in very little letters: birth control.
I actually do think that in my large, stressed, grumbly state at the moment I am probably going to make a better decision regarding this particular issue than in the delightful post-partum amnesia about childbirth and pregnancy, while snuggling a spoiled-milk-smelling newborn (and yes, in my fantasy the fusspot is playing alone quietly on the living room floor).
And hence I will be upfront about the problem: I am leaning towards ... well ... the nada option. And JD is too, although for quite different reasons.
To review: my chances of a "unassisted" conception are rather low. When we first started this project I was told by 3 separate clinics that my chances were "practically zero." I have after all ovulated at most three times in my life, and most likely only twice. And with 2 pregnancies thus far, that both makes me the luckiest infertile in the world and also not particularly likely to turn into an urban myth.
However, pregnancy does change things for some infertiles, and I seem to fall in that incredible category. So while the fusspot took multiple canceled cycles and injectables, the bargain baby took very little intervention. And there are even decent theories about why that was. To start, my diagnosis is severe PCOs and also a highly unusual clinically high co.rti.sol but not Cus.hi.ng's syndrome or a tumor (oh yes, I did have more than one MRI as part of my diagnosis). Sharp and rapid weight loss seems to help a lot with the first factor for me, and nursing with the second. With the fusspot, my clinic put me on a crazy no carb (and I do mean no carb) diet, aka the "egg diet," which made me lose at least 10 lbs a month. The theory was that rapid weight loss can improve egg quality, and whenever my weight dropped too low I was supposed to take a month off to "bulk up" again. Such fun (for the record, I am plump but not overweight so there was actually a fear of my getting too skinny if I lost more than 30 lbs. My BMI was in the 'normal' range when we started all of the fun). With the bargain baby I lost 30 lbs in a month thanks to a travel bug and while starting to wean, and then got pregnant exactly 6 days after going in-patient to treat aforementioned bug. And as for the other hormonal issue, all signs indicate that nursing actually helps. A lot.
In short, it actually seems possible that I could conceive sans fertility clinic in the future if I both manage to nurse and drop a lot of weight rapidly.
And while I logically know that responsible working adults engage in "family planning" of some sort, 99% of me wants to shout "NOT FAIR!" It's just not fair to ask the infertile woman who wants more children, and honestly could arrange her life to both maintain employment and support them in an emergency, to use birth control. And since JD is entirely uninterested in being in charge of this issue himself and also convinced that is is unnecessary (not only due to the above mentioned medical issues but also the usual "issues" surrounding co-sleeping and nursing. All you nursing women who have a normal se.x drive, we do envy you), the burden falls on me. And a tiny, irresponsible little voice asks: what if this is our chance? What if being responsible adults makes us miss out on that one miniscule window of opportunity that might just be out there? But then the responsible part of me asks how I could possibly handle doing this again next year when I am so terribly tired and grumpy and overwhelmed at the moment (not to mention still severely anemic and likely to only get worse ...), and more importantly if "a miracle" could possibly be fair to either my husband or the fusspot?
And hence, I ask you, dear internet friends/psychos, how you made your decision whatever it might have been?
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5 comments:
My decision has not officially been made yet- but the hub & I both wanted 2 kids max. And since our own miracle bargain baby is due to join us before I would have planned (if we even thought we could!) then we are both in agreement that we are done. The disagreement so far is how to be done. Major surgery for me is out of the question as is still considered elective & a long recuperation does not jive with being the sole breadwinner. I also only have about a 4-8 week max maternity leave & would love for him to get the covered procedure that is really outpatient.
I would use a hormonal birth control but am highly sensitive to all of them and the only option I have is condoms or a copper iud. I suppose the iud would be our go to if he really resists.
I would not have ever thought that we would be where we are now after trying for 21 months with the pumpkin and having actually used our 97% effective condoms every single time that month. Anything is likely to happen- and if you are having doubts about being able to handle another pregnancy with 2 young ones then I do think you should think of yourself as well. Family planning (ha!) is such a personal thing that in the end I think you flip a coin & end up going with your gut reaction to the outcome. You know what your heart wants and you listen to the wisdom in your head as well.
Hey, my chances of conceiving naturally were considered practically nil, too! In fact, I believe the word "impossible" was used at least once. After E was born, The Boy and I decided to rely on that fact for our birth control (well, that and sleep deprivation). And, well, you know how that turned out...
I am now thoroughly a fan of birth control. After our little surprise is born, there will definitely be birth control; we just haven't decided what kind yet. I have friends who've been very happy with Mirena.
You're right, though -- it doesn't seem fair that infertiles should have to use BC. In fact, about a month ago (probably right around the time that this baby was making its way through my supposedly-useless fallopian tube), I was telling some friends that just about the only upside to our situation is that we didn't have to worry about birth control. It's no wonder I got knocked up.
Heh, I was the opposite of you--while we always knew we would like to try for another, when I was in the throes of postpartum, sour milk etc, I was like, "HELLS NO" and went on the minipill as soon as I could. Did NOT want to get pregnant again right away, even if the chances were miniscule. Switched to regular pill as soon I stopped breastfeeding, and was on it until BG turned 2. (And 2 years later we are still a one-child family, but that's another story...)
I always figured that I would get my tubes tied after theoretical baby #2, and if it's another bad pregnancy I'd say that's 99% certain. If it goes okay, I'm not as certain. But the truth is I'll be approaching 40 by the time that ever happens, and I doubt I'll want to deal with a newborn again the older I get.
PS to Jenn, there are non-surgical options for permanent birth control for women now too, look into Ess.ure and the like.
S and I always said we definitely wanted two, maybe three. So after it took 2.5 years to get pregnant with LL, we decided to do no BC after he was born. If an accident happened, we'd be totally fine with that. If not, we wouldn't feel like patsies for spending money and effort on needless BC. Now that we have Kermit as well, I'm feeling a lot more cautious. LL and Kermit aren't as close in age as they could be, but they're still closer than I would have chosen in an ideal world. I know that I could not handle a third that was also close in age. So, we'll be doing BC this time around. But, I also know that if I put off trying until later, there's the possibility that we never get a third, and I'm okay with that outcome as well.
I, too, have friends who are very happy with Mirena, but I haven't done enough research myself to be sure if it's right for me. Looking forward to the BC discussion with my OB at my 6-week checkup....
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