Struggling

In case it's not apparent by the silence over here, I'm struggling this week.

When people ask me about single parenting I'm usually all rainbows! and unicorns! and my husband works 70 hours a week anyway! so he does not ever have time to help. Whee! And the truth is that it usually is just fine.

And then a little thing little 2 teeth (her first) throws the whole thing out of balance. And it's really not so much the sleep and related diaper rash and waking up every 2 hours to nurse her back to sleep as much as the criticism. Basically everyone I know thinks I ought to just let her CIO. Let alone that we co-sleep so I have no idea how that would work (do I flee to the couch when she wakes up mid-night?) Oh, and the terrifying fear that I'm just not getting enough work done and that my 'sacrificing' my sleep is actually going to hurt my work.

I just wish I could get a little more support for my parenting choices because 95% of the time they work well for us. But I keep hearing echos of "you're making it harder for yourself" from my mother and husband (and always MIL but she's not exactly my parenting model at the moment despite being a wonderful, loving mother). Yes, it's awful that the fusspot wants to be nursed back to sleep whenever she wakes up. But it is so much easier for me than walking her (we have no rocking chair here) and I have yet to find anything else that works (and I have tried quite a few things, including in desperation one night allowing her to mash bread and cheese into the bed just because I needed to check that she wasn't actually hungry).

I know that my productivity is lower when she wakes up multiple times during the night. And I really count on being able to do housework from 8 to 9 pm and then put in 3-4 more hours of work before going to bed myself. But I just don't see an easy solution. I don't have anyone I can share the night-parenting with and I'm just not ready to leave my baby alone in a dark room screaming her head off (and this is not a criticism of anyone who has chosen CIO. I have worked/lived with families who used it very successfully. I just don't see it as the right choice for the fusspot and I at the moment).

The absurd thing is that she is truly a great sleeper when not sick or teething. From the moment I get into bed until I wake up she usually sleeps without interruption - something like 12am/1am to 8 am. And most nights she also sleeps from 8 pm until midnight, waking up perhaps once. So I really oughtn't to be complaining except that I need those hours from 8 pm to midnight to work, and I also need my 7-8 hours of sleep. And except for one new friend here (a SAHM extended breastfeeder, if you get my drift) and one long-time friend who also did not work, I get nothing but criticism for my choice to breastfeed/cosleep/use the "baby lead weaning" method to feed the fussopt (oh the mess every night!)/cloth diaper and do EC. And maybe I am just making it harder for myself - beats me.