Let's hope my tact returns by noon tomorrow

... because it sure was missing this evening. It was a long day, mostly caused by torrential downpour. I love 'weather' in general (snow, wind, rain - fabulous) but I couldn't motivate to go out today. And I had the munchies all day long, which is awful tough on this diet, especially on shabbos. Today I ate:
2 large blocks of hard cheese
1 medium-sized bowl of guacamole - no chips, just guacamole by the spoonful
no sugar-added gefilte fish
no sugar peanut butter by the spoonful
a protein bar

And so by 5 pm I'd decided it was time for a treat. A low-carb, low-fat kosher ice-cream-like-substance only available in New York (as far as I know): Tas.ti D-Lite. And to make it more reasonable on my diet I decided to walk to the farther store - ie. about 5-6 miles.

Which was great except that my mother called. Now I've been rather busy and I really, really wanted to finish up every last wedding phone call and planning this weekend given everything else I'm balancing. And my mother was talking about my older sister, who is having a hard time at the moment. (Remember all those best intentions to tell my mother about our treatment after we'd had at least a little progress (like getting to a 2ww!) and to hopefully tell her in person. After all, my mother is absolutely the person most invested in this process besides JD and I and she has gone through the whole thing before). So she's talking about how stressed my sister is, and right out of my mouth comes "Well, at least she doesn't have to do injections in her stomach this week." Right. Kind, considerate, tactful ... whoops.

At least my mother is a professional counselor, and she switched right into work mood. She clearly knew that this wasn't our first cycle and I had failed to tell her about what we were doing before. She gave me a long pep talk about how emotionally challenging IF can be, and how we have to go into this with the full recognition that it is a long process. And then of course she asked who else knew about the treatments, and I had to tell her I'd already told my father and a few friends. But thus far everybody is avoiding telling my older sister (whose IF treatments never succeeded) about anything. I don't know how she'll take it because she clearly harbors a lot of anger about her IF and the cycles she went through and a large part of that has been channeled into an aggressive support of child-free-living which none of us really take at face value at this point. Especially because she still talks about adoption.

So why noon tomorrow? Well, I've been taking a bit of my stress out on JD. Some of it legitimate. I'm pissed that he has failed to do the following things
- take care of the 3 little wedding tasks I gave him
- help me strategize about housing in Europe and subletting my place
- found out whether any of his potential new jobs cover IVF. This one is actually really big in my mind at the moment because I'm trying to plan my fall. I ought to be in Europe, but we have 4-5 weddings that I would like to attend, all grouped within 5 weeks. So a small part of me thinks I'll come back to the U.S. then and just maybe we should squeeze in another cycle of some sort. Or start our IVF prep. But if JD's next job will cover IF then I should just wait; there's no reason to spend thousands if it'll be covered within a few months. But of course, it's also unreasonable of me to expect him to be as enthusiastic about scheduling our se.x for September as I am.

So, I asked him to have his parents swing by my place and pick up a few things to make room for my subletters. And he forgot to call them. And forgot to call. And tonight he remembered and they're coming by at noon tomorrow. But my apartment is trashed because I've been packing. So it's going to be a long morning before they get here. But seriously, more than a clean apartment I need to make sure that I don't slip up and make some belligerent comment about how I'm suffering through my IF treatments to his parents. It would not go over as well with them as my mom is my guess.

One more thing. I don't think that I'm entirely fabricating the slowness and caution of my current clinic. My last cycle was canceled because the follicles stopped growing (or shrunk, according to nurse evil). Well, I'm not so into counting days, but I just looked at my pack of bcp's because tonight is the last night and I have taken 21 of them! 21! There's no way everyone else is doing a full pack between cycles given how quickly everyone else seems to progress. It really seems overkill. And to think how much easier my life would be if we'd only done 14 days of bcp's. There'd be none of this: ovulate (please!), fly to NYC, organize major grad student event, leave for Europe 3-5dpo.