I do really wish I had a home doppler. Especially now that I'm at a point where it should be easy to use.
JD is opposed. Not on any great philosophical grounds, he just thinks that if I'm going to have this 'earth mother all-natural childbirth' (NOT because I am an earth mother or a masochist, but for purely practical reasons as explained here) I need to start battling the demons now. And then he starts talking about how if we don't relax now we're going to defeat our goal of being non-judgmental, relaxed, lackadaisical (but not negligent) parents. I do see his point, but then, I've cared for newborns before. And as a serious late bloomer (18 months and not crawling? not talking? 4th grade and not reading? check) I doubt that I'll stress nearly as much about parenting. But I've never been pregnant before.
Still, I am going to put some serious effort into believing that my body will take care of the fetus.
And now on to what has been worrying me all week. 6 days of dia.rr.he.a and a total loss of appetite. I know these are both normal, and honestly as a person with serious GI damage dia.rr.hea is really normal for me and I know fetuses have growth spurts and it's fine not to gain weight for a few weeks at a time. But I always have a healthy appetite. Yesterday night I picked JD up from work so we could run a number of errands. I brought 4 snacks with me, since I figured we might have a late dinner. When JD asked at 9 pm if I wanted to go to dinner? Well, I wasn't hungry and I hadn't touched any of the snacks. That's just not normal for me.
And last time I was sick, but then told it was all 'normal' by the doctor? Well, all those symptoms are GONE. Sharp back pain, pain during certain activities, nausea, exhaustion - gone. So while I understand that those could have all been normal 2nd trimester symptoms, the fact that they all appeared suddenly at the beginning of week 15 and were gone by the end of week 16 makes me think that it must have been an infection or virus of some sort.
I guess I am a bit more trusting of my body at the moment: I am basically having a symptom-less pregnancy (isn't it great how much I whine given that?) so I'm pretty sure that these rapid changes are indicative of something. But hopefully not something that needs to be treated.
I guess this process of digging out of the deepest of depths and embracing my inner earth-mother might take a while.
4 comments:
Ack. I vacillate between wanting data all the time, and wanting to be trusting. My friend said that when she was pregnant and freakign out she would vacillate between wishing she lived in a log cabin a 100 years ago when nothing was available, and wishign she was a horse,and didn't have a forebrain to torture herself with.
I was going to leave you a supportive comment along the lines of "hope you're feeling better soon" or "glad you're having a relatively symptom-free pregnancy", but Sarah's comment about the horse without a forebrain totally derailed that thought process : )
It's tricky walking that line between obsessing over every breath you take and achieving the earth mother zen state.
Can't help you with that. If, by some freaking miracle, I get pregnant again, I will spend the ENTIRE 42 WEEKS strapped to a doppler. And treating every single twinge as DOOM, DOOM ON A STICK. And I am Very Granola.
But hugs anyway.
Talking to my mom about my pregnancy always makes me feel a little better, because she admits all of her worries in the first trimester in particular, and she had three very normal pregnancies. She helps me not feel like a freak for worrying so much! I don't think worry during pregnancy has a whole lot to do with whether you'll be a good earth mother later on. Although from what I know, the worries never really end, no matter what.
Post a Comment