Nancy had a post about this very issue today.
I had a conversation with a friend today about how she really wants another child but is dreading pregnancy. She of course got pregnant the first month she tried and had a completely uneventful, healthy pregnancy and delivery. And she of course knows about our infertility treatments and all about my so-called high risk pregnancy and endless appointments with my large 'medical team.'
So what was I supposed to say? She said they're talking about adoption so she won't have to be pregnant, and while I am entirely pro-adoption and I know that there are a lot of children looking for homes, part of me wanted to ask why she couldn't leave the healthy, domestic infants for families who have no other way to parent? (I don't think they'd consider a special needs child - we've talked about that before). Or honestly, complain to someone else? I did not in fact share that last sentiment with her, but I did drop that we are trying to put away $1000 per month so that in 30-40 months we'll have enough to go back to the fertility clinic if we want to. And then I added that my medical team recommended I not wait past 30 given my multiple diagnosis. She got the hint and changed topics.
It's incredible how even when I am lucky enough to be holding my beautiful little [grunting] girl, people can [entirely accidentally, I know] rub in my face the fact that my body just doesn't work correctly.
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2 comments:
Oh boy. If she only knew what some of us women go through / put ourselves through for a healthy baby. And she had a completely uneventful pregnancy yet loathed it? Oy vey.
I definitely seem to gravitate towards your feelings of "leave the healthy, domestic infants for families who have no other way to parent".
Oh, I could write a book on this one, LOL! Countless times I have had people (who already have 3+ bio kids) say "oh, we always wanted to adopt!" like I have done something charitible?! AS IF! We adopt for selfish reasons, just the same as when fertile folks choose to get pregnant.
Here's something you might find interesting and semi-comparable . . . in China Adoption World, there is A LOT of tension between those childless couples who are still waiting (as you know, the wait time for a "healthy" Chinese child is upwards of 4-5 years now), and couples who already have bio kids, or couples who have already adopted 1+ Chinese children and are waiting for another referral! LOTS of tension, I tell ya! The feelings (spoken and unspoken) of the childless couples is "gawd, you already have kids, bio or adopted, and you have the audacity to whine about the wait and b*tch about how your heart is breaking?! SCREW YOU! It's you folks who have jammed up the line for us childless folks so much!"
I know, not every childless couple trying to adopt from China feels this way, but I tell ya, a lot do.
I think every couple has the right to add as many children to their family as they can reasonably take care of . . . but I totally get what you are saying, my dear!!!
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