we had a lovely Memorial Day visiting my mother and some friends down South, followed by the endless delight of four canceled flights as we tried to get back to the big city. I will say that I am endlessly thankful for all of my earlier travel experience. Not only did I know when I was done and it was time to call in the reserves (no, you cannot get an attendant to push your stroller around the airport. However, if you request a wheelchair for your toddler you will in fact end up with ... an attendant to push your stroller around the airport. And if you're lucky another to take care of your bags. I happen to know this from a rather unfortunate arrival in JFK with a sick baby when I was in fact too sick to carry her through customs. We also had to keep everything carry-on because of the possibility of switching airlines, etc.) but I also managed to get us onto the best available combination of airlines/flights to get back to the city (and even wheezled our way onto a plane after boarding was done).
Needless to say, 14 hours in the airport, split over 2 days, with 2 toddlers was rather tiring and I am behind on work this week.
And somehow in all of that mess I haven't quite got around to shipping the four new baby packages on our shelf (hand delivered another last week). Two of those babies I have known about for about 9 months, plus or minus a day. Another I knew about but was so desperately avoiding that confirmation that I received the excited phone call from the hospital before I even knew the due date. Unfortunately I happen to have taken that call while sitting at my desk at work ... and that explains 4 new e-bay packages. If my little girl can't have a sister right now, at least she's going to have nice new dresses (not that she'll notice, she's 3 after all). Next time I receive such a call I will be sure to disable the internet.
And then yesterday at playgroup a good friend announced (surprise!) #3. And then 5 minutes later consulted me about her sister's IF struggle. It was of course not only hard to bite my tongue under that situation, but also hard to respond evenly to the news that her sister is being treated only by her Ob/Gyn and of course no one has so much as run a lab on her husband. #1 IF advice: get thee to a real IF doctor.
Of course deep down I am happy for these friends, relieved that they won't need the type of help we will, excited that we will no longer be the only ones with kids at gatherings of our pre-baby friends. And of course I am logical enough to know that now is a terrible time to consider #3, but the problem with IF, even a variety like mine where we seem to have found a rather effective form of treatment, is the awful fear that lightning will not strike twice. If I had a magic ball and knew that we could have another healthy pregnancy (or two) in the future, I would be entirely content with my adorable babies. But there's always the fear that we'll never again be able to watch first steps, or the wonder of flicking a light switch on and off for the first time, or even the mess of toilet training and when you are deep in the day to day of parenting, it is hard to ignore the passing of time.
Ah yes, which brings me right back to the most obnoxious form of navel gazing. New readers may not know that I have only ever ovulated in the month following sharp and dramatic weight loss (30 and 25 lbs respectively. And just to clarify that ovulation was with the help of drugs. But drugs alone were insufficient in all previous months of IF treatment). And I could use to lose a little weight now anyway, and it would of course be nice to see if anything would happen if I followed the classic (and totally arbitrary, random, and infuriating) weight loss advice to loss 10% of my body weight (say 14.4 lbs, about). And yet, not happening. It has to be diet because I simply don't have time for any more exercise (I walk 2-5 miles per day, all of which while pushing a stroller, average weight 80 lbs, JD arrives home around midnight most nights and our neighborhood is not safe enough for a late night jog even though that is honestly an ideal time for me to exercise). Ever day I resolve to eat more carefully, to limit my sugar intake and yet ... no luck. Either I get tired and desperately need some sugar to get through the afternoon, or I get stressed at bedtime and sneak in a few chocolate chips, or I get distracted at dinnertime alone with the kids (ratio of dinners to spilled glasses of milk this week 1:1. Distance between our table and the living room carpet: 2 inches) and overeat. So there's the whole, wouldn't it be nice part, followed by the, how can you even consider it when you're not together enough to just reign in your sugar consumption? (I only lose weight while limiting carbs. Ever. Classic PCOs. I also gain weight between organs rather than on the outside of my body. Classic other not-to-be-named hormonal disorder). The short term goal is just to get back to taking my vitamins, lose some weight, and see if anything whatsoever happens with my entirely cycle-less body.
In the meantime, I'm sure I'll keep myself busy wrapping up new baby presents and taking them to the post office.
Needless to say, 14 hours in the airport, split over 2 days, with 2 toddlers was rather tiring and I am behind on work this week.
And somehow in all of that mess I haven't quite got around to shipping the four new baby packages on our shelf (hand delivered another last week). Two of those babies I have known about for about 9 months, plus or minus a day. Another I knew about but was so desperately avoiding that confirmation that I received the excited phone call from the hospital before I even knew the due date. Unfortunately I happen to have taken that call while sitting at my desk at work ... and that explains 4 new e-bay packages. If my little girl can't have a sister right now, at least she's going to have nice new dresses (not that she'll notice, she's 3 after all). Next time I receive such a call I will be sure to disable the internet.
And then yesterday at playgroup a good friend announced (surprise!) #3. And then 5 minutes later consulted me about her sister's IF struggle. It was of course not only hard to bite my tongue under that situation, but also hard to respond evenly to the news that her sister is being treated only by her Ob/Gyn and of course no one has so much as run a lab on her husband. #1 IF advice: get thee to a real IF doctor.
Of course deep down I am happy for these friends, relieved that they won't need the type of help we will, excited that we will no longer be the only ones with kids at gatherings of our pre-baby friends. And of course I am logical enough to know that now is a terrible time to consider #3, but the problem with IF, even a variety like mine where we seem to have found a rather effective form of treatment, is the awful fear that lightning will not strike twice. If I had a magic ball and knew that we could have another healthy pregnancy (or two) in the future, I would be entirely content with my adorable babies. But there's always the fear that we'll never again be able to watch first steps, or the wonder of flicking a light switch on and off for the first time, or even the mess of toilet training and when you are deep in the day to day of parenting, it is hard to ignore the passing of time.
Ah yes, which brings me right back to the most obnoxious form of navel gazing. New readers may not know that I have only ever ovulated in the month following sharp and dramatic weight loss (30 and 25 lbs respectively. And just to clarify that ovulation was with the help of drugs. But drugs alone were insufficient in all previous months of IF treatment). And I could use to lose a little weight now anyway, and it would of course be nice to see if anything would happen if I followed the classic (and totally arbitrary, random, and infuriating) weight loss advice to loss 10% of my body weight (say 14.4 lbs, about). And yet, not happening. It has to be diet because I simply don't have time for any more exercise (I walk 2-5 miles per day, all of which while pushing a stroller, average weight 80 lbs, JD arrives home around midnight most nights and our neighborhood is not safe enough for a late night jog even though that is honestly an ideal time for me to exercise). Ever day I resolve to eat more carefully, to limit my sugar intake and yet ... no luck. Either I get tired and desperately need some sugar to get through the afternoon, or I get stressed at bedtime and sneak in a few chocolate chips, or I get distracted at dinnertime alone with the kids (ratio of dinners to spilled glasses of milk this week 1:1. Distance between our table and the living room carpet: 2 inches) and overeat. So there's the whole, wouldn't it be nice part, followed by the, how can you even consider it when you're not together enough to just reign in your sugar consumption? (I only lose weight while limiting carbs. Ever. Classic PCOs. I also gain weight between organs rather than on the outside of my body. Classic other not-to-be-named hormonal disorder). The short term goal is just to get back to taking my vitamins, lose some weight, and see if anything whatsoever happens with my entirely cycle-less body.
In the meantime, I'm sure I'll keep myself busy wrapping up new baby presents and taking them to the post office.
1 comment:
It's so good to come back and find my friends again. (And you have a dumpling now too! Yay! That is beyond wonderful.) Thanks for welcoming me back, I plan to stick around this time.
Post a Comment