It would be great to pop back into my blog and note that I've been gone on a fantabulous vacation (more on that later, but nope, not gonna happen) or suddenly hit with a spurt of massive productivity but likewise, nope. However, I do have things I want to write about and I do plan to start here. It's just that there are so many blogs which I eventually give up on because the tone is so very whiny that it annoys me, and I don't want to fall into that category. There are many wonderful things happening around here and all sorts of infertility/post-infertility issues I want to write about.

Item one. This:
Yes, folks, that is the very height of culinary delicacy for the predominantly vegetarian (although actually just budget-conscious kosher) low carb gal. That fine combination of tofu, greens and eggplant can be had at Whole Foods for $9.99 and I plan to do so at least every other week in the upcoming months. Needless to say low carb sucks, and I am terrible at doing things in a moderate way. I really don't care about losing weight per se, and I am distinctly under my normal weight already but we are long past the 6 month mark and I still look distinctly pregnant. And oddly enough, it's not really pudge. My stomach area is pretty firm ... beats me with what. I was so annoyed at yet again looking awful one afternoon that I ran out to our local torture-device store with double stroller in tow and bought something spanx-like. I felt pretty proud of myself for finagling 2 children through a fitting room and braving such an awful item only to walk out the store and basically into Tim Gu.nn on the sidewalk hailing a cab and looking impeccably dressed and toned. This neighborhood is just not good for realistic body image. The fusspot also spent all of Sunday afternoon pointing out the people with "sparkly blankets" all over the city (locals would certainly recognize the post-marathon metallic blankets). It's not that I really want to run a marathon, but the fact that I can't find time to work out even once a week is just sad. But with a husband who doesn't get home until midnight and not nearly enough daycare hours to get my work done, it is what it is. Someday I will at least be able to run a 10k workout again.

On the subject of body image, I was delighted (truly delighted) to discover that Ms. 8-feet-tall-size-zero-mom-of-2-babies/toddlers slightly younger than mine is not in fact not newly postpartum. Given the diversity of families in our neighborhood, it just didn't cross my mind that the children might be foster children. We have had several brief conversations and she is nothing if not glowing about her own experience and the willingness of the NYC foster system to place newborns into the arms of foster parents. So very nice to talk to someone who has had a good experience.

So yeah, definitely trying to lose some midsection pudge. What I'd really like to do is start planning for my breast reduction surgery, but that's not even on the table for another 5 years, possibly 10 (long-time readers may recall that I am particularly ill-proportioned thanks to the wonders of artificial hormones as a child. Ain't nothing natural about my formerly 34G currently 34I, and so they're coming off someday). I find it so depressing to look at photos of me with my adorable children where I either look awful or are very strategically holding them in weird positions to cover up my ill-fitting, tugged too low, unflattering clothes. Oh well, I'll hopefully lose a little weight or maybe just get over my pretentions a bit more.

So, the vacation. One of my dearest friends is getting married in December. Far, far away. Granted, not exactly in the most hospitable country for visitors (let's just say the U.S. sent in some marines to shoot someone recently rather close to the wedding site. I know, great location, eh?) but the combination of some pretty lengthy research and the offer of a free ticket had me sold. And honestly, JD has never really said no to one of my crazy travel plans. But he did here. And it would be fine if it were really about safety (I was planning to take just the dumpling, see above re: nursing) but it's not. It's about cost (2 visas, the dumpling's airplane security fees would be all) and jealousy, and that makes me pissed. It makes me pissed because I agreed not to go because he doesn't want me to, and then he suggests a family vacation the same week which would be much, much more expensive and not particularly exciting. So I suggested he go someplace alone for the week since he always says how I travel more than him and ... crickets. I would leap at the opportunity to travel alone for a week, or more likely take the dumpling to visit some relatives/friends he hasn't met yet, but nope. So we're at an impasse: I am pissed about missing my good friend's wedding, JD has a vacation week which will expire Jan. 1 but is not exactly planning something himself, and I certainly don't want to spend my time trying to find something budget to do for a family of 4 around Christmas-time. Anyone interested in an house swap to a petite but very well-stocked with toys and cribs NYC apartment? Something tells me we'll be having a lovely working vacation at my in-laws this year.

And now it's back to pumping. My supply seems to have tanked but I am still (absurdly) adamantly refusing to supplement, so instead I pump every 2-3 hours during the day and try to add in 2 pumping sessions at night despite co-sleeping to increase the baby's nighttime nursing. He seems to be growing just fine (and is in fact still refusing bottles on some days) but there is no way my supply is going to get us to 12 months without a lot of extra work. I am pretty sure it's just the build-up of endless stress which is doing me in, but I can't quite figure out how to solve that problem yet.