nervous

I started spotting tonight. At dinner. A truly miniscule amount. Small enough that I couldn't tell you if it was red or pink. But it made me super-scared.

And the timing was not perfect. I was in fact at dinner with a good friend who is hosting my shower tomorrow. And I had to tell her the news so she'd know why I wasn't drinking tonight or tomorrow. And I couldn't hurl the whole: I'm 11 weeks pregnant but worried that I am at this very moment miscarrying at her so I didn't tell her about the spotting. Poor girl thinks I have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes because of my delicate physical state, not my nerves.

But I called my mom. Who waited up till midnight to see me.

And I told JD, which I probably shouldn't have. Not only is there absolutely nothing he can do, but he's actually visiting friends in TN for the weekend. Way to ruin his night. And I'm home for the shower, so we're still a good 800 miles away.

The good news:
- I'm 11 weeks
- I had a good u/s on Tuesday with the heartbeat - all looked well
- I'm scheduled for an NT u/s on Wednesday morning at 9 am (and I don't get back to JD's till Tuesday night so I couldn't run into my clinic any earlier)

The bad news:
- This is a symptom-less pg, which makes it hard to feel confident in anything
- I have undiagnosed/PCOs IF, which increases the chance of miscarriage

And just because I am that obsessive, I just might have accidentally had some raw milk dairy products on Friday. We went to a super-fancy pre-Shabbos dinner at a local restaurant, and I had the presence of mind to check if their feta was pasteurized, and the waiter said no. So I changed my order. But then I realized later that I had a cream-based soup. Now, as far as I know, it's thoroughly illegal to serve actual raw milk in a restaurant (raw milk cheese is an exception because the long processing time kills most bacteria). I am sure of this because my friend's who own a dairy farm has to label all of their unpasteurized milk "Not for human consumption" (even though it is clearly purchased by mothers to feed to their children. They would be entirely liable for selling unpasteurized milk that resulted in a human illness). But it still makes me nervous about the whole restaurant and I told my mother I would not go back there.

I know that most women spot at some point, but isn't this a bit late? I'm just hoping that there is no more spotting tomorrow at all, and then I will hopefully feel a little better. Not that I can spend all day curled up in bed waiting to find out - there's a big party being held in my honor tomorrow (I know, cry me a river you say, and I totally understand. It's so tough to have to go to a party where you are going to receive oodles of gorgeous gifts for your household and yummy lunch. But really, the spotting couldn't have waited an extra 12 hours?)