Just a little more venting

I am stressed. And it's making me feel sick. I guess I should not have agreed to this visit. Or to doing the packing when I have a ton of work to do. I feel like I've suddenly (really, this is not normally me - I'm quite good at making my needs known) turned into a soft, gooey doormat that other people can make demands on.

I've escaped to the library for 45 minutes, but I'm just too tired and anxious to get real work done, even though I have so, so much to do. Something tells me I'm going to be stuck lugging my laptop around on our honeymoon ...

My apartment is trashed. By both JD and my sister. She actually changed her feminine products in the living room while I was having breakfast. I did not barf. I'm not normally queasy about these things, but apparently I really am now.

I feel bad about not saying goodbye to our friends yesterday night because she wanted to go home. People I won't see again unless they happen to come visit us in NYC (which quite a few of them are planning to. It cracks me up that a number of JD's friends want to come up for a comic book convention in February and since they are super-easy going, I told them it wouldn't be a problem if they all come pile into the mini-apartment with us and a theoretical one-month-old. They are very excited to meet the baby, but they have the funniest theories about what she'll be doing come February 2009).

She's also making me feel guilty about silly, little things. There's a decent amount of food in our fridge. All opened so we can't donate it. She asked if we were really going to trash all of it ... but what am I supposed to do? We have a 17 hour drive and no cooler, followed by a train, a bus and 2 flights. I'm not planning to drag this stuff around with me. We've offered all of our local friends to come grab whatever they want, but, um, well, they have their own groceries. And I really would have planned meals to eat it all if it weren't for her visit (and thus visiting relatives, going out, running behind schedule yesterday night and having to grab quick food on the way out of the house, and, oh, the fact she doesn't want any meat meals? And honestly, I get to be a bit picky at this point - I'm supposed to be eating this magical diet that's high in protein, calcium, vegetables and fruits and all sorts of other wonderful foods - that means I can't just eat cereal for dinner to not waste food).

Oh, and since this is supposed to be an IF blog and not just my personal navel gazing, I thought I'd throw this in. I am not interested in pregnancy/parenting advice from my sister because she is clueless. She told me her friend had an all-natural childbirth with no fetal monitoring, etc. but I know we both read her birth story on her blog and she talked about the baby going into decels and being told she had to get him out immediately. It's just that my sister doesn't know what the lingo means or what's involved in a natural childbirth. Even a homebirth in 2008 involves a doppler and a little fetal monitoring, and that's a good thing.

Her dear friend had a baby 2 weeks ago (another one of those huge bellies at my wedding) and they are your classic over-zealous (in a good way), obsessive, idealistic first-time parents. I won't say more because they're a great couple and I think they're doing a great job, just in a different style than we might (ok, I'll give a little example. She refused all ultrasounds because she thinks they're bad - i.e. would never consider terminating and would love whatever her body produced. Fine, great. I had ultrasounds to make sure my fetus was viable, for my own sanity, and um, because, I have an acquaintance whose fetus' fatal birth defect was operated on and fixed in utero. She has a beautiful little girl now because she had an ultrasound, underwent a very painful and invasive surgery at a top hospital, and thus gave birth to a little girl with a weak but functioning heart who could survive until they could do more extensive surgery on her. Without that surgery her baby would never have even survived the birth process). Well, my sister was visiting this couple before she came here and seems to have a lot of advice for me. I'm so glad that they're both going to work full-time (after her 12 weeks of leave) and arrange their schedules so they don't need daycare. Good for them. JD works 60-70 hours a week and I have classes I have to teach at fixed times - it's just not an option for us. Not even something worth spending more than 60 seconds pondering. I have a career. I am not self-employed. JD has a very intense work schedule. We need daycare, and we will find the very best daycare we can afford (and probably as little as 15 hours a week the first 6 months) but I am not in any way going to feel guilty about that.

And she is also annoying me because when we were talking about the birthing process, she made some comment about how JD might not be up for it and she would come if necessary. Um, that would require her to come to NYC for say, a month, given that I could have a natural birth anytime between 37 weeks and 41? But she also told me she might not be able to get any vacation days between December and June (when I leave the country for 9 months) so she probably won't be able to meet her niece until she's a year old. I'm sorry, I'm not flying to CA for her convenience. She could take a red-eye and come for a weekend if she wanted to. But I am just not being guilted into flying out there (notice, this is the first time she's visited me in 5-6 years, I usually got out to see her at least every year).

Sorry about the extended whine. I am very, very impressed if you read this far. I guess I should have expected this to happen, but I just kept hoping for a more relaxing visit. And we haven't fought after all.

Can't wait to get out of here on Friday. And have 17 hours alone time with my husband (we're spending shabbos on the drive up at my parent's house but they're on vacation! A large, beautiful quiet house near a pool with nobody to see and nothing to do ...)