is not always welcome. And it makes me so mad.
The Jewish community in my little town in Lalaland is tiny. Tiny enough to only hold services once a month. The fusspot and I walked in yesterday morning for the first time and literally the very first thing that the president's wife said to me when I sat down was:
"A bit oriental looking, isn't she [for a Jewish baby]?" (my translation, of course)
I wish that I had profound thoughts to share on the matter, just like I wish I had more profound thoughts on gender expectations, but the truth is that I am often just relieved that the fusspot is too young to understand what's going on. Of course, that's not exactly a long-term strategy for dealing with this. My grandparents were rather racist and I am well aware that racist people can otherwise be wonderful and kind. I also know that this community went through so much during the war and they feel extraordinarily threatened (as they will should) that they will be the last generation of observant Jews in Lalaland. And of course the fusspot and I were the only two people under 30 in the building. But it still just feels like a dagger-filled wall that is thrown up the moment we walk into certain places and I struggle with wondering whether we oughtn't to protect the fusspot by not placing her in such situations, or whether we ought to blindly flail our way through in the faith that we still belong in the community I was raised in.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Just venting
I know my life is charmed and all, but still:
1. My in-laws are visiting.
2. My beloved bugaboo is broke. Out $100 and a good 2 weeks wait at least. Potentially due to the activities of person in item #1. Anyways, I need two new wheels. Which can only be shipped to the U.S. (I have an old model, although it still strikes me as odd since I live in the land of bugaboos), and then shipped to me. Oh, at $30 a piece.
3. I've snapped more than is reasonable for a 4-day visit. Although I do occasionally feel justified. Like when I randomly wandered into the kitchen yesterday night to discover someone (in #1) had taken chicken and beef out of the fridge and put it on the counter (next to the radiator) to defrost until dinner tonight (so, say, 20 hours?). Not safe folks. Not safe at all.
4. While trying to fix item #2 I found out my credit card has been cut off. Apparently I forgot to pay last month's $25 bill. But in this great financial climate before I could just 'pay the balance in full' (go extravagant me) I had to choose from a pull-down list of excuses for being late (none of which included absentmindedness but they did have both 'laid off' and 'no income' separately) and then provide an estimated date at which I can pay the full amount (now. last month. next month. I should perhaps add that this is my 'play money' credit card and our monthly joint account bill is significantly higher than $25). I finally gave up and called the company because it seemed like a lie to answer the questions.
5. As a result of said credit card being cut off I could not complete the phone call because my skype account is also disconnected. Whee!
6. I try to plan one weekend trip/visit every month to break up the frustrations of living alone with a non-verbal, not-fully-toilet-trained, immobile (but adorable) companion. I had made theoretical plans for next month, but it turns out the friend I was going to visit is moving continents. Whoops.
In conclusion, truly all is well but I am rather grumpy.
Clearly I posted too soon. 2 additions:
7. In case it is not clear to my dear readers, I do the organizing in JD and my life. A very underappreciated task. JD called yesterday to ask how I got such good bargains on car rentals because he has to go to a wedding this weekend -the save the date for which has been on our fridge for at least 4 months- and he can't find a good deal. Needless to say my 'bargains' are found by booking more than 48 hours in advance, so we're out over $100 for a one-day rental and tangentially JD won't be able to have so much as a drop to drink at the wedding given that he's driving a rental car.
8. I mentioned to persons in item #1 casually how they NEED to get the fusspot's carseat installed properly before we next visit the U.S. Blank stares. And really, I don't have much more to say other than the fact that I. will. NOT. be visiting them until they can take 20 minutes and get the carseat installed, base and all. And I also will not be getting in their car if they show up at the airport without the carseat installed (clearly JD could just read the manual and do it, but barring that they need to swing by the dealership or the police station or a big box store and ask for help. I can't exactly figure it out from a continent away).
9. I am a huge fan of potluck dinners, especially for busy moms. BUT, I'm not such a fan of throwing a potluck dinner and then asking the last person who rsvp'd to bring the main entre (suggestions?) Of course, given that last Sunday's lunch was an unmitigated disaster, I'm not sure exactly what I should have offered to bring. Let's just say I grabbed a bottle of wine someone had brought to my apartment, it was duly acknowledged and placed on the table, and then when it came time to sit down and eat the host took one look at the bottle, and put it away. The hostess then inquired why we weren't opening it, to which he replied with a withering glower. And in retrospect, the acquaintance who brought it over is a bit cheap, so it's possible that I showed up to a lovely Sunday lunch and offered up something a little more gauche than 2-buck-chuck. Brilliant.
1. My in-laws are visiting.
2. My beloved bugaboo is broke. Out $100 and a good 2 weeks wait at least. Potentially due to the activities of person in item #1. Anyways, I need two new wheels. Which can only be shipped to the U.S. (I have an old model, although it still strikes me as odd since I live in the land of bugaboos), and then shipped to me. Oh, at $30 a piece.
3. I've snapped more than is reasonable for a 4-day visit. Although I do occasionally feel justified. Like when I randomly wandered into the kitchen yesterday night to discover someone (in #1) had taken chicken and beef out of the fridge and put it on the counter (next to the radiator) to defrost until dinner tonight (so, say, 20 hours?). Not safe folks. Not safe at all.
4. While trying to fix item #2 I found out my credit card has been cut off. Apparently I forgot to pay last month's $25 bill. But in this great financial climate before I could just 'pay the balance in full' (go extravagant me) I had to choose from a pull-down list of excuses for being late (none of which included absentmindedness but they did have both 'laid off' and 'no income' separately) and then provide an estimated date at which I can pay the full amount (now. last month. next month. I should perhaps add that this is my 'play money' credit card and our monthly joint account bill is significantly higher than $25). I finally gave up and called the company because it seemed like a lie to answer the questions.
5. As a result of said credit card being cut off I could not complete the phone call because my skype account is also disconnected. Whee!
6. I try to plan one weekend trip/visit every month to break up the frustrations of living alone with a non-verbal, not-fully-toilet-trained, immobile (but adorable) companion. I had made theoretical plans for next month, but it turns out the friend I was going to visit is moving continents. Whoops.
In conclusion, truly all is well but I am rather grumpy.
Clearly I posted too soon. 2 additions:
7. In case it is not clear to my dear readers, I do the organizing in JD and my life. A very underappreciated task. JD called yesterday to ask how I got such good bargains on car rentals because he has to go to a wedding this weekend -the save the date for which has been on our fridge for at least 4 months- and he can't find a good deal. Needless to say my 'bargains' are found by booking more than 48 hours in advance, so we're out over $100 for a one-day rental and tangentially JD won't be able to have so much as a drop to drink at the wedding given that he's driving a rental car.
8. I mentioned to persons in item #1 casually how they NEED to get the fusspot's carseat installed properly before we next visit the U.S. Blank stares. And really, I don't have much more to say other than the fact that I. will. NOT. be visiting them until they can take 20 minutes and get the carseat installed, base and all. And I also will not be getting in their car if they show up at the airport without the carseat installed (clearly JD could just read the manual and do it, but barring that they need to swing by the dealership or the police station or a big box store and ask for help. I can't exactly figure it out from a continent away).
9. I am a huge fan of potluck dinners, especially for busy moms. BUT, I'm not such a fan of throwing a potluck dinner and then asking the last person who rsvp'd to bring the main entre (suggestions?) Of course, given that last Sunday's lunch was an unmitigated disaster, I'm not sure exactly what I should have offered to bring. Let's just say I grabbed a bottle of wine someone had brought to my apartment, it was duly acknowledged and placed on the table, and then when it came time to sit down and eat the host took one look at the bottle, and put it away. The hostess then inquired why we weren't opening it, to which he replied with a withering glower. And in retrospect, the acquaintance who brought it over is a bit cheap, so it's possible that I showed up to a lovely Sunday lunch and offered up something a little more gauche than 2-buck-chuck. Brilliant.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Project 2.0 hits a brick wall
but just maybe things are looking up?
Long-time readers (hi Carrie! hi Rachel! hi Ms. J! Guys, I love having more long-time readers than I can easily name check on a single line - you are awesome) may be aware that I am a bit obsessive. So even though Project 2.0 is still many months and one trans-Atlantic move away, I still thought it would cheer me up to figure out the details when I was back stateside.
Hence began the awful game: IF clinic phone tag.
Extra bonus: Balancing 2 clinics at once, do not dare let this be known be either.
Handicap: A cell phone battery which only lasts about 5 minutes and endless friends/relatives visiting/eavesdropping.
Note: 3+ weeks later we're still waiting to get all of our questions answered.
In brief, the clinic in City Y would be happy to let us cycle with them long-distance. They'll let me know what lab work needs to be done, charge us their low flat rate for the cycle even though I'm a l-o-n-g stimmer, and they are happy to follow our earlier protocol.
Downsides: having to live in City Y for 1-3 weeks (which is to say I am seriously considering crashing on the couch of a single guy buddy of JD's with my fusspot in tow while shooting myself up with drugs. Alone. In a city I have no connection to. Yeah, we're not exactly your traditional couple), having to buy a last minute ticket back up to NYC depending on how long I stim, realizing that we may be a bit more risk adverse this time around (see previous posts on twins).
Big Apple clinic: Happy to take me as a patient, fine with a 'natural inter.c.ourse cycle.' Rates are truly affordable for NYC: $450 for the initial consult. $200 for every ultrasound (and every. single. ultrasound. has to be done at their office - even though I get free ultrasounds elsewhere in the city. They justify this by basically not charging for the consults mid-cycle, which I'm guessing also means you don't actually see the doctor mid-cycle - they supervise from afar while running between their IVF patients with fixed rates per cycle). Still unclear if they will restrict where my meds come from (Po.rt.la.nd Pharmacy is not approved of by all clinics, even though it is full reputable) and will allow bloodwork elsewhere. Estimated cost of a cycle given my stimming history: $3300 plus meds - so around $5000 with meds and co-pays on lab draws. (And yes, we will pay every penny of that ourselves. Whee!)
Downsides: Cost, dealing with a new clinic (nurse dear, if I say that I have NO NO NO cycle do not send me paperwork which calls for CD3 labwork. I have NO NO NO cycle. I will not be able to identify a lovely CD3 for you. And while we're at it, don't suggest I use bcps to 'restart my cycle' when I already noted that I am one of those incredible women who can take standard bcps and not bleed during the placebo weeks. Same for prog.est.er.one to induce bleeding while we're at it. That's why I mailed you my medical file, darlin'. And anyway, pumping your body full of artificial hormones doesn't lead to the most representative lab results, ya know?).
And all seemed to be well in the world. And all of the cosmos were shifting so that early May might just be a possibility (oh how I hope my pox scars have faded by then ...) until chipper down South IVF coordinator says something about "And of course that will be at least six months since you weaned the fusspot, right?"
Screech.
Six months??????
So I called Big Apple clinic to ask their policy. Silence. Followed by silence. Followed by more silence (and yes, that's 4 separate voicemails asking the same question, for the record. Including one left by JD, which cheered me up immensely).
Now given how many of my friends have gotten pregnant while breastfeeding, I know that it is on occasion possible. And LLL has all sorts of testimonials about women who cycled (albeit not injectables while bf). Not that I was dreaming of that (and for the record, don't read their webpages. They are filled with testimonials which read like this: I was 45, infertile, nursing my 3-year-old-conceived-through-IVF and trying to decide whether I should end this beautiful nursing relationship to cycle again when POOF! I got pg on my own. Just like that. And now I can tandem nurse forever).
It's just that I really don't want to have to wean the fusspot alone. Or before she turns 18 months. Or close to 18 months? I realize it's possible and all, but my friends who have had an easy time weaning have used the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method which relies on a handy-dandy third party -let's just imagine husband/partner for many couples- to help break some of the associations, so do things like put the fusspot to bed or take her out of the bath (bathing makes my baby exceedingly hungry. Beats me). And I just don't want to have to go through all of that alone, with a baby pawing away at my clothes (my military friend who weaned when her husband was away said she literally could not take her bra off for a full 2 weeks - in bed, in the shower, or her daughter would go crazy trying to get to the source).
And then there's the whole wild trip to someplace awesome (which starts with an I and ends with an -ndia), which my pediatrician is totally fine with as long as the fusspot is bf.
So here was my fantasy: wean in May, cycle in June. But when you add an extra 6 months in ... it just doesn't look the same.
Clinic #1 has offered to test my prolactin every month and let me start cycling as soon as it's low enough once the fusspot is fully weaned. But since that would mean a full lab work up, than 20 days of bcps, then a bleed and then stims ... we're still looking at a long delay (my original plan was to start bcps simultaneous with full-on weaning attempts on the thought that the meds lower milk production anyway and wouldn't be dangerous in small doses for a month for the fusspot).
Clinic #2: crickets.
But now I have to decide: wean the fusspot while living alone, and pre-big trip, and much, much closer to 12 months than I ever dreamed of. Or deal with a mid-summer start date at the earliest, and a possible delay until the fall. And of course there's the advice of all 3 REs who have treated me to be very careful not to add age into my laundry list of complications. So I love the idea of being able to cycle again before 30. And yes, I'll just admit it here: the thought of weaning the fusspot early on to face months of labwork and canceled cycles has warmed even my cold, barren heart towards the idea of twins just a bit (there I've said it).
Anyway, IF sucks and I unfortunately just finished my candy bar while writing this so I'm off to scour the kitchen for more chocolate. Any other coping techniques/advice much appreciated.
Long-time readers (hi Carrie! hi Rachel! hi Ms. J! Guys, I love having more long-time readers than I can easily name check on a single line - you are awesome) may be aware that I am a bit obsessive. So even though Project 2.0 is still many months and one trans-Atlantic move away, I still thought it would cheer me up to figure out the details when I was back stateside.
Hence began the awful game: IF clinic phone tag.
Extra bonus: Balancing 2 clinics at once, do not dare let this be known be either.
Handicap: A cell phone battery which only lasts about 5 minutes and endless friends/relatives visiting/eavesdropping.
Note: 3+ weeks later we're still waiting to get all of our questions answered.
In brief, the clinic in City Y would be happy to let us cycle with them long-distance. They'll let me know what lab work needs to be done, charge us their low flat rate for the cycle even though I'm a l-o-n-g stimmer, and they are happy to follow our earlier protocol.
Downsides: having to live in City Y for 1-3 weeks (which is to say I am seriously considering crashing on the couch of a single guy buddy of JD's with my fusspot in tow while shooting myself up with drugs. Alone. In a city I have no connection to. Yeah, we're not exactly your traditional couple), having to buy a last minute ticket back up to NYC depending on how long I stim, realizing that we may be a bit more risk adverse this time around (see previous posts on twins).
Big Apple clinic: Happy to take me as a patient, fine with a 'natural inter.c.ourse cycle.' Rates are truly affordable for NYC: $450 for the initial consult. $200 for every ultrasound (and every. single. ultrasound. has to be done at their office - even though I get free ultrasounds elsewhere in the city. They justify this by basically not charging for the consults mid-cycle, which I'm guessing also means you don't actually see the doctor mid-cycle - they supervise from afar while running between their IVF patients with fixed rates per cycle). Still unclear if they will restrict where my meds come from (Po.rt.la.nd Pharmacy is not approved of by all clinics, even though it is full reputable) and will allow bloodwork elsewhere. Estimated cost of a cycle given my stimming history: $3300 plus meds - so around $5000 with meds and co-pays on lab draws. (And yes, we will pay every penny of that ourselves. Whee!)
Downsides: Cost, dealing with a new clinic (nurse dear, if I say that I have NO NO NO cycle do not send me paperwork which calls for CD3 labwork. I have NO NO NO cycle. I will not be able to identify a lovely CD3 for you. And while we're at it, don't suggest I use bcps to 'restart my cycle' when I already noted that I am one of those incredible women who can take standard bcps and not bleed during the placebo weeks. Same for prog.est.er.one to induce bleeding while we're at it. That's why I mailed you my medical file, darlin'. And anyway, pumping your body full of artificial hormones doesn't lead to the most representative lab results, ya know?).
And all seemed to be well in the world. And all of the cosmos were shifting so that early May might just be a possibility (oh how I hope my pox scars have faded by then ...) until chipper down South IVF coordinator says something about "And of course that will be at least six months since you weaned the fusspot, right?"
Screech.
Six months??????
So I called Big Apple clinic to ask their policy. Silence. Followed by silence. Followed by more silence (and yes, that's 4 separate voicemails asking the same question, for the record. Including one left by JD, which cheered me up immensely).
Now given how many of my friends have gotten pregnant while breastfeeding, I know that it is on occasion possible. And LLL has all sorts of testimonials about women who cycled (albeit not injectables while bf). Not that I was dreaming of that (and for the record, don't read their webpages. They are filled with testimonials which read like this: I was 45, infertile, nursing my 3-year-old-conceived-through-IVF and trying to decide whether I should end this beautiful nursing relationship to cycle again when POOF! I got pg on my own. Just like that. And now I can tandem nurse forever).
It's just that I really don't want to have to wean the fusspot alone. Or before she turns 18 months. Or close to 18 months? I realize it's possible and all, but my friends who have had an easy time weaning have used the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method which relies on a handy-dandy third party -let's just imagine husband/partner for many couples- to help break some of the associations, so do things like put the fusspot to bed or take her out of the bath (bathing makes my baby exceedingly hungry. Beats me). And I just don't want to have to go through all of that alone, with a baby pawing away at my clothes (my military friend who weaned when her husband was away said she literally could not take her bra off for a full 2 weeks - in bed, in the shower, or her daughter would go crazy trying to get to the source).
And then there's the whole wild trip to someplace awesome (which starts with an I and ends with an -ndia), which my pediatrician is totally fine with as long as the fusspot is bf.
So here was my fantasy: wean in May, cycle in June. But when you add an extra 6 months in ... it just doesn't look the same.
Clinic #1 has offered to test my prolactin every month and let me start cycling as soon as it's low enough once the fusspot is fully weaned. But since that would mean a full lab work up, than 20 days of bcps, then a bleed and then stims ... we're still looking at a long delay (my original plan was to start bcps simultaneous with full-on weaning attempts on the thought that the meds lower milk production anyway and wouldn't be dangerous in small doses for a month for the fusspot).
Clinic #2: crickets.
But now I have to decide: wean the fusspot while living alone, and pre-big trip, and much, much closer to 12 months than I ever dreamed of. Or deal with a mid-summer start date at the earliest, and a possible delay until the fall. And of course there's the advice of all 3 REs who have treated me to be very careful not to add age into my laundry list of complications. So I love the idea of being able to cycle again before 30. And yes, I'll just admit it here: the thought of weaning the fusspot early on to face months of labwork and canceled cycles has warmed even my cold, barren heart towards the idea of twins just a bit (there I've said it).
Anyway, IF sucks and I unfortunately just finished my candy bar while writing this so I'm off to scour the kitchen for more chocolate. Any other coping techniques/advice much appreciated.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wowie
Least y'all think that no good could possibly come of the two rather judgmental NYT's articles about IVF and IUIs ...
Well.
I am a bit blown away.
JD just offered to call both of our potential clinics to ask a very specific question about Project 2.0 since neither has returned my calls. And to be clear, neither returned my calls after I spoke to the IVF coordinator at both last week. I am guessing that either they don't deal with this question much, or just maybe they realized that I really rather care that they get the answer right.
No secrets here: the wall Project 2.0 hit has to do with breastfeeding. And cause we like to keep it real simple 'round here, thrown in with some heavy-handed pediatrician advice to keep at it if I really plan to take the fusspot to the 3rd world this spring. And obviously if I really have to choose between a fab vacation and cycling 3-6 months earlier, well, long-time readers will know that I am one of the "obsessed" referred to in said articles but still ...
More on 2.0 soon. But the fusspot has a tooth! and I must sleep whenever possible to keep up with her voracious appetite.
Well.
I am a bit blown away.
JD just offered to call both of our potential clinics to ask a very specific question about Project 2.0 since neither has returned my calls. And to be clear, neither returned my calls after I spoke to the IVF coordinator at both last week. I am guessing that either they don't deal with this question much, or just maybe they realized that I really rather care that they get the answer right.
No secrets here: the wall Project 2.0 hit has to do with breastfeeding. And cause we like to keep it real simple 'round here, thrown in with some heavy-handed pediatrician advice to keep at it if I really plan to take the fusspot to the 3rd world this spring. And obviously if I really have to choose between a fab vacation and cycling 3-6 months earlier, well, long-time readers will know that I am one of the "obsessed" referred to in said articles but still ...
More on 2.0 soon. But the fusspot has a tooth! and I must sleep whenever possible to keep up with her voracious appetite.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Since I rant about unfortunate comments so frequently ..
the fusspot and I were at a Sunday lunch today and one of the moms was complaining about the cost of childcare while a full-time student and made some off-hand remark about how none of us quasi-single moms had 'planned pregnancies.'
And I just said rather quietly: "We did. In fact, we had to wait a month to raise our Amex credit limit before we could start."
Which immediately turned the conversation to my insides and stuff. And one of the woman said two really nice and really appropriate things. She said "It is just really unfair that some women can't get pregnant" and "It's nice that your daughter will know how much she was wanted when you tell her what you went through."
Just really kind comments and not the type you often hear.
And then a few minutes later I realized that all of these other women had been there to witness each other's births. And listening to them I was just starting to think how nice it would be to be able to support another woman during delivery ...
So when another friend later tonight asked if I'd come during her labor to hang out, I said sure. Not sure if I meant it, but we'll see. At least I can still shock myself occasionally.
And I just said rather quietly: "We did. In fact, we had to wait a month to raise our Amex credit limit before we could start."
Which immediately turned the conversation to my insides and stuff. And one of the woman said two really nice and really appropriate things. She said "It is just really unfair that some women can't get pregnant" and "It's nice that your daughter will know how much she was wanted when you tell her what you went through."
Just really kind comments and not the type you often hear.
And then a few minutes later I realized that all of these other women had been there to witness each other's births. And listening to them I was just starting to think how nice it would be to be able to support another woman during delivery ...
So when another friend later tonight asked if I'd come during her labor to hang out, I said sure. Not sure if I meant it, but we'll see. At least I can still shock myself occasionally.
All of my fears about twins
An article in the NYT's today: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/11/health/11fertility.html?ref=health
And later, Project 2.0 hits a brick wall.
And later, Project 2.0 hits a brick wall.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Much improved, just send kleenex
I don't think I've ever gone this long without posting. I've been in a bit of a funk. A funk that really should have been cured by 2 weeks vacation in the U.S. and seeing JD. But that's not exactly how things worked out.
Just before we left for NYC I wrote and then immediately deleted a funny post about what an obsessive first-time mom I am. The type who sees three little spots on her daughter's arm, starts googling obsessively, and diagnosis her with the dreaded chick.en pox. I then called and woke my mom up at 5 am to consult, and she assured me that if there were only 3 spots and no more after 2 days it couldn't be the pox.
So I went back to Dr. Google and self-diagnosed spider bites, and then spent hours vacuuming and dusting (which was probably well needed). I did decide to cancel my lunch with a preggers friend, but rescheduled a playdate with a new acquaintance and her 2-year old.
All I can say is like moths to a flame. New-friend asked me about more children, and like normal I started in on my IF rant. New-friend smiled and told me she knows all about it because they did clomid and IUIs for months and finally got pregnant the month after they stopped. And WHEE! she's pregnant again! And she even got pregnant before and lost the baby but WHEE! she can get pregnant without drugs. And maybe I'll just 'get lucky' someday too. Needless to say I haven't been so keen to schedule a follow-up playdate here.
Fast forward to daycare drop off 24 hours before our scheduled departure for NYC (on a bus, a train, and 2 planes all filled with healthy, innocent bystanders). I walk into the fusspot's room and realize that she does indeed have the dreaded pox because 6 of her classmates are covered head to toe in oozing pox. Apparently here in Lalaland the pox is considered a normal childhood disease, they don't vaccinate, and they certainly don't send babies home from daycare with it ... even though the fusspot is in a room with 4 newborns (I can almost hear the gasp from across the ocean). So the pox it was, and I spent hours on the phone with her American pediatrican ("make sure to put her in long sleeves and a hat in case she breaks out more on the plane") and her local doctor ("I wouldn't say she's not contagious per se, but have a lovely va-kay") and feeling horribly, terribly guilty (sidenote: do non-vaccinaters feel guilty when they bring their sick children into public with potentially life-threatening diseases?). The problem is that I was using the return half of an early ticket and then the first half of a new return ticket to NYC and neither airline would budge on their rebooking fee and I really don't have an extra $2000 lying around, so not going would have meant not seeing JD for a full 8 months.
(The conversation went something like this: "I am about to bring my highly contagious baby on your flight. She could pose a serious risk to your other customers and flight attendants. I would like to reschedule - can you lower your fees at all?" "Nope - shoudda bought travel insurance woman" "Dude, can't buy travel insurance for a lapchild in the U.S." "Hahah, sucks to be you")
Bet you didn't know that diarrhea is a common side-effect of the pox in babies. It was a fun flight. I am eternally grateful that we were seated near no potentially-fertile woman on either flight (we were in fact surrounded by businessmen) so that I did not need to have that super-de-duper-awkward conversation ("Hi. I'm irresponsible parent just wondering if you might possibly be pregnant and if so about to recommend that you move seats immediately because my fusspot is currently in the highly contagious phase for a disease that could be serious for you." I will admit that since we've returned to Lalaland and since the pox epidemic seems to have spread through my entire city I am rather relieved to see pox-infected babies at the library, the supermarket, the fair - so apparently they just have a completely different notion about it.)
After a bus, a train ride, a 2.5 hour wait in an airport, a flight, a sprint through airport #2 to flight #2, a long transatlantic flight I got off the plane at JFK to discover that JD was 'working late' and I was greeted by my in-laws. My MIL coos over the fusspot, then turns to me and says "You look tired. I beat you'd be less tired if you stopped breastfeeding." Sigh.
Obviously we couldn't exactly hang out with our baby-friends in NYC for the first week. And JD was working. But we went down South to see my parents and saw the awesome Kate. Although my mother insisted on severely restricting who we saw during the holidays and where we went.
And then we went back to NYC and I woke up one morning with a bright red rash on my stomach. Yup, I got the pox. And guess what makes the adult pox even worse? If you are breastfeeding a baby who likes to touch and kick and scratch your ever-so-itchy stomach. Awesome. So then we canceled all of our rescheduled playdates, including seeing this incredible woman). And for the record, not only did I have the pox vaccine, but I actually had my titers checked pre-IF treatments because I truly am that obsessive.
So you get the idea of problem #1 with the visit: the pox.
Problem #2: JD.
I am starting to wonder if I have somehow stunted my darling husband's transition from single guy to new father by absconding abroad with the fusspot. Since I take care of the fusspot alone here in Lalaland, I had presumed (and stated rather clearly) that I expected this to be a vacation and for JD to take over a lot of the basic daily care (like diaper changes, meals, cutting her naisl, baths and getting up in the morning). And hence our problem. JD just didn't live up to my expectations, particularly when it came to getting out of bed. To be precise, I got to sleep in 2 days during my visit. Two days. That's it.
I did succeed in not cooking for 2 weeks straight, but that's something I can almost achieve here by just resigning myself to eating toast and hard-boiled eggs. It's the extra sleep I was really looking forward to, and it didn't happen. And I had also e-mailed JD and list of things to do in preparation for our arrival, like, say, clean. And yet there were bunny-sized dustballs on the floor so I landed up spending hours cleaning on my vacation. And the honest truth is I resent it. And he resents that I don't appreciate how hard his job is and the crazy hours he works and that he feels like he has to stay at this job to support the fusspot and I (and to pay back his crazy student debts. When his friend said something about "oh, like $50,000" and we both laughed because that would be a point of major celebration). And while I know that his job is far from ideal, he still usually gets a full day per week off. And he can sleep in every day (many professional jobs in NYC start much later than the rest of the world). And he can shower everyday. And read the news in peace. And just up and decide he wants to go out for a drink after work and do that. Alone.
So we are both resentful. Although conscious enough that JD was quite clear that we need to work on our marriage. And then I packed up a suitcase of yummy American food (baking powder! chocolate chips!) and headed back to Lalaland with a healthy fusspot and a very itchy stomach. And 48 hours after returning to her daycare the fusspot started literally dripping snot every couple of minutes.
So much improved, but send kleenex.
And you really ought to get a prize for reading to the end.
Just before we left for NYC I wrote and then immediately deleted a funny post about what an obsessive first-time mom I am. The type who sees three little spots on her daughter's arm, starts googling obsessively, and diagnosis her with the dreaded chick.en pox. I then called and woke my mom up at 5 am to consult, and she assured me that if there were only 3 spots and no more after 2 days it couldn't be the pox.
So I went back to Dr. Google and self-diagnosed spider bites, and then spent hours vacuuming and dusting (which was probably well needed). I did decide to cancel my lunch with a preggers friend, but rescheduled a playdate with a new acquaintance and her 2-year old.
All I can say is like moths to a flame. New-friend asked me about more children, and like normal I started in on my IF rant. New-friend smiled and told me she knows all about it because they did clomid and IUIs for months and finally got pregnant the month after they stopped. And WHEE! she's pregnant again! And she even got pregnant before and lost the baby but WHEE! she can get pregnant without drugs. And maybe I'll just 'get lucky' someday too. Needless to say I haven't been so keen to schedule a follow-up playdate here.
Fast forward to daycare drop off 24 hours before our scheduled departure for NYC (on a bus, a train, and 2 planes all filled with healthy, innocent bystanders). I walk into the fusspot's room and realize that she does indeed have the dreaded pox because 6 of her classmates are covered head to toe in oozing pox. Apparently here in Lalaland the pox is considered a normal childhood disease, they don't vaccinate, and they certainly don't send babies home from daycare with it ... even though the fusspot is in a room with 4 newborns (I can almost hear the gasp from across the ocean). So the pox it was, and I spent hours on the phone with her American pediatrican ("make sure to put her in long sleeves and a hat in case she breaks out more on the plane") and her local doctor ("I wouldn't say she's not contagious per se, but have a lovely va-kay") and feeling horribly, terribly guilty (sidenote: do non-vaccinaters feel guilty when they bring their sick children into public with potentially life-threatening diseases?). The problem is that I was using the return half of an early ticket and then the first half of a new return ticket to NYC and neither airline would budge on their rebooking fee and I really don't have an extra $2000 lying around, so not going would have meant not seeing JD for a full 8 months.
(The conversation went something like this: "I am about to bring my highly contagious baby on your flight. She could pose a serious risk to your other customers and flight attendants. I would like to reschedule - can you lower your fees at all?" "Nope - shoudda bought travel insurance woman" "Dude, can't buy travel insurance for a lapchild in the U.S." "Hahah, sucks to be you")
Bet you didn't know that diarrhea is a common side-effect of the pox in babies. It was a fun flight. I am eternally grateful that we were seated near no potentially-fertile woman on either flight (we were in fact surrounded by businessmen) so that I did not need to have that super-de-duper-awkward conversation ("Hi. I'm irresponsible parent just wondering if you might possibly be pregnant and if so about to recommend that you move seats immediately because my fusspot is currently in the highly contagious phase for a disease that could be serious for you." I will admit that since we've returned to Lalaland and since the pox epidemic seems to have spread through my entire city I am rather relieved to see pox-infected babies at the library, the supermarket, the fair - so apparently they just have a completely different notion about it.)
After a bus, a train ride, a 2.5 hour wait in an airport, a flight, a sprint through airport #2 to flight #2, a long transatlantic flight I got off the plane at JFK to discover that JD was 'working late' and I was greeted by my in-laws. My MIL coos over the fusspot, then turns to me and says "You look tired. I beat you'd be less tired if you stopped breastfeeding." Sigh.
Obviously we couldn't exactly hang out with our baby-friends in NYC for the first week. And JD was working. But we went down South to see my parents and saw the awesome Kate. Although my mother insisted on severely restricting who we saw during the holidays and where we went.
And then we went back to NYC and I woke up one morning with a bright red rash on my stomach. Yup, I got the pox. And guess what makes the adult pox even worse? If you are breastfeeding a baby who likes to touch and kick and scratch your ever-so-itchy stomach. Awesome. So then we canceled all of our rescheduled playdates, including seeing this incredible woman). And for the record, not only did I have the pox vaccine, but I actually had my titers checked pre-IF treatments because I truly am that obsessive.
So you get the idea of problem #1 with the visit: the pox.
Problem #2: JD.
I am starting to wonder if I have somehow stunted my darling husband's transition from single guy to new father by absconding abroad with the fusspot. Since I take care of the fusspot alone here in Lalaland, I had presumed (and stated rather clearly) that I expected this to be a vacation and for JD to take over a lot of the basic daily care (like diaper changes, meals, cutting her naisl, baths and getting up in the morning). And hence our problem. JD just didn't live up to my expectations, particularly when it came to getting out of bed. To be precise, I got to sleep in 2 days during my visit. Two days. That's it.
I did succeed in not cooking for 2 weeks straight, but that's something I can almost achieve here by just resigning myself to eating toast and hard-boiled eggs. It's the extra sleep I was really looking forward to, and it didn't happen. And I had also e-mailed JD and list of things to do in preparation for our arrival, like, say, clean. And yet there were bunny-sized dustballs on the floor so I landed up spending hours cleaning on my vacation. And the honest truth is I resent it. And he resents that I don't appreciate how hard his job is and the crazy hours he works and that he feels like he has to stay at this job to support the fusspot and I (and to pay back his crazy student debts. When his friend said something about "oh, like $50,000" and we both laughed because that would be a point of major celebration). And while I know that his job is far from ideal, he still usually gets a full day per week off. And he can sleep in every day (many professional jobs in NYC start much later than the rest of the world). And he can shower everyday. And read the news in peace. And just up and decide he wants to go out for a drink after work and do that. Alone.
So we are both resentful. Although conscious enough that JD was quite clear that we need to work on our marriage. And then I packed up a suitcase of yummy American food (baking powder! chocolate chips!) and headed back to Lalaland with a healthy fusspot and a very itchy stomach. And 48 hours after returning to her daycare the fusspot started literally dripping snot every couple of minutes.
So much improved, but send kleenex.
And you really ought to get a prize for reading to the end.
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