Guilt at the gym?

First, the good news: I have started going to the gym again. For the past several weeks I have just been swimming since I have so thoroughly outgrown my gym clothes, including a particularly necessary piece of support wear. But last Sunday JD took me to the mo.ther.ho.od ma.ter.ni.ty OUTLET and bought me yoga pants that fit. And I love them. And while I prefer swimming, we have a very nice 24 hour gym in our building, and given the public pool's limited hours, it's nice to be able to squeeze in a late-night or mid-afternoon workout. Which is just what I was doing today.

I go to the gym to exercise. And, also, to watch TV. We no longer own a TV and I love bad reality shows. And if you're on a stationery bike, even one turned down to the lowest resistance, it's good for you right?

So today I watched MTV's new show about compulsive shoppers. Which is sad and depressing and a little apropos given that yesterday night I did my annual duty of logging into my 'free cr.ed.it. repo.rt' and disputing the inaccurate information (there is at least one new piece of inaccurate info every year, but it's never a big deal to get them resolved, just annoying). And then I started thinking ... about the um, say, to round down a bit, the $500 I spent shopping online this week. And every penny of it trying to find a decent bra that fits.

This week JD and I braved the big mall and I went to 2 department stores, a maternity store and even L.ane Brya.nt* trying to find a bra that fits. No luck. And I was really pissed because I'm not even gaining that much weight and I can't imagine dealing with this issue for the next 2 years, more if we happen to get lucky with that whole 'reproduction' thing. And for all that it's gross to admit, I'm starting to get bruises from my current garment of choice. Bruises.

So, $500. I'll give you my ratings when I get all the relevant items in, but thus far I've tried all the standard online stores (fig.le.av.es, no.rd.str.om, la.dy.grac.e) as well as br.ava.do, mo.ther.we.ar, br.eas.t.is.bes.t [worst name ever] and yesterday night my new favorite: bi.r.th.an.dbab.y. I expect to make a lot of returns in the next few days and I hope to only keep 2-3 of the bras since I'm probably still growing ... but I'm hopeful that something will work.

So I guess this is essential shopping and I shouldn't feel too guilt. But given that I only have $200 in my checking account (long story here) it is a bit embarrassing to be watching other young women battle their addictions to shopping while I self-contentedly bike away in my luxury apartment building (sort-of) in my new maternity yoga pants and long-outgrown sports bra.

* I say 'even' just because this is not a store that actually carries my size. Full disclosure: I am a 34H. Their sizes start at 36, but usually 38 or 40 for the larger cup sizes. I have in the past had bras altered, and that's why I was shopping there. Nothing against the store at all.