Fun things

I have resolved to ignore my grumpy side for the weekend, and focus on the good things. Starting, of course, with the fact that I am thus far kidney-infection-free. Of course, peeing every 20 minutes does limit your weekend activities ...

We actually got invited someplace for Friday night dinner this week. This never, ever happens in City X (we live in the wrong neighborhood, I guess) but I miss it. It was the classic Southern dinner adapted for one of those 'weird vegetarian/kosher people.' Other people ate shrimp and sausage. I was given a special meal just for me: corn! But it was great and dessert was lovely and then we watched the fireworks from a friend's apartment.

And everyone was very nice to me. Which is great, since apparently JD hadn't mentioned to 2 of his colleagues that I happened to be in a period of noticeable 'personal growth.' Including the man who actually performed our civil ceremony. I do feel a bit deceptive about this since he is an elderly Southern gentleman and I'm sure he must disapprove at least a little, but he was nothing but pleasant in person.

So, back to the story of how we 'spilled the beans' on our little secret at the wedding ...

But first, how my bestest friend found out: I had been meaning to tell her for weeks (we even spoke when I was in Europe) but I really wanted to tell her in person. M. is an incredible, wonderful person but she suffers from a mental illness which gives her wild mood swings. She's also barren.* So I was trying to wait for a decent time. And what better time than getting our nails done together before the rehearsal dinner? Perfect.

Except, we swung by my father's house enroute to the nail place to drop off a pile of desserts for the dinner (I made red velvet cupcakes, chocolate pecan bourbon pie, and chocolate cheesecake). M. walks into my house and my father says something about her new hair color/style and follows it up with "Rachel used to dye her hair all the time too, before she got knocked up." Which just about blew poor M. over. And yup, not the most delicate phrasing when she's standing in the entryway balancing 4 pecan pies. Whoops.

Ok, back to the main story ...

By the wedding I had told most of my immediate family and 2 close friends and a number of friends/acquaintances who needed to know for some reason, primarily because I was asking them to do a crazy favor for me (ie. the guy who stored my luggage for me when I got back to NYC, the guy who lugged said luggage and a large number of library books at to my FIL's car in the pouring rain, the friend who got stood up when I had to have my dress altered at the last minute, the friend who had to lift my luggage off the carousel at the airport ... you get the idea). But JD had told exactly one friend in City X and his parents. And I wasn't entirely sure why at 13 weeks he was so reticent to mention it to even his closest friends.

But, it turns out all it took was a couple of drinks ... at our rehearsal dinner, to be precise. After the rehearsal dinner (we invited all of our out-of-town guests so there were about 80 people at my father's house) JD got a ride to a local bar with the younger crowd and I played the perfect sober driver - taking people to 3 different hotels. And apparently JD was so busy that he failed to notice that I hadn't made it to the bar when he proposed a toast to our little medical adventure and impending arrival. Which means that I was swamped by congratulations by the time I go to the bar, but I had no idea what exactly JD had told people ...

Turns out that he told them that we'd been trying for some time and that with the help of SCIENCE I just so happened to be pregnant and done with the first trimester (and I think he threw something in about not wasting any embryos for his dear Catholic friend - no reason for him to worry about something we haven't resorted to yet). I was more than a bit surprised that he went from not wanting to tell his own parents to informing the entire population of a large downtown bar of our news, but very impressed that he decided to share that our little secret came after infertility treatments.

After all, given my age, 27, and the fact that I was exactly 13 weeks 1 day at my own wedding, it would be very easy to assume that this was either a little 'oops' or very well-timed efforts to start a family ASAP. A friend asked if I was embarrassed that people knew that we'd done infertility treatments, and I really wanted to say "no way." But more than that, I wanted other people to know that entirely-healthy-looking young, normal people could have trouble conceiving. And I also wanted our friends to know why we hadn't shared our plans with them, since it's awful hard to 'plan' for such things when you've never once ovulated in your life until March 28th, 2008 (yes, do the math - we really did get lucky the very first time). I also hate the idea of people in my educational class claiming that their pregnancies are 'surprises.' Um, with 2.5 post-graduate degrees behind us, JD and I know how babies are supposed to be made. And we certainly know how birth control works. And I really expect other people with our resources and education levels to take credit for their own actions (I have at least 2 friends who have claimed that they have 'just no idea how they got pregnant' - one with a 2nd child). And I got a ton of questions about exactly what was involved in the conception of our little secret, and thus far none of them have bothered me at all, largely because the really clueless questions are so very, very entertaining.

In other news, I have thoroughly swept all fears of inviting bad luck under the rug by actually, um, well, completing my registry online. That's right: I have added everything I want and it has JD and my real names on it and it's in the public domain. Of course, I'm sure that nobody would find it at ea.rth.baby.com and I'm also sure that nobody's looking yet, but I felt a great sense of accomplishment. And now I have a very specific list I feel free to buy anything I can find used on craig.s.li.st or e.b.ay or consignment stores that is already on my list. And one great thing about that website is that it gives you a total cost of all the items you have registered for, and honestly, it's an amount we could spend if we had to in December. I really hope this takes care of the 'nesting' stage since I'll basically be traveling from Aug. 1 until Oct. 3 (yup, 2 months) for our honeymoon, 3 weddings, a bar/bat mitzvah and the Jewish holidays. Oh, and a conference and a big important set of exams in there for school. So I feel ok about planning things this early. And one teeny, tiny extra benefit is that I can register for everything in gender-neutral colors 'cause we just don't know yet.' And I really, really hope that we'll be able to avoid consigning a female wonderbaby to beautiful, light, airy, feminine pink fluffy things and a male wonderbaby to strong, heavy, masculine trucks and football.** My guess is that I'll lose the color-coordinating battle since I have not and do not plan to buy a single toy or item of clothing for the first 6 months. I'm assuming our friends and family will take care of the cute, little stuff.

Tomorrow we're off on a full-day excursion to visit some distant relatives of mine, and then Monday night friends are hosting a dinner in our honor. In some Jewish circles there is a tradition of celebrating with the married couple the week following the wedding (and there are special blessings for the occasion of eating a meal with a newly-married couple) but this dinner has been pushed back a few weeks ... I'm super-excited it's actually happening.

* I don't know how other people use this word. To me barren means more than infertile - it means forever, permanent, unamenadable with meds.

** For the record, I have actually been to a football game. After dating a dear football player for months I actually went and watched him play. Once.