We are back from our much-needed family vacation. It was quite lovely, apart from a few stints in the car with a disgruntled baby. We kept the fusspot up way past her bedtime every evening and she held it together exceedingly well. We skipped some of the more popular tourist sites for the municipal swimming pool on multiple occasions and it was an excellent decision. My husband even grudgingly admired my superior skills at packing a car for a road trip (this trip 6 small totes on the back seat floor ready for every eventuality: one for swimming, one for snacks, one for quick outfit/diaper changes at a rest area, one with toddler entertainment including an etsy quiet book which she loves and is only allowed on long trips, one with pjs and story books for pre-bedtime preparation when we were out late, etc.). I am exhausted but back at work and slowly getting things done.
The only real issue is that about 2 hours before we took off we went for the dumpling's 4 month appointment. And the kid is little. Skinny, practically no weight gain from 2 months, overall small. Yes, he's definitely still on the growth charts and if it weren't for his rather robust entry into the world at 8 lbs 2 oz and gain to 12 lbs at 4 weeks they probably wouldn't have noticed. The rational part of my brain knows that this is all so much fuss over nothing, that he's well-fed and that healthy babies grow on their own schedule. 99% of me wants to ignore this entirely and skip the follow-up appointment. If you just look at him he looks lovely and healthy: rolls on his arms and legs, rolling in both directions with ease, content baby. It's only when you line him up next to other 4 month olds that he starts to look small. I saw 2 babies out at the pool yesterday who I guess were at least 6 months old, but no, they were in fact both younger than my dumpling.
So much of me just feels angry about this. I grew a beautiful baby, I spend hours every day nursing on demand, he is rarely even set down and yet the pediatrician finds a way to make me feel guilty. She strongly encouraged me to up his bottles even though the kid shows no hunger signs between sessions and will sometimes refuse a bottle of pumped milk (even a warm bottle pumped just for the occasion). She was just about to gear up for the ever-so-earnest formula conversation when I assured her that I have no supply problems at all and if she wants me to pump extra I will (time and nipple pain apparently being irrelevant to this faux-selfless mother, and yes I am very thankful that I do not have supply problems although longtime readers may recall that we have had plenty of nursing issues over the years and I hardly take this feeding method for granted).
But I am way too nervous to actual skip the appointment and so instead here I sit pumping (again) and feeling rather remorseful that I have entirely un-night weaned my heavy sleeper in order to add a few extra feeds into the day. I really think that my anger is one of the lasting legacies of infertility. My body has been scrutinized so thoroughly over the past years: not only by the usual bouts of doctors but the fertility clinic which put me on the strictest of diets, the gestational diabetes clinic which monitored every bite I ate, the baby who would not latch on for 3 weeks and the many people who helped, etc. I guess I just wish that either there could be a little less surveillance, or I could learn to distance myself from the endless numbers.
If the dumpling were 8 ounces heavier, we would have been briskly ushered out with a "see you in 2 months" wave. Eight ounces really nothing in the big scheme of things and yet here I sit obsessing.
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5 comments:
fusspot has always been on petite side, right? And here she is, fine and dandy. Dumpling was huge by comparison. Can you switch to a different pediatrician in the practice? He sounds perfectly fine and so does your attitude. Lol, my "Peanut" actually wears clothes sized the same as her age, and is in 50th percentile for weight, & I'm tellin ya, she looks underweight compared to babies of same age. Our pediatrician says people are so used to obese kids (even young kids) they hardly know how to react to "normal."
I am WAAAAAY impressed at your "go to bags" - wowza!!! I think Mommy has earned a very indulgent dessert.
So, here's my single data point: LL was born weighing 8 lb 13 oz. By his 4-month well baby checkup, he weighed in at somewhere around the 15th percentile. He was still growing, and he was doing all the milestone stuff he was supposed to be doing, and was the happiest baby you ever met, but... dropping growth curves, etc. We ended up at a pediatric GI doctor, who declared him perfectly fine and healthy, keep doing what we're doing. When we asked about the drop from 80-ish percentile to 20-ish percentile in 4 months, he looked at me (5'4") and S (5'8") and said, Look, this kid was NEVER going to stay at the 80th percentile. Babies in utero tend to grow and grow and grow, and then they're born and they look at their parents and say Ohhhhhh, so THAT'S what I'm genetically supposed to be like! And then they spend 6 months or so adjusting.
By 9 months, LL had rebounded to the 30th percentile, and he has stayed there ever since. Kermit is still figuring out where he wants to even out, but here at 6 months, it looks like it will be around the same mark, maybe slightly bigger. If Dumpling is eating and happy and rolling and the rest of it, I'd probably let things develop on their own for a few more months.
I pulled out my son's growth chart too to give you (more) peace of mind.
My son was born at 7 lbs. 9 oz. at 4 months he was 12 lbs 8 oz. but at 1, he was only 16 lbs 14 oz. and 18 months 20 lbs, 4 oz.
He has completely fallen off the charts. Initially my dr. commented that as long as he was developing properly there was nothing to be concerned with-and he was! Later, he asked to see my growth chart and again, my side of the family is small, my husband is tall-but we even each other out. It later turned into (obviously because my son is older) that he wants to make sure he is eating properly and not just snacking-which was never the case.
I have friends who have babies half of my son's age and they weigh just as much as him. I wouldn't be concerned at all considering he is meeting his milestones. As his mother, you know better than anyone that he's getting adequate nutrition-don't doubt yourself.
Bags for every eventuality were a good part of our plan, and I'm sorry I forgot to share that tidbit of road-tripping theory with you. But yes, I was quite miffed when H removed some of my bag labels for our return trip. I asked him how I was supposed to know which bag contained which items, and he blithely said, "Open them up and look." Oh, really? With a pair of squawling, overtired one year olds who reeeeeally need a snack, you want me to lean over the back seat, and then dig out and open four bags to find the ones that contain the cheerios and squeezy-fruit-thingys???
It's weird. Jack is always in the bottom 20% for weight and head size, while Henry is always in the top 20% for both, and mere ounces (or quarter-inches) separate them. Well, at least it was mere ounces this time... usually they are precisely one pound apart, but Jack apparently gained some on Henry this time around. ANYWAY, I see other babies their age, and I often think that my guys are small, and Jack always looks so skinny to me-- he's just not a roly-poly baby. Of course, when I see a perfectly healthy rubber-band-wrist baby, I often think that the kid is a total chunka-baby. I guess it's just a matter of perspective.
Also, I've heard that it can be common for breastfed babies to go through phases where they simply don't gain weight, or rather that they'll gain a ton of weight quickly and then not gain for a month or two. One of my local mama friends has seen it with her two and another child that she sits for, with all three of them gaining like crazy up to six months, and then gaining almost nothing between six months and a year. So they look high up on the chart at six months, but average to small at a year.
I think this is one of those instances where you are right to trust your own instincts-- you know he's eating well. There's NOTHING wrong with you or your milk. He's healthy and happy and fed whenever he's hungry. He's fine, even if his growth chart doesn't seem to match up just the way the ped thinks it should (never mind that those charts are based on formula-fed infants...). Just try to remember that!
pumpkin was off the charts for a while- in the above range & then steadily fell to the below 25th for height & around 50 for weight. it's just where she is meant to be- and dumpling may be doing the same thing- finding his spot in the curve. you know he is fine & i am all for keeping on top of potential issues before they become real issues, but I agree that you know him best! Birth weight and early growth are not indicators of later height/weight- otherwise my 2 would both end up 6 feet tall solid linebackers & I doubt very much that is going to happen with both parents being 5'3"!
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