Look, we can talk after class. You'd have months to think about it, she say sweetly. After all, we are both flat on our stomachs stretching.
Nope, not yoga. Or pilates. This is mommy and me ballet class and we both have toddlers in pink tutus on the floor next to us. And mobile babies sitting in the center of the circle pulling each other's hair.
But even there, eyes on both my kids, annoyed at my out of shape body, distracted by the ten or so other moms around me, I said no. A quick, hurried explanation that we may have to (probably will) leave the city within the next couple of years at the most. Game over, no go, no need to discuss further. So we move on to the endless chatter about art projects and potty training and such.
But 7 hours later I am still thinking about how I was practically offered a healthy, beautiful baby (no gender yet, still baking) baby. To keep. Forever. With lots and lots of strings.
My friend is a foster mom. They went into the system looking to foster children, to love them and care for them while they family's were in need, to reunite them with their parents. And their very first match was a 48 hour old beautiful, healthy girl. Removed by the state from her mother in the hospital because of issues. And while they still are in open contact with the mother and she is in fact in full compliance with the court, the issues have not disappeared and that little girl is staying with them forever (although it will be another 2-5 years before that's all formal). And then the little girl got a half-sibling when she was about 18 months old, and that little guy went to live with them straight from the hospital. And now, just after his first birthday he'll be a big brother. And since the issues have not gone away (and never will), they are looking for a home for his sibling. And since everyone knows we can't get pregnant and really want more babies, well ...
Except, of course, the timing is wrong for us. And more than that, the legal system for foster children is quite awful and practically a full time job for my friend to manage. With supervised visits and all doctors appointments scheduled at other people's convenience a good hour from where she lives. And we'd need to commit to staying in the city for a good 4-5 years in order to get through the lengthy legal process of terminating parental rights, all while maintaining court-ordered visits (the issues do not make these particularly pleasant for the children). This is not to say that we're not interested in the future, but it's just not possible right now.
No, I don't have a conclusion to this post. I told my friend if she decides to take this baby we will absolutely get certified as foster relief parents and help with the transition. And that's really all I can offer. If anyone does happen to be in NYC and interested, I am happy to explain more via e-mail and put you in contact with my friend. The state does not allow parental rights to be limited before the baby is born, but CPS is writing a plan.
In news related to the children in this household, my mini-man gained 5 ounces in 8 weeks and I consented to all sorts of lab work for him. Those results should be back soon. School stress will be resolved one way or other by the end of this week. Baby is teething and nursing every 2 hours overnight, toddler is delightful. And we could have been planning for a new baby this fall.
Nope, not yoga. Or pilates. This is mommy and me ballet class and we both have toddlers in pink tutus on the floor next to us. And mobile babies sitting in the center of the circle pulling each other's hair.
But even there, eyes on both my kids, annoyed at my out of shape body, distracted by the ten or so other moms around me, I said no. A quick, hurried explanation that we may have to (probably will) leave the city within the next couple of years at the most. Game over, no go, no need to discuss further. So we move on to the endless chatter about art projects and potty training and such.
But 7 hours later I am still thinking about how I was practically offered a healthy, beautiful baby (no gender yet, still baking) baby. To keep. Forever. With lots and lots of strings.
My friend is a foster mom. They went into the system looking to foster children, to love them and care for them while they family's were in need, to reunite them with their parents. And their very first match was a 48 hour old beautiful, healthy girl. Removed by the state from her mother in the hospital because of issues. And while they still are in open contact with the mother and she is in fact in full compliance with the court, the issues have not disappeared and that little girl is staying with them forever (although it will be another 2-5 years before that's all formal). And then the little girl got a half-sibling when she was about 18 months old, and that little guy went to live with them straight from the hospital. And now, just after his first birthday he'll be a big brother. And since the issues have not gone away (and never will), they are looking for a home for his sibling. And since everyone knows we can't get pregnant and really want more babies, well ...
Except, of course, the timing is wrong for us. And more than that, the legal system for foster children is quite awful and practically a full time job for my friend to manage. With supervised visits and all doctors appointments scheduled at other people's convenience a good hour from where she lives. And we'd need to commit to staying in the city for a good 4-5 years in order to get through the lengthy legal process of terminating parental rights, all while maintaining court-ordered visits (the issues do not make these particularly pleasant for the children). This is not to say that we're not interested in the future, but it's just not possible right now.
No, I don't have a conclusion to this post. I told my friend if she decides to take this baby we will absolutely get certified as foster relief parents and help with the transition. And that's really all I can offer. If anyone does happen to be in NYC and interested, I am happy to explain more via e-mail and put you in contact with my friend. The state does not allow parental rights to be limited before the baby is born, but CPS is writing a plan.
In news related to the children in this household, my mini-man gained 5 ounces in 8 weeks and I consented to all sorts of lab work for him. Those results should be back soon. School stress will be resolved one way or other by the end of this week. Baby is teething and nursing every 2 hours overnight, toddler is delightful. And we could have been planning for a new baby this fall.
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