The crazy commuting with baby in tow has begun. And internet access will be spotty, so I don't expect to post until I'm back in NYC. Here's to long naps at strategic moments (I mean, if I walk to the subway, take a 20 minute ride to the train station, wait about 30 minutes for a train (can't cut it too close), spend 4 hours on the train on a good day (trains here are notoriously late), transfer to another subway for a 30 minute ride, then either walk the 1 mile home to my relatives or take a 5 minute cab ride ... statistically the fusspot has to sleep for some part of it, right?)
In other potentially good news, I'm a finalist for a big grant which would allow/require me to extend my stay in Europe. It's great news - prestigious, lots of money, some help with the logistics ... and my first thought was not about the cost to JD of my and the resident alien's absence for an extra few months or him missing out on the fusspot's development, but that this will delay our return to the IF clinic. I think I may need counseling. Or maybe it's still a trace of disbelief that we've really made it to the other side - that I stayed pregnant, that TS arrived safely, and that she is really truly here to stay and even if we never even get the chance to try again, we have an incredible family of three already.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Decisions made in roundabout ways
You know when you e-mail your new office-mate to ask if they plan to use the office 2 days a week, and oh, by the way, do they mind if you bring your 8-week old with to work? The best response: A hearty congrats on the baby and a note about how they used to bring their baby to work too but he's in preschool now. I got one of those today. Not something I expect in my profession at all.
And I'm going to visit my great-uncle. I know this is a convoluted way to explain a decision, but it's also sweet. Yesterday I received a package for TS from someone I have never met. I waited till JD got home (around 11, again) to open it, as I try to do with all presents for the baby. And it was a handmade quilt from one of my grandmother's friends with a long note about how she knew my grandmother and wanted to make a gift for her great-granddaughter since my grandmother missed her arrival (she passed away last year). And I just realized how much my grandparent's generation has to tell my generation (my grandparents and their siblings met and fell in love in a refugee camp after the war, for a quick example of how different their lives were from ours) and how special it will be for TS to meet her relatives of that generation, so we're going. Of course, that presumes that all the news stays stable for the next 10 days. And it does make this month even crazier. Not only do I start commuting several hours every week now to another city to teach, but we have out-of-town guests staying with us for the next 3 weekends straight so I will probably fly down to visit my relatives on a Sunday afternoon/Monday visit after hosting visitors all weekend.
Not that it's a great surprise, but within the next 3 months TS will have at least 3 long (domestic) flights and split her time between 2 large cities in different states. And then, of course, at the beginning of the summer we're off to my little corner of Europe for a good while. All I can do is to hope long distance parenting goes as smoothly as long distance infertility did.
And I want to add that for all that JD works long hours and misses most of TS's awake time, I think he has done a wonderful job of bonding with her. Much as it annoys me, the first thing he wants to do when he gets home is to wake the baby and play with her. And she sleeps on his chest for the majority of the night. Last week he was all about ousting her from our bed (might have had something to do with the great mikveh countdown 2009), but yesterday he conceeded that he'd miss having her in bed with us and that it's really no rush to oust her until she starts to roll over. I honestly think that 2 nights of solid sleep (when we're out of town) will make JD an even more involved parent. Of course, I wish I had the same option ...
And I'm going to visit my great-uncle. I know this is a convoluted way to explain a decision, but it's also sweet. Yesterday I received a package for TS from someone I have never met. I waited till JD got home (around 11, again) to open it, as I try to do with all presents for the baby. And it was a handmade quilt from one of my grandmother's friends with a long note about how she knew my grandmother and wanted to make a gift for her great-granddaughter since my grandmother missed her arrival (she passed away last year). And I just realized how much my grandparent's generation has to tell my generation (my grandparents and their siblings met and fell in love in a refugee camp after the war, for a quick example of how different their lives were from ours) and how special it will be for TS to meet her relatives of that generation, so we're going. Of course, that presumes that all the news stays stable for the next 10 days. And it does make this month even crazier. Not only do I start commuting several hours every week now to another city to teach, but we have out-of-town guests staying with us for the next 3 weekends straight so I will probably fly down to visit my relatives on a Sunday afternoon/Monday visit after hosting visitors all weekend.
Not that it's a great surprise, but within the next 3 months TS will have at least 3 long (domestic) flights and split her time between 2 large cities in different states. And then, of course, at the beginning of the summer we're off to my little corner of Europe for a good while. All I can do is to hope long distance parenting goes as smoothly as long distance infertility did.
And I want to add that for all that JD works long hours and misses most of TS's awake time, I think he has done a wonderful job of bonding with her. Much as it annoys me, the first thing he wants to do when he gets home is to wake the baby and play with her. And she sleeps on his chest for the majority of the night. Last week he was all about ousting her from our bed (might have had something to do with the great mikveh countdown 2009), but yesterday he conceeded that he'd miss having her in bed with us and that it's really no rush to oust her until she starts to roll over. I honestly think that 2 nights of solid sleep (when we're out of town) will make JD an even more involved parent. Of course, I wish I had the same option ...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A travel dilemma of the sad sort
I wrote last spring about how I felt guilty leaving my dying grandmother for IF clinic appointments (she passed away before TS's conception, but she knew we were trying and was excited about it). And I also wrote over the summer how I really hoped my great-uncle would live to meet his great-great-niece. And he did. But it looks like our planned visit in May may be too late.
He's in the hospital as of tonight and it doesn't look good. If it were up to me I'd be on a plane tomorrow to go visit.* I know that nobody wants long visits when they're in the hospital, but even a half hour would make me feel better and I know he would like to meet TS while he is still cognizant. But my mother doesn't want me to go because she thinks it will be a burden on my great-aunt and her children who are there helping out (and she is also exceedingly practical about death and dying and doesn't see the point of flying all the distance for such a short time together). And even if I rent a car and stay with friends, it's still hard to coordinate with another visitor in town and even harder when that person can't really be all that helpful because they have a baby with them.
So, I'm not at all sure what to do. I would like to go visit. But it might make more sense to go later in the spring, even if that means going to visit my great-aunt when she's alone. I don't want to be a burden on the local family, but I have really enjoyed the time I spent with my relatives this past year (JD's home in City X was quite close) and I would like a chance to say good-bye. Thoughts?
* It's a long flight but since we're in NYC it's always feasible to find inexpensive last minute tickets and I think TS is old enough to not worry about her getting sick from the flight.
He's in the hospital as of tonight and it doesn't look good. If it were up to me I'd be on a plane tomorrow to go visit.* I know that nobody wants long visits when they're in the hospital, but even a half hour would make me feel better and I know he would like to meet TS while he is still cognizant. But my mother doesn't want me to go because she thinks it will be a burden on my great-aunt and her children who are there helping out (and she is also exceedingly practical about death and dying and doesn't see the point of flying all the distance for such a short time together). And even if I rent a car and stay with friends, it's still hard to coordinate with another visitor in town and even harder when that person can't really be all that helpful because they have a baby with them.
So, I'm not at all sure what to do. I would like to go visit. But it might make more sense to go later in the spring, even if that means going to visit my great-aunt when she's alone. I don't want to be a burden on the local family, but I have really enjoyed the time I spent with my relatives this past year (JD's home in City X was quite close) and I would like a chance to say good-bye. Thoughts?
* It's a long flight but since we're in NYC it's always feasible to find inexpensive last minute tickets and I think TS is old enough to not worry about her getting sick from the flight.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sick baby
I keep waiting for those promised 'athlete's study skills' that are supposed to come with being a mother, working full-time and attending school full-time. But apparently they haven't kicked in yet.
I have an application due on February 1st. I just checked this afternoon and that is a received by date, not a postmark date. Oh, and it's due someplace in Europe. So I need to finish it tonight.
Entire item #2: sick baby. TS did not eat much today but I wasn't that worried because she ate all night. Then about midafternoon she started to get diarrhea, and by tonight there were a few specks of blood. Combine that with a grazing but not eating baby and you definitely have a sick baby. Luckily she still seems to feel fine (although perhaps a tad lethargic) and has absolutely no fever.
After our last pediatrician sick visit, I called my mother and a relative who is a RN and both agreed it was fine to wait at least until the morning to call the doctor (I think all they'd do on the phone is evaluate whether she needs to go to the ER which she definitely doesn't as long as she has no fever). But it means that I am trying to get as much milk as possible into the baby since she's not that interested in eating. And trying to get her to rest comfortably. So here I sit with a swaddled sleeping baby next to me in bed trying to revise a long essay and adapt it to this application. Such a fun evening.
I have an application due on February 1st. I just checked this afternoon and that is a received by date, not a postmark date. Oh, and it's due someplace in Europe. So I need to finish it tonight.
Entire item #2: sick baby. TS did not eat much today but I wasn't that worried because she ate all night. Then about midafternoon she started to get diarrhea, and by tonight there were a few specks of blood. Combine that with a grazing but not eating baby and you definitely have a sick baby. Luckily she still seems to feel fine (although perhaps a tad lethargic) and has absolutely no fever.
After our last pediatrician sick visit, I called my mother and a relative who is a RN and both agreed it was fine to wait at least until the morning to call the doctor (I think all they'd do on the phone is evaluate whether she needs to go to the ER which she definitely doesn't as long as she has no fever). But it means that I am trying to get as much milk as possible into the baby since she's not that interested in eating. And trying to get her to rest comfortably. So here I sit with a swaddled sleeping baby next to me in bed trying to revise a long essay and adapt it to this application. Such a fun evening.
The end of food fest 2008/year of the rat
The sad truth is that my delightful nearly 2-month long binge of sweets must come to an end. I start teaching again next week, and I have nothing to wear. JD and I took a very mortifying trip to H and M yesterday to stock up on cheap clothing for the next few weeks (and of course he had TS in the Bjorn so none of the women in the fitting room knew exactly why I was so disturbed by my new figure ...). The problem is not my weight per se, which is back at my pre-TTC level, but rather my new curves. I had no idea that going from a G cup to an J/K cup would make such a difference, but NOTHING fits. And more than that, since the largest nursing bra I can find is an I cup, my cups runneth over and I cannot wear anything even slightly fitted. I know, there are women out there who pay top dollar for my curves, but the truth is that they are incredibly inconvenient to live with. And since I cannot take the surgery route yet (and probably not for another 10 years at least) I am going to try and lose a bit of weight and see if they will at least drop down to a reasonable I cup. I have some really nice shirts and sweaters that I would like to be able to wear by springtime.
My plan for now is long walks with the baby (as long as the weather permits). I can't work out yet because it's too painful to do cardio with a bra. And I'm restricting (not eliminating) my carbs: only 2 meals with major carbs a day, no simple carbs, and dessert every other day. We'll see how it goes, but I am going to stick with this plan for at least 2 weeks to see if it works.
In other news, Melissia's comment about TS's nighttime reflux started me thinking ... I think it's possible that because TS goes a bit longer between feeds at night she is actually drowning in milk come 3:30 am. So yesterday night when she started screaming at her 3 am feed I stopped and pumped, um, 6 ounces, and then finished the feed. Yup, I think that I have oversupply issues which are making it hard for her to eat (overeating can cause reflux, and that would explain why it only happens in the middle of the night). So I have placed another call to the LC and I may go back to the pediatrician later this week, although after our awful visit for reflux last week I may not be up for it [In short, I cried after we left. The doctor was incredibly mean to me, completely dismissive of my questions, and put TS on the very strongest medication without answering my questions about it's side effects. So, we decided not to medicate her yet].
Ok, back to work.
My plan for now is long walks with the baby (as long as the weather permits). I can't work out yet because it's too painful to do cardio with a bra. And I'm restricting (not eliminating) my carbs: only 2 meals with major carbs a day, no simple carbs, and dessert every other day. We'll see how it goes, but I am going to stick with this plan for at least 2 weeks to see if it works.
In other news, Melissia's comment about TS's nighttime reflux started me thinking ... I think it's possible that because TS goes a bit longer between feeds at night she is actually drowning in milk come 3:30 am. So yesterday night when she started screaming at her 3 am feed I stopped and pumped, um, 6 ounces, and then finished the feed. Yup, I think that I have oversupply issues which are making it hard for her to eat (overeating can cause reflux, and that would explain why it only happens in the middle of the night). So I have placed another call to the LC and I may go back to the pediatrician later this week, although after our awful visit for reflux last week I may not be up for it [In short, I cried after we left. The doctor was incredibly mean to me, completely dismissive of my questions, and put TS on the very strongest medication without answering my questions about it's side effects. So, we decided not to medicate her yet].
Ok, back to work.
Happy (Chinese) New Years
Happy new years. We are keeping the celebrations low key this year - just a lovely dinner with JD's parents yesterday night and a few presents for the little alien (cash and new clothes, couldn't be better for a baby. Add another $20 to the college fund). I am too tired to write more now, but we had a really great time with JD's parents.
Friday, January 23, 2009
muddled sleep questions (and a funny story at the end)
I was warned many times about newborns confusing night and day, and we survived that stage. But now that I'm back at work and the to-do list is piling up I'm trying to maximize my sleep without torturing the poor little alien.
So, any suggestions for this situation?: The baby seems to have yet again inverted day and night. She sleeps fabulously all day. Her best nap is 9 am to 12 (3 hours! Note the posting time of 9:30 am). But, she also sleeps well whenever I take her out and bundle her up - either in a sling or the stroller, so yesterday she slept through a 2-hour meeting in the afternoon, an hour of errands in the early evening, and a 3-presentation in the evening (in her stroller, sling, and carseat respectively). And then she was up from 2 am to 6 am. I feed her every hour but she just wanted to play. Not only is it the worst time, but she also shouldn't stay awake that long.
I really feel like something has to give. Except for our naughty co-sleeping, we are following every APA guideline and I feel like if we could break any of these rules she would sleep during the night. I'm not asking for permission to break the rules, just advice on how to get around them:
- We are using the soothies pacifiers (we just started last week with the reflux). They are obviously designed not to stay in the baby's mouth, but I'm pretty sure if we gave her a regular pacifier she'd be able to keep it in
- She sleeps much, much better on her stomach. I only know because JD often turns her on her stomach to fall asleep while he sits and watches her, and then flips her onto her back after 10-20 minutes.
- She has no blankets, etc. in her crib even though she clearly prefers to snuggle next to things (i.e. us, the sleeping bag liner in her carseat, the edge of the bugaboo) when sleeping. And sadly it's way too cold/unsafe to take her out for a walk in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep.
The sleep guidelines feel like a huge conspiracy against sleeping, and I'm just wondering if there's any way to get around them cleverly without actually endangering the fusspot.
And now, a funny a story: I went to a talk yesterday night with a couple of colleagues. I thought there might be food, but there wasn't. So, when we cabbed back we had the taxi drop us at my local deli. The time was 11 pm. One of the guys in the cab offered to carry TS in her carseat while we grabbed food. I went in search of dessert (obviously) and he went to get a sandwich. And who should be in line in front of him but my dear husband on his way home from work at 11 pm? So, when TS grunts JD turns around in line to find a strange man he's never meet before carrying his sleeping daughter.* And what does he do? Very politely shakes his hand and asks if he's seen his wife. Apparently, my husband really is that relaxed about the baby.
* I was at the time less than 10 feet away but out of sight as I was perusing the pastries ...
So, any suggestions for this situation?: The baby seems to have yet again inverted day and night. She sleeps fabulously all day. Her best nap is 9 am to 12 (3 hours! Note the posting time of 9:30 am). But, she also sleeps well whenever I take her out and bundle her up - either in a sling or the stroller, so yesterday she slept through a 2-hour meeting in the afternoon, an hour of errands in the early evening, and a 3-presentation in the evening (in her stroller, sling, and carseat respectively). And then she was up from 2 am to 6 am. I feed her every hour but she just wanted to play. Not only is it the worst time, but she also shouldn't stay awake that long.
I really feel like something has to give. Except for our naughty co-sleeping, we are following every APA guideline and I feel like if we could break any of these rules she would sleep during the night. I'm not asking for permission to break the rules, just advice on how to get around them:
- We are using the soothies pacifiers (we just started last week with the reflux). They are obviously designed not to stay in the baby's mouth, but I'm pretty sure if we gave her a regular pacifier she'd be able to keep it in
- She sleeps much, much better on her stomach. I only know because JD often turns her on her stomach to fall asleep while he sits and watches her, and then flips her onto her back after 10-20 minutes.
- She has no blankets, etc. in her crib even though she clearly prefers to snuggle next to things (i.e. us, the sleeping bag liner in her carseat, the edge of the bugaboo) when sleeping. And sadly it's way too cold/unsafe to take her out for a walk in the middle of the night to put her back to sleep.
The sleep guidelines feel like a huge conspiracy against sleeping, and I'm just wondering if there's any way to get around them cleverly without actually endangering the fusspot.
And now, a funny a story: I went to a talk yesterday night with a couple of colleagues. I thought there might be food, but there wasn't. So, when we cabbed back we had the taxi drop us at my local deli. The time was 11 pm. One of the guys in the cab offered to carry TS in her carseat while we grabbed food. I went in search of dessert (obviously) and he went to get a sandwich. And who should be in line in front of him but my dear husband on his way home from work at 11 pm? So, when TS grunts JD turns around in line to find a strange man he's never meet before carrying his sleeping daughter.* And what does he do? Very politely shakes his hand and asks if he's seen his wife. Apparently, my husband really is that relaxed about the baby.
* I was at the time less than 10 feet away but out of sight as I was perusing the pastries ...
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