Calm (and a request for manners advice at the end)

I am amazed at how long the sense of calm has lasted after the ultrasound. Let's hope I get at least another week of total calm.

After the ultrasound on Wednesday, I took JD to lunch. He was incredibly quiet and unenthusiastic during the u/s itself, and I was getting a bit worried. But for naught, turns out he just hadn't had any coffee yet and had an awful caffeine headache. He cheered up immensely at lunch. And we discussed 'Gender' (yes, with a capital G).

Of course JD said he didn't have any preference between a boy and a girl. But with a little prodding, he did admit that a girl was going to be much harder to raise. After all, according to JD, "Little boys are just like puppies. They just need to run around a lot and know they're loved. Most little boys are totally clueless. I was. But girls ... they have emotions." So that sums up our parenting philosophy: lots of love and a fenced in yard. It's too bad we live in the city and can't actually provide the fenced yard, but I'm sure we'll find a substitute.

I called my mom, sister, aunt, aunties, and great-aunt with the news. I guess I should have expected it, but I was a bit annoyed by the collective sigh of relief that I'm having a girl (my family has a heavy preponderance of girls. My mother and aunt grew up in a house with 6 girls - the two of them and four first cousins, double related - ie. my grandmother's only sister married my grandfather's only brother and then they opened a family business and lived in one big house with six little girls ....). I'm just hoping we can put off the princess talk and pretty pink pastels for at least a couple of years ....

And then there are 2 things on my mind that have been annoying me this week. In no particular order:

1. I'm broke. Really, really broke. As in, less than $200 total left between my checking and savings account. And I was feeling really guilty about it. Yes, we had all sorts of large unexpected expenditures this year: paying completely out of pocket for infertility treatments, the sharp rise in the value of the euro, buying at least 2 plane tickets a month to see JD and some super-expensive last minute plane tickets timed around cycles, but still. I was feeling guilty about the poor management of money and worried about next year when some helpless little person will rely on my budgeting. And then I realized, I'm not that bad with money, something must be going on. Something like:
- my subletter in NYC has not paid me 2 months rent, but I've already paid the rent to the building
- I'm waiting for a big refund from a wedding vendor who no-showed the day of (and for which I subsequently had to pay someone else)
- I'm waiting for security deposits to be returned from a wedding almost a month ago
- I paid 2 of my credit card bills twice when I got back from Europe, so I have big credits on those cards

So the real problem is other people are being slow and incompetent about paying me. And I'm the one who is out money in the short time, and it is the pits [Let me clarify for any of you seriously concerned about my ability to buy groceries, etc. This is my personal account that is empty. JD and I have a joint account and a joint credit card which I can use for whatever I want, and on top of that JD has been giving me a 'cash allowance' so that he doesn't have to see all of my shopping on the bill he gets, so I'm not going to have to skimp on necessities. It's just all the indulgent shopping that I'd like to do and will have to wait, like new maternity clothes].

2. I may not be getting a baby shower. Which is really sad and depressing. I thought I'd have 2 - one at my mom's house right before Rosh Hashanah and one in NYC for our friends. We're definitely going to my parent's for Rosh Hashanah and we'll be there for almost a full week because of 2 weekend weddings, so there's plenty of time. But my mother basically declined to throw one. I know, she has 3 children getting married this summer. But my wedding shower (hosted by a friend) was just a lovely brunch with 12 women at a restaurant. Super elegant and relaxed (and not too expensive because it was brunch), and I thought we could basically do the same thing again. But my mother told me she's too busy and tired.

And I wanted a coed baby shower in NYC for our friends who couldn't make it to the wedding. I'd even decided which friend I was going to ask to borrow their apartment (they are gone a lot of weekends) and what food I was going to make, etc. Except that I firmly believe it's rude to throw your own party at which you solicit gifts (although I have of course reassured JD and my mother that I would put 'no gifts expected' on the invite since people were so generous for our wedding ... but it doesn't mean we won't get -any- gifts at all) and I need a friend to play host. That's right, I'd be willing to do all the cooking and preparations and even mail the invites, but I need a friend to offer to be involved. And it doesn't look like it's going to happen at all. I have studiously avoided buying any clothes or toys, on the theory that people like to buy cute little things and most people get enough of that stuff as presents. But used kids stuff is so cheap in City X, maybe I should just take $50 and stock up at goodwill or a consignment store and stop expecting friends who just flew all the way to our wedding (on a Sunday night, no less) and gave us such generous presents to throw another party in my honor. Thoughts?

Please do tell me if I'm being spoiled and self-centered - at the least you might help me avoid a confrontation with my mother. I don't think that my mother is genuinely embarrassed to throw a baby shower 3 months after a wedding, but maybe she is. And since I'm the first of our circle of close friends to have a baby, maybe it's absurd to think someone would step in and offer to help (and yes, I do have 2 bff - one is barren and the other is a gay man who probably hasn't been to too many baby showers. Oh, and my older sister is moving back to CA any day now so that clears her of any hint of responsibility).

And the funny and honest truth is that I've never even been to a baby shower, so maybe the expectations are much higher than I know about and that's why nobody wants to throw one. Did any of you have to ask a friend to throw a shower? Been to a shower thrown by the preggers girl herself? Been to a coed event in the first place? Think I'm a spoiled brat?