Life in the big city ...
The fusspot has developed rather a complex about strangers touching her. It's fine and normal and not a big deal. Except, see, we live in a rather densely populated neighborhood and we take a lot of transportation. So today we took 3 buses and 1 subway car and while I truly am able to carry both my children and a stroller and a big bag onto a bus or down a flight of stairs into the subway, I am well aware that it all looks rather awkward. So people often very kindly try to help. By doing things like picking up the fusspot and setting her on a bus seat (this morning) or trying to hold her hand as she climbs off the bus (this afternoon) or trying to lift her out of a super-duper-crowded bus at rush hour as I tried to keep people from banging the dumpling's head (rush hour today, obviously) and her reaction is mostly to scream bloody murder, attempt to lie down on the floor, kick, scream. Basically everything except bite which is what I finally shrieked in exasperation at the sweet grandmother who tried to help her off the bus at 6:30 pm today (Sorry, dear, sweet old lady. She doesn't actually bite and I'm sorry that I startled you so by yelling "She bites! Don't touch") but the truth is that I couldn't think of anything else to say by that point in the day.
Suggestions? I always thank people and remind the fusspot repeatedly how very nice our friends in the neighborhood are (yes, we are saccharine sometimes) and we have never even mentioned stranger danger.
Oh, and the day started at a lovely preschool "meet and greet" (necessary to apply). And the preschool was quite adorable and I would very happily send the fusspot off there every day if it weren't for the absurd price tag. So we're exploring cheaper options (which in our neighborhood means the miracle of the public pre-K lottery or Catholic schools. Poor Mandarin-speaking-Jewish-girl sent off to learn her catechism although I was in Christian schools until college and never had a problem). I hope that we are not in the city by next fall and our daycare is always a reasonable back-up, but there is a significant part of me which will be quite sad if the fusspot never gets to spend time in a classrooms with a sandbox and dress-up clothes and blocks and my impression is that even outside of NYC most public kindergartens today are not so "play-based" and "non-academic." Still, not so sad that I am willing to spend $14,000 to fix it.
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4 comments:
I think it must be terribly confusing for a little kid to distinguish between who is and who is not allowed to touch them or speak to them. Ever since LP came to live with us we have drilled that all fire/police/EMA personnel are "safe" even if she doesn't know them. We have taught her that should she ever become separated from us in public, search for someone at a cash register or wearing a nametag (foolproof? No. But it's a start). If she is at a publi park, she should ask someone who looks like a mommy for help.
Because of the attachment issues we had to work through nobody was allowed to touch LP for many months and even then the circle of trust was expanded slowly. My point is that LP can be reluctant to speak to or make eye contact with people she has never met (and that's a good thing, showing she can make distinction and will help keep her safe potentially). If we are entering a situation in which she might be engaged by "stranger" such as a party, we review with her that "these people are safe. Mummy & Daddy are here and its okay to talk to them, because we are here with you."
I think fusspot's reaction are quite healthy. I totally understand that concept of personal space diminishes in close quarters of an urban setting. But she is accurate in assessing that these people (no matter how well intentioned) are strangers and thereby scaring her.
P.s. Move where we are....TOP NOTCH preschool that LP is enrolled in this year? 8 hours a week, for $110 a month. Yep, u read that right. Can't wait to send Peanut there next September for their 2 yr old program (less hours but less cost. And LP will be on fulltime kindergarten next Fall).
Is it really normal? I would go crazy thinking and interrogating my kid until I learned what might have happened to make him respond that extreme.
Pumpkin is a generally friendly kid- as long as she is with us & we introduce her to new people. She is extremely cautious & shy around strangers and new people. Not to the point fusspot is, but she also doesn't have the same level of exposure either. She does have a pretty intense case of seperation anxiety with her dad & now her old teacher at daycare. It's hard to deal with and distraction only works so long. We've tried talking with her, but I am sure I don't need to tell you how difficult a conversation with a toddler is! I know they'll both outgrow it eventually & in the meantime we get lots of extra cuddles.
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