Birthday Recap

I had a lovely birthday evening. We went out to a very fancy restaurant in our little down South city (JD called ahead to make sure they had something to eat, and then warned poor, obsessive me not to eat any other fish last week since I try to limit my mercury intake ...). And we talked of many non-IF related things.

But as we were sitting in the candlelight with roses (and whole wheat rolls!!!) I started thinking about my friend R., the one who I stayed with for 2 nights last week. Who is a med student and has been so supportive about answering my medical questions and explaining the most basic things to me over and over again. And I was thinking about how lucky JD and I are: we've found each other, we're heterosexual (which does make this whole baby thing a good deal easier), we don't have money now but we're both confident that we will in the future, we have good careers and supportive families. And poor R. hasn't found the man for him yet, and he really wants kids someday. And right now he really wants biological kids.

So out of the blue I told JD I wanted to give R. some of my eggs if we do IVF. And JD really didn't hesitate, he just said fine. Crazy right? I know, there are serious costs. What if our cycles with my eggs don't work and then we have to do another round of IVF knowing that I could have had more embryos? Or what if I never carry a pregnancy to term and R. and his partner do? The thing is, I think it's still worthwhile. I like the idea of giving away eggs to someone I know, someone where I will get hanukkah cards and run into them every couple of years. And after all, the karma has to help with our future cycles.

So I think we will.

I think I will tell R. next time I see him in person. Of course, for all I know he thinks we're lunatics and he would never dream of taking my eggs. Or he thinks it will be too expensive to store them until he is ready to parent (and has found his partner). But I'm so glad that JD and I are on the same page about this. And if IVF works for us the first time, I would certainly do it again to give one of my friends some extra eggs. And this is going to sound awful, but if you knew us in IRL you would know that we are a very mixed, complicated religious couple, but I'd feel good knowing that I could give R., a nice ashkenazi Jew, eggs from his ethnic group. 'Cause JD and I certainly aren't doing a good job with that.

So, the birthday recap.

My older sister called. Happens about twice a year. We're great together in person, we just don't communicate long-distance and since we live 3000 miles apart, well, we don't talk that much. And I've been rather nervous to talk to her about our IF given that she went through 4 years of treatments without getting pg. And then her husband left her, and you can imagine it's a bit awkward. The conversation goes like this:

"Happy birthday. You're 27, right?"
"Right."
"Well, I was mid-cycle on my 27th birthday too"
Me: ???????
Apparently, "the whole family is talking about it." Oh well to the not telling her about the details. She made me a bit nervous about OHSS. Said she definitely wouldn't consider flying 3 days post a trigger with 30 follicles, and that having the fluid tapped off your insides isn't actually that painful. Great, one more thing to obsess about.

Next phone call was from my very favorite relatives in the whole wide world. We're really relatives by choice because we're so distantly related, but I love my au.nties (yes, they are married, guess which state they live in ...) largely because they are gregarious and loud and very, very free with their opinions. So I pick up the phone to:

"Happy birthday. Talked to your father tonight. He tells us your trying to have a baby. Nutjob!"

And they meant it, but only because they can't see the point of us rushing when we're only 3 months away from our wedding. And they assured me they would make fun of me if I was sipping non-alcoholic champagne at the wedding. They didn't seem at all fazed that I might possibly need a crib when I move back in with them next spring (long story, it'll be temporary and much, much easier than renting an apartment).

So, lesson learned. I really ought to have told my father not to talk to relatives about my IF. I should have realized that I can't take other people's social graces for granted, especially in my family. But then I feel bad, because he's telling people because he's excited about it and because he needs to talk to someone, and I should support that.

Final thought: There are some benefits to the diet... I'm sure this little black dress does not belong to me. My guess is that it belongs to my sister. But I wore it out last night (Sorry, there will be no headshots on my blog, I think our situation is crazy enough that if anyone I knew happened to stumble upon this blog they would recognize us immediately, but still, I can always deny writing the blog at this point).