I had a long conversation today with my (truly incredible) lactation consultant. She reassured me about my 3rd infection in 3 months and a few other questions I have and then the conversation turned towards ... dairy.
For all that TS is a very happy, easy baby she has an awful habit of screaming when she poos and otherwise exhibiting stomach discomfort on occasion. And the LC thinks that dairy is most likely the culprit (she thinks many babies have trouble with too much dairy proteins). So, responsible and easily-guilt-tripped mother that I am, I am cutting back on my dairy. To be precise, I'm cutting the milk and yogurt but keeping the ice cream and cheese. That's about as far as I'm willing to take it at the moment. But still, one more little wrench in my great diet plan.
Of course, wearing my much-beloved and objectively-identified as hideously-ugly horizontal-strippey sweater outside on the first real spring-like Sunday when JD brought along his big camera and proceeded to take a gazillion photos of the baby, and a couple of photos of me holding the baby in said unflattering sweater, did give me a little more inspiration to diet. Although honestly, I'm not sure anyone could make that sweater look flattering.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The little motor that went splutter
Grump grumps has a new habit. When she's mad, or just filling the time it takes her mother to find a pillow and undo her shirt, she splutters. It sounds very much like a motor and it unfortunately involves a large amount of spit being sprayed everywhere. The grossness increases directly after eating. Yes, my baby has a serious spit problem. And lingering bad breath. Is there some code of silence about these issues, or is my baby really the grossest of them all?
Tonight I finally picked up the 'No Cry Sl.eep So.lution' which has been on our shelf for weeks. Let me preface this discussion by noting that we do not have any sleep issues yet: TS sleeps at least 15 hours a day, we can put her to sleep awake as long as we're next to her, she sleeps a good 5-hour stretch at night and then sometimes another 4-hour stretch. In short, we are not the target audience for this book. But it came very highly recommended and I figured I should read up before I really need help. That and we're co-sleeping so I wanted to see if it had useful advice for ousting the fusspot from our bed.
I know why people like this book - its sympathetic, has common sense suggestions, is targeted to different situations ... and yet, it made me really angry. While it ostensibly purports to support attachment parenting, it is a big advocate of routines, including putting your baby to bed between 6:30 and 7 pm. I know this works for some people, but JD is NEVER home before 8 pm and more like 10 pm on a normal week. And he's just not a morning person so he usually oversleeps and runs out of the apartment less than 20 minutes after waking up. So to start with, if/when we follow these suggestions I assume he will not see his daughter awake for 5 or 6 days a week. And that sucks.
Moreover, I don't get it. The book is all about routines. Attachment parenting is all about bringing your baby with you and finding ways to get things done with baby in tow. We have no schedule because I don't have time to set aside 8-9 am as play time and 10-12 as naptime in her crib. If I really wanted to do that, I would have to leave her with a nanny or in a daycare. As it is some mornings we wake up 6 am to catch a train, some mornings we sleep till 8 am, some mornings we don't set an alarm at all (just a personal interpretation of shabbos). Sometimes we're home at 6:30 pm, but usually not. Sometimes I'm just leaving for work at 6:30 pm. Tonight we went out to dinner at 7:30 pm and were home at 10 pm. The fusspot was awake while we waited at the bar of the restaurant and then fell asleep and slept all the way through dinner and the walk home. If I wanted her to sleep on a schedule, I would have needed to leave her with a babysitter instead.
In short, this book seems designed for the SAHM (without other children) who can arrange her entire schedule around the baby. Or the baby in daycare where the number of kids necessitates a strict routine. I happen to think its more important that the fusspot spends time with me (time that allows us to nurse and play on the subway, the train, airports, libraries, my office, the grocery store) than that she has a firm routine. And in my case it really is an either or proposition: either I leave her at home or she has a very minimal schedule and routine (Because my place in City Y has no bathtub, rocking chair, nightlight, etc. it's very hard to think of a decent bedtime 'routine' besides a book and a song and we do that multiple times a day). Or maybe I'm just defensive because I can see the looming disaster on the horizon and I don't want to admit that my mobility will be even further constrained in a couple of months?
Of course, as I type my baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib next to my desk. And she has never slept a full night in the crib (or honestly more than an hour).
Tonight I finally picked up the 'No Cry Sl.eep So.lution' which has been on our shelf for weeks. Let me preface this discussion by noting that we do not have any sleep issues yet: TS sleeps at least 15 hours a day, we can put her to sleep awake as long as we're next to her, she sleeps a good 5-hour stretch at night and then sometimes another 4-hour stretch. In short, we are not the target audience for this book. But it came very highly recommended and I figured I should read up before I really need help. That and we're co-sleeping so I wanted to see if it had useful advice for ousting the fusspot from our bed.
I know why people like this book - its sympathetic, has common sense suggestions, is targeted to different situations ... and yet, it made me really angry. While it ostensibly purports to support attachment parenting, it is a big advocate of routines, including putting your baby to bed between 6:30 and 7 pm. I know this works for some people, but JD is NEVER home before 8 pm and more like 10 pm on a normal week. And he's just not a morning person so he usually oversleeps and runs out of the apartment less than 20 minutes after waking up. So to start with, if/when we follow these suggestions I assume he will not see his daughter awake for 5 or 6 days a week. And that sucks.
Moreover, I don't get it. The book is all about routines. Attachment parenting is all about bringing your baby with you and finding ways to get things done with baby in tow. We have no schedule because I don't have time to set aside 8-9 am as play time and 10-12 as naptime in her crib. If I really wanted to do that, I would have to leave her with a nanny or in a daycare. As it is some mornings we wake up 6 am to catch a train, some mornings we sleep till 8 am, some mornings we don't set an alarm at all (just a personal interpretation of shabbos). Sometimes we're home at 6:30 pm, but usually not. Sometimes I'm just leaving for work at 6:30 pm. Tonight we went out to dinner at 7:30 pm and were home at 10 pm. The fusspot was awake while we waited at the bar of the restaurant and then fell asleep and slept all the way through dinner and the walk home. If I wanted her to sleep on a schedule, I would have needed to leave her with a babysitter instead.
In short, this book seems designed for the SAHM (without other children) who can arrange her entire schedule around the baby. Or the baby in daycare where the number of kids necessitates a strict routine. I happen to think its more important that the fusspot spends time with me (time that allows us to nurse and play on the subway, the train, airports, libraries, my office, the grocery store) than that she has a firm routine. And in my case it really is an either or proposition: either I leave her at home or she has a very minimal schedule and routine (Because my place in City Y has no bathtub, rocking chair, nightlight, etc. it's very hard to think of a decent bedtime 'routine' besides a book and a song and we do that multiple times a day). Or maybe I'm just defensive because I can see the looming disaster on the horizon and I don't want to admit that my mobility will be even further constrained in a couple of months?
Of course, as I type my baby is sleeping peacefully in her crib next to my desk. And she has never slept a full night in the crib (or honestly more than an hour).
Friday, March 6, 2009
Good, great and dull news
The good: I think we have a daycare in Europe! To be precise, we now have 2 offers on the table (each with their drawbacks) and I have until Monday morning to choose between them and wire a deposit. And then it's just a visa and housing and plane tickets and packing and we're off!
Great: Io is back! My most faithful reader and one of the nicest, most interesting bloggers out there (although I do reserve final judgment until she comes to visit me).
Dull: I am firmly resolved to lose weight. No, really. And since my self-control has yet to return, I would like your help in keeping me on track. I looked at a weight loss blog a couple of months ago and it was so nice to see the blogger receiving so much support. She had actually set up a system where she had a friend responsible for keeping her on track each week and they would cook together and go for walks. Well, not even my husband will do that with me so I'm asking for your help.
1. The challenge: The honest truth is I really don't care about the weight - I look decent (not great), I'm at my pre-TTC weight, losing weight is not going to make my stretch marks disappear in a poof (only time, according to my mother who seems to still be waiting 27 years later ...) nor my breasts shrink and I'm just not that inspired.
But,
2. The motivation: There are a few reasons I need to lose weight (and I know they may be a bit off-putting to other IF readers):
a. I am too cheap and lazy to buy a new wardrobe. And I have been living in the same 4 skirts and 1 pair of jeans since early December. I need to get back into my old clothes.
b. I do have some vanity, and I want to look good in the fusspot's baby photos. Just maybe even as good as Ms. J does (and she has a toddler!)
c. JD is not going to let me return to the IF clinic until I have lost a bit of weight. The minor complications I had during pregnancy would all have been more complicated if I'd started at a higher BMI and starting treatments, and even just maybe this whole circus again, at a lower weight will make it much easier (note: still avoiding the p-word). And that's largely what I'm keeping in mind: I'm doing this for the chance to try again (because after all, I did have self-control when it was related to medical problems, first with the starvation diet and then with the GD).
3. The logistical challenge: I'm on the road 2.5 days a week. That means I eat out most of those meals and I also don't have much time to cook at home. Oh, and I keep kosher so I don't eat any meat when out and about (there goes the protein ...). And I will need to do most of this weight loss by dieting because I don't have very much time to exercise, and have yet to find time to actually make it to the gym. TS and I do walk several miles a day, but it's not very intense. Definitely considering a jogging stroller when she's big enough.
4. The goal: To weigh 140 by May 10th (yes, I'm setting my goals by someone else's wedding, but I need to fit into a cute dress for it). Ideally I would like to get down to 135, but I need to be realistic. Starting weight: between 149 and 152 (my scale is rather unreliable).
So, I'm going to add a sidenote to this blog for weight loss and periodically give you updates in the hope that my self-control will come slinking home from whatever wild disco-style bar she's been living it up at.
Great: Io is back! My most faithful reader and one of the nicest, most interesting bloggers out there (although I do reserve final judgment until she comes to visit me).
Dull: I am firmly resolved to lose weight. No, really. And since my self-control has yet to return, I would like your help in keeping me on track. I looked at a weight loss blog a couple of months ago and it was so nice to see the blogger receiving so much support. She had actually set up a system where she had a friend responsible for keeping her on track each week and they would cook together and go for walks. Well, not even my husband will do that with me so I'm asking for your help.
1. The challenge: The honest truth is I really don't care about the weight - I look decent (not great), I'm at my pre-TTC weight, losing weight is not going to make my stretch marks disappear in a poof (only time, according to my mother who seems to still be waiting 27 years later ...) nor my breasts shrink and I'm just not that inspired.
But,
2. The motivation: There are a few reasons I need to lose weight (and I know they may be a bit off-putting to other IF readers):
a. I am too cheap and lazy to buy a new wardrobe. And I have been living in the same 4 skirts and 1 pair of jeans since early December. I need to get back into my old clothes.
b. I do have some vanity, and I want to look good in the fusspot's baby photos. Just maybe even as good as Ms. J does (and she has a toddler!)
c. JD is not going to let me return to the IF clinic until I have lost a bit of weight. The minor complications I had during pregnancy would all have been more complicated if I'd started at a higher BMI and starting treatments, and even just maybe this whole circus again, at a lower weight will make it much easier (note: still avoiding the p-word). And that's largely what I'm keeping in mind: I'm doing this for the chance to try again (because after all, I did have self-control when it was related to medical problems, first with the starvation diet and then with the GD).
3. The logistical challenge: I'm on the road 2.5 days a week. That means I eat out most of those meals and I also don't have much time to cook at home. Oh, and I keep kosher so I don't eat any meat when out and about (there goes the protein ...). And I will need to do most of this weight loss by dieting because I don't have very much time to exercise, and have yet to find time to actually make it to the gym. TS and I do walk several miles a day, but it's not very intense. Definitely considering a jogging stroller when she's big enough.
4. The goal: To weigh 140 by May 10th (yes, I'm setting my goals by someone else's wedding, but I need to fit into a cute dress for it). Ideally I would like to get down to 135, but I need to be realistic. Starting weight: between 149 and 152 (my scale is rather unreliable).
So, I'm going to add a sidenote to this blog for weight loss and periodically give you updates in the hope that my self-control will come slinking home from whatever wild disco-style bar she's been living it up at.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
scared whit-less
I had the most terrifying moment of my parenting thus far tonight. But everything is fine.
I was breastfeeding the fusspot while reading an article, and when I turned to look at her there was blood all over her face. Blood dripping off her cheeks. Blood on her eyelids. I screamed to JD to come immediately and he dropped the dish he was washing and ran over.
And then I realized TS was just fine (and actually grinning at the commotion) and it was my nipple which was spewing blood. Please tell me this is fine. It does not feel any worse than previously (definitely the side with vasospasms, but that's been going on for a full 2 weeks) and seems to have stopped bleeding. I know that other people have mentioned painful nipples on their blogs and the book I have does mention cracked or bleeding nipples, but I never imagined this much blood spraying all over the place.
I don't think I'll be reading while breastfeeding again for quite a while. That was just too scary.
I was breastfeeding the fusspot while reading an article, and when I turned to look at her there was blood all over her face. Blood dripping off her cheeks. Blood on her eyelids. I screamed to JD to come immediately and he dropped the dish he was washing and ran over.
And then I realized TS was just fine (and actually grinning at the commotion) and it was my nipple which was spewing blood. Please tell me this is fine. It does not feel any worse than previously (definitely the side with vasospasms, but that's been going on for a full 2 weeks) and seems to have stopped bleeding. I know that other people have mentioned painful nipples on their blogs and the book I have does mention cracked or bleeding nipples, but I never imagined this much blood spraying all over the place.
I don't think I'll be reading while breastfeeding again for quite a while. That was just too scary.
Monday, March 2, 2009
seriously?
AF is back. Yes, just 15 days after CD1. No wonder I was stressing about my milk supply - that is clearly my new cue. And so much for all my excitement about AF just a few short days ago ... clearly my cycle is not exactly 'fixed.'
sweet, but disturbing
In the past week my mother, MIL, nanny, and cousins (who we stay with in City Y) have all told me that TS either calms down or gets worked up when she hears my voice. This is always said in such a positive tone: "Look, she's crying now that she knows mommy is around and not feeding her" or "Look, she stopped crying when you started talking across the room."
And here I was thinking we wouldn't have to face separation anxiety for months and months.
I am personally more than a bit skeptical that TS can recognize me. I mean, the girl still can't find her own thumb ... But it's still making me feel guilty already. It's snowing in NYC so I called our nanny and told her to take a snow half-day and come in a bit later, and TS and I spent 3 hours curled up on the couch breastfeeding and napping (her) and reading and stressing about finishing work (me). And now the nanny is here and TS is screaming in the living room while I try my best to concentrate on work.
I think 99% of parents would be glad to know their baby can recognize them, but I'm not sure I'm up for the guilt yet (and really, we spend so much time together already).
And maybe some of this guilt is coming from the sudden realization yesterday that I'm probably not going to be able to pump enough to keep her on breastmilk when she starts daycare at six months. She can get plenty to eat when I nurse her, but I can no longer pump more than about 3 ounces at a time, and if I'm living alone and working, it's going to be really hard to find enough time to pump more than a couple times a day. I know she will be fine with formula and that six months of exclusive breastfeeding is a nice goal, but its still depressing (especially since I started with such oversupply issues). Oh well - I'm off to play in the snow (otherwise known as going to meetings and running errands) and hopefully TS will cheer up once I'm gone.
And here I was thinking we wouldn't have to face separation anxiety for months and months.
I am personally more than a bit skeptical that TS can recognize me. I mean, the girl still can't find her own thumb ... But it's still making me feel guilty already. It's snowing in NYC so I called our nanny and told her to take a snow half-day and come in a bit later, and TS and I spent 3 hours curled up on the couch breastfeeding and napping (her) and reading and stressing about finishing work (me). And now the nanny is here and TS is screaming in the living room while I try my best to concentrate on work.
I think 99% of parents would be glad to know their baby can recognize them, but I'm not sure I'm up for the guilt yet (and really, we spend so much time together already).
And maybe some of this guilt is coming from the sudden realization yesterday that I'm probably not going to be able to pump enough to keep her on breastmilk when she starts daycare at six months. She can get plenty to eat when I nurse her, but I can no longer pump more than about 3 ounces at a time, and if I'm living alone and working, it's going to be really hard to find enough time to pump more than a couple times a day. I know she will be fine with formula and that six months of exclusive breastfeeding is a nice goal, but its still depressing (especially since I started with such oversupply issues). Oh well - I'm off to play in the snow (otherwise known as going to meetings and running errands) and hopefully TS will cheer up once I'm gone.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
and the adventures continue
I'm glad Wednesday night's flight was so uneventful. Because today's was a bit rougher. You know the type of flight, the one where the captain comes on before you've even taxied to the runway and says "We're going to keep the seatbelt sign on for the full flight today because of the turbulence. And no beverage service." At that point I was quite glad that I had stomped my foot, made them call a manager, and finally personally appealed to the guy who was supposed to be seated next to me to ask him to move so that I could bring the carseat onboard (I did have a notion the weather wasn't great around NYC).
I have a dear friend who has the most incredible flexibility and has in the past (with me as witness) managed to feed her 6-week-old while he was strapped into a carseat by contorting her body over the seat. Under the circumstances, I tried. And failed. And so I had to take TS out briefly to breastfeed her because she was hungry, but then I spent the rest of the flight trying to comfort her while she was strapped into her carseat. She was not happy at all, but also surprisingly not loud. Perhaps the awful injustice of it all kept her from yelling out, so she instead reverted to very sad faces and silent tears. Odd but much appreciated by everyone else on the packed (the one empty seat went to TS) and tiny plane.
Which makes the silliness of our first battle this morning seem even more absurd. The bright, shiny new terminal of the airport 'down South' has an escalator and elevator from check-in level down to the gates. And it was broken. Not such a big deal. I'll freely admit to having manuveured many umbrella strollers onto escalators in the past. But this morning I had a stroller loaded down with a heavy duffel (yeah for visiting grandparents - TS now owns a bathing suit and at least 10 new outfits plus a Raffi CD - it brings back memories ...), my laptop, work books, purse, food and baby. So I was not about to take it onto the escalator myself. All I needed was one brave soul to wheel the stroller onto the escalator while I carried the baby. But none of the security guards offered (in fact, they all tried desperately to advert their eyes and pretend I was invisible). So I flagged down a police officer who unethusiastically suggested that I suffer the same indignity as the poor wheelchair-bound man waiting patiently for the elevator to be repaired ('within an hour, really'). When glowering did not seem to suceede, I mustered up a few (very, very fake looking) tears and the poor police officer grudgingly manuveured the stroller down the escalator while TS and I made a triumpant descent of the stairs. Really, he thinks I'm going to miss a flight because of a broken elevator?
I have a dear friend who has the most incredible flexibility and has in the past (with me as witness) managed to feed her 6-week-old while he was strapped into a carseat by contorting her body over the seat. Under the circumstances, I tried. And failed. And so I had to take TS out briefly to breastfeed her because she was hungry, but then I spent the rest of the flight trying to comfort her while she was strapped into her carseat. She was not happy at all, but also surprisingly not loud. Perhaps the awful injustice of it all kept her from yelling out, so she instead reverted to very sad faces and silent tears. Odd but much appreciated by everyone else on the packed (the one empty seat went to TS) and tiny plane.
Which makes the silliness of our first battle this morning seem even more absurd. The bright, shiny new terminal of the airport 'down South' has an escalator and elevator from check-in level down to the gates. And it was broken. Not such a big deal. I'll freely admit to having manuveured many umbrella strollers onto escalators in the past. But this morning I had a stroller loaded down with a heavy duffel (yeah for visiting grandparents - TS now owns a bathing suit and at least 10 new outfits plus a Raffi CD - it brings back memories ...), my laptop, work books, purse, food and baby. So I was not about to take it onto the escalator myself. All I needed was one brave soul to wheel the stroller onto the escalator while I carried the baby. But none of the security guards offered (in fact, they all tried desperately to advert their eyes and pretend I was invisible). So I flagged down a police officer who unethusiastically suggested that I suffer the same indignity as the poor wheelchair-bound man waiting patiently for the elevator to be repaired ('within an hour, really'). When glowering did not seem to suceede, I mustered up a few (very, very fake looking) tears and the poor police officer grudgingly manuveured the stroller down the escalator while TS and I made a triumpant descent of the stairs. Really, he thinks I'm going to miss a flight because of a broken elevator?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)