Superficial changes

Tomorrow I am giving up my Marilyn Monroe-phase and returning to a much more natural brown hair color (I did warn you this was about superficial issues). I was a fire-engine-red-head for about 3 years, then a Marilyn Monroe blond, but I've been growing out the blond since April and I realized this morning that I really ought to get it dyed brown this week, when there's absolutely no chance at all that I could be harboring any type of insider. I'm not quite ready to give up the blond, but I do want to be back to my natural color by my wedding and I also realized yesterday night: I only have 2 more weeks left in NYC until December. Which is to say that my life is about to get much, much, much crazier.

I sublet my apartment April 1st - August 1st. We have another cycle this month so I'll be staying with JD for at least 2 weeks, then it's off to Europe for a while, followed by the wedding, at least 2 weeks with JD (his minimum), then either another cycle or two or back to Europe. Don't worry if you can't keep this straight, JD can't either. And more than that, he's given up even trying.

The next cycle post-March is a big issue at the moment. The one thing that I am adamant about is that I will not be doing a 2ww during my wedding. I do not want to regret not drinking a toast (let alone grape juice during all the required kiddushes) if a cycle doesn't work. But, we could possibly squeeze one in before the wedding. So, how do I get my doctor to order me drugs this month for a cycle that may or may not be necessary in May when I would most certainly be getting my baseline u/s done abroad and he would have to trust my translation? Because the last thing I want is the stress of committing a fel.ony in both countries by shipping prescription drugs abroad. It may be crazy to be planning out the next 5-6 cycles when our March one might work, but the fact that we've never even gotten to a 2ww makes me cautious about any particular cycle. And for all that it may not be the most optimistic/enthusiastic/hopeful behavior I do think it makes me feel calmer. And one thing I am incredibly thankful for is JD's insistence that we not start this process until we had figured out the finances (note: that's not to say we have the money, by any means) to continue all the way through it's logical conclusion. Please send your prayers/care to Emily (emilythehopeless.wordpress.com) who is towards the end of a very long 2ww and facing a pause and I can't even imagine how I would handle such a disappointment. At least we'll still be plugging away at the clinic (although if we have another canceled cycle, expect extreme grumpiness).

Along those lines, I've been considering starting the long process of choosing a new clinic. Although I love my doctor at the moment, everything else about the clinic is problematic (the waits, the nurses, the billing office - big time, the fact that you can't e-mail the doctor or even leave a voicemail for him, the fact that the nurses always return my calls and they don't know what's going on, the fact that I don't see the doctor so much, the rapidly rising costs). JD will be relocating in the fall but he hasn't chosen a city yet, so I'm trying to chose a clinic closer to me. Especially if we move on to IVF, I want a clinic that's convenient for me. And if it's IVF, we'll know exactly which day he's needed and he can just take a vacation day. Which is to say, maybe all this anxiety about future cycles and new doctors means I really ought to schedule a 2nd opinion on the co.rtisol issue. Or actually unwrap my new yoga DVD.