If one more person mentions that their baby also lost weight ...

I really thought that I was over the trauma of having a mini-baby by over-zealously following a GD diet. That is, until JD put the following photo into TS's slide show on Saturday night (and yes, I do know how absurd it is to have a slide show of a 3 month old's accomplishments, but it was adorable):

I had forgotten that for a full 3 weeks you could see my baby's ribs. All of them. I almost cried - right there during the party. I still have so much anger and guilt about what happened.

Part of it was of course because I had been told so many times by so many doctors that my body was a failure. And I think the first trimester was even scarier than normal because I was alone and abroad and receiving absolutely no medical care (no shots, no ob/gyn to call with questions, no reassuring u/s). And then I was labeled high risk and had to fight every inch to not have a scheduled C-section (thank you NY liability laws). Even after the delivery, the midwife confirmed that my contractions never followed a pattern and that if I hadn't made such good progress (and been so far along when I came in) she would have suggested more intervention. And then I had flat nipples and the baby had trouble waking up to eat and latching on. I realize that TS was never out of the 'normal range' for birth weights and weight loss, but she also looked quite grim those first few weeks (and I do remember asking during one of her perpetual jaundice scares why we couldn't be admitted. Can you imagine how scared you must be when you're trying to get your baby admitted to the hospital because she looks skinny and weak and sleepy?)

Lest you worry about her now ...

And that photo is already 2 weeks old - she's even plumper now.

[These photos will be deleted shortly. I am still too queasy about my privacy/my mother finding my blog to leave photos up for more than a day or two].