I caved

I realized it wasn't worth beating myself up over: I want a dopplering and a weigh-in (nope, we don't own a scale) and I don't want to wait until August 5th. Oh, and my sister arrives at 7 am on August 5th for a 3-day visit and I don't really want to bring her to an ob/gyn appointment (my sister is barren). [And also, my next midwife visit is August 10th with a GTT, but they don't need to know about that]. So I just called the appointments line and asked if they could move my appointment up. The woman very nicely moved it up a week, and when I asked if they had anything earlier, she moved it up to this Thursday. Fabulous.

Then she asked why. I explained that my last visit was not a 'well visit' and I wasn't comfortable moving my monitoring back a full 4-weeks because of an emergency visit at 4:35 pm on July 3rd. I also explained I have yet to receive the lab results and I'm very nervous. She asked if I wanted to be transferred over to the nurses' line and I explained that no, I couldn't possibly deal with Ms. 3-ivfs-9-miscarriages-no-children-and-what-are-you-complaining-about? She apologized profusely, said she has no idea who in the office has had 9 miscarriages but she'd find my test results (sidenote: really? This woman has shared her reproductive history with my at least 4 times? Is it just me she's so very comfortable sharing with?).

And then she transferred me right over to you-know-who who lectured me about how they don't have time to call with test results for every obsessive patient. And how my insurance probably won't cover this visit because it's 'so soon' after my last visit. On that, I call B.S. of the first degree. My insurance has no strict cap on ob/gyn visits, they certainly aren't going to penalize me for going in for a suspected (in retrospect I think real) bladder infection. And honestly, since they don't even have an ultrasound machine, I'm happy to pay out of pocket for a $300 office visit if it makes me feel better. Really. I don't consider this being a self-centered obsessive patient, I really think that I'm busy advocating for my health and my fetus' (yes, certainly a bit more obsessively than necessary, but I'd rather lean that direction).

So the end result: I have an appointment on Thursday (before my shower, thank goodness. I was slightly dreading having to glow about my belly when honestly, it's been shrinking recently. Even JD has noted on several days that my belly is getting smaller. Way to make me feel like my body knows what it's doing). But of course I feel awfully guilty about it and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with Ms. 9-miscarriages in person. I will certainly write a letter to mail after I've moved, but I am honestly torn between being sure she's the biggest, least appropriate jerk nurse and feeling awful for her. But is it really my fault she's working in an ob/gyn clinic?

Final thought: I have high cor.ti.so.l. Really, really high. Even if there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, hearing a heartbeat will help my stress which has to help moderate the little part of my cor.ti.so.l level which comes from 'environmental stress.' I just don't want to have to feel guilty about a doctors visit.