent medical service is going to contact my school. And I don't want anything to stress about, but I am pissed at them. Pissed that they don't understand that my well-being might be in jeopardy. That my career is also in jeopardy. That the procedure that I might possibly need is illegal in more than half the states in the U.S. and would certainly subject me to being heckled and yelled at and shown gruesome photos and yet might very well be necessary. And for those of you who are going to say high-order multiples are very rare even with IF treatments, I had THIRTY follicles this cycle. We had to trigger a day early to stop too many from maturing, but who knows how many were mature? And rather incompetent u/s screenings at generic hospital before I triggered isn't making me more confident. I know it's a low risk, but of course I'm worried about it.

And because I'm clearly just venting about my stress at this point, it is not my fault that we are young and not fully established yet and I thus have to rely on student insurance and housing. If I waited until I had full job security in my career, I would be at least 40. And that certainly wouldn't help the IF. We have support networks, we'll be just fine, but I hate that the news has to be such a secret and then claimed as an 'oops' just because of the career track I'm on. And that if I let it slip to friends/colleagues here and then had a m/c the knowledge that we'd 'been careless' (let alone 'been trying') would be held against me. That's honestly why I'm not telling people. Not because I wouldn't want to talk to them if something went wrong, but because I still want them to think I'm a focused, serious student. The truth is that I will definitely need the support if something goes wrong. Or at least acknowledgment.

For all my infertile readers, I'm sorry. I know that the last thing you want is to hear another infertile vent about how stressful a potential positive can be. Maybe it's just the hormones.

And all I needed from them was a contact for an ultrasound appointment, which they couldn't handle.