So excited to find out that I have readers both in NYC and elsewhere who were willing to comment on my daycare dilemma. So here are my responses, and the progress we've made.
Anonymous, I presume you are not in NYC. I would love to just send the fusspot to a good Montessori daycare (mind you daycare, she's too young for preschools of which there are far more). I would love it so much that I forked over $30 to apply, even though I knew there would be more than 500 applicants for the 30 or so spots. And we tried. Except this happened at our local Montessori preschool (in fact, in a post titled "Why we need to leave NYC"). And the four other reasonable daycares in the neighborhood wouldn't even consider her because they couldn't interview her on their schedule, seeing as we live abroad and all. While NYC mothers get an accurate representation as obsessive, some of it is well-deserved. There has been a huge baby boom in the city and given the very strict regulations on fire escapes, sinks, bathrooms, etc. there are very few apartments which can be made into daycares, and thus exceedingly few spots open. I would guess that a ratio of 500 applicants per 30 spots goes for all of the places in our neighborhood. There is the daycare in the 'bad neighborhood' nearby but I am increasingly hesitant to send the fusspot into a tiny one-room facility with 14 other kids, an elevator which breaks frequently making it impossible for them to even go out on a walk, and a TV which is turned on, despite the lovely staff. So yes, I'd love to send her to a Montessori daycare, no, it's not going to happen.
And then my new NYC reader (hi Malea!) suggests we ought to pay our nanny off the books to be fair to them. First off, my opposition to this is by no means philosophical or theoretical or even political (even anything, being left of left of left we're all for making it easier for immigrants, especially since I am a first generation American, JD emigrated, and my MIL actually worked as an illegal nanny on the UES before her papers came through), it's just that within the next five years one or both of us could very easily land up in a job interview where an early and legit question would be "Have you knowingly broken any laws?" and I just don't want to put us in a position where we can't answer that question. I don't talk about JD's work, but you might imagine him doing something like enforcing immigration law, which is why this matters so much. So as to the pay, when I said pay 'generously' I should have clarified that we will advertise a base pay, tell people they have to be legal, and then take on fully the extra costs associated with taxes, workers comp, etc. So if we advertise $10 an hour, we are well aware that we will be paying $15 an hour. I do realize we can't offer nearly enough for a good quality of life, but the woman who we initially hired and then backed out is making under $9000 a year and thus qualifying for medicaid. I really doubt that her standard of living would be lower if she took a job where she'd make $25,000 a year. And Rachel, in NYC a single adult needs to make under $9000 to qualify for Medicaid, so I'm sure your acquaintance qualified because of her dependents.
Carrie suggested we find other activities to help the fusspot learn Chinese, but go with a local nanny share (which is what we did last year 2 days a week). Here's the problem: I really think that she needs at least 30 hours a week exposure to Chinese in order to get the intonations correct and become fluent. Even basic language classes don't start until age 3 or 4, and I think that's awfully late for this language (and believe me, I have suffered through enough language classes that I can say with confidence that some languages are easier than others. Honestly folks, I've passed at least the first year in eight languages along my long educational path ...).
But Kate and Jenn's comments both got me thinking about priorities, and the truth is that I'd also really like for the fusspot to be bilingual. And if JD really wasn't going to push Chinese, then I'd probably try to put her in a Hebrew-language daycare (of which there are several, they just have crazy politics). So yes, this is his priority, but I'm going to need to do more than passively support it in order for it to happen. And also, despite our best liberal intentions, we have very much fallen into the (hopefully very temporary) trap that JD brings in the bulk of our income but he has to work really long hours to do so, and thus I am the one who takes responsibility for daily household stuff and staying home with the fusspot is sick, etc. So here's what I did: I e-mailed JD and told him he needs to:
1. Figure out his priorities on this language thing and how much he cares
2. Figure out how much he's willing to pay for childcare (not how much we can, how much he's actually comfortable doing)
3. Realize that I can't find a Chinese-speaking home daycare/nanny so he needs to do it, and he needs to get it done by the time we get home
and just for good fun, I reminded him that 4. Since I will be doing every single pick-up and 90% of the weekday bedtimes alone, he is solely in charge of getting the fusspot out of the house and to her daycare, wherever it is. Every single day. Rain or snow, not my problem.
And yes, it was only #4 which made him mad. What can I say? We're just not morning people.
Thank you so much for all your comments and suggestions. They really helped me work through the situation, and I do think dealing with it via e-mail was a good idea.
So, new topic: meal plans. I am really excited (incredibly super-excited, Rachel) to get back to a regular ol' 2-parent household in the land of abundantly stocked supermarkets. So I've been thinking about dinner plans. I told JD I would cook 4 nights a week if he cooked 1 night a week (real meals, which require more than one serving dish and are not take-out). I figure we can eat leftovers/eat at work/pizza/let my MIL cook for the remaining two nights a week quite reasonably. And I may even institute something crazy like breakfast foods for dinner on Thursday night when the fusspot gets old enough to appreciate it. I love breakfast food, and it's fast and a fun little family tradition.
So I need to cook 4 meals a week. I figure I should aim for 2 dairy, 2 meat meals (yes, we keep kosher. But almost anything except for pork and shellfish can be modified to be kosher so don't feel restricted below). So here are dinners that I can make easily off the top of my head (any quick skimming of the list will reveal my deep love affair with my crockpots - perfect for shabbos, perfect for dinner on a busy day especially since I will be cooking with the fusspot under foot). So here is the question of the night, dear readers: what are your favorite 3-4 easy weekday dinners?
Dairy dinners:
mushroom lasagna
curry cauliflower soup
baked tortillas
enchiladas
butternut squash casserole
eggplant moussaka
creamy tofu with cold peanut noodles
egg-tomato-noodle stew
mushroom stroganoff
cream of brocoli soup (crockpot)
harira
vegetarian chili (crockpot)
baked mac and cheese
spicy peanut-tomato soup
baked salmon
stuffed whitefish
vegetable popovers (not a full meal but good)
lentil soup/stew
vegetarian pot pie (crockpot)
polenta (crockpot)
feta-olive pasta (stovetop)
grilled cheese (maybe it's not dinner for you, but I love it. Horseradish cheddar and whole wheat bread make it delicious)
meat dinners:
brisket
chicken stir fry
cold chicken salad
guiness beef stew (crockpot)
meat chili (crockpot)
spicy peanut chicken (crockpot)
sweet and sour chicken (crockpot)
beaf meatballs
steak
And now for my personal challenge of the month, I have challenged myself to enter into an online contest every day. We'll see if I win anything. 30 contests in the month of February (ok, so I'm at 5 already but that's a good thing given how busy this month is). I won't do contests you have to register for, I don't tweet/'follow' anyone/advertise for free on my blog/become 'facebook friends' so that rules out a number of contests, but there's still plenty of stuff out that and I want to see what happens this month. I'll let you know how it goes, but if you see any really good online contests I'd love to hear!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
A tough post to write (subtitled childcare part IV)
So our childcare search for NYC has yet again stalled. So we have two big problems: money and culture. Obviously this is not an easy post to write (and I do worry about offending my dear readers), but I'd love your thoughts.
When JD and I started talking seriously about children, one thing I was adamant about was that they would be raised as observant Jews. Kosher home, shabbos, holidays, the works. And JD shrugged and said fine, all his parents would care about was that the kids could speak Chinese. Perfect compromise, right? Except that JD works 60-70 hours a week so he's not around enough to speak Chinese to her. So we figured we go with Chinese-daycare, except the commute would be over an hour and involve the subway, so that's a no go. So we've been looking for a Chinese-speaking nanny or home daycare. Should be easy enough in NYC except that we also need it to be legal.
So here's where things get really frustrating. If we have a 'nanny' who comes into our home and watches the fusspot there, we are responsible for checking her papers, paying workers comp and unemployment, filing taxes, etc. So she needs to be legal. There are plenty of legal Chinese nannies in NYC (and we are happy with one who doesn't speak English which puts us way ahead of the super-wealthy looking for a little 'cultural enrichment' ads), it just turns out that they all want to be paid off the books. Seriously, three interviews in a row with women with green cards who then seemed puzzled that we would be paying them legally and thus they would lose their medicaid (and there is a bit of a cultural barrier here because many of these immigrant women just don't understand the benefits to getting paid legally). And while I understand that that choice sucks, it is their choice and there must be someone out there who wants to make two to three times as much (plus all the benefits like unemployment when JD and I move and have to fire them) for less hours in nicer working conditions.
If the fusspot goes into someone else's home, then suddenly they are running an 'illegal daycare' (even if it's just her) and we are no longer responsible for taxes, etc. - just like I never asked the stiff-necked daycare manager if he pays taxes here in Lalaland. And JD is seriously leaning towards this option because it is much cheaper (and means we can pay off our debt faster, not that our standard of living would change). But this option makes me a bit panicked. If we have a nanny in our apartment I can stay for the first couple of days and monitor the situation, I can drop by unannounced whenever I want, I can monitor the food the fusspot eats and what she plays with ... if she is in someone else's home I have no idea how much it has been babyproofed, whether the caregiver is watching TV all day (we really want NO TV - seriously, paying a lot by the hour, I'm happy for them to make the fusspot do quiet time alone when they need a break, but there's just no reason for her to watch TV, especially not adult-targeted programs), no idea who else will be around, etc. I do really like the idea of a SAHM who needs a little money and would also watch the fusspot - except we can't find anyone who fits that bill and the other 'home daycare' options are all older folks who need a job. And my friend who had a neighbor watch her daughter ran into perpetual trouble where either her daughter or the other kid were sick and the woman didn't want two sick kids ... or she had errands to run, etc. and would cancel at the last minute.
And here's what I really need to get off my chest: this process is beyond infuriating because both JD and his parents are last minute folks (remember, I just planned a wedding with them, I say this with confidence). And I am incredibly frustrated that they've had months to work on this and have done practically nothing, and even when a friend e-mails us a reference they will sit on it for days or weeks before picking up the phone, which is absurd when someone bothers to send us a name and contact information. And I really wish that I could just do the search myself but I can't. I can't because these women don't speak English. And part of me wonders if it is really worth it, given how much harder it is going to be for me for next year and the coming years. If you ask me why I care about the fusspot's religious education I can answer with lightening speed. I am proud of my identity and I truly believe it has given me a good moral code and worldview. If you ask JD what he's proud of about being Chinese, he usually shrugs. I know that doesn't mean nothing, but there are so many aspects of that culture which are a struggle for me to understand (just a little example, his family's utter bafflement at giving money to charity. Their attitude is that you help your family, and why would you waste money on people in natural disasters? Obviously that's not how we live, but it is hard to understand) and he just doesn't spend the time to explain them. While my religion has endless problematic dictates and history (to mention just one, its stance on homosexuality), I was raised to grapple with them. So when JD says I'm nagging him about finding childcare, I really just want to give up, say we're going with the usual Spanish-speaking nanny, and hey we can even do a nanny-share with our neighbors or good friends down the street.
I also feel like it is going to be me who pays the consequences of not finding a nanny - me who scrambles to patch together childcare for the first two or three weeks I'm back while JD heads off to work every morning. Me who is going to get only 32 hours a week of childcare and will put in the rest of my 50 hour workweek late at night and on Sundays (when my MIL is around) and anytime JD can be there. And me who will stay home with the fusspot if she's sick and we're in a home daycare that doesn't want a sick baby. And while I wish I could just tell JD I'm going to work the day after we arrive back in NYC and he'll have to take the baby if he hasn't arranged anything, the sad gendered-truth if it is that his job pays maybe 9 times as much as my salary next year, and so he really does need to go to work.
So what would you do? I don't to nag my husband and in-laws endlessly, but I do really want this resolved in February (because we'll be traveling and really busy from mid-March until we return). And I care more about the fusspot being in a safe, fun, quasi-educational environment than the total number of hours of childcare. But I do still need childcare, and the more we spend on it the less chance the fusspot has of having a sibling next year.
When JD and I started talking seriously about children, one thing I was adamant about was that they would be raised as observant Jews. Kosher home, shabbos, holidays, the works. And JD shrugged and said fine, all his parents would care about was that the kids could speak Chinese. Perfect compromise, right? Except that JD works 60-70 hours a week so he's not around enough to speak Chinese to her. So we figured we go with Chinese-daycare, except the commute would be over an hour and involve the subway, so that's a no go. So we've been looking for a Chinese-speaking nanny or home daycare. Should be easy enough in NYC except that we also need it to be legal.
So here's where things get really frustrating. If we have a 'nanny' who comes into our home and watches the fusspot there, we are responsible for checking her papers, paying workers comp and unemployment, filing taxes, etc. So she needs to be legal. There are plenty of legal Chinese nannies in NYC (and we are happy with one who doesn't speak English which puts us way ahead of the super-wealthy looking for a little 'cultural enrichment' ads), it just turns out that they all want to be paid off the books. Seriously, three interviews in a row with women with green cards who then seemed puzzled that we would be paying them legally and thus they would lose their medicaid (and there is a bit of a cultural barrier here because many of these immigrant women just don't understand the benefits to getting paid legally). And while I understand that that choice sucks, it is their choice and there must be someone out there who wants to make two to three times as much (plus all the benefits like unemployment when JD and I move and have to fire them) for less hours in nicer working conditions.
If the fusspot goes into someone else's home, then suddenly they are running an 'illegal daycare' (even if it's just her) and we are no longer responsible for taxes, etc. - just like I never asked the stiff-necked daycare manager if he pays taxes here in Lalaland. And JD is seriously leaning towards this option because it is much cheaper (and means we can pay off our debt faster, not that our standard of living would change). But this option makes me a bit panicked. If we have a nanny in our apartment I can stay for the first couple of days and monitor the situation, I can drop by unannounced whenever I want, I can monitor the food the fusspot eats and what she plays with ... if she is in someone else's home I have no idea how much it has been babyproofed, whether the caregiver is watching TV all day (we really want NO TV - seriously, paying a lot by the hour, I'm happy for them to make the fusspot do quiet time alone when they need a break, but there's just no reason for her to watch TV, especially not adult-targeted programs), no idea who else will be around, etc. I do really like the idea of a SAHM who needs a little money and would also watch the fusspot - except we can't find anyone who fits that bill and the other 'home daycare' options are all older folks who need a job. And my friend who had a neighbor watch her daughter ran into perpetual trouble where either her daughter or the other kid were sick and the woman didn't want two sick kids ... or she had errands to run, etc. and would cancel at the last minute.
And here's what I really need to get off my chest: this process is beyond infuriating because both JD and his parents are last minute folks (remember, I just planned a wedding with them, I say this with confidence). And I am incredibly frustrated that they've had months to work on this and have done practically nothing, and even when a friend e-mails us a reference they will sit on it for days or weeks before picking up the phone, which is absurd when someone bothers to send us a name and contact information. And I really wish that I could just do the search myself but I can't. I can't because these women don't speak English. And part of me wonders if it is really worth it, given how much harder it is going to be for me for next year and the coming years. If you ask me why I care about the fusspot's religious education I can answer with lightening speed. I am proud of my identity and I truly believe it has given me a good moral code and worldview. If you ask JD what he's proud of about being Chinese, he usually shrugs. I know that doesn't mean nothing, but there are so many aspects of that culture which are a struggle for me to understand (just a little example, his family's utter bafflement at giving money to charity. Their attitude is that you help your family, and why would you waste money on people in natural disasters? Obviously that's not how we live, but it is hard to understand) and he just doesn't spend the time to explain them. While my religion has endless problematic dictates and history (to mention just one, its stance on homosexuality), I was raised to grapple with them. So when JD says I'm nagging him about finding childcare, I really just want to give up, say we're going with the usual Spanish-speaking nanny, and hey we can even do a nanny-share with our neighbors or good friends down the street.
I also feel like it is going to be me who pays the consequences of not finding a nanny - me who scrambles to patch together childcare for the first two or three weeks I'm back while JD heads off to work every morning. Me who is going to get only 32 hours a week of childcare and will put in the rest of my 50 hour workweek late at night and on Sundays (when my MIL is around) and anytime JD can be there. And me who will stay home with the fusspot if she's sick and we're in a home daycare that doesn't want a sick baby. And while I wish I could just tell JD I'm going to work the day after we arrive back in NYC and he'll have to take the baby if he hasn't arranged anything, the sad gendered-truth if it is that his job pays maybe 9 times as much as my salary next year, and so he really does need to go to work.
So what would you do? I don't to nag my husband and in-laws endlessly, but I do really want this resolved in February (because we'll be traveling and really busy from mid-March until we return). And I care more about the fusspot being in a safe, fun, quasi-educational environment than the total number of hours of childcare. But I do still need childcare, and the more we spend on it the less chance the fusspot has of having a sibling next year.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Some improvement
In case you were wondering exactly how to treat an increasingly active toddler with asthma and a 103 fever when living alone.
1. Close the curtains. You really don't want the neighbors watching.
2. You need the equivalent of a toddler-sized swaddle. I wrapped the fusspot in a queen-sized sheet to keep her hands out of the way.
3. Place child lying down someplace safe (i.e. mattress, not hard floor. Lesson learned). Position your knee next to her head to minimize head shaking.
4. Hold inhaler with one hand and squeeze the apparatus. With other hand attempt to keep child from wriggling desperately away (see above as to why you should not do this on a hard floor).
Yeah, fun times around here.
Which is why I am a bit worried about this whole ideal of co-parenting. JD was incredible with the fusspot from the very first day (and far surpassed even his own expectations during the delivery). I just worry that our long absence is going to cause all sorts of problems when we get back in terms of his expectations of life with a fusspot in tow.
Example #1: He was annoyed when we called and woke him up this weekend so that he could talk to the fusspot before her bedtime. Yeah, I woke my husband up around noon on a Sunday and he was annoyed.
Example #2: When I e-mailed to say he should call us before heading to work this morning as the fusspot was still too sick for daycare, he called and grumbled about being worried about me finishing my work. And getting a job. And balancing it all given Project 2.0 (and honestly, the guy mentioned the prospect of Project 3.0 before I have a job - I do adore him).
Example #3: We return to NYC on a Sunday evening (sorry Carrie! The flight doesn't get in until 7 pm) and while I expect to need Monday and Tuesday to unpack, grocery shop, and get over exhaustion/jetlag, I was quite happy about trying to get back to work on Wednesday. Presuming of course that JD has found a nanny/home childcare for the fusspot. Needless to say no great progress has been made (more on that later, when there's more to whine about ;-))
I try to keep myself ungoogleable by not mentioning my research here, but needless to say it is a rather esoteric subfield of academia. However, I also read a lot of time-life surveys as part of it, and I've been rereading several of the classic feminist texts on work-life balance for another project. And reading them just reaffirms everything I feel about my career. I do something I love, and I really want to succeed. But in the end there's never a 'good' time for a baby (not that I have any choice in the matter), people get laid off, terrible accidents happen, and I never want to feel like I missed out on time with the fusspot or having another child (and for those of you pondering the extreme hubris of a 100% anovulatory woman pondering Project 3.0, you should know that we would be equally thrilled to grow our family through adoption, making the prospect of the numeral 3 and above far more likely). So I told my husband tonight if that means he wants to choose a place to move and have me restrict my career-prospects to a specific region at some point in the future, we can talk about it. I feel like in some ways I'm giving up on so many things. We has always agreed that he chose NYC, we would move wherever I could get a job next (I realize this is hard for people in a more flexible field to understand, but I will have NO idea what part of the country we might land up in until a few weeks before moving and practically no control at all. At best, I might have a choice between two places but given the timing of job offers and the really short time to respond, even that is unlikely in the current job climate). And while I hope that's still the plan, I'm not willing to rearrange my life in such a way that I can unequivocably state that my career will take precedence over his in the next decade. Which is to say that I am growing more comfortable with the idea of ovulation induction sans IVF, or put another way, less terrified of having twins in the future. In the end it's going to be my relationship with JD and how many children I have and how I parent them that makes me really proud. And then I wonder if stating the obvious explains why I need to fight even harder to defend my dedication to this highly-competitive career. I mean really, doesn't everyone know that I care more about being with the fusspot (even when she's sick and grumbly and we can't even go for a walk because it's too cold) than a day of work?
1. Close the curtains. You really don't want the neighbors watching.
2. You need the equivalent of a toddler-sized swaddle. I wrapped the fusspot in a queen-sized sheet to keep her hands out of the way.
3. Place child lying down someplace safe (i.e. mattress, not hard floor. Lesson learned). Position your knee next to her head to minimize head shaking.
4. Hold inhaler with one hand and squeeze the apparatus. With other hand attempt to keep child from wriggling desperately away (see above as to why you should not do this on a hard floor).
Yeah, fun times around here.
Which is why I am a bit worried about this whole ideal of co-parenting. JD was incredible with the fusspot from the very first day (and far surpassed even his own expectations during the delivery). I just worry that our long absence is going to cause all sorts of problems when we get back in terms of his expectations of life with a fusspot in tow.
Example #1: He was annoyed when we called and woke him up this weekend so that he could talk to the fusspot before her bedtime. Yeah, I woke my husband up around noon on a Sunday and he was annoyed.
Example #2: When I e-mailed to say he should call us before heading to work this morning as the fusspot was still too sick for daycare, he called and grumbled about being worried about me finishing my work. And getting a job. And balancing it all given Project 2.0 (and honestly, the guy mentioned the prospect of Project 3.0 before I have a job - I do adore him).
Example #3: We return to NYC on a Sunday evening (sorry Carrie! The flight doesn't get in until 7 pm) and while I expect to need Monday and Tuesday to unpack, grocery shop, and get over exhaustion/jetlag, I was quite happy about trying to get back to work on Wednesday. Presuming of course that JD has found a nanny/home childcare for the fusspot. Needless to say no great progress has been made (more on that later, when there's more to whine about ;-))
I try to keep myself ungoogleable by not mentioning my research here, but needless to say it is a rather esoteric subfield of academia. However, I also read a lot of time-life surveys as part of it, and I've been rereading several of the classic feminist texts on work-life balance for another project. And reading them just reaffirms everything I feel about my career. I do something I love, and I really want to succeed. But in the end there's never a 'good' time for a baby (not that I have any choice in the matter), people get laid off, terrible accidents happen, and I never want to feel like I missed out on time with the fusspot or having another child (and for those of you pondering the extreme hubris of a 100% anovulatory woman pondering Project 3.0, you should know that we would be equally thrilled to grow our family through adoption, making the prospect of the numeral 3 and above far more likely). So I told my husband tonight if that means he wants to choose a place to move and have me restrict my career-prospects to a specific region at some point in the future, we can talk about it. I feel like in some ways I'm giving up on so many things. We has always agreed that he chose NYC, we would move wherever I could get a job next (I realize this is hard for people in a more flexible field to understand, but I will have NO idea what part of the country we might land up in until a few weeks before moving and practically no control at all. At best, I might have a choice between two places but given the timing of job offers and the really short time to respond, even that is unlikely in the current job climate). And while I hope that's still the plan, I'm not willing to rearrange my life in such a way that I can unequivocably state that my career will take precedence over his in the next decade. Which is to say that I am growing more comfortable with the idea of ovulation induction sans IVF, or put another way, less terrified of having twins in the future. In the end it's going to be my relationship with JD and how many children I have and how I parent them that makes me really proud. And then I wonder if stating the obvious explains why I need to fight even harder to defend my dedication to this highly-competitive career. I mean really, doesn't everyone know that I care more about being with the fusspot (even when she's sick and grumbly and we can't even go for a walk because it's too cold) than a day of work?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sometimes you just have to call a friend and say: meet us at the bar
When the daycare called at 1 pm to say the fusspot had a fever above 102 (below 102 is welcome to stay - no wonder she's always sick) I figured I might as well call the doctor before heading over to pick her up. My suspicion was either pneumonia (from a lingering cold, cough, and high fever) or UTI (from yea.st infection, sporadic high fever and general lethargy). Dr. Google and my intuition score a: F for fail.
The doctor examined her (although he did not take her temperature - which was the main culprit), declared this a "normal cold" that should be "getting better by tomorrow evening" and then added for good measure "But what are you doing about her asthma?"
Yes, I had childhood asthma. Yes, I know what wheezing sounds like. I just figured that most babies sound like that when they are sick. Turns out that is wrong.
And yet again, I wish that I lived with my husband. See, they don't do nebulizers here. They use regular inhalers with an extra air chamber for infants. Which means that you have to:
1. pin the child's hands down
2. hold the inhaler to their face
3. squirt the inhaler
See the problem?
Which is how I ended up calling a friend at 4 pm and saying "I'll buy you a glass of wine if you'll pin my daughter in her stroller." And two breastfeeding mothers sat in the window of a popular bar on the local 'main street' and sipped their wines and breastfeed (yes, at the same time. This is Europe, and there has to be some benefit to living over here). And then my friend pinned the fusspot to the stroller and I gave her her meds. I am really hoping that the daycare teachers will help me hold the fusspot even if they are not allowed to give her any medicene themselves. Otherwise I may be drinking rather a lot of wine in the next few days.
The doctor examined her (although he did not take her temperature - which was the main culprit), declared this a "normal cold" that should be "getting better by tomorrow evening" and then added for good measure "But what are you doing about her asthma?"
Yes, I had childhood asthma. Yes, I know what wheezing sounds like. I just figured that most babies sound like that when they are sick. Turns out that is wrong.
And yet again, I wish that I lived with my husband. See, they don't do nebulizers here. They use regular inhalers with an extra air chamber for infants. Which means that you have to:
1. pin the child's hands down
2. hold the inhaler to their face
3. squirt the inhaler
See the problem?
Which is how I ended up calling a friend at 4 pm and saying "I'll buy you a glass of wine if you'll pin my daughter in her stroller." And two breastfeeding mothers sat in the window of a popular bar on the local 'main street' and sipped their wines and breastfeed (yes, at the same time. This is Europe, and there has to be some benefit to living over here). And then my friend pinned the fusspot to the stroller and I gave her her meds. I am really hoping that the daycare teachers will help me hold the fusspot even if they are not allowed to give her any medicene themselves. Otherwise I may be drinking rather a lot of wine in the next few days.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Mostly thawed out
currently serving as the best human pacifier ever. It turns out that 3 days sans heat will give you the most awful head cold ever. And exactly 12 hours after I finally felt well enough to go out and brave the world, the fusspot came down with a 104 fever. Day 2 of 'the great fever #5' and she's still miserable. Hopefully it's just my cold (she is very congested), but I also have suspicions that the persistent ye.ast infection (weird daycare disease #9, but who's keeping track?) could have become a UTI (thanks to 3 mini accidents yesterday and today).
Hey, at least we're getting a brand new heating system on Thursday.
Thoughts to come on talking to my mother about Project 2.0, worries about co-parenting, and meal plans for the future. Oh, and small vs. large stroller in the capital of gelato and pizza. But not until a certain someone releases me from human pacifier duties.
Hey, at least we're getting a brand new heating system on Thursday.
Thoughts to come on talking to my mother about Project 2.0, worries about co-parenting, and meal plans for the future. Oh, and small vs. large stroller in the capital of gelato and pizza. But not until a certain someone releases me from human pacifier duties.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Back after we thaw out
American readers may not have heard that Europe is in the middle of an unusually cold and unusually long cold spell. Cold enough to freeze the water in the park in front of our house so that 100+ people could play on it. Rather cold.
And I'd been feeling colder at night too. Colder and colder ... [ominious background music].
Yup. Our heater is broken. NO heat. The joys of renting in a new city. Apparently it may get fixed tomorrow. Yesterday night I put the fusspot in a long-sleeve onesie, fleece pjs, 2 sleep sacks and then snuggled her up next to me in bed. And while I'm sure she was plenty warm enough, let me assure you a rather critical part of my body landed up exposed all night long and I did not feel so great when I woke up. So I'll be back to regular posting just as soon as my left nipple thaws.
(And yes, it is an attached house so I don't think it's really cold enough to be dangerous inside. Just cold enough to keep us quadruple wrapped and snug under the covers from the moment we finish dinner until we have to venture out in the morning).
And I'd been feeling colder at night too. Colder and colder ... [ominious background music].
Yup. Our heater is broken. NO heat. The joys of renting in a new city. Apparently it may get fixed tomorrow. Yesterday night I put the fusspot in a long-sleeve onesie, fleece pjs, 2 sleep sacks and then snuggled her up next to me in bed. And while I'm sure she was plenty warm enough, let me assure you a rather critical part of my body landed up exposed all night long and I did not feel so great when I woke up. So I'll be back to regular posting just as soon as my left nipple thaws.
(And yes, it is an attached house so I don't think it's really cold enough to be dangerous inside. Just cold enough to keep us quadruple wrapped and snug under the covers from the moment we finish dinner until we have to venture out in the morning).
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Dadada
I read a lot of military blogs when we first got over here. I was really looking for tips on efficient household management (of which I found very few), but I was also interested in how these women deal with their husbands being gone for months on end. And one thing that was repeated over and over again was to talk about the missing father, to put his photos up, to make his presence felt. And I think my mom was probably looking at the same blogs because when she came to visit she brought a number of cheap frames and we put framed photos of the fusspot and her father in all of her toys boxes (one upstairs, one downstairs, one small one on the kitchen counter for when I'm cooking). And although I'm not at all sure she 'understands' the photos - it's nice to know that she sees his face a lot.
And we talk about him a lot. See, the fusspot's only real phrase is "A-dadada." So whenever she starts talking, I talked about her dada. And then we get a lot of stares.
Conversation in the cafe today:
Fusspot: "A-dadada"
Me: "No, that's a sock. But you're right, dada likes to wear socks." Well, usually.
Fusspot: "A-dadada"
Me: "No, that's a glass of water. But you can have some. And dada likes to drink water too."
And by this point all of the people sitting around us are edging farther and farther away.
Last week JD had two nightmares where I'd lost the fusspot and replaced with her a taller, blond child and tried to pass off the replacement child as ours (Paging Freud? This one seems pretty obvious). Of course, I also had a nightmare last week that I was pregnant and gave birth. To four kittens. And the doctor kept trying to tell me to be proud because I'd had four at once, and I kept telling her I'd rather have babies. Moving on.
I don't watch TV. Never have. Grew up in a house without a TV, have no TV in NYC, and have turned my TV here on only a couple of times. But even so, it's hard to miss the images of Haiti. And there is something so visceral that hits you when you see photos of children alone. It makes me want to jump up from the couch and start making phone calls and filing out adoption papers. And I really wasn't sure how to broach the topic with JD because he's always been far more hesitant to plan for an adoption in the future (note to new readers: my dream is to foster or adopt special needs children in the future when JD and I are fully settled and ready for the challenge. My feeling is that we have been given every privilege and resource in the world and we of all people ought to have the time/education/money/insurance to take on the challenge of a child with extra needs). And anyway, I figured better to talk in person.
But I did check with JD that he had made a donation to a charity working in Haiti. And he said yes, and I didn't think any more about it. Until I found about an Etsy store where all the profits go to Haiti, which is my type of charity (I never claimed to be perfect). So I asked JD exactly how much we'd given, and whether it would be ok if I purchased something for myself or a baby present from the Etsy store. And JD said fine, and told me our gift hadn't changed our budget. Because JD took all of the money he'd been budgeting to buy a kindle and gave it away. So who knows, maybe his thoughts on the joy of caring for a child in need and bringing a child with a different background into our home are changing. And even if his views on adoption haven't changed yet, I'm still sure I've got the right dada for me.
And we talk about him a lot. See, the fusspot's only real phrase is "A-dadada." So whenever she starts talking, I talked about her dada. And then we get a lot of stares.
Conversation in the cafe today:
Fusspot: "A-dadada"
Me: "No, that's a sock. But you're right, dada likes to wear socks." Well, usually.
Fusspot: "A-dadada"
Me: "No, that's a glass of water. But you can have some. And dada likes to drink water too."
And by this point all of the people sitting around us are edging farther and farther away.
Last week JD had two nightmares where I'd lost the fusspot and replaced with her a taller, blond child and tried to pass off the replacement child as ours (Paging Freud? This one seems pretty obvious). Of course, I also had a nightmare last week that I was pregnant and gave birth. To four kittens. And the doctor kept trying to tell me to be proud because I'd had four at once, and I kept telling her I'd rather have babies. Moving on.
I don't watch TV. Never have. Grew up in a house without a TV, have no TV in NYC, and have turned my TV here on only a couple of times. But even so, it's hard to miss the images of Haiti. And there is something so visceral that hits you when you see photos of children alone. It makes me want to jump up from the couch and start making phone calls and filing out adoption papers. And I really wasn't sure how to broach the topic with JD because he's always been far more hesitant to plan for an adoption in the future (note to new readers: my dream is to foster or adopt special needs children in the future when JD and I are fully settled and ready for the challenge. My feeling is that we have been given every privilege and resource in the world and we of all people ought to have the time/education/money/insurance to take on the challenge of a child with extra needs). And anyway, I figured better to talk in person.
But I did check with JD that he had made a donation to a charity working in Haiti. And he said yes, and I didn't think any more about it. Until I found about an Etsy store where all the profits go to Haiti, which is my type of charity (I never claimed to be perfect). So I asked JD exactly how much we'd given, and whether it would be ok if I purchased something for myself or a baby present from the Etsy store. And JD said fine, and told me our gift hadn't changed our budget. Because JD took all of the money he'd been budgeting to buy a kindle and gave it away. So who knows, maybe his thoughts on the joy of caring for a child in need and bringing a child with a different background into our home are changing. And even if his views on adoption haven't changed yet, I'm still sure I've got the right dada for me.
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