The joys of flying

I just purchased another set of international plane tickets. If there is one area of parenting in which I feel like I am starting to gain a bit of expertise, it is flying/negotiating with airlines.

The most basic rule is: this too shall pass. Almost any absurd fee can be reversed with enough fighting. Complaint letters do work if you send them to the right place. I also fundamentally believe that my fusspot is a social good - grumpy single people: This very baby will someday be helping to pay for your social security in addition to funding your roads and medical research and social services. Flying is not some exalted hobby for the very wealthy or very unencumbered, and thus I don't apologize excessively for a little noise or a little flash of the boobs or even a few unseemly odors.

So here are a few tales from the past 3 months of travel. I have actually named the airlines, but as you can tell, service is quite haphazard and what happens on one trip is not necessarily indicative of another. Also, despite my frequent resolutions not to fly the worst airlines again, the fact is that I almost always go for the very cheapest ticket.

The worst: U.S. Airways. I simply will not fly an airline that now charges pregnant women for a glass of water and harasses them for carrying on their own bottled water. I also had several fairly awful run-ins with them while commuting to City Y where they both refused to help me with carry-on luggage (um, yes. If you charge to check luggage I will stuff everything into my carry-on and then ask you to gate check it. Every single time. Readers, I've flown carry-on with the fusspot for up to a week. I really dislike paying to check luggage) and made me feel terribly guilt about not being willing to lift my own luggage into the overhead bins (when pregnant). Needless to say, inevitably some fine, dashing overweight and unkempt businessman would offer to rescue me and I would smile sweetly and faint away into my window seat. And recently they have repeatedly given me the wrong information about how much the fusspot's ticket would cost and forced me to cancel my reservation (infants never fly free internationally and while they're supposed to cost 10% of the ticket price plus security fees, if you find a really cheap ticket the airline will inevitably charge 10% of some fictional ticket price that they'd rather be charging. Knowing this, I called several times to confirm how much the fusspot would add to the cost and received the wrong information repeatedly).

Recently rather good: Continental. Our flight back from L.A. was delayed a good 4 hours, the airline lost my kosher meal after I had confirmed it twice (once over the phone, once when checking in) and we were all a bit tired when we landed at that large airport somewhere near NYC but not quite in the same state. And after I complained to the airline about a few little glitches (seating, leaving a breastfeeding woman hungry for a long flight) they gave us an $80 cab voucher to get home. Whee!

Mixed, but it all worked out: AirCroatia. While I'm guessing that few of you will fly with this airline anytime soon, I do have to warn you that they have the most absurd luggage policy and if it weren't for JD's quick-thinking it would have been very inconvenient. I also had no idea airlines could be quite so dumb. Simply, they refuse to return strollers planeside on landing. Wheelchairs were no problem, but they absolutely refused for our stroller. Which means that we would have landed up sans stroller on a 4-hour layover in Frankfurt and quite possibly sans stroller at our final destination. And while I had the Ergo and JD with me, if I'd been alone with would have been a. really. big. deal. I don't mind carrying the fusspot, but when you're flying it's nice to have a stroller in the airport so that you can eat (she's started lunging for food when in the Ergo), go for a real walk, go to the bathroom, etc. Needless to say while I got louder and angrier, JD quickly just folded up the stroller and took it off the checked luggage cart and we managed to sneak it onto the airplane and put it in the overhead bin. Problem solved.

The odd: I've been flying AerLingus quite a bit because they actually have an infant lugage allowance and their flights tend to be rather empty, and very cheap. However, on our first trans-Atlantic flight we had a few issues. To start with, they allowed us to bring the carseat onto the airplane and then told us we couldn't use it because it was rear-facing and "all airline carseats must be forward-facing" (not true. And certainly not true in the U.S. or Ireland where ALL infant seats must be rear-facing). The problem was that by the time we'd realized that, it was too late to gate check it and since it didn't fit into the overhead bin, we lost the ability to at least let the fusspot sit on the seat between us and play. The real problem was that the fusspot was the only baby on the flight and at some point there was an announcement about "Babies must be changed in the lavatory." First off, not actually an airline rule and I know that nobody around us complained because I actually asked them. I change the fusspot on my lap when I'm flying. It is SO much safer than carrying her all the way to the back of the airplane, putting her on a flat metal board (airline changing tables never have straps) in a small, smelly room and dealing with the possibility of turbulence at any point. I have a tiny, fold-up waterproof pad that I put on my lap and since we use cloth diapers it's not as if there is any waste we need to throw away. And given our extensive Amtrak time in the past, I can change her diaper on my lap in under 30 seconds. Of course, I don't change diapers when there is food out, but I am honestly still pissed about this one. If the stewards know quite so much about the safest/easiest way to change diapers, I'd be quite happy if they volunteered to just do it for me.

And now, a slightly separate rant about infant seatbelts which have been an issue on every international flight we've taken. They seem to be all the rage in Europe, and while I love the concept the execution is sorely lacking. About half of them cannot be adjusted, and they seem plenty large enough for an adult. Which is to say that the fusspot could easily slid out any number of ways, and more importantly while fully wrapped in the seatbelt she could certainly hit her head on the tray in front, and possibly the tray 2 rows in front. Second, they make it much harder to breastfeed which is also important for her ears. Third, I am quite sure that the Ergo provides more security for the fusspot during turbulence, but I have uniformly been asked to take it off by flight attendants (also while going through security, which is beyond annoying. Dear daft security folks, please explain how exactly you want me to balance my baby, hold my boarding pass, take out my liquids and laptop and fold up my stroller for you at the same time? Because my plan was to use a baby carrier ...)

I have yet to hear any complaints about breastfeeding and other passengers have uniformly been nice about the fusspot (and I'll admit, she had yet to have a real meltdown on a flight). Ground service has been overwhelmingly nice about dealing with strollers (and so many stroller pieces with the bugaboo!) and letting us pre-board (not because we want to be on first, but very nice for getting your luggage on board). In general security has been mixed (none too thrilled about the Ergo or the breast pump, but otherwise helpful) and the flight attendants uniformly looked overworked, tired, and supremely disappointed that I finally managed to procreate and insist upon bringing my adorable constant companion with me. They all seem to take it personally, although I do understand that their jobs have gotten a lot rougher recently.