Instead of thinking of posts, I am just going to start writing. And I have a lot to write about, but tonight I guess it's anger.
It's 2 am. I am packing. There are so many things I really should be doing instead (work, for example, cooking something other than mac and cheese, for another) but I am too tired. The fusspot is sick and she keeps crying and waking the dumpling (yes, we're still all sleeping in one room, the other room is a wall of boxes at the moment).
And I just don't get it. I have spent so many hours watching other people's kids, running errands for them, helping with parties, rearranging my entire schedule for their convenience ... and yet I'm all alone and no one has so much as offered to help. The silly favors I did (like loaning our moving boxes out) have entirely backfired.
And my fear is simply that I am so burned out on flakey friends and people who are "too busy" to check in or offer to help that I will not even bother to make new friends in this new city. No one wants to befriend doom and gloom, but it's hard to feel sweet! and perky! and interesting! when I keep wondering whether it's worth it. Two friends wrote 2 weeks ago to say they "desperately" wanted to see me before I go. I wrote back within hours asking them to tell me when and we'd do it and ... silence. I suppose those were meant to be sweet, rhetorical words about getting together?
And I need friends. I am not only fairly social, but I often really need help. On Friday night we got home from dinner at 11 pm with 2 very tired but awake children. And the battery was going in the carbon monoxide detector ... so it beeps every 60 seconds. On the ceiling. The 12 foot ceiling. It was truly too late to call the super, but there was no way to sleep through that. So I sent out a desperate e-mail to friends, and within 15 minutes a friend had dispatched her husband to come fix it (helps that he was out at 11 pm on Friday night picking up groceries ... ah, more things I'll miss in the big city).
And moreover, we all know it's easier to make friends at moments of transition - high school, college, first jobs, new babies. And even harder to meet the type of women I get along with the best (and who keep similar schedules) - those who work part-time or with a flexible schedule but not the 80-hour-a-week-jobs many of my friends do. Is it expecting too much to think that friends might offer to help the (locationally) single-parent-of-two with her move? I have certainly mentioned to several people that we are (of course) packing everything ourselves (by which I mean myself, last move JD packed one box, this year he has yet to get there) and even if we weren't you'd think someone might think to invite us over for a meal the last week or have my kids over for a playdate? Or is that just not done?
And in case anyone is considering a move anytime soon, my firm advice is to try not to find yourself in a position where you have to keep your apartment "show ready" for subletters every day while packing and living alone with 2 kids ... it's fairly tiring.
It's 2 am. I am packing. There are so many things I really should be doing instead (work, for example, cooking something other than mac and cheese, for another) but I am too tired. The fusspot is sick and she keeps crying and waking the dumpling (yes, we're still all sleeping in one room, the other room is a wall of boxes at the moment).
And I just don't get it. I have spent so many hours watching other people's kids, running errands for them, helping with parties, rearranging my entire schedule for their convenience ... and yet I'm all alone and no one has so much as offered to help. The silly favors I did (like loaning our moving boxes out) have entirely backfired.
And my fear is simply that I am so burned out on flakey friends and people who are "too busy" to check in or offer to help that I will not even bother to make new friends in this new city. No one wants to befriend doom and gloom, but it's hard to feel sweet! and perky! and interesting! when I keep wondering whether it's worth it. Two friends wrote 2 weeks ago to say they "desperately" wanted to see me before I go. I wrote back within hours asking them to tell me when and we'd do it and ... silence. I suppose those were meant to be sweet, rhetorical words about getting together?
And I need friends. I am not only fairly social, but I often really need help. On Friday night we got home from dinner at 11 pm with 2 very tired but awake children. And the battery was going in the carbon monoxide detector ... so it beeps every 60 seconds. On the ceiling. The 12 foot ceiling. It was truly too late to call the super, but there was no way to sleep through that. So I sent out a desperate e-mail to friends, and within 15 minutes a friend had dispatched her husband to come fix it (helps that he was out at 11 pm on Friday night picking up groceries ... ah, more things I'll miss in the big city).
And moreover, we all know it's easier to make friends at moments of transition - high school, college, first jobs, new babies. And even harder to meet the type of women I get along with the best (and who keep similar schedules) - those who work part-time or with a flexible schedule but not the 80-hour-a-week-jobs many of my friends do. Is it expecting too much to think that friends might offer to help the (locationally) single-parent-of-two with her move? I have certainly mentioned to several people that we are (of course) packing everything ourselves (by which I mean myself, last move JD packed one box, this year he has yet to get there) and even if we weren't you'd think someone might think to invite us over for a meal the last week or have my kids over for a playdate? Or is that just not done?
And in case anyone is considering a move anytime soon, my firm advice is to try not to find yourself in a position where you have to keep your apartment "show ready" for subletters every day while packing and living alone with 2 kids ... it's fairly tiring.
2 comments:
Oh man, I empathize with you on that. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't make real friends-real friends who want to hang out, who invite me over, who include me in on their parties-even though we have everything in common and our kids hang out with their nannies. It is so frustrating.
Hopefully when you move-you won't need to make the first move. Hopefully your community (synagogue especially) will welcome you, and that will open the door to new friendships!
In regards to the stress, and mac n cheese-this is temporary, soon, things will change and you'll be able to cook again. Survive the now :)
myroseamongthorns.blospot.com
Omg, that all sounds so stressful. If I lived in NY, I'd drag my kids over to distract yours while we packed ... Wishing you an extra burst of stength to get through this. Moving is the worst.
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