Well, that explains all of the helicopters and delays taking the subway home (we were about 3 blocks away enroute to the subway when all of this took place): http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/uptown/harlem-shooting-leaves-injured-suspect-dead-article-1.1022561. It's actually the second time we've been surrounded by cops in the past week. The other in sight of our apartment building when a crowd of guys ran past our huge double stroller, followed by a crowd of cops. Needless to say members of both crowds tripped over our stroller, but thankfully all guns stayed firmly out of sight. Yeah, we support gun control.
But this really wasn't going to be a post about that, but rather about committing to being adventurous. I just happened to google it as I opened this page and remembered the mess yesterday (the 6 news helicopters scared the kids far more than the police. They rather like cops most of the time. I also just don't get the voyeurism of the 24-hour news cycle).
There's a new mom in one of the two classes we take weekly, and last week she asked me if I hadn't been afraid to take the dumpling with me to K.ar.achi over Christmas. The question is what I got a lot from family, friends, etc. so I started to carefully explain how we'd evaluated security, packed all of his food, when she clarified that she meant in case he saw anything disturbing. And it basically made me dead stop because I didn't have an answer (except the obvious that mini man is not yet one, and his deep thoughts on inequality are fairly limited).
Yes, it is jarring to carry your organically-fed, nursed on demand baby in a silk sling through a poor neighborhood in the developing world. But we have a homeless guy on our corner, and when he's not too drunk we often stop to talk to him. I love that the fusspot has noticed that her dear friend H., who runs the dry cleaner on our block, is always in the store. He works 7 am to 7 pm 6 days a week, and his commute is a bit over an hour. And yes, he has kids at home. And his wife works the same hours in the nail salon 2 doors down from the dry cleaner (and yes, he earned a college degree before immigrating but took this job to support his family in a new country). And the fusspot is a full participant in our frequent runs to donate items at the local goodwill. It just never crossed my mind to shield them from poverty, or inequality, or racism. To explain, to respond, to provide them scripts when they are asked questions, sure, but not to conceal. And at just 3 there are many things that the fusspot notices nowadays: that the non-white moms in our neighborhood have a much higher tendency to strike their children (oh, the self-righteous parents who explain that "they don't use corporeal punishment" and so ignore how this is largely an issue determined by race, at least in our part of the city), that some people work more than others, that some kids have more or less than they do.
But the more I read, the more I realize that's probably a bit unusual. That most people who have left the city express relief at not having to explain why there is a drunk man shouting epithets on our step when we get back to the apartment late at night (he is quite harmless), or why exactly there are quilts and blankets over the heating grate a block away from daycare. I guess that I'd rather have the fusspot grow up understanding injustice than have to break it to her all in one day. And I certainly see the economic inequality as a greater problem than the racial prejudice, even though I still get any number of less than p.c. comments about my children (any suggestions on appropriate responses when people compliment my babies' "chinky" eyes? I mean, they are cute and all ...). So maybe I hope that even as toddlers they will gain a little perspective on any challenges they may face later. And please, someday, let them have a hint of empathy. But at least I hope that they will not run from people who smell or shout or look different.
2 comments:
I'd tell the new mom that I think pretty much all children learn about life's hardships/inequalities/injustices no matter how hard you try to shield them. In fact I think it's part of our DNA to be sensitive to those differences. It sounds like you are doing a good job of showing your children empathy towards others. I'd say it's more about how you handle the exposure than the exposure itself.
I come from a very different place and poverty looks different around here, but it's definitely present. Have you read or seen Winter's Bone... that's pretty much where I grew up only I grew up in a touristy section of the Ozarks. When I tell people where I'm from I usually get asked what my parents do because there are no real jobs. No farming, no industry, no business. Just min wage seasonal jobs. Everyone is very poor and drugs are very prevalent.
Oh, and I meant to tell you that the little barn I made was inspired by this (http://uklassinus.blogspot.com/2008/08/fabric-dollhouse-tutorial.html). Even though it's small and cute, it was actually a bit harder to make than I thought it would be. It's hard to make all those pieces fit together nicely and there is some guesswork (some of which I guessed wrong).
Just chiming in to say how much I respect your choices and what an amazing mom/person you are. Thanks for updating.
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