As we were sitting on the subway this morning (me, my husband, and the fusspot), my husband starts into a lengthy statement. I wasn't paying much attention (he, after all, had already had 2 cups of coffee and had not been up every 2 hours all night long) but I caught the general gist:
"Obviously you're going to prioritize taking care of the fusspot, but it's easy to put other things off when you have those demands ..."
"I know you're tired at night but ..."
"Need to build more flex time into your schedule so you're not so stressed ..."
As I listened, I realized he was probably right. And this moment was probably pretty inevitable - don't most guys feel at least a bit neglected in the first few months (and if any guy would mention it, wouldn't it be the one who could look at his pregnant wife's curves and go "Ewwww!")? So I was thinking how to respond. I mean, I haven't actually cooked a real meal in weeks and I could do that. I leave JD lists of household chores to take care of every time I go away and I don't have to do that when he helps out everyday. I know he loves to sleep in, and I could let him sleep in a bit on Saturdays ...
"And you have to think about time to degree ..."
"And the job market ..."
And suddenly I realized that my husband wasn't complaining that I was neglecting him - my husband is worried that I am not getting enough research/writing done!
And I just laughed. Here I am with a 3 month old baby (!!!), commuting every week to another city to adjunct a full course load, while still doing some work on my PhD and maintaining all my usual weekly contacts at school, and of course fighting the bureaucracy to get a visa and housing and health care and daycare abroad for this summer, and my husband wants me to focus on my work? Oh well - at least he makes me laugh and when I asked if he felt neglected, he gave me a rather puzzled look and told me of course not.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
If one more person mentions that their baby also lost weight ...
I really thought that I was over the trauma of having a mini-baby by over-zealously following a GD diet. That is, until JD put the following photo into TS's slide show on Saturday night (and yes, I do know how absurd it is to have a slide show of a 3 month old's accomplishments, but it was adorable):
I had forgotten that for a full 3 weeks you could see my baby's ribs. All of them. I almost cried - right there during the party. I still have so much anger and guilt about what happened.
Part of it was of course because I had been told so many times by so many doctors that my body was a failure. And I think the first trimester was even scarier than normal because I was alone and abroad and receiving absolutely no medical care (no shots, no ob/gyn to call with questions, no reassuring u/s). And then I was labeled high risk and had to fight every inch to not have a scheduled C-section (thank you NY liability laws). Even after the delivery, the midwife confirmed that my contractions never followed a pattern and that if I hadn't made such good progress (and been so far along when I came in) she would have suggested more intervention. And then I had flat nipples and the baby had trouble waking up to eat and latching on. I realize that TS was never out of the 'normal range' for birth weights and weight loss, but she also looked quite grim those first few weeks (and I do remember asking during one of her perpetual jaundice scares why we couldn't be admitted. Can you imagine how scared you must be when you're trying to get your baby admitted to the hospital because she looks skinny and weak and sleepy?)
Lest you worry about her now ...
And that photo is already 2 weeks old - she's even plumper now.
[These photos will be deleted shortly. I am still too queasy about my privacy/my mother finding my blog to leave photos up for more than a day or two].
I had forgotten that for a full 3 weeks you could see my baby's ribs. All of them. I almost cried - right there during the party. I still have so much anger and guilt about what happened.
Part of it was of course because I had been told so many times by so many doctors that my body was a failure. And I think the first trimester was even scarier than normal because I was alone and abroad and receiving absolutely no medical care (no shots, no ob/gyn to call with questions, no reassuring u/s). And then I was labeled high risk and had to fight every inch to not have a scheduled C-section (thank you NY liability laws). Even after the delivery, the midwife confirmed that my contractions never followed a pattern and that if I hadn't made such good progress (and been so far along when I came in) she would have suggested more intervention. And then I had flat nipples and the baby had trouble waking up to eat and latching on. I realize that TS was never out of the 'normal range' for birth weights and weight loss, but she also looked quite grim those first few weeks (and I do remember asking during one of her perpetual jaundice scares why we couldn't be admitted. Can you imagine how scared you must be when you're trying to get your baby admitted to the hospital because she looks skinny and weak and sleepy?)
Lest you worry about her now ...
And that photo is already 2 weeks old - she's even plumper now.
[These photos will be deleted shortly. I am still too queasy about my privacy/my mother finding my blog to leave photos up for more than a day or two].
the more things change ...
We spent Saturday night at JD's parents. I put everything we needed to bring with us by the door,* then grabbed the baby in her carseat and told JD to grab the rest.
You'd think I should know better after almost 10 years of traveling together.
He left my backpack. With my books for this week. Now we're trying to coordinate how to get said backpack delivered to Manhattan from 2+ hours away. Of course, I could go to the library tomorrow morning (with the fusspot in tow) and check out library copies of all the books (mine have my notes in them for teaching) and redo all the work before I teach ... but somehow I think I'll just let JD figure out how to get the backpack delivered.
More thoughts on the weekend later.
* It was not that much stuff - stroller base, small duffel, diaper bag, backpack, bag of food.
You'd think I should know better after almost 10 years of traveling together.
He left my backpack. With my books for this week. Now we're trying to coordinate how to get said backpack delivered to Manhattan from 2+ hours away. Of course, I could go to the library tomorrow morning (with the fusspot in tow) and check out library copies of all the books (mine have my notes in them for teaching) and redo all the work before I teach ... but somehow I think I'll just let JD figure out how to get the backpack delivered.
More thoughts on the weekend later.
* It was not that much stuff - stroller base, small duffel, diaper bag, backpack, bag of food.
Friday, March 13, 2009
update
I finally went to my GP today to get a referral about the clogged ducts.
Result: Anyone know anything about treating clogged ducts/mastitis with long-term low-dose steroids? Doesn't sound fun to me (as I recall steroids make me ravenous). And now I have all of shabbos to choose my own poison.
And luckily, Io, the party is not here - we're going out! And possibly to my in-laws afterwards for a relaxing Sunday get-away.
Result: Anyone know anything about treating clogged ducts/mastitis with long-term low-dose steroids? Doesn't sound fun to me (as I recall steroids make me ravenous). And now I have all of shabbos to choose my own poison.
And luckily, Io, the party is not here - we're going out! And possibly to my in-laws afterwards for a relaxing Sunday get-away.
feeling glum
It's Friday afternoon. I'm home alone*. It's a beautiful day. Next week is the week before spring break. All should be well, and yet I'm feeling rather down.
Part of it is that my left breast still hurts, and I'm reaching the end of the sympathy from friends and most of my family on infections. I know formula would be fine, but breastfeeding is going just fine except for the infections. TS has now doubled her birth weight, and she looks really healthy (unlike her first few weeks). And really, I can't imagine the hassle of preparing and heating formula while we're out and about (which we are a lot of the time). I am impressed by women who remember to always have a bottle packed and can find a place to heat it. Me, I'll take the easier route for us, even if it's definitely painful.
Or maybe it's the daycare I visited this morning. Cute kids, great activities, wonderful staff ... all squeezed into the tiniest 6th floor apartment next to the projects. It's very cheap by our neighborhood's standards (about $1000 per month, although it follows the school calendar schedule and that has a lot of vacation days). It's just that it must be so overwhelming for the little kids to be in such a small space packed with running, crying, laughing, shouting kids all day. And we could afford a part-time nanny if we had to next spring instead (with the perk of finding a Chin.ese-speaking nanny for the fusspot). But then I worry about the pressure to get my work done in less hours, or how hard it is for JD when I have to work every evening to stay afloat. So maybe TS would rather have a less stressed mother and deal with a crowded daycare? Or maybe she will be a champion napper/early to bed and I can deal with just 20-30 hours of daycare a week (to give you a sense of my schedule I clocked at least 50 hours in the library the week before I gave birth, and that was with 6 doctors appointments).
Oh, and daycare for next spring? We need to send in a deposit by Wednesday. Right - one more thing to deal with.
I really hope my energy returns by next week. This Saturday evening is the fusspot's '100 Day' party (a Ch.inese tradition) and I am very much looking forward to it, although I hope that I can somehow keep all 5o guests from handling the baby (my current strategy is to put her in the sling for the party. In a worst case scenario I can always whip out a breast and scare away a decent proportion of the guests :-) But I'd really rather not resort to that if avoidable).
Note: I just wanted to let you know that I deleted my very first comment today from my blog. I love getting comments (it's so nice to know that at least the nice people in the computer can put up with me. hi Io!) and I would not delete something because I disagreed with it. However, today I found a link to a political-group blog anti-IVF (or really anti-gay parenting as far as I could tell) and it was not only dumb but very poorly written and I didn't want any of you to accidentally waste your time there.
* The nanny took TS out.
Part of it is that my left breast still hurts, and I'm reaching the end of the sympathy from friends and most of my family on infections. I know formula would be fine, but breastfeeding is going just fine except for the infections. TS has now doubled her birth weight, and she looks really healthy (unlike her first few weeks). And really, I can't imagine the hassle of preparing and heating formula while we're out and about (which we are a lot of the time). I am impressed by women who remember to always have a bottle packed and can find a place to heat it. Me, I'll take the easier route for us, even if it's definitely painful.
Or maybe it's the daycare I visited this morning. Cute kids, great activities, wonderful staff ... all squeezed into the tiniest 6th floor apartment next to the projects. It's very cheap by our neighborhood's standards (about $1000 per month, although it follows the school calendar schedule and that has a lot of vacation days). It's just that it must be so overwhelming for the little kids to be in such a small space packed with running, crying, laughing, shouting kids all day. And we could afford a part-time nanny if we had to next spring instead (with the perk of finding a Chin.ese-speaking nanny for the fusspot). But then I worry about the pressure to get my work done in less hours, or how hard it is for JD when I have to work every evening to stay afloat. So maybe TS would rather have a less stressed mother and deal with a crowded daycare? Or maybe she will be a champion napper/early to bed and I can deal with just 20-30 hours of daycare a week (to give you a sense of my schedule I clocked at least 50 hours in the library the week before I gave birth, and that was with 6 doctors appointments).
Oh, and daycare for next spring? We need to send in a deposit by Wednesday. Right - one more thing to deal with.
I really hope my energy returns by next week. This Saturday evening is the fusspot's '100 Day' party (a Ch.inese tradition) and I am very much looking forward to it, although I hope that I can somehow keep all 5o guests from handling the baby (my current strategy is to put her in the sling for the party. In a worst case scenario I can always whip out a breast and scare away a decent proportion of the guests :-) But I'd really rather not resort to that if avoidable).
Note: I just wanted to let you know that I deleted my very first comment today from my blog. I love getting comments (it's so nice to know that at least the nice people in the computer can put up with me. hi Io!) and I would not delete something because I disagreed with it. However, today I found a link to a political-group blog anti-IVF (or really anti-gay parenting as far as I could tell) and it was not only dumb but very poorly written and I didn't want any of you to accidentally waste your time there.
* The nanny took TS out.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
frequent test takers ...
know to chose Option C when guessing.
I felt rather glum and miserable yesterday, and I kept alternating between blaming:
a. my diet - I am so grumpy when hungry and I am always hungry when restricting carbs, no matter how much else I eat
b. CD 1 - seems to be an ever-present option recently
Yesterday I canceled 2 appointments and moved my train to City Y later than normal today because I just felt sore. And achy. And like I was starting a fever. Which brings us to:
c. a clogged duct/mastitis. TS was 3 months yesterday and yes, this is my third such infection. Tonight just before I started teaching my fever went way up, I felt aches and chills all over, and I realized that even my sweater touching my breast was painful. So there you have it, always choose C.
I am definitely going to try and get a consult with a specialist when I get back to NYC - this just can't be normal to have on and off pain on only one side for weeks at a time.
I felt rather glum and miserable yesterday, and I kept alternating between blaming:
a. my diet - I am so grumpy when hungry and I am always hungry when restricting carbs, no matter how much else I eat
b. CD 1 - seems to be an ever-present option recently
Yesterday I canceled 2 appointments and moved my train to City Y later than normal today because I just felt sore. And achy. And like I was starting a fever. Which brings us to:
c. a clogged duct/mastitis. TS was 3 months yesterday and yes, this is my third such infection. Tonight just before I started teaching my fever went way up, I felt aches and chills all over, and I realized that even my sweater touching my breast was painful. So there you have it, always choose C.
I am definitely going to try and get a consult with a specialist when I get back to NYC - this just can't be normal to have on and off pain on only one side for weeks at a time.
Monday, March 9, 2009
the end of tummy time
My baby is 3 months old today.
And she can roll from her tummy to her back. We, of course, had no idea.
In fact, I told JD to put her on her stomach tonight because today was the first time I'd seen her hold her head up for more than a few seconds without screaming. And just like that she rolled over. And proceeded to do it again and again every time we flipped her to her stomach. So that's the end of that particular form of torture.
I am very surprised, and thrilled that TS managed to hit one of her milestones in the hour or so she sees her father awake every day. And having just consulted Drs. Google (specifically the American Pediatri.cs Association) on the matter, I am also proud to report that our baby is a whole month early on drooling. Definitely got that down. Of course, she's missing a few other critical milestones like ... awareness that her hands are connected to her body. But I'm sure she'll get there eventually.
And she is at the moment sleeping alone in her crib. Such a good baby.
And she can roll from her tummy to her back. We, of course, had no idea.
In fact, I told JD to put her on her stomach tonight because today was the first time I'd seen her hold her head up for more than a few seconds without screaming. And just like that she rolled over. And proceeded to do it again and again every time we flipped her to her stomach. So that's the end of that particular form of torture.
I am very surprised, and thrilled that TS managed to hit one of her milestones in the hour or so she sees her father awake every day. And having just consulted Drs. Google (specifically the American Pediatri.cs Association) on the matter, I am also proud to report that our baby is a whole month early on drooling. Definitely got that down. Of course, she's missing a few other critical milestones like ... awareness that her hands are connected to her body. But I'm sure she'll get there eventually.
And she is at the moment sleeping alone in her crib. Such a good baby.
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