I did it

I left my daughter at daycare this morning ... even though she was at that very moment screaming her head out as part of her first-ever cry it out naptime routine. Yes, they put the babies (swaddled, with pacifiers - permission slip necessary if you want them on their stomach) into their cribs, start a little music, and then close the door.

The daycare worker (I will think of nicknames since there are only two, and both seem like potential American Idol competitors - think lots of style for working in a daycare) put the fusspot down and when she screamed for about 2 minutes asked if this was normal for her. I retrieved her, fed her, and then put her down again. I mean, where to start?

- She doesn't actually sleep in her crib that much - she's usually in bed with us
- We almost never set her down fully awake
- She always has an adult sitting next to her until she falls asleep
- I often nurse her to sleep, even during naptimes
- Her nanny would routinely hold her and rock her for her entire nap

In short, rockstar wanna-be with big hoop earrings, this is not normal for her because she's never been in this situation before.

But I really do trust that she will be ok and she will get sufficient attachment parenting from me to have her ever-so-delicate ego (at least according to the Sears-school) intact. And I am quite sure that she will be safe at this particular daycare, which is of course the most important thing. And of course, in the long run she will be a happier kid for having a happy mother with a career.

So Daycare Dilemna #1: 4 or 5 days a week?
I had planned to put the fusspot in daycare 5 days a week, but upon arrival here I found out that the place where I work is only open for 4 hours on Mondays (hence sitting home on a Monday morning after dropping the fusspot). And while it would be wonderful to drop the fusspot and have 4 full hours a week to myself (remember I'll be a single working mother here in Europe), I am suddenly not sure it's worth the price. The cost has gone up slightly since November and the exchange rate has gotten significantly worse and suddenly I'm looking at $90 per day for daycare. Ninety dollars. It's a fortune. It is actually the same amount that many women pay their NYC nannies per hour, but you are required to pay 8 am to 6 pm every day that you opt in, which is a 10-hour day. And the exchange rate doesn't help, nor does the fact that employers here pay at least 50% of the daycare costs and then the rest is a tax deduction, so there are very few price-sensitive working mothers combined with a huge shortage of infant daycare spots, and I don't really see us having much flexibility. And JD made it even worse by noting that the $4000 or so I'd save this year by going to 4 days a week would get us a good part of the way towards cycling again. But then, am I crazy to give up my only opportunity to read/run errands/take a nap/make babyfood during daylight hours without the fusspot in tow?