Blah

My stomach/ovaries hurt. Apparently this is what happens when you have 24 follicles growing. Which would not be a big deal if I had any faith at all that this cycle could possibly result in anything. But today it's just annoying.

And this is also getting increasingly hard since JD and I don't live together, and every time that I visit him we're mid-cycle. It seems to be taking a much larger than necessary toll on our time together.

Speaking of which, I am so thankful for how supportive JD was yesterday night. I was tired (6 am departure to visit him) and hungry and sick to my stomach and grumpy, and he put up with all of it. In fact, he caved to all my little wishes that he usually tries to ignore. We went shopping yesterday night - for groceries and a new dress for me (actually 2). I'm still losing weight and it's nice to fit into smaller clothes, although I doubt it'll last for all that long. JD and I are such different people. He's really a genuine anti-materialist and he doesn't like to shop or to acquire things; me, I bought 2 new dresses yesterday night (for 2 of the 7 weddings we may attend next fall/spring) and then deliberately chose a 3rd dress that I may go buy if it's awful news on Thursday. I know, it's incredibly superficial to think that new clothes will cheer me up, but the truth is they probably will. I live in a tiny apartment so I don't own that many things, but I really enjoy them. I can basically tell you where every t-shirt that I own, and even most of my socks, were purchased and for what occasion and when I wore them. Same for dishes, which I have a lot of.*

Then at the supermarket JD went on a long rant about how we need to buy more environmentally-friendly food and avoid eating meat and imported produce. All things I support in the abstract. But he made no comment when he had a nice healthy vegetarian sandwich for dinner and I had a hot dog and green beans. Which in our apartment means everything had to be kept separate since he had dairy and I had meat.

Oh, and I made the mistake of calling both my parents yesterday night about wedding stuff. But of course they both asked about this cycle and I had a hard time being at all positive. I was more negative with my mother because, really, she does counseling for a job, she knows what to say. I told my father the news might be disappointing on Thursday but left out the details.

Sorry about the lack of organization in this post, as I mentioned I'm grumpy. And it's my birthday on Monday - not good news for our IF statistics. And I won't be celebrating with my friends because I can't eat or drink with them. I hope I'm over it by Monday.

* I've been thinking about the buying clothes to cheer me up. And I think it may also partially be about getting something out of the past 4 months of torture. I'm doing this diet for IF, but I guess I also want to take advantage of its other benefits. And I want something to come out of this clinic - just getting to a 2ww would be so, so exciting for us.