Our darling resident alien is up 2 ounces.
She also had her first occupational therapy at 8 am on a Sunday morning. Somehow I really doubt her insurance (whenever they send us any information) is going to cover that bill. But she does not have a good latch or suck yet and yet again I feel under a deadline to make everything better.
She's 12 days old now and fast approaching the 14 day mark when they want to see significant gains in her weight (from its lowest point). And we have another weigh-in on Tuesday. She is also now 2 days past her due date.
We are now using both an eyedropper and an SNS (supple.men.tal nutritional system - the little cord that premies use to eat EBM at the breast) to feed her. And I'm supposed to pump 10 times a day. And feed every 2 hours. And since feedings take a good hour at times, plus pumping for at least 10 minutes, eating for 5 minutes for me ... I am getting a bit tired.
But honestly, feeling much more optimistic now that she has finally stopped dropping weight.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
1:46 am
I just finished pumping and I don't need to wake the baby and feed her again until 3 am, so this is my long break of the day. And why aren't I asleep? Because I am sitting her composing a letter in my head to Dr. R- at the GD clinic.
It's pretty much a joke that each of my GD appointments cost my insurance over $600, and I managed to ring up a $900 bill while in labor having my regular NST and BPP before being admitted to the hospital (from 12 feet down the hall - actually in sight of the room I delivered in ... but that's part of the birth story I have yet to post). However, I realized that as a result I won't be able to have a follow-up appointment at the GD clinic and resolve these issues face to face.
So here, in short, is what I want to know: Even when you (i.e. Dr. R.) admitted I probably didn't have GD and the residents twice tried to release me from the clinic, why did no one think that such a restrictive diet might just starve my daughter in utero? Both JD and I were over 9 lbs and everyone else in my family has had enormous babies. Do you think that my over-zealous following of your GD diet hurt my daughter? And why didn't we even discuss that possibility along the way?
We have another weigh-in at 8 am tomorrow morning. I am still hoping for good news. Of course, I can also still feel all of my daughter's ribs and her sternum poking out of her chest. And see the empty old-woman folds of skin on her arms. Off to bed, or at least to the couch since I have started to get panic attacks when I go to sleep that I will sleep through the next feeding.
It's pretty much a joke that each of my GD appointments cost my insurance over $600, and I managed to ring up a $900 bill while in labor having my regular NST and BPP before being admitted to the hospital (from 12 feet down the hall - actually in sight of the room I delivered in ... but that's part of the birth story I have yet to post). However, I realized that as a result I won't be able to have a follow-up appointment at the GD clinic and resolve these issues face to face.
So here, in short, is what I want to know: Even when you (i.e. Dr. R.) admitted I probably didn't have GD and the residents twice tried to release me from the clinic, why did no one think that such a restrictive diet might just starve my daughter in utero? Both JD and I were over 9 lbs and everyone else in my family has had enormous babies. Do you think that my over-zealous following of your GD diet hurt my daughter? And why didn't we even discuss that possibility along the way?
We have another weigh-in at 8 am tomorrow morning. I am still hoping for good news. Of course, I can also still feel all of my daughter's ribs and her sternum poking out of her chest. And see the empty old-woman folds of skin on her arms. Off to bed, or at least to the couch since I have started to get panic attacks when I go to sleep that I will sleep through the next feeding.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
not great
Just a quick update.
The baby is holding her weight but not gaining. Her eyes are turning yellow, so I guess her jaundice is getting worse. No idea why we can't just put her under the jaundice lights, but the doctor seems to be very hesitant (and yes, they've tested her blood levels and it's not dangerous yet but it certainly makes it harder to feed her).
I bought a breastpump, which was broken. Medela has the worst customer service. Hopefully will manage to buy another one today. Definitely getting plugged ducts and spiked a high fever yesterday night while nursing. Trying to feed the baby hand expressed milk with an eye dropper - probably the least effecient method ever. There must be something better out there.
There's nothing wrong with my supply or the baby's latch, she's just so little that she gets too tired to nurse. I am supposed to nurse her every 2 hours night and day until she gains some weight. As you can imagine, I am tired.
I will post in a few days. Another pediatrician appointment tomorrow.
The baby is holding her weight but not gaining. Her eyes are turning yellow, so I guess her jaundice is getting worse. No idea why we can't just put her under the jaundice lights, but the doctor seems to be very hesitant (and yes, they've tested her blood levels and it's not dangerous yet but it certainly makes it harder to feed her).
I bought a breastpump, which was broken. Medela has the worst customer service. Hopefully will manage to buy another one today. Definitely getting plugged ducts and spiked a high fever yesterday night while nursing. Trying to feed the baby hand expressed milk with an eye dropper - probably the least effecient method ever. There must be something better out there.
There's nothing wrong with my supply or the baby's latch, she's just so little that she gets too tired to nurse. I am supposed to nurse her every 2 hours night and day until she gains some weight. As you can imagine, I am tired.
I will post in a few days. Another pediatrician appointment tomorrow.
Monday, December 15, 2008
6 months, 6 days, 5 ounces
Six months ago today I stood beneath a chuppah and married the man of my dreams.
Six days ago we welcomed our daughter.
And today I found out that she lost five ounces since Friday.*
Here we go lactation consultants, pumping after every feed, more pediatrician appointments and a whole new level of anxiety. She is currently draped across my chest, nude except for a cloth diaper and there is milk running from both of my breasts into the top of my sweatpants. And lurking in the back of my mind is that sinking feeling that if I hadn't been put on such a restrictive diet for a disease I probably did not actually have, I would have had a beautiful, healthy seven or eight pound daughter instead of one who now weighs slightly less than the smallest weight I ever use at the gym and who is getting increasingly challenging to wake every two hours.
No wonder I am a bit emotional today.
* She had already lost some weight in the first three days, so this weight loss pushed us over the 10% limit (babies are not supposed to lose more than 10% of their body weight in the first two weeks).
Six days ago we welcomed our daughter.
And today I found out that she lost five ounces since Friday.*
Here we go lactation consultants, pumping after every feed, more pediatrician appointments and a whole new level of anxiety. She is currently draped across my chest, nude except for a cloth diaper and there is milk running from both of my breasts into the top of my sweatpants. And lurking in the back of my mind is that sinking feeling that if I hadn't been put on such a restrictive diet for a disease I probably did not actually have, I would have had a beautiful, healthy seven or eight pound daughter instead of one who now weighs slightly less than the smallest weight I ever use at the gym and who is getting increasingly challenging to wake every two hours.
No wonder I am a bit emotional today.
* She had already lost some weight in the first three days, so this weight loss pushed us over the 10% limit (babies are not supposed to lose more than 10% of their body weight in the first two weeks).
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Day 5
It would be really easy to write that I've been so busy caring for my daughter that I just haven't had time to post ... but actually, the truth is a little different. The truth is that I've been so pampered this week that I have been eating non-stop, napping, lying on the couch and directing other people in how to do my laundry ... and it's hard to fit in posting between such important and busy activities (yes, JD went back to work the morning after I was released from the hospital, but that was expected and as a result his parents and now my family have come to help).
In fact, as I write, I am hidden away in the bedroom ostensibly 'catching up on schoolwork' (ok, I had to write one e-mail to cancel a meeting. Not so much work) because JD ran out and bought me a red velvet cupcake and he didn't want my mother to see me eat it since I've already had 2 bagels, juice, sugar cereal, chocolate, pizza, and a large gelato after my somewhat healthy breakfast ...
In short, things are great. The baby is 100% nocturnal but JD has been taking the early shift (till about 1 am) and I can easily handle the rest of the night for at least a few more nights (for the record, my normal sleep pattern pre-pregnancy was about 4-6 hours per night and I'm hoping to be able to return to that soon). So much for not co-sleeping (which I happen to think is fabulous for light sleepers and people who are just very comfortable with a little person in bed - we are both heavy sleepers which makes me really nervous and we also have a quilt in bed) ... the baby does best when she's snuggled between us, so that's where she lands up by about 5 am. My milk is in and thus far breastfeeding is going fine, although I wish someone had told me how uncomfortable it would be the first 3 days when it gave me contractions every time the baby latched on ...
And in other shocking news, I wore a full outfit of pre-pregnancy clothes out today (I'll admit it, stretch jeans, but that certainly counts). I'm only down 10 lbs, which is a bit impressive since the baby was 6.5 of those pounds and I must have lost at least a little water weight, but that also means I'm below my pre-TTC weight. I think that I've set a goal of losing another 5-8 pounds by the time I start work again, but I'm certainly not stressed if that doesn't happen. Of course, it wasn't until after I took a 3 mile walk today that the midwife called to check in on me and told me not to do anything strenous for another week ... oh well.
And as for names, JD and I completely stalled on the discussion on Thursday because he was trying to catch up at work and I was a bit tired and home with the baby ... so we have yet to give her a middle name. But her first name is Ta.li.a. Which happens to work very well with JD's last name. But her nickname for now is the little alien because she has incredibly dark, deeply set eyes and she tends to spend a lot of time freeing her left hand from her swaddle and waving it slowly in the air as if she is signaling to some distant orchestra or spaceship about how weird life is here on earth.
I'm back to filling my sugar fantasies and then taking a nap before everyone else goes to bed ... I plan to post the birth story tomorrow and then I'll have to find something slightly less obnoxious to write about then lying on the couch all day with a beautiful, snuggly little alien who doesn't yet have the lung capacity to make anything more than very cute, bird-like cries.
And thank you so much for such kind, wonderful comments.
In fact, as I write, I am hidden away in the bedroom ostensibly 'catching up on schoolwork' (ok, I had to write one e-mail to cancel a meeting. Not so much work) because JD ran out and bought me a red velvet cupcake and he didn't want my mother to see me eat it since I've already had 2 bagels, juice, sugar cereal, chocolate, pizza, and a large gelato after my somewhat healthy breakfast ...
In short, things are great. The baby is 100% nocturnal but JD has been taking the early shift (till about 1 am) and I can easily handle the rest of the night for at least a few more nights (for the record, my normal sleep pattern pre-pregnancy was about 4-6 hours per night and I'm hoping to be able to return to that soon). So much for not co-sleeping (which I happen to think is fabulous for light sleepers and people who are just very comfortable with a little person in bed - we are both heavy sleepers which makes me really nervous and we also have a quilt in bed) ... the baby does best when she's snuggled between us, so that's where she lands up by about 5 am. My milk is in and thus far breastfeeding is going fine, although I wish someone had told me how uncomfortable it would be the first 3 days when it gave me contractions every time the baby latched on ...
And in other shocking news, I wore a full outfit of pre-pregnancy clothes out today (I'll admit it, stretch jeans, but that certainly counts). I'm only down 10 lbs, which is a bit impressive since the baby was 6.5 of those pounds and I must have lost at least a little water weight, but that also means I'm below my pre-TTC weight. I think that I've set a goal of losing another 5-8 pounds by the time I start work again, but I'm certainly not stressed if that doesn't happen. Of course, it wasn't until after I took a 3 mile walk today that the midwife called to check in on me and told me not to do anything strenous for another week ... oh well.
And as for names, JD and I completely stalled on the discussion on Thursday because he was trying to catch up at work and I was a bit tired and home with the baby ... so we have yet to give her a middle name. But her first name is Ta.li.a. Which happens to work very well with JD's last name. But her nickname for now is the little alien because she has incredibly dark, deeply set eyes and she tends to spend a lot of time freeing her left hand from her swaddle and waving it slowly in the air as if she is signaling to some distant orchestra or spaceship about how weird life is here on earth.
I'm back to filling my sugar fantasies and then taking a nap before everyone else goes to bed ... I plan to post the birth story tomorrow and then I'll have to find something slightly less obnoxious to write about then lying on the couch all day with a beautiful, snuggly little alien who doesn't yet have the lung capacity to make anything more than very cute, bird-like cries.
And thank you so much for such kind, wonderful comments.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
She's Here
6 lbs 9 oz. Born at 6:01 pm yesterday evening after 13 hours of back labor.
Birth story to come later, but I had the exact labor I wanted despite the back pain. No meds, no interventions. Of course, both doula and midwife told me repeatedly how unusual my labor was since the contractions were irregular for the majority of the day. Early labor was incredibly speedy, transition and pushing were very slow. JD was allowed to stay in the room with us overnight and we were discharged early this afternoon.
And even though you can't tell in the photo, we both look a bit silly at this point. I burst a ton of blood vessels in my face and she has a weird rash, huge birthmark on her forehead (which will fade), and dark blue 'Mongolian spot' on her rear end (which looks like a bruise if you've never seen one).
And now I'm sitting on the couch sipping a (very, very small) glass of champagne and watching the baby sleep. Oh, and trying to think of a name for her.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Strategy #1 in progress
Update: Roses and sour cream and onion chips were just delivered to me. Of course, he forgot one of the two items I actually needed.
I think I just got JD's attention. Let's hope so.
He usually calls before he leaves work to check if I'm at home or still at my desk. So tonight I told him I need him to stop and pick some stuff up on his way home. [This is so exciting, right?] Except I told him I want 2 items from our 24-hour corner supermarket - 2 blocks from our apartment, and the type of place I am totally comfortable running out to in my pajamas.
He was like "Woah, not feeling well enough to go out yourself?" And the truth is I'm just not feeling inspired to go out myself. I had a sudden realization during acupuncture today (which I enjoy if just because it gives me 30 minutes of silence to think and not feel guilty about not doing things)* that this might very well be my last week to be pampered for a while. For example, I really didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight. I could have splurged and ordered out, but that tends to be more frustrating than rewarding at this point given how few foods I can eat. So instead I had a repeat of breakfast (and since I skipped lunch because of a late appointment that makes it the most boring food day ever - 2 mini whole wheat bagels with cream cheese, 2 bowls of plain lowfat yogurt, 2 small bowls of plain cottage cheese and a few pomegrante seeds for dessert). But wouldn't it have been great if someone had offered to cook dinner for me?
And yes, JD is working 12 hour days and all, but he needs to squeeze in a little time to pamper me. So we'll see if he gets the message. Oh, and this (rather expensive) 24-hour supermarket just happens to have beautiful flowers out front. I know because we've twice brought flowers to bring to other people since moving ... so we'll see if JD gets the hint. Of course, I'm not expecting that much improvement in a single night.
Don't worry, I have several other ideas up my sleeve if this one fails.
* And yes, Rachel, I think it hurts when they put the needles in. Certainly the needles in my feet, but it doesn't hurt once they're in and not at all when they take them out. The acupuncturist always tells me not to tense up when she puts in the needles, but, um, really?
I think I just got JD's attention. Let's hope so.
He usually calls before he leaves work to check if I'm at home or still at my desk. So tonight I told him I need him to stop and pick some stuff up on his way home. [This is so exciting, right?] Except I told him I want 2 items from our 24-hour corner supermarket - 2 blocks from our apartment, and the type of place I am totally comfortable running out to in my pajamas.
He was like "Woah, not feeling well enough to go out yourself?" And the truth is I'm just not feeling inspired to go out myself. I had a sudden realization during acupuncture today (which I enjoy if just because it gives me 30 minutes of silence to think and not feel guilty about not doing things)* that this might very well be my last week to be pampered for a while. For example, I really didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight. I could have splurged and ordered out, but that tends to be more frustrating than rewarding at this point given how few foods I can eat. So instead I had a repeat of breakfast (and since I skipped lunch because of a late appointment that makes it the most boring food day ever - 2 mini whole wheat bagels with cream cheese, 2 bowls of plain lowfat yogurt, 2 small bowls of plain cottage cheese and a few pomegrante seeds for dessert). But wouldn't it have been great if someone had offered to cook dinner for me?
And yes, JD is working 12 hour days and all, but he needs to squeeze in a little time to pamper me. So we'll see if he gets the message. Oh, and this (rather expensive) 24-hour supermarket just happens to have beautiful flowers out front. I know because we've twice brought flowers to bring to other people since moving ... so we'll see if JD gets the hint. Of course, I'm not expecting that much improvement in a single night.
Don't worry, I have several other ideas up my sleeve if this one fails.
* And yes, Rachel, I think it hurts when they put the needles in. Certainly the needles in my feet, but it doesn't hurt once they're in and not at all when they take them out. The acupuncturist always tells me not to tense up when she puts in the needles, but, um, really?
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