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I am exhausted again. Everyone keeps telling me it's normal, but I am fairly certain something is off with my body. I was never a person who needed a lot of sleep, and I'm getting a decent amount at the moment. The fusspot goes to bed around 8/8:30 pm and I'm in bed by 1 am and not up till 8 am most days (feeding her at least twice overnight, of course, and she eats best on the couch so I have to get up for at least 1.5 hours overnight). But still, six hours is what I used to sleep pre-pregnancy.

I'm also not losing any weight. Which isn't so surprising. I am away from home at least two days during the week and often all day Sunday, and as a result I eat out way too much. And of course I haven't hit the gym since I was pregnant. Not that I don't want to, I just don't have enough hours of childcare to waste it working out. And the fusspot gets bored in her stroller so I can't even go for super-long walks anymore.

And while I am endlessly whining about my life, there are a number of things making me feel guilty:
- I have cards, letters, thank you notes, etc. which have been pilling up for weeks and still need to be written
- I had to cancel on going to a dear friend's wedding (and being a bridesmaid) because of my grant restrictions and expense. And the couple is making me feel incredibly guilty. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is to have someone cancel shortly before the wedding but the combination of jeopardizing my income for next year, a huge expense with international airfare, hotel, and car rental, and the idea of lugging around the poor fusspot on yet another flight makes my decision rather firm
- I feel like I should be spending every possible moment with my husband since we will be apart for so long

In fact, the only thing I do not that I am either falling behind on or slacking terribly is my fusspot. She gets so much attention. We took a baby massage class last week and we're off to an infant sign language class this weekend. She went for a stroll on the beach yesterday and lay in the shade in the grass this afteroon and practiced saying "Gee" and "Ohhhhhhhh" and we've been singing and reading and going for walks every day. She's also teething again, and I spend a significant part of the day rubbing her gums or holding teething rings in place for her.

Ok, I will be back with more fun in a few days. For now I am feeling exhausted and grumpy and a bit peeved at the world.

Oh yeah, and I'm still not over not cycling for another 17 or so months. If everything works out absolutely perfectly and our very first cycle works (and seriously, what are the chances of ovulating twice and getting two live babies?) then the fusspot will be 32 months old when she gets a sibling. I know it would be a miracle if we can have another biological child and that obviously spacing is an extraordinarily trivial issue in the big picture, but it's just hard to know exactly what my dream is and to watch it slip out of reach for silly, logistical reasons.