eh

I would like to be able to report that all is well over here chez the longdistance household. And all of the important practical things are going well. Baby is growing, parents are getting along and managing to sleep enough, toddler is still completely baby crazy ... and mama is still a bit crazy. I am still really hoping that this is just a case of the baby blues and it will go away in a couple of weeks. I finally sat JD down to talk about it, so at least he's paying a bit more attention.

There are just so many triggers to make me feel overwhelmed:
- the fact that we need to move very, very soon and have yet to find a new apartment. Or start packing. Plus, I'll be the one packing alone and our new place is bound to be smaller given the price constraints
- JD suggesting repeatedly that I get a friend's nanny to help for an hour or two in the evening. I finally realized that this has nothing to do with my well-being (I am in fact perfectly competent to put a 2 year old to bed while balancing a newborn, thank you very much) and everything to do with the fact that he doesn't want to get home after a 12 hour plus day and have to do the dishes, laundry, etc. And while I understand that, it puts even more pressure on me to be the perfect housewife in addition to everything else. Plus, everyone keeps asking how he is holding up - which I really do understand - but I'm the one without a real leave.
- The cost of our daycare is going up. Meaning even less hours of babysitting while I try to get everything done. Plus, we're not going to leave the dumpling for a full day until mid-August. So I'll have 3-4 hours to work at most sans either child over the summer (see above: price increase).
- Our dear neighbors who babysit the fusspot 3-4 evenings a month have been very kind in offering to watch both kids. I just wish that I had a real sense that it wasn't an imposition (which it surely must be to leave a woman with her own 2 young children plus a 2 year old and newborn). So now instead of padding my evening work events with 20 minutes home alone to get dressed, eat dinner, etc. I have twice found myself running out the door with a granola bar in hand and spit up on my sweater (the neighbors are literally across the hall so it's not such a great waste of time to head home after dropping the fusspot to get ready). Nothing like getting home at 9 pm to a wide awake toddler and a hungry baby when you haven't eaten.
- Speaking of which, work deadlines coming fast and furious. Finally acquired a second bouncer which I plan to bring in to my office tonight so that the dumpling and I are all ready to head off to the office in the morning (granted, only for a couple of hours). I just wish my head were clear enough to work quickly.
- Twin skin. Pretty sure that as soon as I lose the last of this weight we are headed in that direction. I'm also pretty sure that there is nothing to be done about it, but seriously? Exhaustion, carpal tunnel and insomnia weren't enough? I now need a piece of skin which I can fold over and tuck into my skirts as a legacy of this pregnancy. Something tells me that I am going to be getting some plastic surgery for my 45th birthday ...

In the meantime, I am trying very very hard to focus on all the wonderful, incredible things in my life:
- The other night JD and I were sitting in the living room and we heard a noise. He said, "Oh, must be one of the babies." And then we both stopped because we have babies. Plural.
- On the phone with my father and he said something about "the four of you." Four. We are a family of four.
- Making summer/fall travel plans. While the dumpling may not be as well-traveled as the fusspot in his first two years, he will be going to: 1. the beach to visit family 2. London (for my work) 3. another conference in the woods somewhere on the East coast 4. a wedding in upstate NY (and one in the city next month) 5. the only state I have never really felt inspired to visit, but also one of only 7 I've never been to - Hawaii. Here we come long flight (and no, not so much a luxury vacation as visiting a dear, dear friend who happens to be stationed there) 6. down South twice - once in May and again for the holidays in the fall (hi Kate!). Ok, so I'd rather skip the first of these trips but if the important relatives won't come visit, then we'll just have to bring the baby to them. The real question is how many of those trips we can afford to bring the fusspot along on, but since 2 are via Amtrak and 2 via a friend's car, hopefully the majority. And if the dumpling and I find ourselves alone in London for a long weekend, I'm sure we'll be ok ;-)
- fine weather. Truly, I don't care about the weather in and of itself, but good weather brings all of the toddlers outside. Last week we had one of those incredible evenings where one of my sanest mommy-friends texted to ask if we were outside, we told her which park we were in, and she came to meet us. Then we had one of those conversations which I honestly wish that I could have every single night of the week:
Her: "Is your husband coming home for dinner?"
Me: "Uh, no. It's a weeknight."
Her: "Great, mine's out of town. Dinner at your place or mine?"
Me: "Mine."
Maybe all I really need to solve my problems is to move into a commune .