This certainly isn't the right place to vent about this, but I'm not sure what is. And I would attribute at least 80% of my irrational anger to hormones, so it's at least slightly relevant.
Our friends are rude. I grew up in the South. This nice little Jewish girl actually attended cotillion. I know how to respond to wedding invitations. If you receive an invitation, miss the reply-by-date by over a week and are then contacted to ask whether you'll be attending, you should offer an excuse. These are many and very easy to come up with given the location:
a. It's too inconvenient/expensive to travel
b. I can't attend a Sunday evening wedding because of my work
c. I have a prior commitment (even if you made it the day before replying)
d. I have another wedding (whether true or not)
e. I will be too pg to travel (so many of those)
f. Or even the super basic, I was trying to figure it out and it didn't work out
However, don't tell us if you don't want to come because another friend isn't attending and you think you'll be bored (true) or you actually waited until after the reply-by-date to invite your family to come visit you that weekend and they haven't got back to you (true).
And, if you have replied "yes" and you change your mind more than 10 days after the reply-by-date please try to offer an excuse better than "I wasn't sure you really wanted us there." Um, we invited you, ok?????
Which is to say that throwing a wedding has really made me re-evaulate some of my friendships. None of the four couples we see at least once a week at JD's or the 6 friends who I work with daily at school are coming. In fact, not a single friend from my university is coming. Kind-of makes you think you probably gaged those relationships incorrectly.
And now JD is annoyed at me that I don't want to hang out with his friends here, but when all four replied "yes" and then changed their replies in the past week, it makes me a bit reticent to go out of my way to cook for them or spend money we really don't have going out to dinner with them. And I do actually think politeness is important in a friendship (unlike JD, whose best man backed out of the wedding this week - great. Did I mention we sent out save-the-dates in December because of our little IF adventures? And he waits until 2 weeks before the wedding to notify us).
I know JD thinks I'm being superficial about this, but this type of rudeness really gets to me. I'm done.
10 comments:
It's not the hormones. Or at least, the hormones aren't making you irrational. You have every right to be mad at them.
We ended up eloping after I became too frustrated with everyone's conflicting schedules.
I agree with you. It's not the cancellations, or that people can't make it - stuff happens. It's the carelessness and lack of manners, lack of thought as to how their behaviour would make YOU feel. I'd refuse to hang out with them or cook for them too.
It's not superficial. In the end, there are people who are fun to hang out with, and there are friends, and FRIENDS care about how you feel. Friends, if they can't make it, let you know quickly. Friends mind that you might mind. Friends don't dick about with your plans, especially, sheesh, not WEDDING plans.
Yes, these people might be lovely to spend fun time with, but how are they going to be when you need support, or help, or can't run about doing fun things in bars because you are a parent, already? They may surprise you and come up trumps. They may vanish into the mist. Who can say. But this kind of annoying carelessness about your special day is a bit of a clue and if JD calls you superficial for minding about it again, send him over to me and I'll talk his ears off.
Sorry. Feeling a bit hormonal myself, especially on the issue of so-called friends. Must not vent on other people's blogs just because they are venting. Must go eat chocolate.
This kind of thing seriously pisses me off, too, and I'm a Yankee, so it's not a Southern thing.
Wow! I would be pissed too. What is wrong with those people??
Thanks so much for commenting on my blog!
I can't believe the lengths to which some people will go at trying to acheive the award for Rudest Person Ever. We went through some similar battles when John Dear and I got married. What BS. This is not hormones at all - this is a polite person shocked at the behavior of boors.
YOu are right, and he is wrong. There how is that? I agree with nutsinmay, the carelessness and lack of manners is appaling
A good friend is one who makes it to your wedding.
I second what everyone else said - it is absolutely rude.
Ugh, this kind of thing can make weddings soooo stressful. To the extent that you're able, don't let it make you too crazy ...
I agree that is rude - I was really put out by some of D's friends who didn't RSVP, and also put out by "mind changers" who failed to inform us of this fact. I remember one friend who wouldn't respond to D's request to answer, and I finally called and left a message and he would talk to me. yes, he got the invitation, he just didn't think he needed to respond since he wasn't coming!?
We don't talk to him much anymore.
I may live on the South, but I'm from Detroit, so I don't think it's regionalism (although New Yorkers are known more for their rudeness :))
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