Monday, January 26, 2009
Happy (Chinese) New Years
Happy new years. We are keeping the celebrations low key this year - just a lovely dinner with JD's parents yesterday night and a few presents for the little alien (cash and new clothes, couldn't be better for a baby. Add another $20 to the college fund). I am too tired to write more now, but we had a really great time with JD's parents.
Friday, January 23, 2009
muddled sleep questions (and a funny story at the end)
I was warned many times about newborns confusing night and day, and we survived that stage. But now that I'm back at work and the to-do list is piling up I'm trying to maximize my sleep without torturing the poor little alien.
So, any suggestions for this situation?: The baby seems to have yet again inverted day and night. She sleeps fabulously all day. Her best nap is 9 am to 12 (3 hours! Note the posting time of 9:30 am). But, she also sleeps well whenever I take her out and bundle her up - either in a sling or the stroller, so yesterday she slept through a 2-hour meeting in the afternoon, an hour of errands in the early evening, and a 3-presentation in the evening (in her stroller, sling, and carseat respectively). And then she was up from 2 am to 6 am. I feed her every hour but she just wanted to play. Not only is it the worst time, but she also shouldn't stay awake that long.
I really feel like something has to give. Except for our naughty co-sleeping, we are following every APA guideline and I feel like if we could break any of these rules she would sleep during the night. I'm not asking for permission to break the rules, just advice on how to get around them:
- We are using the soothies pacifiers (we just started last week with the reflux). They are obviously designed not to stay in the baby's mouth, but I'm pretty sure if we gave her a regular pacifier she'd be able to keep it in
- She sleeps much, much better on her stomach. I only know because JD often turns her on her stomach to fall asleep while he sits and watches her, and then flips her onto her back after 10-20 minutes.
- She has no blankets, etc. in her crib even though she clearly prefers to snuggle next to things (i.e. us, the sleeping bag liner in her carseat, the edge of the bugaboo) when sleeping. And sadly it's way too cold/unsafe to take her out for a walk in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep.
The sleep guidelines feel like a huge conspiracy against sleeping, and I'm just wondering if there's any way to get around them cleverly without actually endangering the fusspot.
And now, a funny a story: I went to a talk yesterday night with a couple of colleagues. I thought there might be food, but there wasn't. So, when we cabbed back we had the taxi drop us at my local deli. The time was 11 pm. One of the guys in the cab offered to carry TS in her carseat while we grabbed food. I went in search of dessert (obviously) and he went to get a sandwich. And who should be in line in front of him but my dear husband on his way home from work at 11 pm? So, when TS grunts JD turns around in line to find a strange man he's never meet before carrying his sleeping daughter.* And what does he do? Very politely shakes his hand and asks if he's seen his wife. Apparently, my husband really is that relaxed about the baby.
* I was at the time less than 10 feet away but out of sight as I was perusing the pastries ...
So, any suggestions for this situation?: The baby seems to have yet again inverted day and night. She sleeps fabulously all day. Her best nap is 9 am to 12 (3 hours! Note the posting time of 9:30 am). But, she also sleeps well whenever I take her out and bundle her up - either in a sling or the stroller, so yesterday she slept through a 2-hour meeting in the afternoon, an hour of errands in the early evening, and a 3-presentation in the evening (in her stroller, sling, and carseat respectively). And then she was up from 2 am to 6 am. I feed her every hour but she just wanted to play. Not only is it the worst time, but she also shouldn't stay awake that long.
I really feel like something has to give. Except for our naughty co-sleeping, we are following every APA guideline and I feel like if we could break any of these rules she would sleep during the night. I'm not asking for permission to break the rules, just advice on how to get around them:
- We are using the soothies pacifiers (we just started last week with the reflux). They are obviously designed not to stay in the baby's mouth, but I'm pretty sure if we gave her a regular pacifier she'd be able to keep it in
- She sleeps much, much better on her stomach. I only know because JD often turns her on her stomach to fall asleep while he sits and watches her, and then flips her onto her back after 10-20 minutes.
- She has no blankets, etc. in her crib even though she clearly prefers to snuggle next to things (i.e. us, the sleeping bag liner in her carseat, the edge of the bugaboo) when sleeping. And sadly it's way too cold/unsafe to take her out for a walk in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep.
The sleep guidelines feel like a huge conspiracy against sleeping, and I'm just wondering if there's any way to get around them cleverly without actually endangering the fusspot.
And now, a funny a story: I went to a talk yesterday night with a couple of colleagues. I thought there might be food, but there wasn't. So, when we cabbed back we had the taxi drop us at my local deli. The time was 11 pm. One of the guys in the cab offered to carry TS in her carseat while we grabbed food. I went in search of dessert (obviously) and he went to get a sandwich. And who should be in line in front of him but my dear husband on his way home from work at 11 pm? So, when TS grunts JD turns around in line to find a strange man he's never meet before carrying his sleeping daughter.* And what does he do? Very politely shakes his hand and asks if he's seen his wife. Apparently, my husband really is that relaxed about the baby.
* I was at the time less than 10 feet away but out of sight as I was perusing the pastries ...
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
We caved
At 2 pm I went over to my friend's and tried TS in her baby's swing.
At 5 pm tonight I realized that we needed a swing for the fusspot.
At 6 pm tonight I found a cheap one on craigslist in our neighborhood.
At 8 pm JD arrived home, and I sent him out immediately to get it.
At 9:30 pm I sat down for ice cream with my husband - and neither of us was holding the baby.
We have not had a meal/dessert without our little resident alien at the table with us in 6 weeks. That's a long time. The problem is that TS is a great sleeper ... as long as someone is holding her. But 6 weeks was long enough, and now she is safely entrusted to a battery-operated device which will snuggle and jiggle and whir to her at just the right tempo. Let's just hope the batteries last through the night.
At 5 pm tonight I realized that we needed a swing for the fusspot.
At 6 pm tonight I found a cheap one on craigslist in our neighborhood.
At 8 pm JD arrived home, and I sent him out immediately to get it.
At 9:30 pm I sat down for ice cream with my husband - and neither of us was holding the baby.
We have not had a meal/dessert without our little resident alien at the table with us in 6 weeks. That's a long time. The problem is that TS is a great sleeper ... as long as someone is holding her. But 6 weeks was long enough, and now she is safely entrusted to a battery-operated device which will snuggle and jiggle and whir to her at just the right tempo. Let's just hope the batteries last through the night.
in which I exercise minimal self-control
Nancy had a post about this very issue today.
I had a conversation with a friend today about how she really wants another child but is dreading pregnancy. She of course got pregnant the first month she tried and had a completely uneventful, healthy pregnancy and delivery. And she of course knows about our infertility treatments and all about my so-called high risk pregnancy and endless appointments with my large 'medical team.'
So what was I supposed to say? She said they're talking about adoption so she won't have to be pregnant, and while I am entirely pro-adoption and I know that there are a lot of children looking for homes, part of me wanted to ask why she couldn't leave the healthy, domestic infants for families who have no other way to parent? (I don't think they'd consider a special needs child - we've talked about that before). Or honestly, complain to someone else? I did not in fact share that last sentiment with her, but I did drop that we are trying to put away $1000 per month so that in 30-40 months we'll have enough to go back to the fertility clinic if we want to. And then I added that my medical team recommended I not wait past 30 given my multiple diagnosis. She got the hint and changed topics.
It's incredible how even when I am lucky enough to be holding my beautiful little [grunting] girl, people can [entirely accidentally, I know] rub in my face the fact that my body just doesn't work correctly.
I had a conversation with a friend today about how she really wants another child but is dreading pregnancy. She of course got pregnant the first month she tried and had a completely uneventful, healthy pregnancy and delivery. And she of course knows about our infertility treatments and all about my so-called high risk pregnancy and endless appointments with my large 'medical team.'
So what was I supposed to say? She said they're talking about adoption so she won't have to be pregnant, and while I am entirely pro-adoption and I know that there are a lot of children looking for homes, part of me wanted to ask why she couldn't leave the healthy, domestic infants for families who have no other way to parent? (I don't think they'd consider a special needs child - we've talked about that before). Or honestly, complain to someone else? I did not in fact share that last sentiment with her, but I did drop that we are trying to put away $1000 per month so that in 30-40 months we'll have enough to go back to the fertility clinic if we want to. And then I added that my medical team recommended I not wait past 30 given my multiple diagnosis. She got the hint and changed topics.
It's incredible how even when I am lucky enough to be holding my beautiful little [grunting] girl, people can [entirely accidentally, I know] rub in my face the fact that my body just doesn't work correctly.
frustration
I thought we had chosen a daycare in my little corner of Europe. I thought all the decisions had been made. AND THEN, I found a much better daycare. Yes, the first one is fine but it's in a pretty bad location (for babies, it's actually super-convenient for me) but it's run by an overhead institution and has a few little red flags. And that matters a lot when you're signing up for months of a daycare in a foreign country sight unseen.
The new daycare is lovely. Next to woods, permanent staff, small classes, great infant room. The problem? It's nowhere near my work and I can't seem to find the bus routes for the town it's in online. So, I might be committing to a daycare that would require multiple buses both directions to drop off and pick up TS. And since I'll be living alone, that could be a big hassle if a meeting runs late, for example. But 90% of me says to go with my gut and put TS in the-very-best-daycare-we-can-find despite the inconvenience. But will I regret this later? My little corner of Europe happens to have all-round great daycare, so option #1 is still much better than anything we'd find in NYC in terms of staff stability and training, small classes, going outside, activities, etc.
Argh! I just want to be done thinking about daycare so we can start thinking about how to find a furnished apartment (with internet if we get really lucky).
The new daycare is lovely. Next to woods, permanent staff, small classes, great infant room. The problem? It's nowhere near my work and I can't seem to find the bus routes for the town it's in online. So, I might be committing to a daycare that would require multiple buses both directions to drop off and pick up TS. And since I'll be living alone, that could be a big hassle if a meeting runs late, for example. But 90% of me says to go with my gut and put TS in the-very-best-daycare-we-can-find despite the inconvenience. But will I regret this later? My little corner of Europe happens to have all-round great daycare, so option #1 is still much better than anything we'd find in NYC in terms of staff stability and training, small classes, going outside, activities, etc.
Argh! I just want to be done thinking about daycare so we can start thinking about how to find a furnished apartment (with internet if we get really lucky).
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The many benefits of having an expert around
I know that the SAHM vs. working mother topics can get a bit heated, and I certainly don't mean to enter into that debate directly (largely because I think it's dumb and I have very strong opinions on the matter). I never considered quitting my career plans to care for TS, and since my career does not happen to have an 'on ramp' if I were to take more than a few weeks off, that pretty much settled the issue for us. Of course, I am incredibly lucky to have an extremely flexible work schedule and the resources to share a nanny with a friend for TS's first couple of months (she will be going in regular ol' 9 to 5 daycare come summertime). There have already been many benefits to my sanity, cleanliness of my house, and my patience in dealing with TS in the evenings to having someone else care for her a couple of hours a day.
JD spent hours over the weekend trying to give TS her first bottle. I did not think it would be an issue since she was happy to take finger feeds from him the first couple of weeks, but she refused the bottle all weekend. It even got to the point where I was pumping milk directly into a bottle for her and handing it to JD so that it would be the exact same temperature as at the breast. No luck. But it took our nanny (who has 12 or so years of experience watching infants) less than 2 hours to get TS to happily suck away at her bottle. A bit traumatic for me, but it did not seem to be at all traumatic for her. Chalk one more star up on the side of professional childcare.
JD spent hours over the weekend trying to give TS her first bottle. I did not think it would be an issue since she was happy to take finger feeds from him the first couple of weeks, but she refused the bottle all weekend. It even got to the point where I was pumping milk directly into a bottle for her and handing it to JD so that it would be the exact same temperature as at the breast. No luck. But it took our nanny (who has 12 or so years of experience watching infants) less than 2 hours to get TS to happily suck away at her bottle. A bit traumatic for me, but it did not seem to be at all traumatic for her. Chalk one more star up on the side of professional childcare.
Monday, January 19, 2009
In which my midwife says exactly what I wanted to hear
All was well at my six week postpartum visit today. It would be even better if my body would stop bleeding, but apparently I'm still in the 'normal' range (it's really not much, but enough to keep me from even being to guess when I'll be able to go to the mikveh). The midwife even took the time to reassure me that TS is suffering from nothing more than a severe case of baby acne (my slightly funny-looking little alien is not looking her best today).
After a very perfunctory exam she declared me 'fully healed' and proceeded to ask about birth control. I told her I hadn't thought about it too much (haha - except for that little OCD trip to an ob/gyn to obsess 2 weeks ago ...) and she reassured me yet again that it was totally unnecessary. She said that between my IF diagnosis and breastfeeding, it would take 'An act of Gd to get pregnant in the next 6 months' and if that were to happen I should 'just enjoy it.' And honestly, I think she's right.
Yes, it would be truly awful for my career to have another baby immediately (um, that whole must go abroad to finish my research thing), it would be fairly awful for my relationship with JD (not like we get that much time to ourselves as is between our jobs and a little fusspot and we did just get married, after all), it would be mildly unfair to TS to have to share my attention so soon, and it would be fairly miserable on my body (the sleep deprivation more than anything else), but honestly? I don't care. It would be such an incredible miracle to have another child that it would be worth it.
So there you have it. We are just going to play Russian roulette and see what happens. Of course, chances are absolutely nothing will happen. I have after all only ovulated once in my life (and the result is lying grunting next to me) and my IF was not solely caused by PCOs, but still, a girl can dream. And although I fully expect to lose ALL of my readers should we manage to somehow grow our family again in the next year or two, you have my full permission to come back and say "Fool - we told you so."
The only problem is that as someone who is 100% anovulatory I don't really want to randomly taking pg tests every couple of weeks to check, but since I had a symptom-free first trimester, I think I may need to. I hope that process is not overly-traumatic. It's not like I'm having more than a drink at a time now or caffeine, but I am certainly enjoying my sushi and soft cheeses and hot dogs and, well, SUGAR.
Oh yeah, and JD agreed with the midwife. Beats me why or whether it was really an informed decision, but he did. [Ok, that sounds awful. I'm sure he understands the risks. It's just that while he's happy not to use any birth control, he also smiled on the way out of the office and told me how glad he was that 'we'll never be back here.' When I asked what he was talking about, he told me that by the time we're even thinking about growing our family again in some manner we'll be living in another city. Now, since we're not moving for another 3 years and he has already budgeted into 2010's budget another round of IF treatments, I have no idea what he is talking about ...]
After a very perfunctory exam she declared me 'fully healed' and proceeded to ask about birth control. I told her I hadn't thought about it too much (haha - except for that little OCD trip to an ob/gyn to obsess 2 weeks ago ...) and she reassured me yet again that it was totally unnecessary. She said that between my IF diagnosis and breastfeeding, it would take 'An act of Gd to get pregnant in the next 6 months' and if that were to happen I should 'just enjoy it.' And honestly, I think she's right.
Yes, it would be truly awful for my career to have another baby immediately (um, that whole must go abroad to finish my research thing), it would be fairly awful for my relationship with JD (not like we get that much time to ourselves as is between our jobs and a little fusspot and we did just get married, after all), it would be mildly unfair to TS to have to share my attention so soon, and it would be fairly miserable on my body (the sleep deprivation more than anything else), but honestly? I don't care. It would be such an incredible miracle to have another child that it would be worth it.
So there you have it. We are just going to play Russian roulette and see what happens. Of course, chances are absolutely nothing will happen. I have after all only ovulated once in my life (and the result is lying grunting next to me) and my IF was not solely caused by PCOs, but still, a girl can dream. And although I fully expect to lose ALL of my readers should we manage to somehow grow our family again in the next year or two, you have my full permission to come back and say "Fool - we told you so."
The only problem is that as someone who is 100% anovulatory I don't really want to randomly taking pg tests every couple of weeks to check, but since I had a symptom-free first trimester, I think I may need to. I hope that process is not overly-traumatic. It's not like I'm having more than a drink at a time now or caffeine, but I am certainly enjoying my sushi and soft cheeses and hot dogs and, well, SUGAR.
Oh yeah, and JD agreed with the midwife. Beats me why or whether it was really an informed decision, but he did. [Ok, that sounds awful. I'm sure he understands the risks. It's just that while he's happy not to use any birth control, he also smiled on the way out of the office and told me how glad he was that 'we'll never be back here.' When I asked what he was talking about, he told me that by the time we're even thinking about growing our family again in some manner we'll be living in another city. Now, since we're not moving for another 3 years and he has already budgeted into 2010's budget another round of IF treatments, I have no idea what he is talking about ...]
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