Still here, still grumpy

In brief: traveling with a bad cold while anemic leaves me ... still grumpy.

The results of my 3-hour GTT: beats me.

To be precise, I think I passed everything except the initial fasting blood draw. But let me rewind a bit ...

I called my mother at 4 pm on Thursday afternoon to tell her I failed the 1-hour GTT. I somehow had forgotten she used to work in a diabetes clinic. I landed at the airport on Friday midday, and she literally handed me a pager number and told me to page the head diabetes nurse at a major research hospital and tell her I'd be over in 20 minutes.

So, I had a consult Friday afternoon and received my blood sugar monitor, new diet, and did my first finger pricks (I know, I know, sometimes all the stars align).

Even better, rather than sharing a hotel room with JD's bachelor pals over the weekend (wedding #2 this fall) we stayed with my dear friend R. R. is the one we were seriously considering splitting IVF with (he's gay - he needs eggs to have biological children) and he's in med school and very well informed. Which was fabulous because it took me 5 tries to draw blood on Saturday morning. And R. sat there and held my hand through the whole thing. Great.

But, of course, we were traveling. Which means basically nothing for me to eat (I keep kosher - so no meat out at all, and sometimes no cooked food depending on the state of the kitchen). Needless to say I lost 5 lbs between my 'diagnosis' on Thursday afternoon and my next conversation with the midwife on Tuesday afternoon. The good news: all my blood sugar levels were normal, although I could definitely see the spike 1 and 2 hours after eating.

Monday morning I had the 3 hour test. Tuesday afternoon I checked with the midwife to get the results, only to hear her say 'I'll call to ask if I have time.' Um, it's Rosh Hashanah. I wasn't even supposed to be on the phone but figured this medical mess was enough of an excuse and I had been abstaining for all of the delicious food made for the holiday. So I was more than a bit pissed. Then she tells me I passed the GTT part of the test, but failed the initial fasting blood draw (all of mine had been normal until then) and then she suggested I repeat the GTT next week. Well, there's basically no way. If the placenta does not produce enough hormones to upset my insulin by week 28 I'm supposed to be in the clear (oh, and this was my 5th GTT this year - I did several pre-pregnancy). So I said no way and I wanted a consult with a specialist if she thought I needed one (not mentioning I'd already had a preliminary consult).

Today, as we're boarding the plane to Wedding #2 this fall, she calls to tell me scheduled an appointment for the end of October and I should relax, stop testing my blood sugar, and eat whatever I want till then ... which makes no sense at all. Either I'm borderline/at risk and I need to be really careful or I'm in the clear. But there's no way it makes sense to have a specialist consult something like 6 weeks before my due date. So I am pissed but couldn't explain that very well over the phone because of the airport loudspeaker, so I'll see the midwife on Tuesday.

In the meantime, I'm very hungry (don't worry: my blood sugar has not dropped close to a dangerous low. I check it whenever my stomach starts to growl). Everything else seems to be going fine, but I just can't find enough food to fill me up. The nurse I saw said 9 servings of carbs a day max, and given how little protein I can find, it doesn't leave much. I've been eating high-protein yogurt, cottage cheese, and low-carb peanut butter as snacks between every meal, and each has at least 200 calories in a serving. And lots of nuts. But I'm supposed to limit my bread, pasta, rice, fruit, etc. and I just can't find that much to eat. We'll be back in NYC on Sunday, so that should help a lot. I just don't think I was cut out for midwife care. I don't have the trust that 'everything will be fine' and I really need to know my own test results given how little trust I currently have in this woman.

Oh, and in other less great news, seems like I might be moving to Europe alone with a 5 month old. Some type of change in JD's employer policy. We're waiting to hear a definite answer from them, but either way he's definitely getting a lot less leave than we expected, which is going to be a big problem. So, not only will I commute 2 days a week in the spring (starting when the baby is 4 weeks old) but I will then become a single parent for the next 6-9 months abroad. Such a relaxing year. And just when I was about to think of a new blog title, seems like we're back to the old commuting routine ...

Failed GTT

Well, 8 lbs weight gain in 2 weeks should have been a red flag, but I also failed my 2nd GTT. By a lot.

Did I mention I'm leaving on an 8 am flight tomorrow for a wedding, then Rosh Hashanah, then another wedding in a different state? So my 3-hour GTT is being called in to a lab I've never been to and hopefully we can get it done on Monday morning before the holiday starts. And then hopefully I can acquire insulin, blood tests, etc. between the end of Rosh Hashanah and leaving for my little brother's wedding, all while away from home. Should be a relaxing chag.

Any suggestions on what to eat between now and then? I am exercising at least once a day (usually a walk at this point for an hour). I have already given up simple carbs and juices, but I guess I'll have to cut out my once a week ice cream as well. I am very limited when I eat out because I do not eat any meat products out, but of course we'll be traveling for the next 10 days. Other suggestions on things that would actually be good for me to eat? I guess I'm going back to the hard-boiled egg diet for a while, at least until they get me the equipment to monitor my blood sugar levels.

Uh oh - carseat question

I just opened the Babytrend carseat my sister purchased for us (let me add - I delegated choosing a carseat to JD, and this is the one he picked. I presume he did his research, but don't ask me why we picked this one). We already have a used BabyTrend stroller base and a 2nd carseat base on the way, so I really don't want to return this one but ... it has the nastiest, grossest feeling cover over the plastic base. Nothing even close to cloth - it feels like a bathmat maybe, or some very, very plasticy surface. I have never before seen a carseat like this, and I have handled a lot of infant carseats at this point. Not at all cozy or inviting. Is it possible to buy a replacement carseat cover? Will that affect it's safety at all? And where do I find one (I couldn't on Amazon, where we found the carseat). Thanks!

Building good will (advice solicited below)

I have been pestering my few friends in NYC who have children with questions for months, so I realized last week that I really need to work on building good will. I don't just want to be that newbie mom who asks a million questions but doesn't offer to help.

So, midday today I took a break from work and helped my friend negotiate the NYC subway system to get her 3 month old daughter to JFK airport. Sounds crazy, huh? I'm sure it's a dilemma I'll face in the future, especially given our travel schedules. My friend didn't want to take a cab because then she would have to lug around a carseat with her for the entire trip, including checking it out on the airplane, even though her family has a carseat already installed in their car to pick her up in CA. So even though a cab would have been faster and easier, she had to drag her baby, stroller and suitcase through the subway system. And no, none of the 3 subway entrances near us are wheelchair accessible. Nor was the first transfer.

Tomorrow I am babysitting for another friend so she can go out for a drink. This even after I nearly starved her baby last week by spilling a bag of breastmilk (great friend, huh?) But apparently all is forgiven, or she's just really desperate to get out. And honestly, I've been watching her older daughter for four years now.

I have already been rewarded with a bag of newborn clothes and the loan of a much-coveted power drill (friend 1) and a bag of maternity clothes (friend 2).

So here's the night's dilemma: I have a number of regular babysitting jobs in the city, all of families I adore (I can be picky at this point) and almost all of whom know each other. 2 of the little girls were even flower girls in my wedding. But I haven't seen any of them in the past 3 months and I haven't told them about our little secret. I'm really nervous about bumping into them on the street, and I do really want to tell them, but I feel a bit awkward. It's not that these are judgemental women, it's just that they are all career women with nannies and me to help out when they have to go out in the evenings and weekends (please don't read any criticism into this description - my long-time readers will know this is a lifestyle I definitely aspire to if it were a financial option for us). And both of the two I am closest to told me before my wedding 'not to rush the baby thing.' They obviously know I love kids. One explained that we'd need time together as a couple before we started our family, especially given that we've been commuting. The other told me to make sure I get my career in place before having kids. This of course was long after we'd started IF treatments, and at least one of the two did IF treatments for baby #2. So I think I should e-mail them so that they have time to temper their reactions, but I'm just not sure what to say. I also feel completely dishonest passing this pregnancy off as a 'surprise' (believe me, we were surprised) largely because most people read that as an 'oops' and let's be honest, at age 27 with 2 college degrees and 2 post-grad degrees between us, I just don't think it's flattering to claim that JD and I don't know how babies are (supposed to be/sometimes/for the lucky) made. And someday I want these women to be able to be supportive when we start IF treatments again, but that of course requires my honesty. So how do I politely tell them that I still want us to be close but I somehow failed to mention my bump until I was safely in the third trimester?

Thoughts?

tonight

My midwife appointment was fine. She answered most of my questions. I seem to have gained 8 lbs in the past 2 weeks, although I really don't feel any bigger. And my guess is that I've been eating less than normal. So beats me. I should get the GTT results by Monday.

I was way too tired to do any schoolwork tonight, so I decided to finally wash the few baby items we've received already. I thought it might be relaxing.

Well, who should show up to chat while I'm in the laundry room but the doorman? Did I mention that JD and I were at his parent's yesterday night? For which I am very, very grateful. I do wish that I could be more eloquent at times like these, and I really have the deepest sympathy for the man and his family, but I have to admit that my first thought was relief that we were gone. Seems like one of our upstairs neighbors jumped from his window. And landed somewhere right about outside our bedroom window, since we live on the first floor. I'd never talked to this man, but seems like it was a suicide by all appearances. The police said they would issue a report tomorrow, which also means they're not too suspicious. So much for the relaxing activity of calmly folding baby clothes. Instead, I have since scrubbed the entire floor of the apartment. On my hands and knees. Much lower expectations than putting away little people clothing, and I could feel like I did something productive tonight even while my brain was too tired to function and the rest of me was too numb to even read a magazine.

Tomorrow

I have another midwife appointment. So I wanted to jot down a few things beforehand. This will be my second GTT during this pregnancy, and hopefully they will just be a monthly test from now on out. But, I'm realizing now that I'm in the 3rd trimester that it's absurd that I have yet to talk to my midwife whatsoever about that huge elephant in the room: um, labor.

Now, I know, if I were a normal relaxed woman I would be totally clueless until we finished our 20+ hours of childbirth classes (really - 19 hours of natural childbirth, breastfeeding and newborn care we pay for, 4 hours required by the gold-plated birthing center I probably won't qualify for, and a one hour hospital tour. That's at least 6 visits to midtown for us in the next 6 weeks ...). But, I don't think it's absurd to start talking to her about it. And what I really want to know is what happens if I need to be induced - will she even do that? at what point? do I have a choice of different methods? What happens if the baby is breech? Is there any reason they would schedule me for an ultrasound?

In addition to the GTT, I need another round of testing for anemia (to my great annoyance my midwife took me off the iron supplements my ob/gyn had put me on - my understanding was that I'm normally slightly anemic, almost everyone gets anemic in the 3rd trimester, and there's no serious downside to light supplementation, but she didn't exactly see it that way). A few other blood tests, discussion of my flu shot for Wednesday, and what in the world I should think about the rather sporadic movement I feel (every 2-3 days usually), and I think I'll be pretty content.

And, on an entirely unrelated subject, I need a bit of a thicker skin. See, JD's parents don't speak English at home. Usually I don't mind - it'll be great for the baby, and I enjoy the time to think during dinner, etc. when they sit talking. However, it has come to my attention in the past 2 days that they think I am really, really uptight and obsessive about this pregnancy and now I'm starting to be a bit paranoid about whether they're talking about me.. Little things like worrying about listeria, refusing to eat tuna, and not using certain cleaning products have alterted them to my obsessiveness.

It all came to a bit of a head because they asked us what we'd like off of our registry. There were at the time exactly 4 items* at or over $100 - and we have 3 sets of parents and 1 sister between us, so that seemed like a perfect opportunity to ask them to purchase one of those items. The item I asked them to get was the crib mattress. We bought a used mini-crib down South and it's hard to find mattresses and sheets for it. I had registered for a regular mattress, but it has coils (not nice) and I realized last week that the all-organic mattress was only $30 more expensive. I really have no idea if it makes a difference to have an organic mattress (and I can't seem to find any reliable articles online), but for $30 it seemed like a worthwhile investment. Well, JD's mother gave me a long lecture on exaclty why there was no danger from a non-organic mattress and I was being silly.

She also told me the carseat I purchased was too heavy (we got a totally normal one, rated highly by consumer reports) and that I definitely shouldn't plan on bringing it abroad with us. Right. I'm just going to hold onto my 5 month old baby as we careen about rural China.

I really shouldn't complain - they are incredibly loving, so excited about the baby, and obviously geniunely worried about my obsessiveness. But what I really didn't want was to have to leave them explicit directions and rules when they watch the baby, or even to have to think about it. They raised a wonderful son, and they clearly adore children. So I'm working on overlooking the little things (doesn't help that JD mentioned that they left him home alone at 2 years old while his mom went to work. Yup, all day except for her lunch break. Age 2.) But for now I'm trying to avoid all subjects related to natural childbirth, breastfeeding, and food/organic/chemicals.

* For the record, I don't think those 4 items are unreasonable: 1 car seat, 1 fancy-schmancy wooden highchair that converts to a regular kid's chair, 1 breastpump, and 1 crib mattress. Everything else has been purchased used, except for the light-blocking curtains I ordered last week.

Small miracles

I am feeling much, much better. It was a rough week, including a major blow up with poor JD yesterday night. Depression sucks. But the fight was worked out this afternoon.

And sometimes I do need something really awful to put things in perspective. Like the e-mail in my inbox tonight. RE: the severe food poisoning that a number of people suffered at the conference last weekend. I did feel like the diva all weekend, who insisted they check that every piece of cheese was pasteurized, requested a salad with no goat cheese, and then asked for an alternative to the chocolate mousse dessert, even though it looked fabulous. And I am so incredibly glad I did, and I really hope that the other pregnant woman at the conference also had the confidence to be quite as demanding. I wish there were a way I could check on her, but I don't think it's appropriate given the grad student-professor relationship. And I'm glad I stomped my foot at lunch today and told them that I needed a kosher vegan lunch (all the vegetarian options had soft cheese in them, and nobody in sight to talk about what type of cheese). Less than 3 months to go and the baby moved for the first time in 4 days today. Of course, just two very quick kicks and then back to utter stillness.

I will try to post more next week.