2 hours later and we'll just call that attempt a failure. The fusspot cried for an hour. She got louder every time I went in to check on her and since I could see her through the cracks in the crib I stopped going in every 10 minutes. Between the 59 minute mark and the 1:10 minute mark she was quiet so I went to crawl into bed.
Turns out my baby was just sitting bolt upright in her crib waiting for me to come back.
Repeat. It's 2:01 am and I'm tired. The fusspot is sitting bolt upright in her crib wide awake waiting for me. Oh well. At least I got a shower, right?
9 comments:
Sorry sweetie. Sounds like you will be having some rough nights until she adjusts to these changes.
Hang in there. Lil Pumpkin eventully got over not having her evening "bubble" (bottle), too. Might sound small in comparison, but it was a huge deal for her. But it was time.
Is it possible the time zone changes are also complicating matters for Fusspot?
Sometimes I think CIO is far more traumatizing and exhausting for the parent than the child. We have done it a couple of times with Jack and it's never easy. However, we have noticed that yes, each night the crying gets significantly shorter. Also (and this is far more important to me) when he wakes up in the morning, he's still a happy baby who loves to see us and doesn't hold a grudge (or bear any emotional scars).
Having said that... if you don't want to do it, then don't. I cannot fathom how difficult being a single parent has been for you and I admire you each and every time I read your blog. You are an incredible woman doing something that I don't know that I could do. You should feel so proud of yourself and your fusspot. You are setting such a great example for her!
Hang in there - wish I was close enough to help out!
Rachel, I just wanted to say that I feel for you. I have been trying to space out the twins' night time feedings (at least their feedings before I go to bed). They were doing fantastic! Neither waking up before 11pm (we put them down at 6:30), but now Nora is teething and wants nothing to do with daddy putting her back down or me putting her down without nursing her. /sigh/ It is very tiring, and in a perfect world, I wouldn't ever want my kids to cry. At the same time, it's not like the fusspot is a tiny baby anymore. I'm sure that she can take it, and you being happier will be better for her in the long run.
Do what you have to do, and if you can live with a little modified CIO and it makes your world easier, then do it.
I too wish that I were there to lend a hand. I'm sure that we could just pile her in our baby pile and she'd be a happy little peanut. Haha.
Thinking about you!
Boy, you are having a rough go of it. I also had lots of trouble letting Emery CIO, and never could do the true full out protocol because of my tender heart for her wails. I spent hours, HOURS, trying to get her to go to bed on her own without having to CIO. She also never napped at daycare, and my husband went at school at night and I worked then so I very much felt like a single working mother on the weekdays (though still not the same as you, I know). I can empathize with you.
When I did do CIO, it was only after I knew all her needs were met and I could step outside long enough to refocus and not hear her cries. It was always more difficult for me than her, I'm sure.
I was also so frustrated that BFing never seemed condusive to working or sending my child to daycare.
Hang in there! If it helps, I'll tell you that Emery now falls asleep in her crib the second I put her down without a peep and sleeps 12 hours straight. If only someone would have told me that a year ago!
I'm a lurker; since the day we were both 28 weeks pregnant. I like the way how our life stuff goes in parallel. I like learning the european perspective on childrearing practices from you.
I'm working full-time too and I've been nursing my son non-stop since birth as he refused bottle and refused solids up until 10.5 months. So I think I understand your struggle.
That said, I did try CIO for 50 minutes when he turned 1. Then I gave up the idea because his temperament changed so much, it's not worth it. He got very clingy afterwards, it took me a week of full-assurance to have my confident son back.
I know my son sleeps the worst in daycare. But I'm proud that he is the only kid who doesn't have separation anxiety, he is the baby that everyone knows, he is the happiest and most playful and most social etc.
I just hope you don't let that pretty girl cry. She hasn't done anything against what nature has taught her to do.
I am just catching up on the last few posts. What a tough situation to find yourself in! I am also wondering if adjusting to time zone changes has her off too? I know Pumpkin is ~always~ a worse sleeper when we come home from a trip. We don't do CIO- but I will let her go if it's just fussing or cranking at night- the second she hits that point of no return & I know full on crying is next- up I go.
And I am not in any way comparing- because I can not imagine being in a foreign land as a single mom- but I ~am~ the one who works. While this means the hub is home with her all day & busy all day- because it is one of the hardest jobs I can imagine- he also has her on an excellent nap schedule where he is guaranteed at least 2 hours to himself.
I have no such luxury. Once I am home I want nothing but time with her. And sleep- but lately sleep has been elusive here as well.
Ughg- it's early, I haven't slept much (again) and I am just starting to sip my coffee- so I am rambling! Really just want to say hang in there- I feel (some of) your pain, and it's bound to get better- no matter what you end up doing. And yes- sometimes you just have to let the baby cry & take care of your sanity a bit!
Ugh. I am so sorry, friend. How incredibly rough that must be. For what it's worth, I am in AWE of you, managing to do your scholarly thing AND raise a child, while on the other side of the ocean from your partner. Superwoman doesn't even cover it.
But ultimately, as it comes to the sweet Fusspot, you have to do what will work best for YOU. Fusspot will benefit more from a happy, well-rested, less-stressed mother, even if it means she ends up crying herself to sleep. However, if crying it out leaves you feeling more stressed, then it doesn't do much to benefit you. I don't think that anyone wants to see their child upset, but ultimately, you will be a better parent if you ensure that you are more rested and relaxed, whichever way works best to get you to that state.
Hang tough, sister. You can do it.
We finally did a little CIO when LL was ~10 months old because I was going *insane* from lack of sleep. I kept chanting "a rested mommy is a better mommy" over and over and over. Listening to him cry really sucked. But, if you're going to do it, here's my advice: do NOT go back in every 10 minutes to check. It makes it worse. On the nights when I kept checking to make sure he was okay and to reassure him, he cried on and off for two hours. When I just closed the door and didn't check, he cried for 15 minutes.
Just a suggestion, and hopefully you won't think them too crazy (but hey, why not give them a try) . . . have you thought of leaving Fusspot an article of your clothing (with your scent) to be comforted by? What about a recording of you singing, or talking softly, or reading stories to her, to have playing in her room? Perhaps the sound of your voice would be soothing.
I know of babies who are lulled by the sounds of vacuum cleaners or certain t.v. shows, so the parents make tapes of it (or you can buy such items online) and play it to help the child feel relaxed and coaxed into sleep.
I know, kinda out there, but I figured it couldn't hurt to suggest. Desperate times sometimes call for wacky solutions.
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