I read a lot of IF blogs, but also a decent number of parenting/crafty blogs. And the overwhelming theme of this New Years is to "just stop and enjoy your children." You know the gist: "babies grow up so quickly," "what could be more important than playing with your child for 10 minutes?", "I'd rather have a messy home and happy children."
They're sweet, harmless, banalities, right? Except they make me so angry.
The simple fact is that I have been single parenting (except that huge elephant in the room: money) since at least August, and probably since the dumpling was born. And when you are single parenting 2 growing babies you don't actually have the time to just "stop and enjoy the moment." I mean, of course I could, but then I land up doing dishes at 4 am. Or waking up with panic attacks about work at 4:30 am.
And while I am entirely convinced that the day-to-day of being a SAHM is more exhausting than most jobs, the glorious thing if you do it well is the decrease in stress. Folks, it's January 3rd and I am stressed. Angry, sad, spinning in circles stressed about school. Again. It's going to be an awful busy semester and there is simply no time to waste, so here I am soliciting your stress reduction/management suggestions. Just please don't suggest the gym. I actually have a groupon for a gym membership for the month of January. It's 5 blocks from my house and open until midnight, already paid for ... and it's looking doubtful that I'll make it at all. JD is not expecting to be home before midnight this month (yes, he leaves the apartment around 9 am), I don't have time during my brief 31 hours of childcare, and they don't have babysitting in the evenings or on the weekends. I do luckily get a decent amount of exercise with our commute - a good 4 miles pushing a loaded double stroller most days, but it's not necessarily the same as a real workout.
I've tried to find a behavioral therapist to deal with the unproductive parts of the stress to no avail, so suggestions along those lines much appreciated.
I realize that I am up against a lot as I work on these deadlines and finishing up, but the more I think about it the more I really do want a serious chance at this career. We could certainly float a few years of my not working much/making much money but there would definitely be long-term consequences for the fusspot and dumpling's educational opportunities. And if I am going to have to work full-term for the rest of my life, it really would be nice to be something interesting that I am mostly good at. So it is worth struggling through the next few months, but ugh., s on January 3rd? It's really absurd.
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3 comments:
Oh boy. As always, I'm astonished by what you accomplish every single blessed day! It seems to me that finding a therapist to help deal with your stress isn't actually going to be super-productive in your case since your stress isn't an overreaction to your life, it's just a natural byproduct of an incredibly crazy time in your life. of COURSE you're stressed--you'd be nuts if you weren't. So a therapist might be able to suggest ways to help you relax, but might also not have any clue--you really are attempting to excel at about 3 different things at the same time--things that most people can only do one-at-a-time. So obviously you're stressed & stretched to the limit.
That said, just about the ONLY thing I ever found that helped me with the overwhelming 'can't sleep at 4:30 OMG my life is exploding!' kind of brain freak-outs I used to have when I was working in the library was guided-imagery meditation tapes. If I just sit & try to meditate when I'm already stressed, I can't get past the to-do lists. But something about the same music, same voice saying the same thing can help drop me into a calmer state. I noticed a definite difference when I used them and am a big believer, but I know the idea annoys the hell out of some people.
Is this your last semester of school-on-top-of-everything-else? Because if there's an end in sight, then yeah, just hang tough even if it means hanging from your fingernails--you can do ANYTHING for 5 months. But if it's going to be longer than that, then maybe it's time to give yourself a bit of a break? Not give up the career entirely, but find a way to give yourself some breathing room for 6 months or a year just so you can regroup & take some deep breaths? I don't know what it is that you're studying, what kind of degree you're pursuing, so I don't know how practical that suggestion is, but I can't think that ANYONE (even a superwoman like yourself) can keep on indefinitely--either physically or mentally or emotionally--with what you've been doing for the last year.
Not a lot of help, just a lot of sympathy & interest. Thinking of you. (And big congrats to the dumpling! WOOHOOO, big boy!)
Honestly when I was super stressed out in grad school, it was exercise that kept me sane. And smoking and drinking a ton. None of these, however, are helpful in your situation.
Is there any way you can take ten or fifteen minutes a day to do something just for you to relax? Get one of those chair massages every few days for ten minutes during lunch, watch a few guilty minutes of a show while drinking a glass of wine, something? Even if you have to time it to the second, you should take fifteen minutes a day for just relaxing. Make it a practice like some people do yoga. Or do fifteen minutes of yoga after the kids are in bed. These are the best things I have to suggest. I wish you luck!
I think prrogblogger's comment was excellent.
Zoloft helps me cope with stress. I'm not proud of it, but I realize that it is a necessary part of my life for now. That is, of course, a tongue-in-cheek answer. I'm not recommending you take drugs... however if zoloft is considered safe for breastfeeding, just FYI.
I'm also learning how therapeutic playing with my kid's toys is. When I sit with him and play with Play-Doh, it's as much for me as him. Even just running my hands through his big play box of dry beans has a calming sense to it.
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